​​Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode ten. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

In a world where success is measured by status and money, having less of both only reinforces perceptions that the work we do is not as highly valued. In this episode, it’s all about getting noticed. Doing great work that no one knows about won’t help you get ahead in your career. It’s all about doing the things that matter, really well, and then letting people know about it. 

We’re prone to undervaluing ourselves. And unfortunately, just by being female, our work has a greater chance of being ignored, discounted, trivialized, and simply not taken as seriously as the work done by a man. I find this a bit ridiculous, but that’s the world we live in. As a result, I found myself undervaluing my own work and my potential and how could I not? We’re paid less and we have less status. And that takes a toll on our self-confidence. 

I was definitely selling myself short and watching as those around me underestimate me too. That meant that I had to work harder to be heard and to get my work noticed by those making the decisions for promotions and high profile assignments. It took me a while to realize that I was creating the connection between what was happening around me, and how I was feeling as a result, because of what I was making it mean about me. 

I was creating a real internal struggle to feel competent and deserving, and then blaming it on what was going on around me. I was definitely contributing to my not being noticed. Now I understand what was going on in the larger social landscape. I can see the bigger picture that I was unable to see when I was in the middle of it. 

While we still can’t control what other people think or do, I recognize now that there were some things I could have done to mitigate certain situations. Some of it was within my control. It starts with being mindful of what’s going on around you. When you don’t feel heard, pay attention to how you may be contributing to this dynamic. Am I deferring to others? Am I waiting my turn when I really should just speak up and put my ideas out there? When my work, my voice, and my job are considered less significant, it complicates my ability to recognize and appreciate what I have to offer. 

When the stakes are high, we have to forego the usual rules and take our place at the table. We have to recognize that we don’t always have to do what people expect of us, just because we’re women. We need to step out of our comfort zones. We need to get comfortable doing a little bragging about what we’ve done.

I’ll admit I’m very reluctant to self-promote. I felt that my work should speak for itself, but unfortunately it doesn’t. Men are much more comfortable with self-promotion. And that means that they’re more visible within the organization as a result. I simply assumed that doing a good job meant that I would automatically be noticed and rewarded, but that didn’t happen. 

It wasn’t until I was given a backhanded compliment that I realized what a great job I had been doing, yet not getting any credit for it. I was told that after having been assigned to this particular troublesome project, the client complaints stopped. And this one had been a revolving door of people assigned to it that didn’t live up to their hype. But suddenly, the client was happy and no longer causing a problem for my boss. I had eliminated this big issue for him, but since there were so many others screaming for his attention, it didn’t even really register with him. 

Not only was I not making it known what great work I was doing, but because my work virtually eliminated this client’s complaints, I wasn’t even on my boss’s radar. I had worked another miracle in creating another happy client because I was so good at my job, but I missed a big opportunity to use this to my advantage. I could have used this as leverage to get something I wanted. 

I’m not saying you’ll always get what you ask for, but you have to at least have the confidence to ask and not let these kinds of opportunities slip through your fingers. It starts with unlocking your potential. You can’t expect other people to value your work if you don’t. 

You have to let those people in a position to advance your career, know about your goals and accomplishments. Yet, somehow I expected them just to know. I waited to be noticed. I accepted whatever was offered, even if I thought it was inadequate, and thanked them for it. I settled for less than I deserved for far too long. I hadn’t been stepping up to claim what was rightly mine. I hadn’t asked for more than what they originally offered for years. 

I also wasn’t considering that the worst thing that could happen if I did ask, was that I wouldn’t get it. But I was already not getting it, so I really had nothing to lose. I also wasn’t considering the consequences of not asking for more and how that impacts us over time. I’d have been so much further ahead, much sooner, since most raises are percentage based. I wasn’t thinking of the longer term impact and that compounding effect. 

So remember, the only way to get it is to ask for it. You may be disappointed if you don’t get it, but you certainly won’t if you don’t ask. And as is often the case, we count ourselves out by not even giving it a try. 

There are four steps to unlocking your potential. 

First step is creating your vision. Imagine your big dream, whatever it is you want to create or become in this world. Secondly, create your action plan design, a daily practice that supports that dream and that transformation that’s needed for you to get there. Third step, make it happen. Execute on your ambitious plans and make your vision real. And fourth, amplify your impact. And that requires building a supportive community that will help you get noticed. 

