Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and thirty-four. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Cultivating professional relationships is a bit like crafting a fine piece of art. It requires a deliberate choice of materials, a keen eye for detail, and a willingness to step back and assess the overall picture. It’s easy to get caught up in the rush to connect with everyone, but true empowerment lies in being selective about who you allow into your inner circle. These relationships are not just social connections, they are the building blocks of your professional and personal growth. 

In this episode, we explore which people you surround yourself with and which voices you choose to listen to. Not surprisingly, this can have a profound impact on your career trajectory, shaping not just what you do, but how you do it.

To move your career forward, it’s essential to curate your inner circle with intention, focusing on quality over quantity. The right relationships will challenge you, push you to new heights, and provide the support and honest feedback you need to get where you want to go. On the flip side, surrounding yourself with the wrong people, those who drain your energy or stifle your ambition, can derail your progress and keep you stuck in a cycle of mediocrity. By being mindful of the company you keep and the advice you follow, you can unlock new levels of personal empowerment and career success, ensuring that your journey is guided by those who genuinely want to see you succeed. 

You must be selective with whom you associate, and that requires being deliberate about the people you allow into your inner circle. Not everyone belongs there and not everyone deserves to be there. The people you surround yourself with can either propel you forward or anchor you in mediocrity, and believe me, the latter is not where you want to be. 

Let’s start with the basic, yet profoundly important, idea of quality over quantity. This isn’t just about the number of connections you have online or how many people you know in your workplace. It’s about the depth and impact of those connections. You can have a hundred acquaintances, but if none of them challenge your thinking, push you to try new things, or support your aspirations, then what’s the point?

Being intentional about your relationships means taking a hard look at who you spend your time with. Are they people who inspire you? Or are they more like energy vampires, draining you with every interaction? It’s tempting to maintain relationships out of habit or convenience, but convenience doesn’t get you unstuck. Growth happens when you’re surrounded by people who force you to think differently, to push your boundaries, and to constantly evolve.

Here’s the thing about advice: it’s everywhere. Everyone, from your mom, to your boss, to the random guy on social media, has something to say about how you should live your life or navigate your career. But, just because someone gives you advice doesn’t mean it’s good advice. And even if it is good advice, it doesn’t mean it’s the right advice for you. 

It starts by recognizing that the advice you’re given might be no different from the advice given to others. The difference is in what you do with it. Some people hear good advice, nod along politely, and then do absolutely nothing with it. They let it pass by, maybe applying it in minor ways, but never really putting it into practice as it was intended, and then moving on with their lives. Others take that same advice, internalize it, and use it as a catalyst for significant change. 

The difference between these two groups? One takes action and the other doesn’t. You want to be the person who takes action. But, more importantly, you want to surround yourself with people who do the same. The reality is, it’s not what you know, it’s what you do with that knowledge that matters. You can be the most well-informed person in the room, but if you’re not applying what you know in meaningful ways, you’re no better off than the person who knows nothing.

This brings us to the next critical point: there’s a stark difference between those who take deliberate action and those who let things happen to them. In your professional life, you will encounter both types of people. There are those who grab opportunities by the horns, who make things happen, and who aren’t afraid to take calculated risks. Then, there are those who sit back, let life happen to them, and then wonder why they’re stuck in the same place, year after year.

Now, I invite you to ask yourself, which group do you want to be in? More importantly, which group do you want to surround yourself with? The answer should be obvious. Spend more time with those who do and less time with those who don’t. This doesn’t mean cutting people off cold turkey, but it does mean being mindful of how much time and energy you invest in relationships that don’t serve your growth.

The people you surround yourself with can have a significant impact on your mindset, your motivation, and ultimately, your success. If you’re spending time with people who are complacent, who are content with mediocrity, that mindset is going to rub off on you. On the flip side, if you’re surrounded by people who are constantly striving for more, who are not satisfied with the status quo, that energy will push you to do more.

It’s essential to associate with people who think they can, rather than those who immediately assume they can’t. Surround yourself with people who feed you intellectually, emotionally, and professionally. These are the people who challenge you to do better, who push you out of your comfort zone, and who make you believe that you’re capable of more than you ever thought possible. 

Spending time with people who make things happen isn’t just beneficial for your career, it’s empowering on a personal level as well. These relationships can help you see new possibilities, break through self-imposed limitations, and give you the courage to take bold steps forward in every area of your life. 

