Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and thirty-five. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Maybe you’ve found yourself torn between two opposing instincts: the desire to connect with others and the urge to protect yourself in the workplace. On one hand, we recognize the transformative power of vulnerability – the way it can open doors, foster creativity, and build deeper, more meaningful relationships with colleagues. Yet, on the other hand, there’s a strong, almost primal urge to keep our guard up, to shield ourselves from the potential judgment and criticism that can come with letting others see our true selves. This tension between vulnerability and guardedness is something we all grapple with, and it can be the defining factor in whether we unlock our full professional potential or remain stuck in a cycle of self-imposed limitations.

In this episode, we explore our natural inclination to be guarded in the workplace, which commonly stems from a desire to protect our self-worth and avoid the sting of rejection. It’s a defense mechanism that, while well-intentioned, can often backfire when we’re trying to advance in our careers. 

By keeping others at arm’s length, we may feel safer in the short term, but we also close ourselves off from the possibilities that could propel our careers forward. Vulnerability, as uncomfortable as it may seem, is not a sign of weakness, but a key to growth and authentic connection in the workplace. Embracing it can be the difference between a stagnant career and one that flourishes with new opportunities and creative breakthroughs. 

We hear a lot about vulnerability these days. I’m not talking about the kind you see in sappy movies where someone breaks down in tears and suddenly everyone is best friends. No, I’m talking about the real kind – the type that makes you cringe a little, where you’re more inclined to build a wall as a defense mechanism because it feels a bit uncomfortable. Vulnerability in the workplace is one of those paradoxical things that we know we should embrace, yet instinctively we shy away from it as if it’s a social plague. Have you considered that this reluctance might just be the very thing holding you back from reaching your full potential in your career?

In a world where everyone seems to pounce on a misstep or exploit a weakness, it makes perfect sense to protect your self-worth. Being guarded is a natural reaction, especially if you have reason to be a little wary of those you work with. After all, your career is more than just a job – it’s an extension of yourself, a testament to your skills, intelligence, and dedication. So, the logic follows, if you keep your guard up, you minimize the chances of anyone poking holes in that shiny armor you’ve built. It feels safe, it feels smart, and it feels necessary. 

But, that very guardedness that makes you feel secure is the same thing that’s holding you back. In our efforts to protect ourselves from judgment, we close ourselves off from opportunities to grow, to collaborate, and to really show what we’re capable of. The irony is that in trying to shield our self-worth, we actually stunt our career growth. Instead of being seen as capable and confident, we come across as closed-off, unapproachable, and even lacking in leadership qualities. You see, growth doesn’t happen in a bubble. It happens when we allow ourselves to be seen, even if that means risking a little judgment along the way. 

I’d like to think we’d all like to do great work – the kind that makes us proud, that moves the needle, and that others admire. That kind of work doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens in environments where people trust each other enough to take risks, share ideas, and give honest feedback. And, trust is built on vulnerability. 

Imagine a workplace where everyone is guarded, where no one is willing to show their hand or admit when they don’t have all the answers. That’s a recipe for mediocrity. In contrast, workplaces where people are willing to be vulnerable, where they can say, “I don’t know, but let’s figure it out together”, or “Here’s my idea; it might not be perfect, but I’d love your input” – are the ones where people tend to thrive. Vulnerability is part of what can turn a group of individuals into a high-performing team. 

Yet, despite knowing this, many of us are reluctant to be vulnerable at work. Why? Because we’ve been conditioned to believe that vulnerability is synonymous with weakness. We fear that showing our true selves – our doubts, our imperfect ideas, our human side – will lead others to judge us as incompetent or unworthy. And in a competitive work environment, that’s a terrifying thought. But, showing vulnerability isn’t weakness, it’s actually demonstrating your courage. It’s the willingness to put yourself out there, to take a risk, and to trust that others will respect you for it. 

One of the biggest reasons we avoid vulnerability is because it often means leaving ourselves open to criticism. And criticism, especially in the workplace, can feel personal. When someone criticizes your work, it can feel like they’re critiquing you, your intelligence, and your capabilities. It’s easy to conflate feedback on a project with judgment on your worth as a professional. And let’s be honest, that’s a tough pill to swallow. 

But here’s the deal: feedback is all part of the process. It’s how we learn, how we refine our ideas, and how we get better. If you’re never open to critique, you’re essentially saying, “I’m not open to growth”. But if you’re not growing, you’re stagnating. Worse yet, you’re signaling to others that you’re not interested in their input, which can lead to isolation in the workplace – a surefire way to limit your opportunities for advancement. 

Over time, if you’re consistently guarded, something interesting happens: your world starts to shrink. You become more selective with who you let in, which on the surface seems wise. After all, not everyone deserves access to your thoughts, your ideas, or your personal space. But, if you’re too selective, you risk creating an echo chamber – surrounding yourself only with people who think like you, agree with you, and won’t challenge you. While this might feel safe, it’s also incredibly limiting. 