So let’s back up to step number one: create your vision. Ask yourself, “Is the way I’m working really working for me?”. My bet is that it’s not working the way you’d like it to be. Life is about creating fulfillment and success, not finding it. You might be already feeling burned out, run down, and stuck. Maybe you suspect that there’s got to be more to life than this, and maybe you recognize that something’s missing. 

So now’s the time to imagine what you want to create, without limitations. Too many of us spend years, even decades, in pursuit of someone else’s plan for our life. We follow the well-traveled paths of others and a whole bunch of society’s “shoulds”. And then we feel stuck in this trap, but it’s an illusion. Stop acting out someone else’s script and start writing your own. Who do you want to be? 

For so long, we’ve been taught to ignore our intuition. So it may take some practice, but you don’t have to postpone going after what you want until you’re a hundred percent ready, or conditions line up perfectly, or you already have a secure retirement established, because that may never happen. Life is messy. 

When we worry we have nothing of value to offer, we hesitate in going after our dreams and making our ambitions known. Once you escape your limiting beliefs, there will be no stopping you. Maybe you think you aren’t where you should be at this point. And that dissatisfaction may be driven by your resentments of others, because blaming someone else for where you find yourself is so much easier than taking responsibility for it. But until you change your mindset, you will never be satisfied. So escape that trap of “compare and despair”. 

The only path is the one right in front of you. Your progress will catch up with your limitless ambition. Let go of any assumptions you may have. You can learn whatever you might need to learn. See the process of learning as a joy, not an obstacle. What are you excited to try? And what are the possibilities you haven’t really considered? 

Second step is to create your action plan. You have a choice of two possible paths: there’s following the path that’s mapped out by somebody else, or there’s following the path that you get to map out for yourself. Mapping it out for yourself might seem riskier, but actually it’s far riskier to play it safe. Safety is an illusion. It’s a lie told to us by those wanting to protect us. 

So do the best you can with everything you have. Nothing you do is ever wasted. Every experience contributes to the journey. When you follow the path mapped out by others, it’s the easiest for other people to understand, but it’s designed to produce consistently average results, no matter who’s walking it. While the path you design as you go, creates a life that only you are capable of living. And it leads to a much wider, richer range of possibilities. 

By following your own path, amazing things will begin to happen. You’ll feel more powerful. You’ll begin to trust yourself. You’ll find that you value things differently. You’ll find your idea of the good life becomes very different. Life is about choices. 

And once you’ve made some progress along your path, consider pursuing additional areas of interest that will complement your primary discipline. Committing to those additional areas of focus will help you later on. What matters now is that you start. All that you’re deciding to do right now is try.

The third step is to make it happen. It takes hard work and persistence to achieve any goal. Stop holding back and start pursuing your goals you actually want to achieve. 

I always thought that the rule that you have to work your way up the ladder couldn’t be broken, hacked, or fast-tracked. But it was simply put in place by someone aiming to keep you distracted from following your own path, and keep you focused on following someone else’s. So we follow the rules at our own peril because the rules are meant to be broken, or at least bent a little. 

There’s no such thing as a real “reality” that you have to accept. When people say, “That’s just the way things are”, they’re revealing a limiting belief that is standing in the way of everything they’ve ever wanted. And if others can do their thing, why can’t you? 

Think about some of your own labels. Maybe they’re ideas that you have about yourself, or maybe they are labels that others have put on you. A few unexamined words may stand in the way of you becoming the person you want to be. And accepting the wrong label is debilitating. So aggressively root out negative labels and limiting beliefs. Pick new labels. Say them out loud. Write them down a hundred times, whatever it takes to force your brain to accept this new programming. Words matter. They become our identities. 

We hide in all sorts of ways to avoid rejection because we’re afraid of being viewed in a negative light by strangers. But once you start hiding, you stop growing. And there’s no reason to hide. So be bold. Take some smart risks. People respect a wrong move made with confidence far more than a correct move made without conviction. 

If you fail, learn from your mistakes and move on. Be honest and clear about the risks you’re taking when you’re considering a new project or a new role. Ask yourself these questions as a form of risk assessment: What is the goal of this project? Why am I doing it? And what do I hope to get out of it? What is the worst thing that might happen if I fail? What steps can I take to reduce the risk and mitigate failure? And is it worth it? 

Most of us risk too little and never truly demonstrate what we’re capable of. Once you write out all the worst case scenarios, you’ll realize that these shadowy fears circling around in your head, aren’t really all that overwhelming or certain to happen. Treat them as manageable obstacles and strategize ways you’ll deal with them, if they happen. 

