Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success Podcast, episode fifty-nine. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

The workplace is a dynamic environment that involves interactions between people with different backgrounds, personalities, and working styles. While most individuals strive to create a positive and productive work environment, there are instances where certain people can make the workplace a hostile place to be. These challenging people can cause you stress, disrupt your productivity, and negatively impact team morale and your wellbeing. 

In this episode, we’ll explore some of the different types of challenging people that you can expect to encounter in the workplace and offer strategies for how to deal with them. For the most part, we don’t get to choose who we work with. Not everyone we encounter has a positive impact on our work habits or our wellbeing. 

We end up having to work around a variety of personality types, which might include: 

• micromanagers
• bullies
• negative coworkers
• gossipers
• passive-aggressive individuals

Micromanagers are those who have a need to control every aspect of a project or task. They often provide detailed instructions on how to complete a task and frequently check-in to ensure that their instructions are being followed to the letter. While some level of guidance can be helpful, micromanagers can create a stifling work environment that can lead to frustration, lack of autonomy, and de-motivation. 

If you find yourself working with a micromanager and you undoubtedly will at one time or another, it is essential to establish clear communication with them. Schedule regular check-ins to keep them informed of your progress and ask for feedback. Being proactive and offering solutions to problems before they arise can go a long way to keeping them from interfering with your productivity. 

It is also crucial to set boundaries and communicate when you feel you are being micromanaged because surprisingly, they might not realize how annoying they are being because that really isn’t their intent. As gently and respectfully as you can, let them know that you value their input, but that you also need space to work independently. 

Bullies in the workplace can take on many forms from the blatant aggressor to others who favor more passive-aggressive tactics. They may criticize your work, plant the seeds that your credibility is in question, make you second-guess your knowledge and ability, or belittle your efforts.

I really thought that we had left all that behind in grade school, but unfortunately, I was mistaken. They are much more prevalent in the workplace than you’d think. Now that we’re all grown up, it has taken on a much more manipulative tone in the form of gaslighting. 

Workplace bullying is real and it can be damaging and destabilizing as it pours gasoline on our imposter syndrome and self-doubt. If you encounter a workplace bully, or wonder if what you’re experiencing might in fact be gaslighting, try to step back and see them for who they really are and try not to take what they say personally. Talk to someone who is removed from the situation and explain what is happening, your thoughts about it, and the questions it is making you raise about yourself and your capabilities, and how that is making you feel.

A trusted friend can help you see how you are allowing yourself to be manipulated when it might not be immediately evident while you are in the midst of it. Most likely, they are insecure individuals who need to ensure they have power over someone in order to feel important. Do what you can to avoid engaging in their behavior or taking the bait and responding to their comments by trying to convince them of your value in order to secure their approval. Since many of us are recovering people pleasers, it is easy for them to take advantage of our need for their approval in order to feel confident in what we can do. Instead, focus on your own work and seek support from colleagues who can help you foster a more positive self-image and healthier work environment. 

It is also important to protect yourself by practicing self-care, working to shore up your self-confidence, and prioritizing your own mental health. Negative coworkers can be challenging to work with as their negativity can spread to others and create a toxic work environment. They may complain frequently, find fault with everything, and resist change. It’s human nature to choose comfort and what’s familiar over uncertainty and the unknown, but most of us recognize that we still need to be adaptable. Their negative attitude can affect team morale and your productivity. 

One way to deal with negative coworkers is for you to reframe their negativity. Try to put yourself in their shoes and try to understand their perspective to see if there are any underlying issues that you could help remedy that are causing their negativity. You can also offer solutions and positive feedback to help change their perspective, but don’t count on that. Chronic complainers have no interest in solutions. So, if their negativity persists, it may be necessary to limit your interactions with them and focus on doing what you can to work with colleagues who have a more positive attitude. 

Gossipers are individuals who enjoy spreading rumors or sharing personal information about colleagues. Again, you might have thought we’d have grown out of this, but sadly, it is still very much alive and well in most workplaces. Gossipers eagerly make judgments about others without having all the facts. It’s not news to anyone that gossiping can create a toxic work environment, and it can harm relationships and negatively affect productivity. 

To deal with gossipers, it is important to avoid participating in their behavior. Protect yourself from being their next target by not sharing personal information about yourself or others and do not engage in or encourage those negative conversations in your presence. Instead, focus on your work and try to maintain a positive attitude as best you can. If you hear gossip, do not pass it on. And instead, approach the individual who is the subject of the rumor and offer support, if you feel that that might be appreciated, if and when the situation is appropriate. And if not, just ignore it and move on with your life. 

