Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success Podcast, episode ninety-nine. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Self-sabotage is a common phenomenon that occurs when we consciously or unconsciously engage in behaviors that hinder our own success. In our careers, self-sabotage can manifest in a variety of ways, such as procrastination, lack of confidence, self-doubt, and fear of failure. While self-sabotage affects both men and women, women in male-dominated professions face unique challenges that can exacerbate self-sabotaging behavior. 

In this episode, we explore why we spend so much time sabotaging particular areas of our lives and careers just as we start to make some real progress. We may be working toward an important goal only to have it all fall apart and end up feeling more frustrated, discouraged, and angry with ourselves. And then, with every failed attempt to do the things we want, we end up using that as evidence that we can’t or shouldn’t be doing it in the first place. 

As you well know, it’s common to experience a lack of recognition and appreciation for your contributions in the workplace. But knowing this does nothing to lessen the feelings of frustration, anger, and self-doubt, which can in turn cause us to engage in self-sabotaging behaviors. For example, we may hold back from sharing our ideas, second-guess ourselves, or avoid seeking promotions or challenging assignments until we feel more ready. These behaviors can further reinforce the cycle of self-doubt and frustration, creating a vicious cycle that can be difficult to break.

Taking responsibility for self-sabotaging behaviors is essential for personal and professional growth. It involves acknowledging the behaviors that may be hindering our success and taking steps to change them. One way to start is by identifying your specific behaviors that are contributing to this self-sabotage. This can be done through self-reflection, journaling, or seeking some honest feedback from trusted colleagues or mentors. 

Societal pressures and gender stereotypes can sometimes contribute to sabotaging our own success in the workplace by perpetuating our self-doubt and limiting beliefs. As women, we’re often socialized to be more nurturing and collaborative, which can make us less likely to assert ourselves or take credit for our accomplishments. This can lead to downplaying our achievements, being reluctant to take on challenging assignments, and being less confident in negotiations. 

It’s these same stereotypes, such as being accommodating and non-confrontational, which can conflict with the assertiveness and self-confidence necessary for success. This can lead to an increase in our self-doubt. Furthermore, we may face gender biases such as assumptions that we are somehow less competent than men or are only suited for certain types of roles, which can also undermine our confidence in our abilities over time, having a significant impact on how we view ourselves and our potential for success in the workplace. And this can limit our opportunities for advancement.

So, in addition to addressing our self-sabotaging behaviors, it’s important for us to advocate for ourselves and our contributions. This can involve speaking up and making a strong case for what we want in negotiations, knowing it’s what we deserve for all our hard work. It can also be incredibly important to build a support network of colleagues and mentors who can provide guidance and advocacy, especially when it all begins to feel like we’re getting nowhere. 

Understanding self-sabotage requires a thoughtful exploration of its underlying causes and the identification of potential signs that we might be prone to such behaviors. The phenomenon is not confined to specific symptoms, rather, it involves a deep examination of the psychological factors that trigger this inclination to sabotage our own achievements. It is essential to recognize the root causes that contribute to this counterproductive pattern as they’re often overlooked as we go about our day.

At the core of this behavior lies the concept of personal identity – the amalgamation of thoughts and beliefs that we hold true about ourselves and our worth. This identity serves as a psychological framework that establishes an upper limit on what we believe we deserve or can attain. In this way, our success becomes primarily influenced by this internal blueprint, where we may find ourselves reluctant to surpass this predetermined upper limit.

This is where building a support system becomes paramount in our efforts to overcome self-sabotage. Surrounding ourselves with people who have embraced higher upper limits in their lives can be instrumental in challenging and reshaping our own identity. It’s this combination and interplay of belief, association, and intention that often emerges as pivotal in affecting a meaningful transformation of our identity, and consequently mitigating the proclivity for self-sabotage.

This requires taking a close look at the people who make up our inner circle. Evaluating the dynamics of our relationships and assessing whether they encourage personal growth or perpetuate stagnation is crucial. The inclination to self-sabotage can often be rooted in a desire for predictability and certainty where we are lacking a bit of both. By cultivating an environment that promotes growth, we can gradually dispel the need for self-sabotaging behaviors as a misguided coping mechanism.

