Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and eighteen. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

In many industries, unpredictability is the new norm. Projects get delayed, priorities shift, and emergencies arise out of nowhere. This constant state of flux can leave us feeling like we’re always playing catch-up. Such environments inevitably increase stress levels, and when stress becomes a regular part of our work lives, it can have profound effects on how we interact with others. 

In this episode, we explore why maintaining positive relationships with our colleagues is more challenging and more important than ever. When we’re stressed, our patience wears thin and our tempers can flare more easily. We may find ourselves snapping at our colleagues over minor issues or misinterpreting neutral comments as negative. This is not just harmful to our work relationships, but also to our overall productivity and job satisfaction. 

We are often juggling multiple tasks, trying to meet tight deadlines while still attempting to maintain high performance standards. This pressure can make us less tolerant and more likely to lose our cool over things that wouldn’t normally bother us. For example, a missed email or a misunderstood directive can suddenly become a big deal, leading to unnecessary conflicts.

When we’re constantly on edge, we tend to react impulsively, sending hastily written emails that can be misinterpreted, saying things we might later regret. These knee-jerk reactions, driven by stress, can have long-lasting negative impacts on our work relationships. The damage caused by these stress-induced reactions can take years to repair. 

When we assume the worst about those we work with, we risk creating an environment of distrust and resentment. Negative assumptions about others’ intentions can fester, leading to a breakdown in communication and not wanting to contribute our best to any collaboration effort. 

Imagine a scenario where you misinterpret a colleague’s comment during a meeting as a personal attack. Your immediate reaction might be to become defensive or even retaliate. If left unaddressed, this misunderstanding can create a rift that grows over time, making future interactions that much more difficult or, at the very least, strained. The longer this negativity persists, the harder it becomes to mend the relationship. 

Stress doesn’t just make us more reactive, it can also cloud our judgment. In high-pressure situations, we might jump to conclusions without having all the facts. This can lead to making assumptions about the efforts and intentions of others. For instance, if a team member misses a deadline, we might quickly assume that they are lazy or incompetent, rather than considering that they might be dealing with unforeseen challenges or a heavy workload.

Where does your mind go first when someone lets you down? If I had to guess, it’s nowhere good. These erroneous assumptions can be incredibly damaging. They not only harm our perception of our colleagues, but also influence how we interact with them. Over time, this can erode trust and cooperation within the team, only exacerbating what may already be a toxic work environment. 

One common scenario in stressful work environments is feeling overwhelmed by our workload and assuming others aren’t pulling their weight. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking we’re the only ones working hard, especially when we don’t see what others are doing behind the scenes. This mindset can breed resentment and conflict. 

When we’re overwhelmed, we may not have the capacity to consider that others might also be struggling. We might easily overlook all the work they’ve done and instead focus on their perceived shortcomings. This can lead to a cycle of negativity where we become increasingly critical of others and less cooperative.

So how do we break this cycle? The key lies in assuming the best. This means choosing to believe that everyone is doing their best with the resources and information they have. It’s about giving them the benefit of the doubt and approaching each interaction with an open and understanding mindset. If only this were as easy as that sounds! 

Assuming positive intent can transform our work relationships. It helps us stay calm and composed in stressful situations, reducing the likelihood of reactive and regrettable actions. When we assume the best in others, we create a more positive and supportive work environment, where collaboration and mutual respect can flourish. 

Here are five practical steps to help us assume positive intent: 

1. Pause and reflect: Before reacting to a stressful situation, take a moment to pause. Give yourself even just a few seconds to consider whether there just might be an alternative explanation for your colleague’s behavior. Ask yourself if there might be factors you’re unaware of, or even perhaps, how you might have contributed to the situation. 
2. Communicate openly: Instead of immediately jumping to conclusions, try giving them a chance to tell you what’s happened in their own words. That doesn’t tend to be where anyone wants to go first. We’d rather just make up our own story that explains what’s going on that portrays us in the most positive light, while making others the villain. Start by asking questions and seek to understand their perspective instead of making assumptions. This not only helps clarify misunderstandings before they get blown out of proportion, but also shows that you value their input. 
3. Practice empathy: Put yourself in their shoes. Try to understand their challenges and pressures. Empathy can help bridge gaps and build stronger connections. 
4. Focus on solutions, not blame: When conflicts arise, focus on resolving the issues rather than pointing fingers in an attempt to assign blame. Not everything is going to go according to plan. That’s what makes things interesting. Collaborative problem-solving fosters a sense of teamwork and shared responsibility. 
5. Celebrate contributions: Acknowledge and appreciate the efforts of those you work with. Recognizing their hard work by highlighting specific contributions reinforces a positive and supportive environment by modeling the behavior we’d like to see more of. 

