Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and twenty. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Have you ever found yourself wondering why people don’t listen to you? Maybe it’s not them, maybe it’s you. Before you get defensive, let’s take a minute to talk about why this might be happening. You see, being someone worth listening to isn’t just about having something to say – it’s about how you say it, how you present yourself, and whether you even know why you’re talking in the first place. It all starts with a little self-assessment. Yes, that means asking yourself the tough questions: Are you clear about your communication goals? Do you even know what your main message is? If you expect others to hang on your every word, you need to be crystal clear on these points.

In this episode, we explore the art of crafting your message. Because a powerful message isn’t just a bunch of words thrown together; it’s a carefully constructed narrative that speaks to your audience’s interests and needs. Then, there’s the delivery – because mumbling while staring at your shoes isn’t going to cut it. You need to project confidence, use your body language effectively, and vary your tone to keep things interesting. Finally, engaging your audience is the secret sauce. If you’re droning on without interaction, don’t be surprised if your listeners start checking their phones. 

So, let’s dive into how you can become the person everyone actually wants to listen to. As I said, this starts with a little self-assessment. This isn’t just a trivial exercise; it’s a fundamental step in truly believing that you bring something of value to the table and understanding how that is relevant and of benefit to those around you. If you’re expecting others to listen to what you have to say, you need to ensure that you believe you’re someone worth listening to. 

So, first things first. Why should people bother listening to you? It’s a tough question, but one that everyone should ask themselves regularly. This isn’t about doubting your abilities or worth; it’s about understanding what unique value you offer and why it matters to others. Self-assessment helps you identify your strengths, weaknesses, and areas for improvement. It’s about taking a hard look at yourself and asking, “What makes me stand out? What do I have to offer that others don’t?”. 

When you understand your value, you can better communicate it. People are more likely to listen to you if they perceive that you have something worthwhile to say. This perception is built on clarity and confidence – both of which come from knowing yourself well. 

Once you have a clearer understanding of the value you offer, it’s time to clarify your message. What do you want to communicate? The more you own your message with confidence, the better you can communicate it. 

It starts with being clear about your message. Decide on the core idea you want to convey, and then include a series of points that reinforce the main message. This message needs to be straightforward and compelling. The most powerful messages often come from personal experience. Don’t be afraid to be a little vulnerable and share your perspectives and opinions. This authenticity can be very engaging and persuasive, and yet, many of us struggle to project an image that’s anything less than perfect. 

Having confidence in your message is fundamental to making it compelling to others. Here are four tips to help you communicate with confidence: 

1. Know your topic: Understand your material inside and out. This enables you to speak with authority and answer questions confidently. The better you understand your subject matter and the arguments for and against your position, the more confidently you can speak about it. And, it also allows you to handle unexpected questions and discussions with ease. Anticipate where people might need more clarity, and be prepared with additional data or explanations. 
2. Practice, practice, practice: Prepare an outline of your main points rather than memorizing what you want to say word for word. This helps you stay on track while allowing for a more natural and spontaneous delivery. Rehearse your message until you can deliver it naturally. Practice in front of a mirror, record yourself, or present it to a friend. This helps you refine your delivery and identify areas for improvement. 
3. Anticipate questions: Think about the questions your audience might ask and be ready with your answers. This will help you feel more prepared and less likely to be thrown off by unexpected queries. This not only boosts your confidence, but also shows that you’ve thoroughly considered your audience’s needs.
4. Visualize success: Visualization can be a powerful tool. Picture yourself delivering your message successfully and imagine the feeling of receiving positive reactions from those in attendance. 

Your primary goal when speaking is to make your message heard. To do this, you need to engage your audience from the start. Begin with a hook or a catchy opener to capture their attention. Think of this like a thesis statement that lets your listeners know what your goal is before you dive into the details. Then, explain the how or why, and finish by reiterating your original purpose. 