Being too guarded means you miss out on the diverse perspectives, on the chance to be challenged in ways that spur growth, and on forming connections with people who could be instrumental in your career. It’s like building a fortress around yourself and then wondering why you feel isolated inside. The key is balance. Yes, be discerning about who you trust, but don’t be so closed off that you miss out on the richness that comes from genuine human connection. 

So, where does this leave us? Vulnerability is essential to doing great work and building great relationships. But, it doesn’t mean you should bare your soul to everyone in the office. The key is to be strategic about your vulnerability. Know when to open up and when to hold back. Share your ideas, your thoughts, and your perspectives, but do so with an awareness of who you’re sharing them with. Not everyone needs to be privy to your innermost thoughts, but the right people, the ones you trust and who trust you, may have earned that privilege. 

By finding this balance, you overcome your skepticism with curiosity. You allow yourself to be seen, to be heard, and to be valued for who you are. You build stronger, more authentic relationships with your colleagues. And perhaps, more importantly, you unlock the potential for growth, both in your work and in yourself. So, the next time you feel the urge to put up a wall, ask yourself this: is it really protecting me or is it just keeping me from reaching my full potential?

Recognize that the transformative power of vulnerability lies in its ability to connect us with others, to push us beyond our comfort zones, and to help us grow. It’s not always easy, and it’s certainly not without risks, but the rewards are worth it. So, go ahead, let your guard down just a little. You might be surprised at what your curiosity may unlock. 

Let’s dive into the contrast between a guarded, skeptical mindset and one that’s open and curious. We all know that one person in the office – the eternal skeptic. They’ve got their shields up, questioning every idea that comes their way, dissecting every suggestion, until there’s nothing left but a pile of “what ifs” and “yeah, buts”. On the surface, they may seem smart, cautious, and maybe even sort of wise. But here’s the thing: while skepticism has its place, when it becomes your default mode, it’s like walking around with blinders on. You see the world through a narrow lens, missing out on the full spectrum of possibilities. 

Contrast that with someone who approaches the world with an open, curious mindset. This person greets new ideas with interest rather than suspicion. They’re the ones who, instead of tearing down a suggestion, ask, “What if we tried it this way?”. They see potential where others see pitfalls. And guess what? They’re usually the ones who stumble upon creative breakthroughs and innovative design solutions. Why? Because they’re not afraid to explore uncharted territory, to take risks, and to entertain ideas that might seem a little out there. 

Guardedness is like that friend who convinces you to stay home on a Friday night because something bad might happen if you go out. Sure, you’re safe, but you’re also missing out on the adventure, the unexpected encounters, and the stories you’ll be telling for years to come. In the professional world, guardedness can have the same effect. When you’re constantly on the defensive, you close yourself off to new experiences, perspectives, and most importantly, those crucial creative breakthroughs. 

Creativity thrives on openness. It comes from the willingness to look at the world with fresh eyes, to see connections where others see chaos, and to ask, “what if” instead of “why bother”. But when you’re guarded, your mind is too busy putting up walls to notice the opportunities knocking at your door. You’re so focused on protecting yourself from potential failure or criticism that you miss the chance to stumble upon something truly groundbreaking. 

So, how do you break free from the shackles of skepticism and guardedness? It starts with a simple but powerful shift: training your mind for curiosity. This isn’t about throwing caution to the wind and embracing every idea with reckless abandon. It’s about cultivating a mindset that’s open to exploration, that sees questions as opportunities rather than threats, and that finds wonder in the mundane.

Think of it as a mental workout. Just like you train your body to get stronger, you can train your mind to be more curious. Start by asking more questions – not just the obvious ones, but the deeper, more probing ones. When someone presents an idea, resist the urge to take on the role of the devil’s advocate, where you immediately begin poking holes in it. Instead, ask yourself, “What’s interesting about this? How could this be a stepping stone to something even bigger?”. 

Curiosity is the antidote to skepticism. It’s what keeps your mind sharp, your ideas fresh, and your career moving forward. When you approach the world with a sense of wonder, you’ll start to see creative insights in the most unexpected places. That boring meeting? It might just spark a brilliant idea if you’re paying attention. That routine task? There could be a better, more efficient way to do it, if you’re willing to look for it.

Guardedness doesn’t just block creative breakthroughs; it can also cast a shadow over your relationships and your overall experience of the world. When you meet every new person or situation with skepticism, you’re essentially saying, “I don’t trust you”. And trust, as we’ve already established, is the bedrock of great work and great relationships. 

Imagine walking into every meeting or every conversation with a posture of suspicion. How open do you think others will be with you? How willing will they be to share their ideas, their feedback, or their support? Probably not very. Over time, this guarded approach can lead to isolation. People will simply stop engaging with you, and you miss out on the collaborative spirit that fuels achievement and advancement. 

