Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success Podcast, episode forty-eight. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Sometimes, we have a clear idea of the tasks that we need to get done, the things we want to take on, and the goals we desire to accomplish. We even know what we should do and how we need to show up to ensure our success. Yet many times we don’t follow through. Sometimes, we are filled with motivation and enthusiasm and even feel empowered, but we still remain motionless. There’s fear involved, but could it be that we think we need permission to start? 

In this episode, we look at a common excuse we use to hold ourselves back, that for many of us, stems from our socialization and how we were raised, making it a hard habit to break. 

When we were growing up, there was always someone in charge. Whatever we wanted to do, we had to ask first. They often agreed, sometimes with some sort of condition or boundary, and sometimes the answer was no, and we just had to deal with that.

Now we’re all grown up and we don’t have anyone to check in with, except sometimes out of courtesy and respect. So much of what we do is completely within our control. And yet, we often think that it’s work that needs to change when we talk about combining work with life outside of work. 

Jobs requiring longer than full-time hours feel off-limits to people who want to have families. We’ve internalized this messaging and we’re counting ourselves out before we’ve even put ourselves in contention. It’s all about making the pieces of work and life fit together and finding what works for you. 

You don’t need anyone’s permission to do whatever you want to do with your life. Generally, there’s no one out there who can give you the permission you’re seeking, but we’re still waiting for someone else to give us the green light to go ahead and do what needs to be done. Why can’t we give ourselves permission? 

We can ask ourselves. In fact, for many things, that’s the only person we can ask or should turn to. You have the permission to go ahead and do it. Then the question becomes, will you? 

You don’t have to ask them what they think. You don’t need to offer an explanation. You don’t need to defend your decision. Just go ahead and do it. With your job, generally, taking charge of your time is more important than keeping a strict limit on total hours worked. 

With many corporate jobs, there is some flexibility to move your work hours around, with respect to both when and where you do your work. Often this can lead to huge financial and career benefits. If you can choose which hours to work and where to work them, you can still have the sort of personal life you want, while working more hours than someone else whose hours and location are more strictly controlled. 

There are ways to structure your life to go all in on building your career while caring for your family too. It doesn’t need to be an either/or. You can work the hours needed to be eligible for the most challenging and highest earning jobs and still enjoy a full personal life as well. It simply requires some creativity and flexibility by both the employee and the employer. 

Some companies say they’re flexible, but really they aren’t. And flexibility varies among managers within the same company. There are those who find the particulars irrelevant, as long as the work gets done. Sometimes you can create flexibility where there doesn’t appear to be much by following the old adage that it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission.

Flexibility is less about policy and more about the reality on the ground. Many people don’t recognize that the ability to attend to personal things during what seems to be core business hours is actually flexibility. They’d rather complain about the craziness of life than look at the potential opportunities to make things easier that they already have, but aren’t using to the fullest. Some choose not to use those opportunities and simply work straight through the day. But in my experience, professional women with kids can choose to work differently, without any adverse consequences to their performance. 

Some workplaces put more emphasis on face time, insisting that people work in the office. Their rationale is that the best discussions and insights come from hallway and cafeteria discussions, meetings with people in-person, and having impromptu team meetings. But sometimes, all this creates is a workplace full of people who are good at showing up and putting in time looking busy rather than having a workforce that works efficiently and effectively.

Most information work can be done anywhere, as was put to the test in getting through these past few years. In my opinion, that serendipity in-person concept is a bit of an oversell. Physical proximity is overrated. Core business hours need not be Monday to Friday, nine to five, while allowing only for remote work on evenings and weekends, because that’s just encouraging you to do more work.

In my experience, the office can be a very distracting place. Sometimes, you just need quiet time to get the real work done, as evidenced by all the people wearing noise canceling headphones in an open concept office. I agree that we do need interaction with colleagues and the transfer of knowledge from more senior staff to the junior people definitely requires in-person interactions, but five days a week is overkill.

Working remotely on occasion allows people to work long hours while having a life outside of work, particularly for those with a long commute. It frees up time and enables more family and personal time, which people need to recharge, but it still requires determination and being deliberate in order to use that time wisely. We can just end up working more hours with this strategy.

We have to recognize that commuting also requires energy, although all you’ve really done is show up at work on time. And being able to devote that mental energy to work, at least a few days per week, may help you get more done before your first morning coffee break than most people get done all day. For this reason, the lack of a commute is considered a big selling point for remote work.

Most companies value innovation and focused productivity, and with modern communication technology, it’s unclear to me what an organization gives up by having people work elsewhere, from time to time. There’s a lot to be gained in terms of give and take with fewer absences. 

In the past, many companies viewed location-independent work as a perk for those who had proven themselves trustworthy, but I think now, for many, it’s the starting assumption. It’s just become another tool in the toolbox. Back in the day, it was always an option here in Canada when it snowed and the roads were bad. Allowances were made. 

Sometimes formal arrangements achieved through negotiation miss the mark that makes this form of flexibility helpful to people. Being able to work from home when you feel you need to can mean you get more done and sometimes you’re even able to work much longer hours than you would ordinarily. When employers are more willing to treat you like the responsible adult you are, they tend to let you set your own hours and focus more on what you’re producing rather than the hours you have your butt in your chair. 

Rather than worrying about negotiating a formal arrangement, make sure you have the equipment you need to work remotely, then see if anyone else is working from home occasionally. If other people are already doing this, try it when there’s a plausible reason for you to do so. Turn in something huge that particular day, then go in the next day and rave about how productive you were. Hint about some upcoming project that will require a similar level of focus. That way you’ve planted the idea with your manager that working from home is extremely productive for you. 