In unpredictable and high-stress work environments, it’s all too easy to fall into the trap of assuming the worst about our colleagues. However, this mindset can have a long-lasting negative impact on our work relationships and overall job satisfaction. And, it’s important to acknowledge that unfair assumptions are a two-way street. Just as you might sometimes jump to conclusions about your coworkers, they might also be making unfounded assumptions about you. 

When we feel misunderstood or unfairly judged, it can be incredibly frustrating and demoralizing. Recognizing that your colleagues might also feel this way helps to build empathy and encourages a more forgiving and understanding workplace culture. By acknowledging that everyone, including ourselves, is susceptible to making unfair assumptions, we can start to foster a more compassionate environment. 

Our emotions have a significant impact on how we perceive and interpret the actions and intentions of those around us. When we’re stressed, tired, or overwhelmed, it’s easy to misinterpret neutral or even positive actions as negative. This emotional lens can distort our perception, leading us to make unfair judgments about those we work with.

For example, if you’re having a particularly rough day and your colleague forgets to reply to your email, you might just quickly assume they’re ignoring you or being uncooperative. In reality, they might simply be swamped with their own workload or dealing with personal issues. Recognizing that our emotions can cloud our judgment is a crucial step toward assuming positive intent. 

This practice involves a deliberate choice to believe that everyone is doing the best given their circumstances. This doesn’t mean turning a blind eye to genuine issues or ignoring poor performance, but rather approaching a situation with an open and understanding mindset, rather than assuming malicious intent. This fundamental belief can transform how we interact with those around us. It encourages us to approach each situation with empathy and understanding, fostering a more supportive and collaborative work environment rather than pouring gasoline on an already smoldering fire. 

When you choose to assume positive intent, you’re giving people the benefit of the doubt. Instead of jumping to conclusions or reacting impulsively, you take a moment to consider other possible explanations for their behavior. This shift in perspective can lead to more constructive and less confrontational interactions. 

Believing that everyone is doing their best doesn’t mean excusing poor behavior or neglecting accountability. Instead, it’s about recognizing that people are often trying their hardest despite the challenges they face. This mindset can help us to be more patient, more forgiving, and more willing to work together to find solutions when things don’t go as intended.

Navigating the workplace can be challenging at the best of times, and it only gets worse when we have to deal with difficult managers as well as colleagues. However, understanding the dynamics of these relationships and learning to effectively manage both up and down can make a significant difference in your professional life. Let’s explore some practical strategies for handling difficult managers, ensuring clear communication, and fostering a productive work environment.

First and foremost, it’s essential to understand that everyone reports to someone, even CEOs. This reality means that everyone in an organization, regardless of their position, faces pressures and challenges from above. Recognizing this can help us approach our managers with more empathy and patience. 

Managers are often juggling multiple responsibilities, dealing with their own supervisors, and trying to meet organizational goals. This pressure can sometimes make them seem difficult or unapproachable. By acknowledging that they too have someone to answer to, we can better appreciate their perspective and work more harmoniously with them. 

To be truly effective in any role, you need to develop the ability to manage both the people on your team and your relationship with your manager. Managing up and managing down are both necessary skills for achieving team success and ensuring smooth operations. 

• Managing up involves effectively communicating with your supervisor, understanding their expectations, and providing them with the information and support they need to succeed. It’s about building a relationship with your boss based on trust, respect, and mutual understanding. 
• Managing down, on the other hand, involves leading your team with clarity, setting expectations, and providing support. It’s about fostering an environment where those you work with feel valued, motivated, and accountable. 

