Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success Podcast, episode eighty-five. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Women often face a multitude of unique challenges in the workplace, challenges that often go unnoticed by their male counterparts. These obstacles can be especially pronounced for women who work in male-dominated professions. However, despite the hurdles, many women not only survive but thrive in such environments. 

In this episode, we explore one of the most frustrating aspects of these challenges. It’s the pervasive assumption that women lack the competence to excel in their roles solely based on their gender. It’s disheartening to experience public belittlement of your intelligence or be constantly questioned about your capabilities, but this happens to many of us. The persistence of the ‘Old Boys’ Club’ mentality further exacerbates this issue demonstrating that the challenges we face extend beyond generational biases. 

Creating a workplace free of gender bias may seem like a distant goal and it’s undeniably unfair that we have to face these obstacles. Nonetheless, focusing on the positive aspects can help us put these challenges into perspective.

One such positive thing is that over the past four decades, women have made significant strides in entering male-dominated STEM fields (science, technology, engineering, and math). However, many women still carry the additional burden of having to continually prove their worth and abilities each day on the job. 

Common challenges that women confront include being treated as outsiders, the constant need to prove they belong, experiences of mistreatment, and struggling to make their voices heard. This often requires women to work twice as hard as their male counterparts to gain the same level of credibility and respect. 

What would it take for you to go to work every day ready to lead with confidence in your field? 

I was driven to show that I was able to do the job just as well, if not better, than my male colleagues in order to show them that I deserved their respect. But earning that respect was a protracted process, and by the time it was achieved, both their expectations of me, and the expectations I had for myself, had risen even higher. 

Although there are promising signs of progress in the workforce, many women have yet to fully reap the benefits of these changes. For many women working in male-dominated fields, their reality demonstrates how far we still need to go.

Many describe a constant feeling of being under a microscope with enormous pressure to make a good impression where any misstep in performance is unfairly projected onto the entire gender. That feels like a lot of pressure for anyone to work under, doesn’t it? There’s also a lack of transparency in pay scales in many companies which raise concerns about gender-based pay disparities. This is a sensitive issue that sometimes involves confidentiality, making it challenging to address these concerns with your manager. 

Women frequently feel the pressure to show up with their ‘game face’ on every single day, having to continually prove their capability and the value they bring to the organization. This differs significantly from the assumptions made about men who are often presumed competent with potential to be natural leaders without undergoing the same scrutiny. 

Some of us have to endure inappropriate terms of endearment such as ‘sweetie’ or ‘honey’, which can undermine our leadership and professionalism. Women often need to assert their authority from the outset, introducing themselves with their professional titles, to avoid an uphill battle. And in my experience, some clients and even some colleagues seem surprised and a little embarrassed when I had to point out that I was the project manager in charge because they’d said something that indicated otherwise to the group in a meeting or on-site.

Young female professionals often face the demeaning assumption that they are assistants or, even worse, someone’s daughter that has come to work for the day rather than the capable professionals they are. These stereotypes create added challenges in the workplace affecting how colleagues and clients perceive us and how they choose to interact with us. 

Regrettably, derogatory language and inappropriate physical contact from clients and colleagues are not uncommon experiences. Such behavior makes the workplace uncomfortable and intimidating. In my own experience, I’ve had my shoulders rubbed and my back caressed by clients which shocked me so much that I froze and did not address the situation in the moment. I frequently had my personal space invaded by colleagues as a form of intimidation in the workplace, in the beginnings of a power struggle, where I was perceived as a threat to them or their aspirations for advancement.

Women tend to be excluded from the ‘Old Boys’ Club’ mentality where bonding over drinks with superiors is expected, which can hinder career progression and create a challenging work dynamic. Women tend to be hesitant to participate in these outings for fear of leaving the wrong impression and possibly leaving them open to further harassment in the workplace. 

Constant interruptions while speaking and being expected to stop talking while the male colleague continues can stifle a woman’s ability to contribute fully. Additionally, having one’s ideas stolen without receiving credit is a frustrating experience, especially when it all occurs in the same meeting. 

