Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and forty-one. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

We all have that inner voice, the one that seems to know exactly how to cast doubt on our abilities and fill our minds with worst-case scenarios. This inner dialogue, driven by stress, fear, and anxiety, can often feel like the ultimate truth, but it’s not. In fact, believing everything you think can be one of the biggest obstacles to your success. The story you’ve been telling yourself about who you are, what you’re capable of, and what’s possible for your future might just be the very thing holding you back. If you’re constantly feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unfulfilled, it might be time to take a closer look at that narrative and start imagining a better one.

In this episode, we explore our thinking and the fact that the thoughts that flood our minds aren’t always rooted in reality. They’re shaped by past experiences, current fears, and future worries, often painting a picture far bleaker than the one we actually face. If you’re finding that the story you’ve been telling yourself isn’t leading you toward the life and career you want, it might be time to challenge those limiting beliefs and embrace a more empowering narrative. You can transform not just the way you think, but the trajectory of your career. It’s about recognizing the power you have to change your story and, in doing so, change your reality. 

I’m sure you’re aware of that little voice in your head – the one that’s constantly chattering away, telling you what you can and can’t do, reminding you of every embarrassing moment you’ve ever had, and crafting narratives about your future that range from mildly pessimistic to outright catastrophic. It’s time for you to stop believing everything it says. 

This constant stream of thoughts we have running through our minds is narrating our experiences, judging our actions, and predicting our futures. This internal chatter is a reflection of our current mindset, and believe it or not, it has the power to determine the trajectory of our careers. While this running commentary can sometimes be inspiring and empowering, it’s often negative and self-sabotaging – a combination of conscious thoughts and unconscious beliefs that can keep us stuck in unproductive, limiting patterns.

The vast majority of our thoughts aren’t exactly encouraging or positive. We tend to think thoughts like, “I can’t do anything right” or “They’re never going to like me”. These thoughts are more than just words; they’re powerful reflections of our subconscious thinking patterns – patterns that can determine whether we soar to new heights or remain tethered to the ground. But, perhaps it’s time to consider that just because you think something doesn’t make it true. The story you’ve been telling yourself so far may not be working for you, so maybe it’s time to imagine a better story. 

Awareness is the first step toward change. Becoming more aware of your thoughts allows you to understand yourself better and, more importantly, to identify those negative thought patterns that keep you stuck. These patterns might manifest as thoughts like, “If I don’t do it, nobody else will, so I have to do it” or “I can’t trust anyone else to do it right”. Sound familiar? These thoughts are often rooted in fear, stress, and anxiety – the very things that can get in the way of our success. 

But, here’s the good news: you have the power to change these thought patterns. It’s not easy, and it requires bravery to dig a little deeper, to look at the parts of yourself that feel overwhelmed, anxious, unlovable, inadequate, unworthy, and sometimes, just plain exhausted. But, by identifying these subconscious patterns and deliberately challenging those thoughts, you can begin to rewrite the narrative of your life and your career.

Many of the negative thought patterns we hold onto are deeply rooted in our past experiences – experiences that have shaped our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. These thought patterns might have served us once, but if they’re no longer working for us, it’s time to let them go. There’s immense value in undoing these patterns from the past, because they often keep us stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and self-sabotage.

Imagine the freedom that comes with releasing these old thought patterns. By doing so, you make space for new, empowering beliefs that can propel you forward. But remember, this process isn’t about erasing the past; it’s about recognizing its influence on your present and choosing to create a future that aligns with your true desires and aspirations. 

Our thoughts are a valuable source of insights – a way for our brains to process our daily experiences and solve problems. But, when we live mostly on autopilot, we lose the ability to critically evaluate these thoughts. Are you really paying attention to what you’re thinking, or are you just leaving your mind unattended? When you start to pay attention, you’ll notice that a lot of your thoughts are limiting or negative. This is when you can start to challenge those thoughts and ensure that your self-talk works to your advantage.

It’s about more than just positive thinking. It’s about understanding the context of your thoughts, uncovering the competing values and motivations that drive them. When you understand what you really want and how that fits in with the external context of what’s going on around you, you gain clarity. This clarity helps you decide what’s next, and it also helps you take advantage of new insights and perspectives as they emerge.

Not everything will go as planned, and experiencing these kinds of struggles aren’t fun. But often they’re the catalyst for our greatest growth. The stress, fear, and anxiety you experience aren’t just obstacles; they’re opportunities to become stronger. When you face these challenges head-on and use them as tools for growth, you build your resilience. And that resilience is what will carry you through the tough times and help you achieve your career goals.

Ultimately, you have to be willing to sit with your feelings, to understand them, and to learn from them. This isn’t about wallowing in self-pity; it’s about having compassion for the parts of yourself that are finding things difficult. It’s about recognizing that you’re doing the best you can with what you have, and that sometimes, it’s okay to say no when it’s just too much. 