When dealing with difficult managers, it’s essential to approach conversations with respect and positive intent, even when that doesn’t always seem like they give you the same consideration. This means assuming that your manager is also trying to do their best under challenging circumstances. 

Take the time to figure out what’s most important to them. This might include targeting key performance indicators, meeting project deadlines, demonstrating steady progress towards organizational goals, or something else entirely. Identify the challenges they may be facing, which might include resource constraints, team dynamics, or external pressures. Tailor your communications and actions to align with what you understand to be their priorities and do what you can to address their challenges. This strategic alignment can go a long way in helping you gain their support and trust. 

Dealing with difficult managers is an inevitable part of professional life. In my experience, it felt like there were far more bad managers than good ones, and I had to learn to cope with whoever was currently filling that role. By understanding the reality of their position, developing the ability to manage up and down, approaching conversations with respect and positive intent, and preparing effectively, I was able to navigate the challenges these people posed for me far more successfully.

Focus on small wins to build relational momentum and strategically align your efforts with your manager’s priorities to transform your working relationships and create a more productive work environment for all. Remember, everyone in the organization faces their own set of challenges, and by approaching these situations with empathy and a positive mindset, you can foster a more harmonious and less stressful workplace. So, next time you’re faced with a difficult personality, take a step back, prepare thoughtfully, and approach the situation with a strategy that blends respect, clarity, and compassion.

Here are three key ways to promote accountability with compassion: 

1. Be clear on the expectations: Clearly communicate your expectations and make sure you understand your role, responsibilities, and the standards you need to meet. 
2. Find the support: Encourage people to find the assistance they need to succeed, including any additional resources, training, or tools that will make their jobs easier. 
3. Balance accountability and compassion: Encourage personal accountability for meeting performance goals while also showing compassion and understanding. This balance can help build trust and motivate people to perform at their best. 

One of the best ways to improve communication is by recognizing how we perceive others and how they perceive us. Our perceptions are shaped by our experiences, biases, and emotions, which can significantly influence our interactions at work. 

We often view situations through our own lens, which can sometimes be skewed by personal bias or past experience. For instance, if you’ve had a negative encounter with a colleague before, you might be inclined to interpret their actions negatively in the future, even if this time their intentions are benign. It’s essential to be aware of this tendency and strive to see the situations objectively. Taking a clean slate approach is not always easy, but it can significantly reduce your stress level. 

Equally important is understanding how others perceive us. We might think we are being clear and assertive, but others might perceive us as aggressive or overbearing. Regularly seeking feedback from others can help us understand how we come across and make the necessary adjustments to improve our communication style. 

Always maintain a tone of respect and professionalism in your communications. Tone is often more important than the words you choose. Even when addressing issues or providing feedback, do so in a way that is respectful and constructive. For instance, instead of saying, “You’re not meeting expectations”, try, “I’ve noticed some areas where we can improve. Let’s discuss how we can work together to address these.” See the difference in using ‘we’ rather than ‘you’? That’s an important differentiation to take note of. 

We often judge other people’s mistakes differently than we judge our own. When we make mistakes, we tend to blame the circumstances or want to be judged on our intent rather than the result. However, when others make mistakes, we might quickly assume it’s due to some deep-seated personality flaw. This double standard can be countered by giving people the benefit of the doubt and not immediately assuming the worst. 

Assuming positive intent is a powerful leadership move. It requires deliberately looking for positive intent in others’ actions. By doing this, you give yourself the chance to learn the details of the situation and avoid making incorrect assumptions or jumping to the wrong conclusions.

Difficult conversations are unavoidable in any professional setting. However, approaching these conversations with curiosity, receptiveness, and vulnerability can transform them into opportunities for growth and mutual understanding. 

Communication is not just about talking; it’s about listening, understanding, and responding thoughtfully. By prioritizing these principles in your daily interactions, you can build stronger relationships with your colleagues, foster a positive workplace culture, and drive collective success. 

Remember, everyone is doing the best they can with what they’ve got. By approaching each interaction with this mindset, we can create a more positive and productive work environment for ourselves and those around us. 

So, next time you find yourself in a stressful situation, take a step back, assume the best, and watch how it transforms your work relationships for the better. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Assuming the Best at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and eighteen.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.