Start by believing that you can transform your experience. Then, take regular, consistent action towards your goal. Small daily actions can lead to dramatic results. And mindset matters. Most of your behaviors are driven by your beliefs. And to achieve a new mindset, and transform your life, you have to believe first, that your situation is changeable for the better, and secondly, that you’re capable of making that change happen. 

The quality of your life is determined by what you think and feel. Positive thoughts are healthier. They make us feel better and improve our performance. Mindset plays a key role in creating everything we want for ourselves. And the goals we set are mile markers along our path, so it’s essential that they align with what we truly want in life. There’s no “shoulds” allowed. Set goals with a meaningful why and watch how that will energize you. 

The fourth step is to amplify your impact to achieve greater influence. Influence is your ability to persuade others without exerting force or issuing explicit commands. That’s how you receive credit and recognition for your ideas and your accomplishments. Impact is to make a deep impression, one that is so significant, it can affect their mindset. Both are key to career advancement, and that includes promotions, financial reward, and prestige. 

With our lack of self-promotion, we remain invisible, thinking that our results and ideas will speak for themselves. But we’re not working the system, which results in diminished recognition. And when we fail to put in the effort to work cross-organizational alliances, we end up with an insufficient network to influence the right people. And we suffer from this lack of exposure. And remember that promotions and bonuses are decided on factors beyond purely competence. 

Self-promotion doesn’t have to sound like bragging. Many of us find it much more comfortable to feature our team, rather than our own individual results. It can simply be sharing your excitement about what your team has accomplished. It doesn’t have to be about competition, because it’s not a zero sum game. 

So be bold. Create your own network of supporters. It’s a great way to protect your reputation and increase your visibility. It pays to know powerful members of the senior management team, unofficial influencers, and emerging leaders. It’s insurance you hope you’ll never need. These relationships offer protection and sometimes provide early warning signs. Sometimes it just might be the endorsement you need to get that great project. And there’s no time like the present to get started. 

Don’t wait until you need your network to build it. Reframe it as fun, and expanding your visibility as energizing. It is possible to promote yourself with integrity. Letting people know about your ideas or the results you’ve achieved isn’t conceited or showboating. It’s about showcasing yourself and what you’ve worked hard for. 

Block those internal messages, about pride, and modesty, and bragging. Sharing how your work and ideas have made a positive difference is not about exaggerating your contribution, it’s about sharing the facts. We tend to worry it will turn people off, but it’s necessary. 

Studies have shown that men are promoted based on their future potential, while women are more likely to be advanced based on their past accomplishments. That’s unlikely to happen when no one knows what you’ve done. It’s a key part of the skill set required for career success. 

We deserve to promote ourselves, so be more public about your great work. You don’t want your contribution and know-how to be a well kept secret. Let people see your accomplishments in a spirit of shared excitement about being able to help your organization. And your enthusiasm will be contagious.

Don’t feel guilty or shy about telling people about your hard work or the results you’ve achieved. Track your accomplishments on a weekly basis. Save testimonials, congratulatory notes, favorable appraisals, and records of accomplishment. Harvest the learning from your projects. Instead of simply moving on to the next task, offer to explain what you’ve learned. It won’t sound self-serving or arrogant. You’ll be seen as a competent person with a novel approach and company interests at heart.

Promote yourself by thanking others. Send out thank you emails to team members for projects that you’ve spearheaded. Copy key individuals like your boss, their boss, and managers of people on your cross-departmental team. Be detailed. Provide specific recognition for each team member’s unique contribution, rather than using general global praise. It shows that you’re a great manager and it helps to build a motivating work environment.

Positive recognition is one of the top motivators and it promotes your leadership role, and expands your visibility, while helping others. Savvy leaders know there’s no formula for success. Going unnoticed is something you can control. So stop thinking bragging is not attractive, because your work won’t speak for itself. 

So get the recognition you deserve and shield yourself from sabotage without getting your hands dirty by increasing your visibility. Having too low a profile and being a well-kept secret won’t get you promoted. It’s necessary to establish your reputation as a go-getter to prevent yourself from being underestimated or marginalized.

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Help You Unlock Your Potential at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode ten.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch. I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com. And if you liked the show, please tell a friend, subscribe, rate, and review. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for joining me.