Your inner circle isn’t just a reflection of who you are; it can be a blueprint for who you aspire to be. Choose wisely and you’ll find that your personal empowerment and career growth will follow naturally. After all, in the game of life and in your career, it’s not just about what you know, but what you do with that knowledge–and who you have by your side while you’re doing it.

When someone says you need to expand your connections, it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of networking and meeting new people. But it’s not just about meeting more people; it’s about meeting the right people. What you really need is a core team, a small group of trusted individuals who will provide you with honest feedback, even when it’s hard to hear. These are the people who will help you see yourself fully, who challenge you to grow, and who aren’t afraid to tell you when you’re completely off track. In a world where everyone’s quick to sugarcoat or stay silent, finding these truth-tellers can be refreshing. 

So, how do we begin to find this core team? This isn’t just any random collection of colleagues or acquaintances. No, your core team is made up of those rare individuals who are willing to give you the unvarnished truth, the stuff that’s tough to swallow but necessary to hear. They see the opportunities for growth and advancement that are invisible to you. They are the ones who you can ask, “What am I doing right now that I should stop doing?” or “What’s something obvious that I may not be seeing?”. These are the kinds of questions that might just help you get unstuck and illuminate where you might be slipping into bad habits or trying to control outcomes that are out of your hands. 

If you don’t have the right people in your life who will speak truth to you well before you realize you need them, you’re setting yourself up for trouble. By the time you recognize the need for honest feedback, it’s often too late–the damage is done. That’s why it’s crucial to identify your trusted truth-tellers early on. These are the people who tell you when you’re thinking too small, dreaming too big, or falling into negative patterns. They know you well enough to call out your tendencies and encourage your strengths. 

So, I ask you, who are your trusted truth-tellers? Who do you turn to for honest advice and alternative perspectives? If you don’t know the answers to these questions, I invite you to start thinking about it. 

This kind of community doesn’t just happen. You have to seek it out, and that requires some effort on your part. You need to be intentional about who you bring into your inner circle, making sure they’re people you can trust to help you make decisions that will move you forward. If you consistently ask these kinds of questions to the right people, you’re likely to get answers that not only surprise you, but also lead to breakthroughs, both personally and professionally. 

Energy is a finite resource, so every bit of energy you spend comes at the expense of something else. It’s easy to prune redundant tasks and recurring calendar commitments from your life, but sometimes, what really needs pruning feels a lot more personal and awkward. Some relationships just don’t serve their purpose anymore. Maybe they did at one point, but now they’re more of a drain than a benefit. 

This requires you to have the courage to let go of what is no longer serving you. This can be a bit uncomfortable. You have to learn to recognize those relationships that have outlived their benefits. It’s not about being ruthless; it’s about being realistic. If a relationship is draining you more than it’s supporting you, it might be time to let it go. This doesn’t mean you walk away from all your commitments–those need to be honored–but it does mean paying attention to when a relationship has withered and being courageous enough to prune it. We’re not talking about ghosting people or ditching commitments. We’re talking about recognizing that some relationships are only for a season and having the courage to move on. 

This can be a tough conversation because, let’s face it, the decision to end a relationship is not always mutual. Maybe someone still wants to meet up every other week to complain about their job, and once upon a time, you found it energizing, or at least tolerable, to commiserate with them. But now? Not so much. It’s okay to admit that some relationships are no longer a good fit for you at this stage of your career. By pruning these, you free up the energy to invest in relationships that are fulfilling and contribute positively to your life.

As with most things in life, you need to strive for balance, which means recognizing which parts of your life are resilient and which are fragile. It’s easy to pour everything into your career, especially when it’s rewarding, but neglecting family, friends, and your health for too long can lead to consequences you can’t easily undo. This isn’t about abandoning your professional ambitions; it’s about being mindful of the trade-offs you’re making and ensuring that you’re not sacrificing the irreplaceable, for the temporarily rewarding.

Forming a core team isn’t just about finding peers–it’s about finding those who have more experience, more visibility, and a genuine interest in seeing you thrive in the workplace. Have you ever had a really effective manager who made you feel protected, but also didn’t hesitate to speak directly and candidly when necessary? That’s what good, trustworthy authority looks like and it can feel like a stabilizing force. These are the people who will help you make better decisions, both in your career and in your personal life.

Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky enough to have this type of manager. Some people use their authority to abuse power, get their own way, or make themselves look good at the expense of their team. Even if that’s your situation, it’s still possible to find people who can help you make better decisions, learn, and grow your skill sets. If you haven’t found them yet, keep looking. Hopefully, they are there, somewhere. 

In choosing your inner circle, you need people who challenge you, who speak the truth, and who help you see yourself as you really are. Knowing who your people are before you need them, and having the courage to let go of those relationships that no longer serve you, will empower you to achieve the career progression you seek. 

So, who do you listen to? Our focus on this podcast tends to be on your professional life, but I’m not just talking about your mentor or your boss. I’m talking about the entire cast of characters who have ever had an opinion about your life choices. We listen to all sorts of people, some of whom aren’t even in our lives anymore. And yet their voices linger, echoing in our minds, often louder than they should. 

Think about it–how many times have you made a decision, only to be haunted by something someone said to you years ago? Maybe it was a cruel comment from a high school teacher, a snide remark from a colleague or past boss, or a well-meaning but misguided piece of advice from someone you were closest to. These people may no longer be speaking to us, but we are still listening to them because their words have lodged themselves in our psyche like a catchy eighties pop song that you can’t shake. 

These lingering voices are like ghosts–always there, always hovering, and always ready to whisper doubts in your ear when you’re just about ready to make a bold move. Maybe someone once expressed disappointment in your career choice, and now, every time you consider a new opportunity, their disapproving voice is there, making you second-guess yourself. Or maybe someone used you for their own gain, feeding you just enough validation to keep you hooked, but never really investing in your growth. These voices have a way of sticking around, even when the people have been long gone from your life. It takes guts to silence those lingering voices, to recognize that not everyone who has had an opinion about your career or your life has your best interests at heart. 

So, how do you go about selecting the right voices to listen to? It starts with reflection–really taking stock of your current associations and making intentional choices about who is good for you and who isn’t. I’d suggest you start by being honest with yourself about which relationships are truly beneficial and which ones are holding you back. This isn’t about cutting people out of your life without a second thought, unless that feels right, then, by all means. I’ve had to do that a few times and sometimes, it’s just what you need to do. 

Who in your life is genuinely invested in your success? Who challenges you, pushes you to be better, and isn’t afraid to tell you when something’s hard to hear? These are the people you want in your inner circle, not the people who squash your ambition, who seem more interested in keeping you in your place than seeing you succeed. These are the voices you need to learn to tune out. 

Here’s one thing I learned the hard way: you should only really listen to the words of people who actually have your best interests at heart. By this, I mean the people who want what’s best for you, not just what’s best for themselves. It’s easy to get caught up in the opinions of people who are more interested in using you as a stepping stone or a sounding board for their own insecurities than in helping you achieve your goals. Be on the lookout for those who use forms of manipulation and coercive control methods to make you think you’re doing what’s best for you, but in reality, they are pulling the strings. 

When you’re mapping out your career, there will always be people telling you what to do. The trick is to be discerning about whose advice you follow. Are they offering their perspective because they genuinely care about your growth and success? Or are they projecting their own fears and limitations onto you? Or, by doing what they suggest, are they putting you at a disadvantage so they can capitalize on your misstep? Choose to listen to those who have a vested interest in seeing you succeed, not just what’s convenient or beneficial for them. 

The beauty of being selective about the voices you listen to is that it allows you to tap into the transformative nature of intentional relationships. When you surround yourself with the right people, you create an environment that fosters growth, innovation, and empowerment. These are the people who will help you see opportunities you might have missed, who will push you out of your comfort zone, and who will be there to celebrate your successes and help you navigate your career with confidence, clarity, and purpose, while keeping your setbacks in perspective. 

It’s not about listening to every voice that crosses your path, but about being discerning, selective, and intentional about who you allow to influence your decisions. Reflect on your current associations, recognize the impact of lingering voices from the past, and make deliberate choices about who you listen to now. 

Remember, the people you surround yourself with have a significant impact on what you think is possible for you going forward. Choose to listen to those who genuinely want what’s best for you and who challenge you to be the best version of yourself. And above all, have the courage to tune out the voices that don’t serve you, because in the end, your career–and your life–are yours to shape. 

So, choose your inner circle with care and be selective with whom you give your attention. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Building Your Inner Circle at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and thirty-four.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.