Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and four. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

In the art of interpersonal communication, asking the right open-ended questions emerges as an incredible tool, wielding the power to keep people talking to uncover their true motivations and what matters most to them. This skill is not only crucial for effective communication but also plays a pivotal role in navigating the complexities of office politics, helping us align our messaging to better foster rapport and help with persuasion. 

In this episode, we look at how we can improve our ability to really listen in order to help us understand why people do what they do in order to better protect ourselves and be more savvy in the workplace.

Open-ended questions tend to encourage more meaningful dialogue by eliciting more than a simple yes or no response. These inquiries encourage others to share their thoughts, feelings, and perspectives, providing the information that can be invaluable in understanding what drives them. In the context of office dynamics, mastering the art of asking open-ended questions allows us to navigate all of our conversations with finesse, leading to a deeper understanding of colleagues’ aspirations, concerns, and values. 

Curiosity, a driving force behind the art of questioning, emerges as a linchpin in building rapport. Genuine curiosity reflects a sincere interest in understanding others, fostering a connection that transcends superficial interactions. When people sense that they are really being listened to and their opinions are valued, trust and rapport flourish. In the context of office relationships, such connections are vital for navigating the nuanced landscape of office politics.

Asking open-ended questions and really listening to their responses helps us better understand people’s behavior and decision-making process. Armed with this knowledge, we can strategically align our messaging with shared values and motivations, which is a crucial aspect of exercising effective influence. 

In the realm of office politics, where persuasion plays a significant role, aligning our messaging can be a strategic move. It allows us to present our ideas and proposals in a manner that is more likely to resonate with our audience, increasing the likelihood of acceptance and support. This approach is not about manipulation, but rather about understanding the dynamics at play and leveraging that understanding to build consensus and cooperation. 

The ability to uncover what drives people through adept questioning positions us as perceptive and empathetic collaborators. This, in turn, can enhance our reputation within the workplace, contributing to career advancement. When colleagues perceive us as genuinely interested in their perspectives, it creates a positive impression that extends beyond our interactions. 

In essence, the power of asking open-ended questions and nurturing curiosity lies in its ability to cultivate meaningful connections. In the context of office politics, this skill becomes a potent instrument for those seeking to navigate the complex interplay of relationships and power dynamics. By employing these techniques, we can elevate our communication strategies, build rapport, and ultimately position ourselves as astute players in the intricate game of office politics. 

Active listening and demonstrating empathy form the cornerstone of effective communication, serving as important tools for getting to know others and building professional relationships. Cultivating active listening skills not only fosters rapport, but also enhances our credibility in the workplace. 

Active listening goes beyond just hearing the words that are spoken; it involves a genuine effort to understand the speaker’s perspective, emotions, and underlying message. By actively engaging with the speaker, we signal our commitment to the conversation, creating a conducive environment for building those ever important connections. In the context of the workplace, this skill becomes indispensable for those aiming to decipher the intricate web of relationships and alliances that determine who succeeds and who doesn’t.

One key aspect of active listening is maintaining eye contact and providing non-verbal cues that signal attentiveness. A nod, a smile, or other affirmative gestures convey a sense of presence and interest. In a professional setting, these non-verbal cues can be particularly impactful, creating an atmosphere of respect and engagement. 

Reflective listening, another component of active listening, involves paraphrasing and summarizing the speaker’s message to confirm understanding. This not only demonstrates attentiveness but also allows for clarification if there are any misunderstandings. In the context of office politics, where clarity and precision are paramount, this skill becomes invaluable for avoiding misinterpretations that might lead to missteps or not meeting expectations. 

Empathy, the ability to understand and share another person’s feelings, complements active listening by creating a deeper emotional connection. By putting yourself in their shoes, we can gain insights into their perspectives and motivations. Empathy is a powerful force for building connections in the workplace, fostering an environment of mutual understanding and collaboration. 

Cultivating active listening skills involves deliberate and continuous effort to hone your ability to focus on the speaker and comprehend their message, including what is not being said. One effective strategy is to minimize distractions, such as turning off notifications and putting away electronic devices. Creating a quiet and focused space allows you to immerse yourself fully in the conversation, enhancing your capacity for active listening. I’m sure we’ve all had the experience of trying to have a conversation with someone while they seem far more intent on checking the latest notification on their phone and they seem to miss everything we’re saying. It’s hard to compete with that. 

Another tip is to practice mindfulness, which involves being present in the moment without judgment. That ‘without judgment’ part is key and can be very hard to achieve in practice. Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing and staying grounded, can help us overcome our internal distractions and be fully attuned to the speaker. This practice not only improves active listening skills, but also contributes to emotional intelligence, a critical asset in navigating a challenging work environment. 