I invite you to do your own reflective analysis of the past few months, paying particular attention to the predominant themes in conversations and interactions, which can provide some valuable insights. You might notice that your social circles are fixating on the past, engaging in gossip, comparisons, or distractions, or better yet, your discussion with those closest to you are actively contributing to a more positive and growth-oriented atmosphere. Recognizing and, if necessary, eliminating toxic influences can be essential for fostering personal development and resilience against self-sabotage. I

t’s important to recognize that personal and professional growth involves embracing the discomfort of the unfamiliar and pushing beyond those arbitrary upper limits we may have set for ourselves. While self-discipline plays a crucial role in success, it is equally essential to differentiate between realistic and unattainable goals. By setting achievable objectives and keeping promises to ourselves, we can cultivate a sense of discipline that is conducive to moving beyond what we see as our upset limits of success. 

We can all engage at some point or other in self-sabotaging behaviors to the detriment of our own success and happiness. It can manifest in various aspects of life, including career, relationships, finances, health, and even our emotional stability. Remarkably, many of us find ourselves actively undermining the progress we’ve made in these areas, displaying a recurring pattern of achieving positive outcomes only to subsequently sabotage them. 

Here are six things we commonly do to sabotage our success: 

1. Focus on the past
2. Focus on what you don’t have
3. Compare yourself to others
4. Focus on things you can’t control
5. Get discouraged
6. Get distracted

1.Focus on the past: 

Dwelling on the past is a common self-sabotage behavior that hampers present engagement and future planning. Constantly revisiting past mistakes and experiences stems from a desire for familiarity and predictability, creating a comfort zone that can be detrimental to progress. This inclination offers a false sense of security, hindering the potential for growth and success. 

Stepping into the future becomes challenging as the shadows of the past threaten to sabotage new opportunities. Breaking free from this cycle requires a conscious shift from past to present, and then future focus. Recognizing that what has happened in your past doesn’t dictate your future potential is the first step. 

By redirecting energy toward creating a narrative aligned with your aspirations and fostering a forward-looking perspective, you can free yourself from self-imposed shackles and embrace the vast potential of your future. This transformative approach enables us to escape the cycle of sabotaging our success, paving the way to sustained growth and achievement, both in our careers and in life. 

2.Focus on what you don’t have:

Another common self-sabotage behavior involves fixating on our perceived deficiencies, rather than appreciating our current assets and focusing on the possibilities. This repetitive focus on what’s lacking inadvertently reinforces the scarcity mentality, attracting more of what we’re hoping to avoid. Rooted in the belief that success depends on specific elements, this fixation becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, which can hinder our progress. 

To break free, we must cultivate an abundance mindset, shifting our focus to our distinctive strengths and the opportunities available to us. Celebrating our successes, no matter how small, and embracing possibilities over limitations disrupts this negative feedback loop. This intentional shift invites positive outcomes and aligns opportunities with a mindset of abundance, propelling our personal and professional growth forward. 

3.Compare yourself:

A harmful practice that can lead to self-sabotage is the widespread habit of comparing ourselves to others or an idealized version that may very well be unattainable. In the era of social media where curated content prevails, discerning reality from meticulously crafted facades becomes challenging. It’s vital to understand that social platforms often present a distorted benchmark for comparison, showcasing filtered and sanitized portrayals of what their actual real life looks like. 

Overcoming the self-sabotaging impact involves resisting the urge to measure our real life circumstances against seemingly flawless images, recognizing the illusion of comparing genuine emotions to polished social media snapshots. The antidote lies in cultivating a mindset that acknowledges the deceptive nature of comparisons, embracing authenticity, and recognizing the multifaceted nature of our individual journeys. 

Recognizing the effort we’ve put forth in getting to where we are and shifting the focus from external comparisons to internal appreciation fosters a healthier perspective, freeing us from the constraints of unrealistic standards and fostering more genuine self-acceptance. The damaging habit of comparing ourselves to others poses a significant threat to our well-being and success, and breaking free from this cycle involves embracing and appreciating what makes us unique. 