Furthermore, the way women are treated at work can often be influenced by their appearance. Dressing in a more feminine manner can frequently lead to being perceived as less competent or even being told it is a distraction in a professional setting. 

Women are often told that they cannot raise concerns about any disrespectful treatment they’ve received in the workplace unless they have maintained a spotless record of always taking the high road. This double standard can be deeply discouraging and fundamentally unfair. It’s not so far-fetched, in my opinion, to expect that all people will be treated with respect and those not behaving with common decency face disciplinary consequences, but unfortunately, that’s not what has happened in my experience. If anything, they tend to stand behind those who are most similar to themselves and further ostracize those of us who are visibly different.

As you can see, the workplace challenges faced by women are both real and significant. However, with awareness, support, and ongoing efforts to promote gender equality and positive change can and should continue to occur. No one should have to face these challenges and collectively, we can work towards a more equitable and inclusive professional workplace. 

I’ve faced it all and there are four lessons that I’ve had to learn the hard way in order to succeed and handle the inevitable barriers I encountered in trying to advance my career:

1. Work hard to be good at your job
2. Speak up
3. Develop a work persona
4. Find purpose outside of work

1. Work hard to be good at your job: In a male-dominated profession, one of the most critical things for women is to prioritize hard work and excellence in what we do. Working diligently to excel at our jobs should be the top priority, recognizing that perfection is not the goal. Being serious about our work and striving to stand out in our chosen field is essential. Our goal should always be to be seen as equals in the industry, not just women. It’s all about personal perception and our track record of performance. When we take ourselves seriously, come prepared to showcase our talents, and consistently deliver impressive results, we’re actively challenging the stereotypes and biases that might be stacked against us. 

In many cases, there may be preconceived expectations that women will fall short, so it becomes our responsibility to prove these assumptions wrong. Even when we face setbacks or make mistakes, we should resist feeling guilty or thinking that we’ve somehow let down all female professionals. Confidence plays a pivotal role in this journey. Believing in our worth and not shying away from advocating for what we deserve is paramount. 

Moreover, increasing our visibility is crucial. We can achieve this by sharing our expertise at conferences, actively networking, and seizing opportunities to connect with high-level executives. Approaching our work with boldness and trusting our unique perspectives are key factors. If you don’t believe in yourself, then it’s going to be next to impossible to convince others to believe in you. Do your best to persevere through these moments of doubt while continuing to strive for success. 

It’s worth noting that initially we might need to work harder than our male counterparts to earn their respect. Give it your all every day, especially if you’re new to the job. Eventually, no one will be questioning your ability. You can expect to be working harder than those around you for quite a while, so it’s essential to understand why you chose your professional path in the first place. Start to view part of your success as the effective management of life priorities. 

We shouldn’t wait for our work to speak for itself. Instead, we should actively promote our achievements by highlighting our team’s successes and our individual contributions. In a male-dominated profession, working hard to be excellent at our jobs is the foundation upon which we can build our success. Unfortunately, working hard just isn’t enough to succeed in today’s workplace. This is a lesson I had to learn the hard way. 

2. Speak up: To succeed and overcome the challenges women face in the workplace, speaking up is also a valuable lesson learned. Breaking down the barriers between men and women in a professional setting begins with acknowledging the problem. Surprisingly, some men might not even realize that there is a problem or that gender differences exist in the workplace. It’s crucial to make your voice heard and to speak up about your experience in the workplace. Help others understand the female perspective by explaining how certain workplace situations can make you feel undermined or powerless. 

It’s natural to feel anxiety when you want to contribute to a discussion or ask questions as many of us fear looking foolish in front of others. However, it’s essential to awaken your curiosity and start asking those all important questions. Approach people in the right way and don’t let the fear of their response shut you down. Let them know you have opinions and aren’t afraid to voice them. This proactive approach shines a light on the issues at hand and can lead to a better understanding for everyone. 

Encouraging women to speak out against unfair circumstances and demand equal treatment and pay is vital if we want things to change. If something makes you uncomfortable, voice your opinion. You have every right to speak up. Stand up for yourself and demand respect, as long as you do so in a professional manner. 

