Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success Podcast, episode seventy-seven. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

As humans, we are constantly interpreting and making sense of the world around us. We create stories in our minds about what’s happening and why, and these stories shape our reality. Our interpretations of other people’s actions and words can have a powerful impact on our emotions and behaviors because we tend to default to assuming the worst. 

In this episode, we look at how the stories we tell ourselves about what’s happening around us can either help us or hold us back, depending on whether they are based on accurate information or not. At the heart of it all is our interpretation of what other people say or do and what we make that mean about us. Whether we realize it or not, these interpretations are often based on our own beliefs, assumptions, and biases, and have very little to do with the people around us. 

When we encounter a situation, our brain quickly goes to work to interpret what’s happening based on our past experiences and beliefs. We create a story in our minds and this story becomes our version of reality. For example, if we’re walking down the street and someone bumps into us without apologizing, we might interpret that as a deliberate act of rudeness or disrespect. However, if we find out later that the person was rushing to get to the hospital to see their sick child, our view of the situation would be very different.

Our interpretations of other people’s actions and words can have a powerful impact on our emotions and behaviors. If we decide someone’s behavior is a personal attack, we may become defensive or angry, whereas if we interpret someone’s words as a compliment, we may feel confident and happy. It’s important to take a step back and question our interpretations to make sure that they are based on facts rather than opinions, assumptions, or biases. 

We cannot control what other people do or say, but we can control what we make that mean about us. For example, if our boss criticizes our work, we might interpret that as a sign that we’re not good enough or that we’re a failure. This interpretation can lead us to feelings of shame or low self-esteem, which can impact our behavior and performance going forward. However, if we interpret the criticism as an opportunity to learn and improve, we can use it as motivation to do better next time, seeing ourselves as a work in progress. 

The stories we tell ourselves can either help us move forward or hold us back. If we consistently interpret situations in a negative or unhelpful way, we may become stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and self-sabotage. On the other hand, if we learn to interpret situations in a more positive and empowering way, we can become more resilient and confident in ourselves and our abilities. 

Our brains are wired to interpret the world around us and create meaning out of our experiences. We use these interpretations to construct stories about ourselves, other people, and the world at large. These stories can shape our reality in powerful ways, impacting our emotions, behavior, and even our physical health. 

Our interpretations can also impact our sense of self-worth and self-esteem. These interpretations can become self-reinforcing patterns of thought and behavior, creating a cycle that shapes our reality and reinforces our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. This is why it’s important to be mindful of the stories we tell ourselves and to challenge those unhelpful interpretations that so easily come to mind.

Cognitive bias refers to a systemic pattern of deviation from rationality and judgment whereby inferences about other people and situations may be drawn in an illogical and irrational manner. Our interpretations of situations and events can be influenced by our beliefs, past experiences, and emotions leading to cognitive biases. 

For example, confirmation bias is a form of cognitive bias where we tend to interpret the information in a way that confirms our existing beliefs or hypotheses. If we believe that a colleague is untrustworthy, we may interpret their actions as proof of their untrustworthiness, even if there is no real evidence to support this interpretation. It’s all in how we see it. 

Another example is the halo effect, where our overall impression of a person influences our interpretation of their actions or behaviors. If we have a positive impression of someone, we may interpret their actions in a positive light, even if they’re actually harmful. It allows us to overlook those red flags. 

These biases can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts as different people may interpret the same situation in different ways based on their own biases and perspectives. For example, if your manager critiques your work, you may choose to interpret this as a personal attack, while they may have intended it as helping you to improve. If you respond defensively, this may escalate into a conflict simply based on your different interpretations of the same event. 

To overcome cognitive bias and reduce misunderstandings, it’s important to be aware of our own tendencies and to approach situations with an open mind and a willingness to consider multiple perspectives. We can also seek input from others to help us challenge our own way of seeing the world. By doing so, we can create a more inclusive and collaborative work environment where different perspectives and interpretations are valued and respected. 

Being aware of our interpretations and how they shape our reality is important because these can have a significant impact on the stories we tell ourselves about the events and people in our lives, and they can influence our perceptions, attitudes, and actions.

For example, if we interpret a coworker’s comment as critical or hostile, we may feel defensive and respond in anger or simply avoid them in the future, leading to a breakdown in communication and potentially damaging our relationships with that person. However, if we interpret the same comment without malicious intent, we may feel motivated to take their suggestions to heart and make the necessary improvements to address the issue. Try to remember that all feedback is a gift and that we get to decide what we do with it. 