Then keep it quiet and just work from home when you need to. It’s adopting that asking for forgiveness versus asking for permission mindset. But I caution you not to make Friday your regular option. Using a peak day midweek shows that you’re making your decision because you’ll be more productive elsewhere, without the risk that you will be perceived as wanting to work less. 

Not every workday needs to look exactly the same with the same start time or quitting time. Consciously choose to work longer some days and less others. Balance your week as a whole, as opposed to making every day the same. Trying to get home every night before rush hour might mean you have to make sacrifices at work, leaving in the middle of things, or at least it might feel that way. So make other arrangements and be open to other possibilities.

Being seen at work longer on some days is beneficial and being home earlier on others can feel like a real treat. Looking at your week as a whole can help you put in the long hours at work while still getting time with your family while the kids are still awake. 

As you rise up through the ranks, you will gain more control over your time and more freedom with where you get your work done, but it requires consciously structuring your weeks. It can be beneficial to concentrate those longer, more intense hours earlier in the week and preserve more open time and flexibility for later in the week so that you have the space to handle the things that always come up, that weren’t part of your plan. 

When you’re working, ensure that you’re really working and when you’re home, really try to unplug. Keep in mind that there can be upsides to doing some work on weekends. Sometimes using the weekends makes a more limited schedule during the work week possible. Consider using the time to work instead of reading the paper or cleaning the house. It’s still a good idea to take a big chunk of time off at some point to clear your head because you need time to recover and do those things you find rejuvenating. 

If you’re trying to work a certain number of hours each week, just doing the math here, but working five hours on the weekend translates to an hour less you need to work each weekday. If you have a hard stop on your weekdays, like trying to make it to daycare in time for pickup and not be that parent who’s always last and gets charged more, this can be the difference between working enough to make it feel like your career is moving forward and feeling like a big career just isn’t in the cards at this stage of life. 

Sometimes working on the weekend is less stressful than not doing it, but do what feels right for you. This might not work for everyone, but done with intention, it can give each parent solo time with the kids and the kids more parental time overall.

Acknowledge that there will be personal trade-offs required in order to build a fulfilling career and raise a family at the same time. Recognize that these years are a challenge. Where you land might look like a win-win situation for your family and for your employer, but it may result in less personal time than you’d like, which may add to your stress level. 

Also, you might need to look at your season of life, knowing that your schedule may open up as the kids get older and become more independent. Remember, this too shall pass. Treating your work time less rigidly can make things work better for you with where you’re at right now. 

Be aware that going part-time almost always requires a substantial pay cut and can also impact your seniority as well as your benefits. There is also the perception that you’re just not as dedicated to the job anymore. There’s a lot to think about in determining whether it’s worth it. In my experience, it felt more like full-time stress crammed into half the hours and half the pay, which tended to mean that I was thinking about work even when I wasn’t working, which caused a great deal of resentment for me. 

Officially cutting a few hours from the week can come at an extremely high cost to your career. Lots of people waste 20% of their work hours and still get paid for this time that they’re not really working. The problem with committing to a full-time schedule and then slacking off is that you’ll feel guilty. There’s a fine line between doing what you think is right and succumbing to the common female tendency to undervalue your work. 

It’s easy to feel uncomfortable about setting boundaries, particularly in a culture where boundaries are constantly being tested. To get relief from the guilt of saying no, we tend to settle for less. We ask permission to set official boundaries, but we pay the price. There’s nothing wrong with being compensated like your colleagues if you’re as productive as they are, even if you choose to leave the office by 4:00 PM on most days. Where are they at 7:00 AM when you’re at your desk? Why is it that being seen at the office at 7:00 PM is perceived as being more dedicated than getting to the office at 7:00 AM and getting right to work?

Results matter more than hours spent. Many people aren’t working nearly as many hours as they claim. It’s good to play by the rules, but we should all play by the same rules. More people are working differently and it’s working for them, so maybe you should too. 

Space will not magically appear in your life. You have to make the space for what you want or need. Caring for yourself sometimes needs to take priority over the demands of your job. Figure out what you need and how you will go about getting it. 

You can’t do your best work when you’re constantly in a state of exhaustion. Step away from what you can and that may just be the permission others need to do it too. Once your energy is restored, you’ll be better able to meet the challenges of your work with relative ease. You’ll be more clearheaded about what you can and can’t take on, and therefore able to make decisions more quickly and execute on them more efficiently. 

Rest is the antidote for both preexisting and future stress. We all need to learn how to take a break. This 24/7 always-on culture is really taking a toll on us. If your mind is fresher, you’ll perform better. Peak physical and mental performance requires a rhythm of exerting and renewing energy. 

It’s a constant struggle between not doing enough and doing too much. If we push ourselves past the point of exhaustion one day, we may wake up depleted and need the entire next day to rest. Stop this vicious cycle. Do not do more today than you can completely recover from with a good night’s rest. And do not do more this week than you can completely recover from before it all begins again next week.

There are three common signs when we’ve reached the end of an energy cycle: 

1. loss of focus
2. low energy
3. fidgeting

We can always power through by compensating with caffeine or sugar to get past our energy slump, but in the end, that exhaustion is bound to catch up with us. And when we’re running on empty, it makes that essential work so much harder than it needs to be. Instead of doubling down on the effort you need to push through when you’re struggling, consider pausing the action. Notice when your fatigue has gotten to the point that you feel it’s taking real work just to concentrate. 

Establishing boundaries around your energy is important for maintaining a sense of control over your workday. You will ultimately be more productive when you establish a sustainable rhythm that allows you to work hard when you need to, and re-energize once that sprint is over. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Optimizing Your Week at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode forty-eight.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com. And if you liked this show, please tell a friend. Subscribe, rate, and review. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for joining me.