4.Focusing on things you can’t control:

Those who are prone to self-sabotaging behavior tend to fixate on factors beyond their control, diverting attention from manageable aspects, and wasting a lot of energy since constantly focusing on those elements is counterproductive. Recognizing and accepting that we can’t control others or global events is essential for maintaining a healthy perspective. In a world full of uncertainties, distinguishing between what we have influence over and what we don’t is crucial. Channeling time and energy into manageable endeavors thwart self-sabotage, avoiding the draining habit of obsessing over uncontrollable factors. 

To combat this, identify where your influence can be exerted and focus on making positive contributions. Balancing awareness of external events with a pragmatic understanding of your ability to influence them is key. Embracing adaptability and resilience while acknowledging controllable factors fosters agency and fortitude, providing a proactive strategy against the common pitfall of fixating on the uncontrollable, which can lead to sabotaging your own success. 

5.Get discouraged:

Another prevalent self-sabotaging behavior is succumbing to discouragement, triggered not just by failure, but also setbacks, disappointments, or missteps. You can expect to face some adversity in pursuing your dreams, yet some let discouragement cast a pervasive shadow, sabotaging their journey. 

The antidote is cultivating and maintaining courage, embracing fear, and persisting in moving forward despite rejection. Transforming discouragement into an opportunity for growth involves viewing setbacks as pivotal junctures for resilience and self-discovery. Staying courageous means acknowledging the fear, but choosing to step into it, using the obstacles in your path as stepping stones. 

To combat self-sabotage, adopt a mindset that welcomes adversity as a necessary part of growth, leveraging your discomfort for introspection. Learning from setbacks prevents them from defining the narrative, fostering resilience that propels us toward our goal, despite the inevitable challenges. Instead of getting discouraged, transform your setbacks into opportunities for learning. 

6.Get distracted:

Another common challenge on the road to success is getting distracted by outside influences and unproductive habits. This often means focusing too much on what others are doing, which can take us away from working towards our personal goals. Overcoming this self-sabotaging tendency involves identifying your specific distractions. I invite you to make a list of three to four of your most common distractions. Distractions can be anything that diverts your attention from the task at hand, from your work environment to your unproductive habits that hold you back.

Once you identify your distractions, the next step is to actively work to reduce or eliminate them. Personalized solutions are essential. It’s not enough to just identify your distractions as you must develop more positive habits to combat them that also align with your goals. 

Creating a supportive environment means sharing your goals, establishing routines to minimize distractions, and asking for understanding to limit interruptions from those around you. Doing the work that we need to do to succeed isn’t always pleasant, so we sometimes welcome the distraction. So, this requires a personalized approach that strengthens your focus and desire for success over immediate relief from the discomfort of having to do the work. 

In addition to these six common self-sabotaging behaviors, there’s another that we tend to forget about and discount the power it has over us. It may be counterintuitive, but when we achieve a little bit of success, we often slack off or reduce that initial level of commitment that got us there. Once a taste of success or progress is experienced, there’s a tendency to subconsciously retreat from the diligent work that made it happen. This stems from the unfamiliarity of that initial success, creating a desire for the illusion of control. Instead of intensifying our efforts, we may paradoxically diminish our level of effort, thus sabotaging our progress. 

Overcoming this tendency requires an awareness of this counterintuitive response to success and recognizing discomfort as a natural part of growth. It’s crucial to adopt a mindset that encourages maintaining the same commitment or doubling down on successful strategies. Embracing discomfort and uncertainty as part of sustained progress involves developing resilience and adaptability, reframing success as an ongoing journey. 

An important aspect in the realm of self-sabotage pertains to the role of unconscious beliefs and ingrained patterns in perpetuating self-sabotaging behaviors. Many of us may not be fully aware of the deep-seated beliefs or thought patterns that drive our actions, leading to unintended self-sabotaging behaviors. Understanding and addressing these underlying beliefs, often rooted in past experiences or conditioning, can be a key factor in breaking the cycle of self-sabotage. Uncovering these hidden drivers allows us to implement more targeted and effective strategies for personal growth and success. 

The battle against self-sabotage is a multifaceted journey that requires introspection, a recalibration of our personal identities, and the cultivation of an ambitious, supportive environment. By addressing the root causes, fostering a growth-oriented mindset, and maintaining discipline, we can break free from the cycle of self-sabotage and embark on a path of sustained success in our career. 

So, I invite you to start getting out of your own way and increase your upper limit for personal success. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Behaviors at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode ninety-nine.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.