In the context of office politics, where perceptions and relationships play a pivotal role, active listening and empathy contribute to building our credibility. When colleagues feel heard and understood, it fosters a sense of trust and respect. This, in turn, enhances our standing within the organization, providing a solid foundation from which we can more successfully play the game of business. 

The art of asking probative questions and actively listening to the answers is a skill that transcends mere conversation – it is a powerful tool that unlocks many benefits in personal and professional spheres. By posing thoughtful questions to get beyond the superficial small talk, followed by genuine and focused listening, we can create an environment of mutual respect and engagement. 

Probative questions are inquiries designed to delve deeper into a topic, uncovering underlying thoughts, emotions, and motivations. When used effectively, these questions can unveil valuable insights and facilitate meaningful discussions. And by genuinely listening to the responses, we signal a level of interest and investment in the other person, laying the groundwork for authentic connections. This is pretty rare in today’s work environment where everyone is hurriedly moving on to the next thing, without really listening at all. 

One crucial aspect of active listening is seeking clarification when necessary. This demonstrates a commitment to truly understanding the other person’s perspective. It also helps in avoiding misinterpretations. By asking follow-up questions or requesting additional information, we show that we are fully engaged and interested in the nuances of what they’re trying to tell us. This also encourages open communication where people will actually tell you what they’re thinking and feeling. 

The importance of giving undivided attention cannot be overstated when it comes to effectively communicating. In a world rife with distractions, offering your full focus to someone is a rare and valuable gesture. By checking body language, maintaining eye contact, and eliminating external disruptions, you can convey a sense of respect and priority to the person speaking. This heightened attention deepens the feeling of connection we all crave. We all just want to be heard. 

Equally critical is the practice of refraining from interrupting, finishing sentences, or providing better words. Allowing the other person to express themselves, without interruption, communicates respect for their thoughts and opinions. It empowers them to share their perspectives fully and contributes to more open exchange of ideas. 

A significant benefit of being a great listener is the positive impact it has on relationships. People naturally gravitate toward those who make them feel heard and understood. By demonstrating a genuine interest in others, we build rapport and foster that much needed sense of connection. If we’ve learned anything over the past few years, it’s that humans truly need this connection. In professional settings, this can lead to more effective teamwork and demonstrate enhanced leadership skills. 

The act of genuine listening is a valuable learning tool. It opens the door to a wealth of information, insights, and perspectives that may otherwise go unnoticed. By actively listening, we can expand our knowledge, gain new perspectives, and foster continuous personal and professional growth. 

One of the key advantages of mastering the art of listening is the relief it brings from the pressure to find the perfect response. I don’t know about you, but sometimes trying to come up with something witty to say when it’s my turn, takes my attention away from what they’re actually saying. Instead of focusing on crafting your response while they are talking, try concentrating on understanding and absorbing the information being shared. This not only contributes to a more relaxed and natural flow of conversation, but also allows for more thoughtful and meaningful responses, when the time comes. 

By adopting these practices, we not only make others feel valued and heard, but also position ourselves as effective communicators and collaborators in a world where authentic connection is increasingly valued. 

Navigating the complex terrain of human communication requires a level of intuition that goes beyond simply hearing words. People often wear social masks, presenting a version of themselves that may not entirely align with their true thoughts and feelings. Trust your instincts. When something doesn’t feel right about the words they’re saying because it doesn’t quite match with their body language, pay attention. There just might be more at play under the surface, so be aware. 

A key aspect of intuitive listening is recognizing where there’s a disconnect between what they’re saying and what they truly feel. People may choose to convey a carefully curated narrative, providing information that aligns with societal expectations, but not truly reflecting their personal views. The skilled listener goes beyond the spoken words, noticing the subtle cues in tone, body language, and overall demeanor. These non-verbal signals often reveal more about a person’s true emotions and sentiments than their explicit statements. 

In the realm of intuitive listening, understanding the emotion behind the words becomes paramount. Emotions serve as a powerful driving force in human communication, influencing the way we all express ourselves. By honing in on the emotional undertones, a perceptive listener can gain insights into the speaker’s genuine feelings, even if those feelings are not explicitly articulated. This emotional intelligence allows for a more comprehensive understanding of their point of view and the driving force behind their actions, making what they do next a little more predictable. 

Focusing on what is not being said is a crucial component of intuitive listening. People may withhold information for various reasons – fear, societal norms, or a desire to maintain a certain professional image. By listening for what’s missing, a skilled communicator can identify gaps in the narrative, possibly uncovering hidden thoughts or concerns. This ability to read between the lines enables us to address underlying issues and potentially avoid being blindsided by saboteurs in the office. 

