Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and fifty. I’m your host Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

There’s a pervasive myth in the professional world that true success can only be earned by going it alone – by proving, day in and day out, that we’re capable of handling everything ourselves. The ‘lone wolf’ mindset may seem empowering at first glance, but in reality, it’s a trap. This self-imposed isolation not only slows our progress, but also sets us up for burnout and limits our ability to grow. 

No matter how skilled or experienced we are, refusing to invite others into our work is like wearing blinders, missing out on valuable insights and opportunities for collaboration that could propel us forward. Real career success isn’t about being the hero who does it all alone; it’s about knowing when to seek input, build relationships, and collaborate for a better project outcome. 

In this episode, we explore why insisting on doing it all on our own can backfire and even be used against us. When we refuse to collaborate, we isolate ourselves from the very people who could help us avoid blind spots and offer fresh perspectives. Worse, in competitive or toxic workplaces, being a ‘lone wolf’ can make us easy targets – without a strong network of allies to support us, we’re left vulnerable when things go wrong. Debunking the myth of the ‘lone wolf’ is essential to avoiding these pitfalls and unlocking the true power of collaboration. 

This myth, that true career success can only be earned by going it alone, by handling everything ourselves, and avoiding seeking input from others, is pervasive because we think that’s the only way to prove our competence. In reality, this approach is more likely to lead to burnout and stagnation than to career advancement. Sure, there’s some satisfaction in knowing you can tackle challenges solo, but clinging to this belief can also derail your progress. 

In most careers, much of our work is, and should be, done individually. We all need that focused time to deep-dive into tasks, come up with brilliant ideas, and make real progress. But, if we think we can do everything on our own, we’re seriously limiting ourselves. The smartest, most successful professionals understand the power of inviting others into their work – at the right times. Even if it feels uncomfortable at first, opening yourself up to their perspectives and insights is one of the most powerful ways to accelerate your growth. 

Let’s start with why the ‘lone wolf’ mentality is so appealing – and so misleading. There’s something seductive about the idea of taking full credit for every success, isn’t there? It feeds our ego. It makes us feel indispensable. But, here’s the harsh truth: by doing everything yourself, you’re not making yourself more valuable; you’re turning yourself into a bottleneck. 

Think about it. How often have you insisted on doing everything yourself because you were convinced that no one would do it as well as you? If you’re anything like me, probably more times than you care to admit. And, what happens when you take on every task, big and small? You burn out. You start missing opportunities because you’re too bogged down in the minutiae. And, worst of all, you isolate yourself, cutting off access to fresh ideas and new ways of thinking that could have made your work even better, or perhaps easier. 

This behavior can actually be used against you. In competitive workplaces, the ‘lone wolf’ can be an easy target. If you’re handling everything on your own, you have no one to back you up when things go wrong. And trust me, things will go wrong at some point. When you don’t have allies in the workplace, it becomes all too easy for others to shift blame onto you. Not exactly the formula for career success. 

Now, I’m not suggesting you open the floodgates and let everyone and their dog weigh in on every decision you make. That’s just a recipe for chaos. But, recognizing the value of bringing others into your work at key moments can make all the difference. 

Here are four reasons why: 

1. Fresh Perspectives Mean Better Solutions: You’re good at what you do, no question. But no one, not even the ‘lone wolf’, has all the answers. Inviting others to share their insights can open up new ways of solving problems that you might never have considered. Maybe you’ve been wrestling with a problem for weeks, and a colleague comes along with a suggestion that simplifies everything. Or maybe someone with a completely different background offers an insight that shifts your approach entirely. By working solo, you miss out on these valuable contributions. 
2. Collaboration Sparks Creativity: Ever notice how the best ideas often come when you’re bouncing thoughts off someone else? There’s something about collaboration that sparks creativity in a way that solo work rarely does. When you’re stuck in your own head, it’s easy to fall into familiar patterns and come up with the same old solutions. But, when you bring others into the process, those new voices can push you to think differently, to stretch yourself, and to take your work to a whole new level. 
3. Shared Workload Means Less Burnout: This one’s simple math: the more you delegate, the less you burn out. It’s tempting to think that handling everything yourself is a sign of strength, but the reality is, no one’s impressed when you’re running yourself into the ground or things aren’t getting done in the way they should. Learning to delegate and share the load not only keeps you sane, but it also shows that you trust your team, which in turn makes them more likely to trust and respect you. 
4. Stronger Relationships and Better Influence: Career success is as much about relationships as it is about results. By inviting others into your work, you build stronger professional relationships and increase your influence. People like to feel included, and when you bring others into your problem-solving process, you create opportunities for collaboration that can lead to future support. Remember, influence isn’t just about getting people to do what you want – it’s about building mutual respect and cooperation. 