Sometimes, it can be helpful to open with a few questions to gauge what your audience may be looking for so you can tailor your message to their specific needs. Consider factors that help those listening with absorbing your message and giving your perspective some consideration. These factors include how you deliver your message and how they might respond emotionally, which both contribute to convincing them that they should listen to you, specifically.

Preparation is often the unsung hero of effective communication. Whether you’re gearing up for a one-on-one conversation, contributing your ideas in a meeting, or delivering a full-blown presentation, having a clear main message with supporting points is crucial. This foundational step not only keeps you focused, but also ensures that your audience stays engaged and takes away the key insights you want to impart. 

As I said, at the heart of every impactful communication is a clear main message. Think of it as the primary concept you want your audience to understand and remember. Without a well-defined message, your communication can quickly become a muddle of disjointed thoughts that leave everyone listening more confused than enlightened. 

Once you have your main message, the next step is to build around it with a series of supporting points. These points should reinforce and expand on your main message, providing the evidence and arguments needed to make your case. Select just three ideas that will help you achieve your purpose and drive your message home. These ideas act as pillars that support your main message, giving it structure and substance. 

But, it’s not just about relaying facts. Storytelling is one of the most powerful tools at your disposal. Stories are memorable, relatable, and engaging. They help illustrate your points in a way that dry facts and figures simply can’t. Sharing personal experiences and lessons learned not only make your message more compelling, but also require a certain level of bravery. It’s about being a bit vulnerable and showing the people you work with that you’re human. 

When you share your story, you’re not just relaying information, you’re building a connection with your audience. People like hearing about other people’s experiences because it helps them see the world from a different perspective. A well-told story can evoke emotions, making your message stick in the minds of your listeners. To do this effectively, be clear about what you want your audience to take away from your message. Your story should have a purpose and should be crafted to highlight the key points you’re trying to make. 

Effective communication isn’t one-size-fits-all. The way you present your message will vary depending on the context. People aren’t persuaded by just facts, they are influenced by emotion. How you deliver your message – your delivery style, the speed and tone of your voice, even your body language – all contribute to how your audience responds emotionally. Use this to your advantage to make your message more impactful. 

When delivering your message, whether it’s in a one-on-one setting, a small group, or a large presentation, the basics of good communication remain the same: 

• Clarity and Confidence: Speak clearly and confidently. Avoid a timid approach, as it’s neither inspiring nor convincing. A confident tone, good projection, and authoritative posture can significantly enhance your credibility.
• Body Language: Your body language should be open and engaging. Small gestures can emphasize important points, but don’t overdo it. Maintain good posture, use open movements, and make eye contact to connect with your audience. 
• Natural Delivery: Preparation helps organize your thoughts, but don’t memorize your speech or read it verbatim. You’ll risk sounding like a robot because we rarely write in the same manner in which we speak. Prepare what you want to say as an outline and know your message well enough to communicate it naturally. This makes your delivery more genuine and relatable. 
• Enthusiasm and Animation: Show your enthusiasm for your topic. Allow yourself to be animated and emotional. Your belief and excitement are contagious. If you’re interested in what you’re saying, those listening are more likely to be interested too. 

Always consider the question, “What’s in it for me?” from the audience’s perspective. They need a good reason to listen to you, so make it clear what they stand to gain. Explain what they will learn and how they will benefit from what you have to offer. 

Sometimes, you may have to make reasonable assumptions about your audience and tailor your delivery to what you think are their needs and interests. Let them know why they should listen specifically to you – highlight your expertise, credentials, and the unique value you bring to the subject matter at hand. 

Engaging with the people listening means making your communication more of a two-way street. Ask questions, invite feedback, and encourage interaction. This not only keeps your audience engaged, but also helps you gauge their understanding and adjust your message accordingly. 

Incorporate pauses and use silence strategically to give your listeners time to process what you’ve said. This can be particularly effective in emphasizing key points. 