Sometimes, people will use intimidation tactics to silence you when you have unconventional ideas or your opinion disagrees with theirs. Remember that your unique perspective is why you’re in that role. Embrace it and unapologetically share what you know. Your perspective is valuable and needs to be heard.

Speaking up requires confidence, which is instrumental in building your credibility. Surround yourself with people who can and will support you. Take notice of those who listen and amplify your opinions and ideas during meetings. These are the people who recognize your talents and will be willing to praise your work in front of their colleagues and advocate on your behalf. Align yourself with them. Don’t be afraid to ask them for mentorship and advice. Think of it as your own personal board of directors. Sometimes, they are in a better position to speak up when they see gender bias because people may be more willing to listen to them. 

Whether you’re the only woman at your firm or one of a handful of women scattered throughout various departments, it’s essential you find a group of strong women who can support you. They can help you strategize, meet your goals, learn to negotiate, and give you a safe space to vent your frustrations. Lean on their belief in you when you need it to help you find your voice, because advocating for yourself is essential. Instead of seeing other women as competitors, view them as allies and recognize that you’re all in this together. 

Surround yourself with supportive people. Finding your voice and using it confidently can be challenging, so it’s important to have a support system in place. Seek out mentors or colleagues who can offer guidance and who believe in your abilities and potential. They can offer valuable feedback and help you stay motivated as you work to find and use your voice in the workplace. 

3. Develop a work persona: In order to succeed in the face of workplace challenges, it’s sometimes necessary to adopt a different persona, a version of yourself that’s assertive, confident, and capable of getting the job done. It’s about adapting to the challenges and earning their respect. It’s not just about becoming an expert in your field because to truly make your mark, you also need to become a stronger, more resilient person. Don’t shy away from standing up for yourself, going after what you want, and embracing more responsibility. 

Preparation, professionalism and unrelenting effort are key in overcoming any obstacles that come your way. Remember, how you carry yourself sets the tone for how you’ll be treated. If you want to be seen as a professional, then act and dress the part. You’re there to do a job and your demeanor should reflect that.

It’s important to recognize the psychological toll that comes with the pressure to fit in, but it’s crucial to understand that this transformation is about becoming a more confident version of yourself. You’ll find that opinions and gender expectations abound, especially as you climb the ladder of success, but don’t let these external voices dictate your path. It’s your journey, after all. 

Avoid getting pigeonholed as the coffee or lunch getter. You’re not an assistant, so don’t act like one. If your male colleagues aren’t taking on these tasks, you shouldn’t feel obligated to either. Setting boundaries and occasionally saying no is vital to protect your own well-being and ensure your continued professional success. 

Learning the language of confidence is a skill worth honing. Displaying a commanding presence means taking up the space you rightfully occupy, adjusting your tone of voice to be more assertive and deliberate, and selecting words that convey authority can significantly impact how others perceive you. Playing to your strengths, even if they align with stereotypes, can foster valuable professional relationships. If I had to guess, listening skills, emotional intelligence, and empathy are qualities you have already developed that will set you apart as a potential future leader. So, don’t be afraid to showcase these. 

Inevitably, there will be critics, but focusing on your work and your career while developing a thicker skin will help you rise above the noise. Learn to filter out negativity and remain focused on your work and career trajectory. Be mindful of how you present yourself. While it’s valuable to be authentic, there may be parts of yourself that you may choose to reveal selectively, at least initially, or maybe not at all. Think of it more that some people need to earn that trust. 

Strengthening your resolve not to take things personally and learning to cope with criticism and microaggressions are indispensable skills in navigating the professional world. Be prepared for exaggerated criticism and the possibility of encountering bullying or harassment from colleagues and bosses alike. Understand that recognition for a job well done might not come, and that even minor slip-ups may be disproportionately scrutinized. In challenging moments, don’t take the bait when faced with provocative remarks, but know when to push back to maintain a respectful work environment. 

Recognize that not everyone may acknowledge your efforts and that some may ignore or even attempt to undermine your progress. Stay vigilant, maintain your guard, and see these experiences as opportunities to grow stronger and more confident. Resist the urge to conform to ‘locker room’ culture, as doing so only perpetuates the problem. Instead, focus on becoming a better version of yourself. 