If all this sounds great in theory, but leaves you cringing at the thought of actually asking for help, you’re not alone. Many of us have been conditioned to believe that needing help is a sign of weakness, or worse, that asking for help undermines our competence. But, let me assure you, it doesn’t. In fact, learning to ask for help in the right way is a hallmark of successful leaders. 

Here are four ways to help you get comfortable with inviting others into your work, even when it feels uncomfortable: 

1. Start Small: You don’t have to go from ‘lone wolf’ to ‘collaboration king’ overnight. Start by inviting feedback or input on smaller tasks or decisions. Ask a colleague to review a report or brainstorm with you on an idea. As you get more comfortable, you can increase the scope of your collaboration. The key is to ease into it so it doesn’t feel like you’re giving up control. 
2. Be Clear About What You’re Asking For: Part of the discomfort around collaboration comes from the fear that others will hijack your work or derail your process. You can avoid this by being crystal clear about what kind of input you’re looking for. For example, “I’d love your thoughts on how to structure this presentation” is much more targeted than leaving it open to interpretation with, “What do you think?”. This way you can get the feedback you want without opening the door to endless, unsolicited opinions. 
3. Choose the Right People: Not everyone needs to be involved in your work. Select the right people whose insights you value and who will actually contribute something useful to the process. Think of it like curating your own personal board of advisors. By being selective about who you ask for help, you can avoid getting overwhelmed by too many conflicting opinions, where some may not have your best interests at heart. 
4. Focus on the Outcome: One of the reasons we resist collaboration is the fear that others won’t do things our way. But, here’s the thing: your way isn’t always the only (or best) way. Focus on the outcome you’re trying to achieve, rather than micromanaging how others contribute. This frees you to let go of control over every tiny detail while still ensuring that the overall goal is met. 

So, let’s debunk this ‘lone wolf’ myth once and for all. Inviting others into your work isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s one of the smartest moves you can make. But, asking for input can feel awkward, especially if you’re used to doing everything on your own. But, here’s the truth: consistently seeking insights from others isn’t just helpful – it’s strategic. 

Here are three ways to reframe how you approach inviting others into your work: 

1. Leverage Others as Extensions of Your Expertise: You might be an expert in your field, but no one can know everything there is to know on a subject. When you invite insights from others, you’re not admitting weakness, you’re expanding your own knowledge base. Think of your colleagues as an extension of your expertise. They have different experiences, perspectives, and skills that complement your own. By tapping into their knowledge, you’re broadening your approach to problem-solving. Plus, when you invite others into your work, you get the added bonus of showing that you value their input, which builds trust and strengthens relationships. 
2. Use Collaboration as a Tool for Strategic Visibility: Seeking insights from others isn’t just about improving your work – it’s about increasing your visibility within the organization. When you ask for input, you’re involving others in your projects, which means more people are aware of what you’re working on. This gives you an opportunity to demonstrate leadership, initiative, and collaboration skills. It’s not about giving up credit – it’s about making sure your work is seen, recognized, and enhanced by the right people. 
3. Treat Input as an Advantage: The best professionals aren’t afraid to seek input because they understand it’s a competitive advantage. The more diverse perspectives you gather, the better your final product will be. Think about it: when you’re stuck in your own head, you’re limited by your own biases and blind spots. But, when you ask for input, you’re getting a 360-degree view of the problem, which can lead to better solutions. Inviting others into your process helps you think outside the box and arrive at solutions faster, making you more agile and adaptable in the long run.

One of the most effective ways to invite others into your work is by asking the right questions. Not just any questions – strategic, open-ended ones that encourage thoughtful responses and deeper collaboration. 

