Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode fourteen. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

We all have days when we don’t feel like we’re doing a great job. It’s the fear that people will find out that we don’t really know what we’re doing that can really affect us. It’s when that feeling of self-doubt or insecurity becomes persistent, despite having loads of evidence to the contrary, that we might need to dig in a little further. 

In this episode, we’re going to dive into imposter syndrome. We’ll look at what it is, the common symptoms we experience, and why we suffer from it. And then we’ll go over a number of tips and strategies to overcome that feeling of being ‘not quite good enough’ at work.

I’m guessing that I’m not alone in that some days I’m competent and other days I’m wondering what I’m doing. I think everyone is dealing with something, whether they share it or not, because no one has it all figured out. 

Imposter syndrome is defined as a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, intelligence, competence, or accomplishments, and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud. Despite external evidence of our competence, we are convinced that we are frauds and do not deserve what we have achieved. We tend to attribute our success to luck, or interpret it as a result of deceiving others into thinking we are more intelligent than we perceive ourselves to be. 

We are convinced that other people’s praise and recognition of our accomplishments is undeserved. Imposter syndrome is not the same as lacking confidence. It’s a symptom of low confidence, especially if you feel it often. Because the evidence is there, which should help us shore up our confidence, but instead, we tend to chalk up our achievements to chance, charm, connections, or other external factors. 

We really feel undeserving of our success and continually doubting our ability to repeat those past successes. And when we do succeed, it’s a huge relief and more of a surprise that we could do it. Not believing that our own success is due to our skill and therefore, inevitable. It most often strikes high achievers and tends to be more common with women in male dominated fields. 

Here are five common symptoms of imposter syndrome and the ways that it can show up. 

First, who am I to be here? You worry that people will discover that you’re not as good at something as they originally thought. 

Number two, anyone could do this. Where you downplay how you got to where you are and attribute your success to luck, even a mistake, despite having both the relevant credentials and experience. 

Number three, thank you, but… You disregard people’s compliments, think they’re saying it because they’ve been put up to it, or they feel sorry for you, or they’re just being nice, or some other reason, other than it being the truth. 

Number four, I don’t have enough experience or I’m not qualified. Where we’re reluctant to ask to work on that high profile project, ask for a well-deserved raise, or put ourselves up for promotion. You second-guess what you’re doing, doubting yourself at every turn, double and triple checking yourself, constantly thinking that you need more education, more training, more credentials. 

Number five, I’ll just work extra late to figure this out. I don’t want to bother anyone with this because surely anyone else would have been able to figure it out on their own. It’s also that you’re afraid to speak up in meetings. You’re afraid to ask for help. You procrastinate on things because you think you won’t be good enough. You might fail and would then be exposed as a fraud. You think you’re the only one feeling overwhelmed with your current workload, and think the answer is to just work harder and longer. 

Logically, it doesn’t make sense. And if you’re like most women I’ve worked with, you’ve received excellent appraisals, but all that proof isn’t enough to change your mind. Other people recognize that you are good enough, but logic doesn’t come into it with imposter syndrome. You’re very attached to your limiting beliefs. 

Everyone is dealing with something, whether they share it or not. No one has it all figured out. It’s a necessary part of the non-linear, chaotic process that is building your career. 

Here are some common triggers that bring on imposter syndrome: 

• Where we feel like we’re not good enough when someone questions why you’re doing things a certain way, you start making that mean that you’re not doing it the right way or that you have nothing worthwhile to offer, and you start feeling inadequate or that you’re not really sure who you are anymore. 
• You’re experiencing an identity crisis. You’re having a hard time letting your former identity take a back seat to the new person you’re becoming. But recognize that today’s version of you wouldn’t exist without the past identity, because a part of you is still that person. It’s just not what you want to be known for anymore, during this new chapter, but that past version of you still has a big role to play. 
• Or maybe you’re overthinking everything. You knew your previous world well, but now you’re doing something new, feeling like you’re forcing yourself to become something you’re not. It’s mostly based on comparing your path to someone else’s path, and coming up short. 

Here are a few coping strategies to try seeing imposter syndrome a little differently: 

• See that a season for big change is ahead of you. It’s a transition time. Embrace the excitement of stepping into the unknown, that requires you to be brave. 
• Or see it as a chance to massively grow by leaning into the discomfort. Accept that this new role is an experiment or an exploration. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be, despite the discomfort and the inner critic telling you otherwise. 
• See it as a chance to trust yourself, trust your gut, lean into the fear. Go with your intuition for each step you take and trust the process. 
• Or see it as a chance to be powerful. Don’t let someone or something steal your power. This is where you’re supposed to be. Embrace it. Embrace where you’re at and stay hungry for where you want to be. 