Be vigilant for potential manipulation and trust in your own validation. Remember, you are more than capable and there’s no one-size-fits-all formula for success. Embrace the unpredictability of life and work knowing that your unique path may well defy conventional notions of achievement.

4. Find your purpose outside of work: Facing workplace challenges can be tough, and it’s important to acknowledge that these difficulties can indeed affect us. It’s not always easy to bounce back and remain unfazed, and that’s perfectly normal. Success in your career journey doesn’t happen overnight and along the way, you might encounter naysayers who tell you that you’re going nowhere and that you’re not good enough. Some may even reject you for opportunities based on unfounded assumptions about your ability. You have to learn to let them be wrong about you because nothing you will say will change their opinion anyway. 

However, it’s crucial to transform this criticism into fuel for your ambitions. There will be days when these things can really affect you and your confidence takes a hit. On such days, the support of your girlfriends and perhaps a distraction from the issues at hand can be comforting. But there will also be days when you use these discouragements as motivation, days when you truly impress yourself with your resilience and determination. 

Having a purpose outside of work becomes essential, especially on these tough days. It provides you with a broader perspective and the strength to silence that inner voice telling you that you don’t belong. Instead, ask yourself whether you’re good at your job, whether you can outshine your male counterparts, and whether you have any real shortcomings in your capabilities. Be really honest here. You need to get really clear on your strengths, not just your weaknesses. 

Being a woman in a male-dominated field can indeed feel lonely at times. It’s essential to seek out role models who understand what you’re going through as they can remind you that you’re not alone in this journey.These role models could be women ahead of you on a similar path, or women from an entirely different industry who have valuable wisdom to share. Connecting with people such as this can provide you with valuable insights, guidance, and the assurance that you’re not navigating this path by yourself. 

The journey for women to succeed in male-dominated professions often involves breaking through a pervasive glass ceiling and challenging deep-rooted gender biases. It’s not merely about working hard or being exceptionally skilled; it’s also about confronting systemic barriers that may not be immediately visible, but trust me, they’re there. 

As women in these professions, we have to be persistent, resilient, and proactive in addressing gender disparities. We often need to navigate a complex landscape of subtle biases, unequal opportunities, and a lack of representation in leadership positions. Recognizing and addressing these systemic issues is essential, not just for individual success but for creating a more equitable workplace for all. It’s not solely about personal perseverance, but also about pushing for systemic change and inclusivity in these industries. 

Working diligently to excel in your field remains a cornerstone of success. Women should prioritize continuous learning, skill development, and expertise in their chosen profession. Being exceptionally good at what you do not only boosts your confidence, but also challenges stereotypes and biases. 

Speaking up, developing a strong professional persona, and confidently advocating for yourself are vital. Women need to assert their opinions and push back against gender biases to ensure they are treated as equals in the workplace. Developing a presence that commands respect and using language and actions that convey authority can help break down some of these barriers.

Finding purpose outside of work and maintaining a healthy work-life balance is essential for long-term success. This balance provides resilience and emotional well-being, helping us navigate the challenges of male-dominated professions more effectively. Having interests, hobbies, and a supportive network outside of work can serve as a source of motivation and fulfillment, especially on those tough days that are bound to happen. 

This underscores the multifaceted approach required for women to thrive in male-dominated fields, combining personal growth, assertiveness, and a well-rounded life outside of work to overcome the inevitable barriers and achieve success on their terms. 

I’m sure it’s not news to you that the journey for women in male-dominated professions can be challenging, but I also want to invite you to see it as an opportunity for growth, resilience, and positive change. While working hard and excelling in your field is crucial, it’s equally important to find your voice, assert your presence, and advocate both for yourself and broader systemic change. Developing a strong professional persona and seeking purpose outside of work are essential for maintaining balance and well-being along the way. 

Remember, success in these environments isn’t just about breaking barriers for yourself; it’s about paving the way for future generations and fostering a more inclusive, equitable workforce. Through determination, support, and continuous self-improvement, women can not only overcome obstacles, but also thrive in male-dominated professions, leaving an indelible mark on their industries. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Overcoming Barriers at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode eighty-five.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.