Here are two of the most powerful questions you can ask to get others involved in a meaningful way: 

1. “If you were me, what would you do?”: This is a powerful question for several reasons. First, it takes the pressure off the person you’re asking. You’re not putting them in the hot seat to solve your problem, you’re simply inviting them to offer their perspective. Second, it allows them to empathize with your position, giving you insights that are often more tailored and thoughtful than a generic answer. People tend to engage more deeply when they feel you’re asking for their advice, not just their opinion. 
2. “Is there anything here that stands out to you that I might be missing?”: This question shows humility, which tends to increase your credibility. You’re not admitting defeat, you’re showing that you’re open to growth and improvement. Plus, it’s a great way to spot overlooked details without feeling like you’re giving up control. When people are asked to identify what’s missing, they often feel empowered to contribute – and that’s where collaboration magic happens. 

These questions not only facilitate better problem-solving, they also make it clear you value others’ insights. When you invite input in this way, you’re not just asking for help, you’re cultivating a collaborative culture where ideas are shared freely and people feel valued for their contributions. 

Now, I recognize that there is pressure to always project confidence and avoid showing weakness. This is one of the biggest reasons people don’t ask for help or involve others in their work. But, trying to be the unshakeable, alway-in-control professional isn’t just exhausting, it’s counterproductive.

There’s a misconception that confidence means never showing vulnerability. In reality, the most confident people are those who know their strengths and their limitations. They’re secure enough to ask for help when they need it, and they understand that admitting when they don’t know isn’t a flaw – it’s an asset. When you start viewing vulnerability as a way to grow and improve rather than as a weakness, asking for input becomes a natural part of your process.

Great leaders ask for input. They don’t try to have all the answers because they understand that leadership is about empowering others and leveraging collective intelligence. When you reframe asking for help as a leadership skill, you’re not showing weakness, you’re demonstrating your emotional intelligence. This mindset shift makes it easier to invite others in without feeling like you’re giving up control. 

We all want to look good in the short-term, but if your goal is long-term career success, you need to focus on sustainable growth. Projecting an image of invincibility may seem impressive at first, but it’s not a sustainable strategy. Over time, people who refuse to seek input or collaborate end up isolated, burned out, and less effective. Playing the long game means building relationships, asking for feedback, and constantly improving. It’s not about looking perfect today – it’s about being better tomorrow. 

Asking for input can be uncomfortable at first, especially if you’re used to being the go-to person who always has the answers. But, asking for input shows that you trust others’ expertise, which in turn makes them trust you more. When people feel valued for their contributions, they’re more likely to support you and go the extra mile. This creates a positive feedback loop – when you invite others in, you’re building a foundation of trust that pays off in the long run. 

One of the benefits of asking for input is that it often leads to delegation. When you invite others into your problem-solving process, you’re sharing the mental load, and you might even find that people are willing to take on parts of the project themselves. This not only lightens your workload, but also makes you more efficient and effective. 

The more you ask for input, the faster you’ll get to the best solution. Instead of spinning your wheels, trying to figure out everything on your own, you’re leveraging the collective intelligence of your team. This leads to faster decision-making, better outcomes, and ultimately quicker career progression. 

No matter how experienced, talented, or knowledgeable you are, we all have one undeniable limitation: blind spots. And I’m not talking about missing a detail on a project or overlooking an obvious solution to a problem. I’m talking about the broader, more subtle ways in which we fail to recognize potential challenges, hidden risks, or even alternative strategies that could take our work from good to great.

The problem with blind spots is that they’re by definition things we can’t see so, we often don’t even realize they exist until it’s too late. That’s why seeking perspectives from others is so important. You may think you have the situation handled, but another set of eyes can spot things you’ve overlooked. And guess what? Inviting those perspectives doesn’t diminish your abilities or experience; it enhances them. 

If there’s one takeaway from all of this, it’s that being a ‘lone wolf’ doesn’t make you stronger – it makes you vulnerable. The secret to career success isn’t doing everything yourself; it’s about building a strong, reliable network of people who can help you avoid blind spots, spark new ideas, and keep you moving forward. 

The ‘lone wolf’ myth is deeply ingrained but it’s time to set the record straight. Going it alone doesn’t make you a hero – it makes you a liability to yourself and your career. Collaboration, on the other hand, isn’t just a ‘nice-to-have’; it’s essential for anyone looking to succeed in today’s fast-paced workplace.

So, the next time you catch yourself thinking, “I’ll just do it myself”, pause. Ask yourself if going it alone is really the smartest move, or if inviting others into the process might actually get you where you want to go faster – and with less stress. It doesn’t take away from your success, it just might amplify it. 

Your allies are out there, ready to help you spot what you’re missing, offer support, and push you to be your best. All you have to do is let them in. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Inviting Collaboration at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and fifty.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.