Effective communication is not just about what you say, but how you say it. Delivering your message with maximum effectiveness involves mastering the techniques of pacing, tone, volume, and body language. By putting in the time to prepare ahead of time, you can be more flexible and adaptable in your delivery. Let’s dive into these key elements and explore how they contribute to making your message heard and remembered.

It can be easy to start speaking too fast when you’re nervous, but this can make it hard for people to follow along. Sometimes, I amaze myself with how quickly I can talk when I’m uncomfortable and I just want to get it over with. But if you talk too fast, your audience may miss important points. Conversely, if you talk too slowly, they might lose interest or forget what you were saying by the time you finish your sentence. Your speech should sound and feel completely natural, as if you were having a one-on-one conversation, in order to maintain their attention. 

To find the right pace, practice your speech and be mindful of your breathing. Deep, controlled breaths can help regulate your pace. Aim to speak at a rate that feels comfortable and allows your audience to absorb what you’re saying. Avoid letting your nerves speed you up, and be conscious of pausing for emphasis and to give your listeners time to process your message. This takes practice, and it’s something I’m still working on. Just go back and listen to a few of the beginning episodes of this podcast if you want to hear my speed-talking in action. 

The tone and volume of your voice are just as important as your speed and clarity. Speaking in a monotone can cause your audience to zone out, regardless of how important your message is. Be dynamic with your volume and tone to keep things interesting. Occasionally raising your voice with passion, not in anger, when you feel strongly about something can underscore its importance. However, avoid talking too loud, which can come across as trying too hard, while talking too softly can make you seem unsure. Finding the middle ground shows true confidence.

If you’re naturally a quieter person, try to reorient your approach from trying to be louder to working on going deeper. Deep belly breathing not only supports better projection, but also helps calm your nerves, so using a grounded breathing technique can help you access the extra volume you may be struggling to find. 

Your body language communicates a great deal about your confidence and level of receptiveness. Even if you’re speaking well, poor body language, like fidgeting or swaying in place, can really be distracting and undermine your message.

Here are five tips to convey confidence and openness through your body language: 

1. Posture: Maintain a relaxed but authoritative posture. Stand or sit with your back straight and shoulders relaxed. Avoid hunching your shoulders forward, as this can be perceived as a lack of confidence. 
2. Gestures: Use your arms and hands to emphasize important points, but don’t go overboard. If you’re unsure what to do with your hands, keep them in front of you, not in your pockets or crossed in front of your body. Make small, deliberate gestures that reinforce your message, or keep a pen in your hand, but keep it still. 
3. Facial Expressions: Show friendliness by smiling. This can make you appear more approachable and engaging. Ensure that your facial expressions match the content of what you’re saying to convey sincerity. 
4. Movement: Make subtle, clean movements throughout your speech. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart to appear more grounded and balanced while not appearing too stiff. If you’re sitting, keep your forearms on the table and your knees together. 
5. Eye Contact: Maintain eye contact with your audience to build a connection and demonstrate confidence. This helps keep their attention and shows that you are engaged with them. It can be harder when everyone is just a little box on the screen, but try to do your best. 

Consider both the emotional and intellectual needs of your audience. People are more influenced by how they feel about what you’re saying than by the clear, logical arguments and evidence you’ve presented to support your points, but that doesn’t mean you should gloss over the facts. 

While many focus on confidence, clarity, and authority, the secret sauce often lies in showing genuine vulnerability by being open, real, and relatable. This can be done by sharing your experiences. This builds trust and connection, making people more inclined to listen and engage with you.

When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you demonstrate authenticity and honesty. This can include sharing personal stories of failure and what you learned from them, admitting when you didn’t have all the answers, or expressing genuine emotions about your topic. This approach humanizes you and makes those listening feel a stronger connection. People are naturally drawn to those who are real and approachable, and showing vulnerability can be a powerful way to earn their attention and respect.

In essence, while expertise and preparation are critical, it’s the ability to connect on a human level that often sets apart those truly worth listening to from those who simply have something to say. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Improving Your Communication Style at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and twenty.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.