To develop this heightened level of listening, it’s essential to concentrate not only on the facts and details but also on the broader context and emotional undertones. Paying attention to the nuances in someone’s voice, the cadence of their speech, and the subtleties in their expressions, allows for a more holistic understanding. This depth of comprehension positions us to connect on a deeper level, fostering trust and authenticity in the relationship, or maybe just becoming a little bit more savvy in a less than welcoming environment. 

Influence, a powerful aspect of effective communication, is intricately tied to trust. To influence someone, they must believe that you understand and respect their point of view. Intuitive listening plays a pivotal role in building this trust. By connecting with people and acknowledging their true feelings and perspectives without judgment, we can establish a foundation of trust that might just form the basis for successfully influencing their decisions.

Meeting people where they are, both intellectually and emotionally, is a fundamental principle of effective communication and influence, enabling us to tailor our communication to align with their perspective. This alignment creates a bridge that facilitates understanding and paves the way for shared goals and collaboration. 

So remember, intuitive listening goes beyond the surface of spoken words, delving into the realm of emotions, unspoken cues, and underlying motivations. Recognizing where there is a disconnect between words and body language, understanding the emotional nuances, and focusing on what they’re saying and not saying are essential skills for building genuine connections and exercising our influence. 

Building rapport through active listening involves paying attention to more than just the words someone is saying. It requires a keen awareness of various elements, including tonality, pace, volume, and their specific language choices. By noticing these nuances, we can not only demonstrate our attentiveness, but also mirror their communication style. 

Tonality serves as a rich source of information about a person’s emotions and attitudes. By listening to the tone of someone’s voice, we can gauge their enthusiasm, degree of comfort, and level of confidence in what they’re saying. Perhaps it’s a slight hesitation that you might have otherwise overlooked that might indicate that there’s more going on than you originally thought. 

Mirroring this tonality in response can create a sense of resonance and understanding. If a person speaks with excitement, responding in a similarly enthusiastic manner can convey shared energy and engagement. Conversely, matching a more subdued tone, when appropriate, demonstrates sensitivity and empathy.

The pace and volume of speech also play a crucial role in effective communication. Some people speak quickly, conveying a sense of urgency or excitement, while others adopt a more measured pace, suggesting thoughtfulness or contemplation. By adjusting your own pace and volume to align more with theirs, you are more apt to establish a connection that transcends mere words. This synchronized rhythm fosters a feeling of shared understanding and reinforces the idea that the conversation is a collaborative exchange. They may not remember exactly what you said, but they are likely to remember how you made them feel. 

Beyond the technical aspects of speech, paying attention to specific language choices is a powerful way to demonstrate active listening. People tend to have favorite words or phrases that they use consistently. When you pick up on and incorporate these familiar terms into your own responses, it sends a subtle but impactful message – you are not just listening, but actively absorbing and internalizing the message they were trying to convey. This shared language creates a sense of camaraderie and reinforces the idea that the conversation is a shared experience. 

Acknowledgement statements are an often underutilized tool in building rapport through active listening. These statements express recognition and validation of the speaker’s thoughts and feelings. Simple acknowledgements such as, “I hear what you’re saying”, or “I understand where you’re coming from”, demonstrate empathy and attentiveness. Expressing gratitude for the insights shared and thanking someone for opening up reinforces the idea that their contribution is valued and appreciated. 

Complimenting their thoughts or perspectives is another effective way to build rapport. People inherently enjoy positive recognition and genuine compliments contribute to a positive and cooperative atmosphere. Make an effort to acknowledge the value of someone’s ideas or the eloquence of their expression. It goes a long way in creating a positive feeling that they will then attribute to you. 

Building rapport through active listening involves a multifaceted approach that goes beyond merely hearing what’s being said. Paying attention to tonality, pace, volume, and language choices can help you create a connection with someone that resonates on both intellectual and emotional levels. 

Ask the right questions and work at becoming a better listener. Focus on what’s not being said and try to discern their underlying emotions and drivers. This deep level of listening enables us to meet people where they are, creating a foundation for effective communication and collaboration. It also might help us protect ourselves from those who feel threatened by us. 

Ultimately, the ability to ask insightful questions and listen attentively enhances your ability to be politically savvy in navigating the complexities of office dynamics. This requires a nuanced understanding of the motivations of others in order to increase your level of influence. 

So, keep them talking. That’s how you find out what you need to know to get people to decide to do what you want them to do. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Becoming a Better Listener at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and four.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.