By becoming aware of our interpretations and the impact they have on our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, we can begin to challenge those that are negative or unhelpful and replace them with more positive and constructive ones. This can lead to improved communication, build more positive professional relationships, and greater resilience in the face of challenges and setbacks. This can be really helpful since there seems to be no shortage of those in our quest to advance our careers. 

There are some recurring themes in the stories we tell ourselves. Here are two common stories you may relate to: 

1. “They’re ignoring me because I’m not important.” This story can lead to feelings of rejection and inadequacy and may cause someone to withdraw or become defensive. For example, imagine that a colleague doesn’t respond to your email. You may feel hurt and become resentful toward that person. The other person may be confused and not understand what’s going on, because they may have simply forgotten to hit send on their response. 
2. “They’re criticizing me because I’m not good enough.” This story can lead to feelings of self-doubt and insecurity and may cause someone to become defensive or avoidant. For example, imagine that a supervisor gives you feedback on a project. You may feel discouraged and become defensive or find ways to avoid any future feedback because of the discomfort involved. This could lead to a lack of growth and development in your work, which only reinforces the story you are telling yourself. 

By becoming aware of these stories and challenging their accuracy, we can have more control over how we interpret things that happen around us and create a more positive and constructive reality. For example, if you have a tendency to tell yourself the story that you are not important, you can challenge this belief by reminding yourself of the times where you felt valued and respected by others. Finding that evidence to the contrary can help to shift your interpretation of the situation and reduce your feelings of rejection. 

Similarly, if you notice your tendency to think that you’re not good enough, you can challenge this belief by focusing on your strengths and the things you do well, and by viewing feedback as the gift that it is, an opportunity for learning and improvement. This can help shift your interpretation of the situation and reduce your feelings of self-doubt and insecurity. 

Developing a more balanced and objective perspective can be challenging, but it’s an important step in managing how we think, how we feel, and what we do. If we don’t challenge our thinking, we risk creating stories in our minds that may not reflect reality. 

Here are three tips that may be helpful in challenging our interpretations: 

1. Seek evidence. Take a moment to ask yourself, is there any evidence that supports my interpretation? Is there also some evidence that contradicts this interpretation?
2. Consider alternative explanations. Try to come up with other explanations for what’s happening. Ask yourself, could there be any other reason to explain what’s happening? What other perspectives could be relevant in this case? 
3. Get a second opinion. Ask a trusted friend or colleague for their opinion of the situation. They may have a different perspective on what went on, the personalities of those involved, and how you could see it differently. 

Now, let’s talk about three tips for developing a more positive and empowering interpretation: 

1. Focusing on your strengths. Instead of dwelling on what you didn’t do well, focus on how what you did contributed to what did go well. Recognize and acknowledge your accomplishments and the positive aspects of your situation. For example, if you’re feeling down about a project that didn’t go as planned, focus on the aspects of the project that were successful and the skills and strengths you used to make it happen. 
2. Being grateful. Gratitude is a powerful way to cultivate a positive mindset. Take time each day to focus on what you’re grateful for and what is going well in your life. This can help you shift your perspective and see situations in a more positive light. For example, if you’re feeling overwhelmed with work, take a moment to be grateful for the skills you have developed and the resources you do have at your disposal to manage your workload. 
3. Practicing self-compassion. The way you talk to yourself can have a big impact on your interpretation of events. Practice using positive self-talk and reframing negative thoughts into more positive ones. For example, instead of saying, “I’m not good enough to handle this task, reframe it to, I may not yet have the skills or the resources to handle this task as well as I’d like, but I will do my best. 

The word ‘yet’ is so powerful. This can help you feel more confident, motivated, and resilient, and can lead to greater success and fulfillment in all areas of your life. 

Remember to recognize and change the stories we tell ourselves to create more positive interpretations of our experiences. Our brains are wired to make sense of the world around us, including the actions and words of others, but sometimes our interpretations of these events can be skewed by our own beliefs, past experiences, and insecurities. We may tell ourselves stories of what someone’s behavior means, and these stories can lead us down a path that may not be justified. 

It’s important to recognize these stories we make up and question their validity. By doing so, we can avoid unnecessary discomfort and approach situations with a more balanced and objective perspective. It takes practice, but being aware of these stories created in our minds can lead to more positive outcomes in both our personal and professional lives.

Although our interpretations may feel automatic and ingrained, we can develop the skills to challenge and change them. Through practices like having self-compassion and using cognitive reframing, we can learn to shift our perspectives and develop a more positive and empowering outlook on life. 

With practice and persistence, we can develop the skills necessary to change our default tendency of thinking the worst, shift our interpretations, and live a more positive and empowered life. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Being Aware of Our Interpretations at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode seventy-seven.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.