Feeling like an imposter is a necessary part of trying something new. It’s a big part of what holds people back from making a bold choice or following a dream. We often point to lack of knowledge.

I know one of my tells when I’m experiencing imposter syndrome is to find a new training program or a new credential that I can obtain. It’s usually an indication that I’m simply not sure what to do next. I’m waiting for someone to give me a nice, simple step-by-step plan and have it all laid out for me. What stops me more than anything else is my internal resistance. I’m worrying that I’m not good enough and that I don’t have what it takes. I’m questioning, “Who am I to join the club of people who make things happen? What if I fail? Or even scarier, what if I succeed?” 

We tend to think that we’re the only ones who feel this way, but the truth is, we all have these feelings at one time or another. Only a narcissist has never worried about what other people think, and I don’t think we have many of those listening to a podcast like this. 

Fear and self-doubt are nearly universal in some form, but we still have to find a way to rise above in order to achieve what we want in life. Fear is a problem for everyone, but it’s still a problem. 

The trick is to think of it like this: the part of you that hesitates or holds you back is the imposter. Whenever you allow your fears to make your decision, that’s when you’re giving into imposter syndrome. The real you is a risk taker and a decision maker, is willing to adapt and change, and is eager to get going, ready or not. 

You don’t need to be one who holds back during this time. And instead, use it to move yourself forward. Just one step at a time. You don’t need to be one who is afraid of leaving your comfort zone. And instead, stretch yourself by taking small calculated risks every single day. And you don’t need to be one who is afraid of what might come, that you’re not ready for. Instead, believe that you can handle whatever life brings your way. 

Trust yourself, that you’ll figure it out. Fear is what is keeping you in self-sabotage mode. You know, you can do it. You’re on the precipice of something great. You’re feeling it. It’s actually uncomfortable being in your comfort zone now because you know you aren’t supposed to be there anymore. It’s the proof you need that it’s time to move on. You’re supposed to be doing something bigger. And since you’re already uncomfortable, you might as well be uncomfortable outside of that box. 

You are deserving of what comes with the greatness. You are, you’ve done the work. You’re ready to move forward. While it may take you a few tries, expect that you’re going to fail. But really it’s only a failure if you learn nothing from it. 

Recognize that you are uncomfortable where you are because you’re feeling frustrated and stuck because you’re not supposed to be there anymore. It’s time to move on. Pay attention to that. You’re ready for something new. You’re ready to go to the next level. 

There’s a lot more to your imposter syndrome than meets the eye. It’s not about casting yourself as a victim. Your thoughts have an enormous impact on how competent you feel. You need to take stock of how you are unwittingly contributing to undermining your success.

You are probably already holding yourself to a higher standard. Maybe you’re expecting perfection from yourself and then other people’s unrealistic expectations are just compounding the problem. It’s a question of whether you’re actually lacking in some way, or you’re just judging yourself by an impossible standard, and therefore, not even trying for that next thing. 

I have let my experiences affect my thinking, which in turn had a negative impact on my professional confidence and my perceived competence. There were so many times when I should have considered whether I actually needed more experience or credentials before I could reasonably expect to be moved ahead. I’m not saying it’s not a good thing to improve your skills, but sometimes getting some objective feedback about what things you could be doing better or differently to get you where you want to go is necessary. 

There were too many times that I just accepted it when someone told me it just wasn’t available to me. I didn’t demand better answers. I never pressed them for any real reasons. I let my imposter syndrome use that as proof that I didn’t have what it took. 

When you’re one of only a few, or perhaps the only female in male-dominated organizations, it’s easy to start second-guessing yourself. You don’t have anyone to bounce ideas or decisions off of. And while there may be many who are more than willing to point out your shortcomings, there probably aren’t as many who are willing to tell you that you did a good job. 

There’s definitely the potential to get discouraged and get mired in self-doubt. It’s also easy to lose perspective without getting any feedback confirming that you really do know what you’re doing. 

Our imposter syndrome may feel deeply personal, but there’s a larger social context surrounding it. Sometimes there’s a connection between what’s happening out there and our false sense of inadequacy. The perceptions of female competence or incompetence by others need to be taken seriously, but not personally. 

Be aware of how imposter syndrome plays out in your life. If you’ve gotten this far, you are qualified to do what you know and love, especially if you’re passionate about it. Remember that you where you are because you deserve to be there. Stop feeling like a fraud at work. Don’t let someone else’s bias feed that imposter syndrome monster and make you feel inadequate. 

Sometimes I felt like I needed to be more like the men to fit in at work. There was a lot of discomfort in feeling out of my element. There were many times that I made it mean that I was less intelligent, less capable, and less worthy than others. 