On the other hand, when you approach the world with a posture of possibility and curiosity, amazing things can happen. You discover brilliance hiding in the most unlikely places – whether it’s a colleague’s offhand comment that sparks a new design approach or a seemingly mundane task that reveals a new way of doing things. You build stronger connections with the people around you because you’re open to what they bring to the table, rather than shutting them out before they’ve even had a chance to contribute. 

You may have already noticed that not every moment of your professional life is going to be thrilling. Some days, it’s just about getting through the to-do list without losing your mind. But even in those mundane moments, there’s potential for discovery if you’re open to it. 

You may start to notice things that others overlook. You catch the subtle details that can lead to big improvements. You find joy in the small wins and see challenges as opportunities to grow. This isn’t just about being a naive, wide-eyed optimist; it’s about honing your ability to recognize creative insights in each moment. It’s about staying curious about the world around you, even when it seems like there’s nothing new to see. 

The choice is yours to decide between a guarded, skeptical mindset and an open, curious one. It comes down to how you want to experience the world and how far you want to go in your career. Guardedness might protect you from immediate risks, but it also shields you from the possibilities that come with taking those risks. It closes doors, narrows your perspective, and limits your potential. 

On the flip side, an open, curious mindset invites new experiences, fosters creativity, and builds stronger connections. It’s about asking questions, staying curious, and finding wonder in the everyday. It’s about recognizing that the world is full of possibilities, but only if you’re willing to see them. 

Today’s workplace can be a bit of a minefield. Between the office politics, competition, and the ever-present fear of being judged, it’s no wonder so many of us default to a guarded approach. Skepticism seems like the smart play. After all, if you keep your distance, don’t reveal too much, and always have a healthy dose of doubt, you’re less likely to be taken advantage of, right? 

Wrong. While guarded skepticism might protect you from the occasional misstep, it also results in an increasingly closed mind. Over time, this mindset becomes your default setting, and before you know it, you’re the person who’s always skeptical of new ideas, reluctant to collaborate, and missing out on the very things that could get you out of your career rut you may find yourself in.

The choice between guarded skepticism and hopeful curiosity isn’t just about how you feel; it’s about the energy you bring to the workplace and how others perceive and interact with you. Of course, overcoming this fear of judgment isn’t without its challenges. Let’s not sugarcoat it – there can be a real backlash and negative consequences for letting people see the real you, especially in a competitive work environment. But, if you let the fear of judgment control you, you’re only limiting yourself.

Here are four practical tips for overcoming this fear and embracing vulnerability in your professional life: 

1. Start Small and Share Selectively: You don’t have to reveal your deepest, darkest secrets to everyone in the office. And honestly, I would definitely caution against that. Don’t give the wrong people more ammunition to use against you. Begin by sharing small, non-threatening aspects of yourself. This allows you to gauge how others respond without feeling overly exposed – maybe a hobby you’re passionate about or a personal experience that shaped your professional values. Over time, as you build trust with your colleagues, you can gradually share more, but never divulge anything you don’t want repeated. 
2. Reframe Feedback as a Learning Tool, Not a Judgment: One of the biggest barriers to vulnerability is the fear of negative feedback. We often conflate criticism of our work with critique of our worth. But feedback, whether positive or negative, is just information. It’s not a judgment on your character; it’s a tool for growth. When you reframe feedback in this way, it becomes less about protecting your ego and more about improving your skills. 
3. Find Allies in the Workplace: Not everyone in the office needs to be your best friend, but having a few trusted allies can make a world of difference. These are the people with whom you can be more open, who will support you through challenges, and who can provide a safe space for you to express yourself without fear of judgment. Having these connections allows you to practice vulnerability in a supportive environment, which can build your confidence over time. 
4. Redefine Success on Your Own Terms: We often tie our sense of success to external validation – whether it’s praise from a boss, approval from colleagues, or recognition in the form of promotions and raises. But, when you let external judgment define your success, you’re giving away your power. Instead, try to define success based on your own values and goals. Are you growing in your role? Are you learning new skills? Are you making a positive impact? When you focus on these internal metrics, the opinions of others start to matter a lot less. 

One of the most liberating things you can do in your career is to detach your sense of success from the approval or judgment of others. This doesn’t mean you stop caring about your work or how you’re perceived, but it does mean you stop allowing those perceptions to dictate your worth. 

When you’re not constantly seeking external validation, you free yourself to take more risks, to explore new ideas, and to be more authentic in your interactions. You begin to define success not by how many people agree with you, but by how true you are to what matters most to you. This shift in perspective not only reduces the fear of judgment, but also empowers you to be more open and curious in the workplace. 

So, the next time you feel that familiar pull towards skepticism, remember that there’s another option. You can choose to approach the workplace with curiosity, to see the potential in every interaction, and to keep your mind open to the brilliance that’s waiting to be discovered. It’s not always easy, and it might require a bit of mental retraining, but the rewards are worth it.

Because in the end, it’s not just about protecting yourself – it’s about unlocking the full range of possibilities that your career and your life have to offer. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Embracing Vulnerability at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and thirty-five.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.