Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success Podcast, episode forty. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Everyone feels fear as they move forward through life. If someone tells you they’re never afraid, don’t believe them. Maybe they just never try anything new and who wants to get stuck like that? Everyone feels nervous or anxious at some point. Perhaps they just don’t label it as fear. 

In this episode, we’ll look at why you can’t escape fear, as much as we wish we could. We can only transform it into a comfortable companion, that comes along with us, on all our exciting adventures. As you move forward on your journey, from where you are, to where you want to be, you’re going to have to confront your fears. 

Fear is natural. Whenever you start a new project, take on a new assignment, or put yourself forward for a promotion or a raise, there’s usually fear. Most people let fear stop them from taking the necessary steps to achieve their dreams.

Successful people feel the fear along with the rest of us, but they don’t let it keep them from doing anything they want to do. They understand that fear is something to be acknowledged, experienced, and taken along for the ride. As the saying goes, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” 

Fear is our body’s way of signaling to us that we are venturing out of our comfort zone. It alerts us to possible danger, and it gives us a burst of adrenaline that maybe before we needed to run away when we had predators chasing us. But most of our threats today are not all that life threatening. Fear is more of a signal that we must stay cautious and alert. We can feel fear, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t move forward, regardless. Acknowledge that fear exists, but don’t let it keep you from doing those important things. 

Some people will do anything to avoid that uncomfortable feeling that comes with fear, but then they run an even bigger risk of never getting what it is that they want. Most of the good stuff in life requires taking a risk of some kind. And the nature of a risk is that it doesn’t always work out.

Another popular saying is, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” The only way to find out if you can do something, is to actually do it. There’s a common acronym for fear that captures this well: Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real. Almost all of our fears are now self-created. We frighten ourselves by fantasizing negative outcomes to any activity we might pursue. Since we’re the ones creating them in our imaginations, we are also the ones who can stop the fear, by facing the actual facts rather than giving into the stories we’re telling ourselves. 

Fear is not an anchor holding us transfixed in one spot. All fear is self-created by imagining some negative outcome in the future. Change itself can be uncomfortable, often frightening. Progress occurs when we push through that discomfort. And we have the tendency to want to sabotage ourselves in some way. So it’s time to learn to take risks, to help you expand your comfort zone. 

Here are five things to remember about fear: 

1. trying new things is scary
2. the fear isn’t going away
3. after doing things enough times, it won’t be as scary
4. making things happen feels good
5. the stewing is worse than the doing

So, going back to number one, trying new things is scary. Not only am I going to experience fear when I’m in unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else. A new activity that tests you in a new way will frighten you. Once you’ve practiced and mastered it, the fear will go away and your confidence in yourself will be heightened. 

That’s the way it works for everyone. We’re all human. We all share the same feelings, and fear is no exception. We won’t ever not be afraid, but don’t let that fear prevent you from taking the risk necessary, to get what you want. Just go ahead and do what you have to do to make your ideas work, despite the fear. We tend to interpret fear as a signal to retreat, rather than the green light to move ahead. But all you have to do is retrain your thinking. 

And number two, the fear isn’t going away. That probably is not exactly what you wanted to hear, but it’s true. The fear will never go away as long as you continue to grow. I’m sure you were hoping that there was a secret for making your fears miraculously go away, but it doesn’t work that way. Consider it a relief that you no longer have to work so hard on getting rid of the fear. 

Number three, after doing things enough times, it won’t be as scary. The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it. We have to experience the fear until we do it enough times that it eliminates that fear. We tend to want to play the when-then game: When I feel better about myself, then I’ll do it. But that’s another mix up in the order of reality. We think that if we improve our self-image, then the fear will go away and we can start accomplishing things. But I’m not really sure how my self-image is supposed to miraculously improve. Maybe it just happens over time, by growing older and wiser, or maybe I’m hoping that something will happen that will magically make me feel wonderful about myself. 

That brings us to number four. Making things happen feels good. What will really make the difference is the sense of accomplishment I will feel in pushing through the fear and doing things on my own. When you make something happen, your fear of the situation goes away and you do a lot toward building your self-confidence. It’s a fairly predictable pattern that when you’ve mastered something, it will feel so good that you will decide that there is something else out there that you want to accomplish too. Then the fear begins again, as you prepare to meet a new challenge. 

And finally, number five, the stewing is worse than the doing. People who refuse to take risks live with a feeling of dread. They are dreading what might happen, all those what-ifs, which leaves them feeling helpless. They are doing all that worrying for nothing. So rather than wasting your energy worrying or dreading the outcome, just get started. You will feel strength you never knew you had. And the answer to all those what-if questions is: I’ll handle it. Every time you take a step into the unknown, you experience fear. 

There is no point in saying that you will do it when you’re no longer afraid. You’ll be waiting a long time. Fear is part of the package. Move forward despite the fear, do it anyway. Be courageous. See things in a new and powerful way. 