It is well-documented that there are important differences between how men and women communicate, assert authority, negotiate, use humor, and navigate organizational politics in the workplace. It’s important to understand those differences and recognize that a perceived slight may just be a matter of style, not necessarily sexism. And a sense of humor can go a long way. 

Don’t confuse the discomfort caused by feeling outnumbered with the idea that you’re not capable or worthy of being there. Keep telling yourself that you are where you are because you deserve to be there. But I recognize that being one of a token few is stressful. 

It may sometimes feel that you’re expected to represent all women so that you have to be perfect. But you don’t need to accept that responsibility. Be happy that you’re performing as well as you are, but you have as much right to fail as the next person, so assert that right. 

As women, we sometimes take on that strong internal expectation that we must meet a standard of performance that is rarely achievable and certainly not sustainable. I wish I could say that my feelings of inadequacy in my early years were simply due to a lack of professional experience. I also wish I could say that the feeling of being an imposter disappeared after 3, 5, 10, or even 15 years of working as an engineer. That wasn’t the case for me, and it hasn’t been the case for many of the engineers I know, both men and women. 

I definitely experienced imposter syndrome less often as I gained more experience, but it still flared up from time to time, especially when I was assigned to something new for me. Studies suggest that high achievers are particularly prone to imposter syndrome because of the impossibly high expectations they set for themselves. And to be honest, I have yet to run into a successful female engineer who was not a high achiever, no matter how much she may deny it. 

So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that this is something many female engineers experience. The only time I heard it discussed in my professional career was at the occasional women’s conferences. And I guess that makes sense. Who wants to admit that they have feelings of inadequacy at work? We are definitely encouraged by society and many engineering work cultures to fake it till we make it or just work harder and harder until we figure it out on our own.

Choosing not to talk about these feelings gives them more power than they should reasonably have. If a large number of female engineers, minorities, and others that don’t fit the stereotypical engineer profile, feel like an imposter at least some of the time at work, is that really a weakness? Or since we know that high-achievers suffer from it more than others, is it simply a trait of those who are destined to do great things? 

When you combine high achievement with the subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, pushback that we experience in male-dominated fields, the feelings of imposter syndrome become more magnified. Those magnified negative thoughts then further erode the high-achievers confidence, if left unchecked. And after a while, even the most confident high-achieving woman will begin to doubt her abilities in such an environment. 

So I’d like to offer you six tips and strategies to add to your toolkit, to deal with imposter syndrome:

Number one, journaling. It’s powerful to get your thoughts out and work through them on paper. There’s something about seeing them in front of you to help you look at them more objectively, then they don’t seem so big or daunting. 

Number two, get really good at what you’re doing. You can always get better. Give yourself evidence that you’re improving. You’ve done this before. You can do it again. Build on the skills you have and your confidence will grow because the more we practice, the better we get. And get the support you need from a mentor. You’re not alone. It’s all about building up your self-confidence. Use past data as much as possible to inform your decisions. You are capable and you can acquire the skills and credentials you need. 

Number three, stop comparing yourself. It’s easy to notice what everyone else is doing, especially when they seem so much better at it than you. Forget what other people are doing. Mind your own business. Focus on your journey, not theirs. They have different experiences that brought them to where they are. Show up as you, and you’ll attract the right people and opportunities to you.

Number four, celebrate your wins. Keep a folder of proof. When people say nice things, or thank you for a job well done, learn to graciously thank them. No justifications, no denying or discounting it. Say thank you and acknowledge the gift they just gave you. Accept that they took the time out of their day to say something nice to you, when they didn’t have to. Own it and write it down as a reminder of how fabulous you are for those times when imposter syndrome comes back to haunt you. 

Number five, that’s what friends are for. Surround yourself with people who can loan you their courage and help you realize that you are good enough, that you’re an amazing person. The first step is awareness. When you’re feeling vulnerable, share it with one or two of your good friends. They will usually call you out on your nonsense and help you get a fresh perspective. When you’re experiencing self-doubt, they can remind you of your power. You may not yet believe in yourself, but believe in other people’s belief in you. If you’re the lone dissenting voice, don’t believe what you’re thinking in that moment. 

Number six, reframe your thinking. There is a difference between intuition and anxiety. Intuition feels light and it gives you clarity, while anxiety feels heavy. You need to realize that your fears aren’t real. Worst case scenarios aren’t logical. Change your thoughts to ones that will create a motivated feeling. Keep going. Don’t quit. 

It’s a season for big changes ahead of you. It’s a chance to massively grow by leaning into the discomfort. Give yourself a visual. If you need to see something for it to be real, write it down. Then glance down for a quick reminder that you have it all inside of you, to do whatever it is that you desire.

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide for Overcoming Imposter Syndrome at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode fourteen.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch. I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com. And if you liked the show, please tell a friend, subscribe, rate, and review. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for joining me.