In our quest for success, it’s easy to be hard on ourselves. We push ourselves to the limit, believing that we have to be the ones who do it because we can’t trust anyone else to do it right. But, this kind of thinking only leads to burnout and exhaustion. Instead, try approaching yourself with compassion. Acknowledge the parts of you that feel overwhelmed, anxious, or unworthy, and give yourself permission to take a moment to rest and recharge. 

Compassion isn’t about making excuses for yourself; it’s about understanding that you’re not perfect, and that’s okay. By treating yourself with kindness and understanding, you create a more sustainable path to success – one that allows you to more than just survive. 

Imagine you’re driving on autopilot, cruising through your career, your daily routines, and your goals, barely aware of the thoughts and assumptions steering your actions. While this autopilot mode might feel comfortable, it’s not always in your best interest. You see, when you’re not paying attention, your inner chatter can lead you into patterns of self-sabotage – patterns you might not even realize are there. 

That’s why it’s so valuable to interrupt that inner voice, to stop and actually pay attention to your thoughts and self-talk. The moment you do, you open the door to better self-understanding, which in turn builds confidence for future decisions. 

Understanding your thought patterns is one thing, but lasting personal and professional growth requires action. It’s not enough to simply recognize your negative thinking; you need to commit to changing the way you talk to yourself. This means actively challenging those limiting beliefs and taking steps towards your goals, even when it’s uncomfortable. And, when you’re more aware of what’s going on in your head, you’re more empowered to take action and achieve more. 

So, how do you start? Here are four strategies to help you become more aware of your thoughts and kick that unhelpful self-talk to the curb:

1. Monitor your thoughts
2. Notice patterns and identify self-sabotaging behavior
3. Challenge the inner critic
4. Replace negative thoughts with empowering beliefs

1. Monitor your thoughts

The first step to better self-awareness is simply observing your thoughts without trying to change them or judge them. This might sound easy, but trust me, it’s harder than you think. 

Start by writing down what you’re saying to yourself throughout the day, both positive and negative. Don’t worry about fixing anything right now. Just note the various thoughts you’re having and the corresponding feelings that arise. Are you frustrated with a colleague? Anxious about a presentation? Feeling like you’re not doing enough? Write it all down. 

Try to record these observations for at least a week. The goal here is to get a clearer picture of what your inner dialogue looks like on a day-to-day basis. This process can be incredibly eye-opening because it forces you to confront the reality of your self-talk and how often it might be negative or limiting. 

2. Notice patterns and identify self-sabotaging behavior

After you’ve collected a week’s worth of thoughts, it’s time to review and analyze. This is where the real work begins and where you start to notice patterns. Do certain negative thoughts come up more frequently? Are there specific situations that trigger your inner critic? 

This is also the time to explore your dominant beliefs – those core assumptions about yourself and the world that are driving your thoughts. For instance, do you have a belief that you’re not good enough? That you’ll never succeed? That you don’t seem to belong here? Identifying those beliefs is crucial because they’re often at the heart of self-sabotaging behavior. 

And what exactly is self-sabotage? It’s when your behavior creates problems or interferes with your goals. Maybe you procrastinate on important tasks, criticize yourself to the point of inaction, or strive for perfection, only to be paralyzed by the fear of not measuring up. These actions or inactions are often unintentional, but they’re powerful enough to stop you from achieving the goals you say you want. They can drive away the people you care about and cause problems in professional relationships you say you want to build. Essentially, you end up working against yourself. 

3. Challenge the inner critic

Negative thoughts tend to pop up more frequently when we face difficult situations. In these moments, we’re often our own worst critics, leading to unhelpful behaviors like overreacting, overgeneralizing, or exaggerating the situation. But, here’s the thing: these negative thoughts aren’t just fleeting – they can contribute to feelings of depression, helplessness, and powerlessness if left unchecked. 

To combat this, you need to learn to identify, challenge, and turn down the volume of your inner critic. Start by recognizing the situations where you’re prone to criticize yourself. Is it when you’re under pressure? When you’re around certain people? Once you’ve identified these triggers, you can begin to interrupt the pattern. 

Next, challenge the negative thoughts that arise. Ask yourself: Are these thoughts objectively true, or are they just my perceived reality? Am I overgeneralizing or overreacting to this situation? Are there any other ways I could think about this? Am I exaggerating? 

This step is about stepping back and asking how someone uninvested in this situation might look at it. By doing this, you create distance between yourself and the negative thought, making it easier to see it for what it is – often irrational and most likely unhelpful. 

4. Replace negative thoughts with empowering beliefs

It can take time and practice to get good at replacing these negative thoughts with ones that serve you better. This doesn’t mean slapping a positive affirmation on top of a deep-seated belief and calling it good. It’s about gradually building new, empowering beliefs that align with your goals and values. 