Passive-aggressive individuals may not directly express their feelings or opinions, but instead use subtle or indirect methods to communicate. Again, I don’t think people even realize they’re doing this most of the time. They may withhold information, give the silent treatment, or use sarcasm or criticism. Unfortunately, this behavior can also be destructive in that it can cause confusion and tension that can ultimately affect everyone’s productivity. 

To deal with passive-aggressive individuals, it’s essential to communicate openly and directly with them, which may feel very uncomfortable since it goes against how many of us were raised. Address any issues or conflicts head on, as they arise, rather than letting the issues fester. Don’t make excuses for their behavior or assume it’s personally directed at you because of something you’ve done. 

If you are uncertain about their intentions, seek clarification and avoid making assumptions. Our minds love to make up stories to fill in the blanks when we don’t have all the information and many times what we come up with is not reflective of the reality of the situation. It is also important to set clear expectations and boundaries so that their behavior does not negatively impact your work. 

Challenging behaviors can manifest in different ways and it’s essential to understand the underlying reasons behind them. There are several common reasons why people may exhibit challenging behaviors such as insecurities, power struggles, personal issues, lack of communication skills, and cultural differences, depending on the context.

Understanding why they may be doing what they’re doing will help you develop strategies to better deal with their behavior. This involves understanding their motivations, concerns, and perspectives. Only when you are able to identify the underlying issues can you develop strategies to address them effectively. 

It can be as easy as just asking a question and actively listening to their concerns. They may be resistant to making a change and just need more explanation on the reasons behind it or how it will benefit them or the organization. People who feel more involved in the decision-making process tend to be more willing to adapt to the changes being proposed. 

We all have insecurities and they can often drive challenging types of behavior. When people feel insecure, they may become defensive, argumentative, or confrontational as they try to protect themselves from what they perceive as threats to their safety or status. Insecurity can manifest in different ways such as low self-esteem, a need for approval, fear of rejection, or fear of failure. 

For example, an employee who lacks confidence in their abilities may become defensive when given feedback or criticism. They may feel threatened and respond with aggression rather than accepting the feedback and working on finding ways to improve their performance. Insecurity can also lead to a lack of trust in others which can make it challenging to work collaboratively and build effective teams who are able to work well together.

Power struggles in the workplace can also drive challenging behavior as some people may feel a need to assert their dominance or demonstrate their control over others. This can manifest in different ways such as micromanaging, bullying, or being resistant to change. Power struggles can arise when there is a perceived threat to their authority, status, or position. 

For example, a manager who is threatened by the skills or abilities of their subordinates may resort to micromanaging as a way to maintain control. They may feel the need to oversee every aspect of a project rather than putting their trust in the abilities of others and delegating those responsibilities. This can create a stifling work environment and lead to feelings of frustration and de-motivation among team members. 

Personal issues such as struggles with mental health or physical health problems, relationship issues, or financial stress can also lead to challenging behaviors. When individuals are dealing with personal issues, they may find it challenging to focus on work, communicate effectively, or manage their emotions. This can lead to conflicts with colleagues, missed deadlines, and a lack of productivity that may be very uncharacteristic of their ability when they’re at full strength. 

For example, an employee who is dealing with relationship problems may become irritable or moody at work, which can affect their interactions with colleagues. They may become easily distracted, miss deadlines, or make mistakes which can negatively impact the productivity of the team as a whole. 

A lack of communication skills can also drive challenging behavior. When people do not have effective communication skills, they may struggle to express themselves clearly or understand the perspectives of others. This can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and a lack of trust. 

For example, someone who is struggling to communicate effectively may become defensive or argumentative when given feedback or criticism. They may feel that their ideas are not being heard or that they are not being valued. This can lead to a breakdown in communication and make it challenging to work collaboratively. 

Cultural differences can also contribute to challenging behavior as individuals may have different values, beliefs, or communication styles. This can lead to assumptions being made based on their biases, misunderstandings, conflicts, and a lack of trust among team members. 

For example, someone who comes from a culture that values direct communication may find it challenging to work with colleagues who prefer a more indirect communication style. They may feel that their colleagues are being unclear or dishonest, which can lead to conflicts and misunderstandings. 

It’s important to understand that challenging behaviors can show up in many different ways and it’s essential to figure out the underlying reasons behind them. Insecurities, power struggles, personal issues, lack of communication skills, and cultural differences are just a few of the factors that can drive challenging behaviors. By focusing first on these common underlying reasons, it’s possible to develop strategies to address and manage challenging behaviors effectively. 