When you do it often enough, you will no longer be afraid of that particular situation. You will have faced the unknown and you will have handled it, and you will have developed your self-confidence along the way. New challenges await you along with the corresponding fear. With each little step you take into unknown territory, a pattern of strength develops and you begin feeling stronger and stronger. 

You are not alone. Everyone breathes the sigh of relief when they realize that others experience the same fears and feelings of resistance that they do. All those people out there, who have succeeded, felt the fear and did it anyway. As you push through your fear, you will feel such a sense of relief, as your feeling of helplessness subsides. You will wonder why you didn’t take the action sooner. 

You truly can handle anything that life hands you. Fear is not the problem. It’s how we handle that fear that’s the problem. If it were, nobody would be moving forward with their lives. Feeling that fear can keep you stuck, or you can use that fear to foster a position of power, accepting that the fear is coming along for the ride. 

Unfortunately, it’s not a one-and-done. We’re unable to just become powerful and stay that way. If we don’t exercise the muscle that takes us to the powerful part of who we are, it weakens and we begin to fall back into a state of paralysis again. 

It’s surprising how seldom we’re in touch with that part of us that knows there is nothing to fear. We learn to hear only the voice of doom and gloom that makes us feel fearful, judgmental, angry, and insecure when we’re blaming society, other people, and our circumstances. That just makes us victims. And victimhood is the most frightening place to be. 

We need to take responsibility for rising above and finding our way. If your mind is filled with messages of lack, scarcity, anger, jealousy, judgment, and fear, you’ve been spending too much time listening to your inner critic. It’s time to tune into the wisdom of your inner mentor or sage so that your mind is filled with messages of creativity, abundance, compassion, courage, joy, and power. 

Once you become aware of your inner critic, you may not be able to turn it off immediately, but the more awareness you have, the quicker the positive messages will become more dominant in your thinking. Do I really want to go through life feeling afraid and missing out on so much of the beauty life has to offer? Or do I want to take the steps that bring me to a place of trust and empowerment? 

There is nothing more satisfying than taking action. Action in itself is very powerful. It helps us create our experience of life, instead of feeling like we have no choices, because in reality we have many choices. We can choose to interrupt those undesirable thoughts and unproductive behaviors, and replace them with more positive and empowering ones, when we’re facing the challenges of everyday living. Fear will always be part of our lives, as we learn and grow and step into the unknown. And we can learn to fear things less, but there’s no promise of success. 

The most negative thing you can do is berate yourself for not doing it right, or quickly enough, or effectively enough, or just not good enough. Pat yourself on the back for every little step you take. You may have days when you choose to live in the negative thoughts and feelings. But knowing that you can choose to pull yourself out of the misery means you’re neither a victim nor a prisoner.

Make yourself open to opportunities. Be willing to do what it takes, without a promise of success, without any expectation whatsoever. Just start and see what it feels like. Find out if you want to keep going instead of sitting on the sidelines, overthinking things. 

Leaning into it creates momentum. And momentum is that unseen energy force that brings more opportunity, more resources, more people who can help you into your life, at just the right time, so that you can benefit the most from them. Be willing to start without seeing the whole path. 

Often we have a dream, but because we can’t see how we’re going to achieve it, we’re afraid to start. We’re afraid to commit ourselves because the path is unclear and the outcome is uncertain. Be willing to explore, trusting that the how to do it will appear. 

Simply start, then keep taking what feels like the next logical step. The journey will ultimately take you to where you want to go, or even someplace better. Often when you lean into it, roadblocks are put in your way to force you onto a different path, one that may take you closer to your real purpose.

Look for your underlying motivation. There are many ways to accomplish your goal, if you know what you’re really after. Trust that the path will appear. It’s kind of like driving in the fog where you can only see the road a few meters ahead of you. If you keep moving, more of the road will be revealed. Eventually, you will arrive at your goal.

Start now. Stop waiting. There is no perfect time to start. The best strategy is to jump in and take that first step. You will learn by doing. If you need more training, education, or skills, then go get them. You may need a coach or a mentor to get where you want to go. If so, then find one. If you’re afraid, so what? Feel the fear and do it anyway. 

The key is just to get started. Quit waiting until you’re perfectly ready. You never will be. Most of life is on-the-job training. Some of the most important things can only be learned in the process of doing them. You do something, and you get feedback about what works and what doesn’t. 

But if you don’t do anything for fear of doing it wrong, you’ll never get any feedback, and therefore, you will never get to learn and improve. You may not know what you’re doing when you start, but you have to begin from wherever you are. Start taking the actions today that will get you to where you want to be. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide for Reframing Your Fear at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode forty.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com. And if you liked this show, please tell a friend. Subscribe, rate, and review. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for joining me.