Start by finding evidence that supports a more positive and empowering belief. If your inner critic says, “I can’t do anything right”, counter it with evidence of times when you’ve succeeded or handled challenges well. If you catch yourself thinking, “They’ll never give me a shot”, remind yourself of the positive relationships you have and the times when people have shown they appreciate your work.

It’s not easy, and it won’t happen overnight. But by constantly practicing this, you’ll begin to see a shift in your mindset. You’ll start to believe in your ability to achieve your goals and navigate challenges with confidence. And, as your self-talk becomes more positive, you’ll find that taking personal responsibility for your success becomes second nature. 

We’re all storytellers, whether we realize it or not. The narratives we create in our minds about who we are, what we’re capable of, and what our futures hold are incredibly powerful. But, be aware that these stories aren’t always rooted in reality. In fact, they’re often a product of our stress, fear, and anxiety, which tend to distort our thinking and keep us stuck in a loop of self-doubt and limitation. 

Recognizing that the story you’ve been telling yourself isn’t working is the first step toward creating a better one. The future you want – a successful career, a fulfilling life – isn’t going to magically materialize from the same old narrative. It’s going to be the result of imagining a better future and telling yourself better stories. 

Mindset is everything. The way you think about yourself, your abilities, and your circumstances determines how you navigate the world. But, if your current mindset is bogged down by limiting beliefs, negative self-talk, and stress-fueled thoughts, it’s time for a shift. 

Here are five strategies to help you think differently and tell yourself better stories:

1. Adopt the opposite
2. Leverage the contradictions
3. Seek novelty
4. Access outside resources
5. Experiment

1. Adopt the opposite

We often get trapped in a single way of thinking, assuming that our current conclusions about a situation are the only possible solutions. But, what if you flipped your limiting beliefs around? If you’re thinking, “I’m not good enough to lead this project”, try telling yourself, “I am more than capable of leading this project”.

Even if you don’t fully believe it yet, act as if you do. The feelings and beliefs will follow. It’s about recognizing that what you’re thinking right now might just be how it looks in this moment, not the ultimate truth. 

2. Leverage the contradictions

Contradictions are your brain’s way of keeping you on your toes. We often think that we need this in order to do that, but what if we didn’t? What if there was another way to achieve the result we’re after? Let your imagination spark creative solutions to seemingly impossible problems.

3. Seek novelty

We’re all creatures of habit, but sometimes those habits keep us stuck. To break free, you need to chase what seems risky, out of reach, or just plain different from what you’ve always done. Seek novelty by making unlikely connections. Ask yourself, “What’s the dumbest idea that might actually work?” or, “What would I do if anything were possible?”. These questions push you to rethink things and create opportunities where none seemed to exist before. 

4. Access outside resources

Sometimes, thinking differently requires input from others. Doing research, getting advice from a coach or mentor, brainstorming ideas with a group, or reaching out to external experts for different perspectives can all help you think about things differently. Outside resources can offer insights, help you ask better questions, and enable you to learn from the mistakes of others.

The key here is to recognize that you don’t have to do it all on your own. Accessing outside resources is about expanding your horizons and opening yourself up to new ideas and possibilities that you might not have considered otherwise. 

5. Experiment

Experimentation is a way to get relief from our aversion to risk and our resistance to making changes. It’s a way to try things without worrying about committing to something final. Think of it as dipping your toe in the water rather than diving in headfirst. 

When you approach something as an experiment, you give yourself permission to make mistakes and adjustments as needed. You’re not locked into a particular course of action. Instead, you’re testing things out to see what works. This approach can be incredibly freeing, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to get everything right on the first try.

However, no matter how many mindset shifts you make or strategies you employ, there will be times when your stress level will go beyond your ability to manage it. You might find yourself on the brink of burnout, feeling like you’re about to collapse under the weight of it all. 

When you reach this point, it’s crucial to recognize that you need to hit the brakes. This isn’t about pushing through or gritting your teeth until things magically get better. It’s about acknowledging that you’ve reached your limit and that it’s time to take a step back, regroup, and recharge. 

This might mean taking a break, seeking professional help, or simply giving yourself permission to rest. Remember, self-care isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. And sometimes, the best way to tell yourself a better story is to recognize when you need to pause, reflect, and reset. 

At the end of the day, the narrative you tell yourself matters. It shapes your actions, influences your decisions, and determines your success. By interpreting the inner chatter, paying attention to your thoughts, and challenging the negative patterns that aren’t getting you the results you want, you can begin to take control of that narrative. 

This isn’t about pretending everything is perfect or ignoring the challenges you face. It’s about recognizing that your thoughts are powerful. They can inspire and empower you, or they can hold you back. It starts with awareness, continues with practice, and leads to a mindset that’s not only more positive but also more aligned with your true goals and desires. 

So, next time that little voice in your head starts telling you all the reasons why you can’t, won’t, or shouldn’t – challenge it, change it, and take charge of your success. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Imagining a Better Story at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and forty-one.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.