Encountering challenging people in the workplace is not uncommon, but it can be a source of stress and frustration. However, here are three practical tips that can be employed to handle these situations more effectively in the workplace: 

1. Set clear boundaries
2. Stay professional
3. Use effective communication

So back to number one, set clear boundaries. One of the most effective ways to handle challenging people in the workplace is to set those clear boundaries. This involves defining what is and is not acceptable behavior to you and possibly communicating those expectations clearly, when needed. Your boundaries can simply be communicated through your actions. You don’t even need to explain yourself.

For example, if an individual is constantly interrupting you as you are communicating your ideas in a meeting, you can decide that you will stand your ground, continue talking, and not relinquish the floor to them, and have a series of pocket phrases at the ready to draw attention to their behavior, indicating that you will not be easily intimidated, so that they can learn to wait their turn, just like everybody else.

Number two, stay professional. It is essential to remain professional when dealing with challenging people in the workplace. This involves staying calm, composed, and respectful even in difficult situations. The ability to stay calm is a superpower and one that will serve you well to have in your toolbox. When you maintain a professional demeanor, you are less likely to become emotional or reactive, which can exacerbate the situation. And it renders their attempts to discredit you as being too emotional or too sensitive completely ineffective. 

For example, if an individual is being aggressive or confrontational, you can remain professional by maintaining a calm and measured tone and not taking the bait. You can acknowledge their concerns while responding in a respectful and professional manner. Taking the high road in this way can sometimes deescalate the situation and make you less of a target since there are times that creating a more professional relationship just isn’t in the cards, so not having a target on your back is as good as it gets. 

Number three, use effective communication. Effective communication is key to handling challenging people in the workplace. This involves using clear and direct language to express your thoughts and feelings, while also listening actively to the perspectives of others. As we commonly say to toddlers, use your words. Take this advice to heart because this is exactly what you need to do. When communication is effective, it can help build trust, understanding, and cooperation between individuals. 

For example, if you are dealing with a colleague who is negative or critical, you can use effective communication by acknowledging their concerns while also expressing your own thoughts and feelings. Remember, acknowledging doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with whatever is being said. 

They are allowed to think whatever they want and their opinions of you are none of your business. You can listen actively to their perspective and respond with empathy, acceptance, and understanding. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but we don’t have to share those opinions in order to acknowledge and try to understand their perspective. 

Self-care refers to taking steps to care for yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally, and it’s important for maintaining overall health and wellbeing. It can be especially beneficial in managing the challenging situations you’re bound to encounter in the male-dominated workplace. One of the main benefits of self-care is that it helps to build your resilience and enable you to handle your stress more effectively. 

Challenging situations in the workplace can be highly charged and create stress, which can take its toll on your mental and physical health. Self-care practices such as exercise, meditation, and relaxation techniques can help reduce stress levels, lower blood pressure, and promote relaxation. This can help you feel more calm and centered when facing challenging situations in the workplace. 

Self-care also helps boost mood and increase resilience. When individuals practice self-care, they are better able to manage their emotions and respond to challenging situations in a constructive way. This can help to reduce feelings of anger, frustration, and anxiety, and increase feelings of confidence and optimism. As a result, individuals are better equipped to handle the challenges that come their way and bounce back from the inevitable setbacks we all encounter. 

Additionally, self-care helps promote physical health and wellbeing. Eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, and engaging in regular exercise can help to improve physical health and reduce the risk of chronic diseases. Wouldn’t it be worth it to you to feel more energized and better equipped to handle the demands of your work? It just might reduce the risk of burnout by reclaiming some of your power over the situation so it doesn’t feel like life is happening to you, which is a common issue in high stress work environments. 

Self-care can also help to improve relationships with others in the workplace. When individuals practice self-care, they are better able to communicate effectively, empathize with others, and maintain healthy boundaries. This can help reduce conflicts and build positive working relationships with colleagues and superiors, no matter how challenging the personalities. It can also help individuals to better navigate difficult conversations and negotiate for their own wants and needs. 

Self-care is an essential component of maintaining overall health and wellbeing by reducing stress levels, boosting mood and resilience, promoting physical health and wellbeing, improving relationships with others, and promoting a positive work-life balance. Self-care can help individuals navigate challenging situations with greater ease and effectiveness. 

Dealing with challenging people in the workplace can be difficult and stressful. It is essential to seek support when needed to manage these situations effectively. This can involve seeking advice from a mentor, supervisor, or colleague, or accessing other resources such as the coaching services I can provide.

Setting clear boundaries, staying professional, and using effective communication are just a few of the strategies that can be used to handle the challenging personalities that you will encounter as you build your career. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Dealing With Challenging People at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode fifty-nine.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com. And if you liked this show, please tell a friend. Subscribe, rate, and review. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for joining me.