Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and eight. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Fear can be a silent but formidable force with the ability to significantly hinder your career growth. This fear, whether it shows up as imposter syndrome, perfectionism or questioning your self-worth, can sometimes be overcome by reframing it. Words are powerful, and something as simple as acknowledging that your fear exists and addressing it directly, rather than avoiding it, can transform it and take away its power over you. 

In this episode, we look at finding healthy ways of coping with the fear we have, the common triggers and manifestations, and the toll it can take on your career progress if left untamed. The language you choose matters. If you can change how you refer to an activity, you may be able to shift your attitude and feelings about it. The words you choose shape your perception of the situation or a particular experience, so why not choose your words more carefully, more deliberately, in order to change how you feel when you think about it, especially if it’s something that you can’t get out of having to do. 

Fear, in its various forms, is a universal human experience. In the context of the workplace, it manifests in different ways, often undermining our confidence, decision-making abilities, and overall job satisfaction, with imposter syndrome, self-doubt, and perfectionism as a few of the most common. 

• Imposter syndrome: is the fear of being exposed as a fraud or that our accomplishments are not deserved and it’s characterized by feelings of inadequacy despite evidence of our past achievements.
• Self-doubt: is the fear of not being enough or seen as providing value, often linked to concerns about our level of competence and may lead to questioning our self-worth. 
• Perfectionism: is the fear of making mistakes or not meeting our own exceptionally high standards, marked by an unrelenting pursuit of flawlessness to avoid criticism, leading to anxiety and stress. 

Combined, these three are the major contributors to what can be a complex tapestry of fear that can have a profound impact on our success in professional settings. In order to overcome our fear, we can try applying a three-step process, which includes: 

1. Name it
2. Tame it
3. Claim it

The first step in addressing the impact of fear on career growth is to name it. Acknowledging the pain points associated with our fear is crucial for understanding their particular flavor and their root cause. This involves introspection and self-awareness, recognizing the specific thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that characterize the experience of our fear in the moment. By naming the fear more precisely, we can begin to unravel its complexities and gain clarity on the factors contributing to our professional anxieties. 

We often confront a variety of emotions that challenge our sense of self and our place in the world of work. Among these emotions, fear stands out as a primal force, shaping our actions, reactions, and interactions. Yet, what we often label as fear may in fact be a mosaic of more nuanced emotions. Unpacking these feelings with a more precise emotional vocabulary can illuminate the underlying causes of our distress, leading to deeper self-understanding and more effective coping strategies. This exploration is particularly relevant in the context of imposter syndrome, self-doubt, and the drive for perfectionism, all of which are complex emotional states frequently misidentified as simply fear. 

Emotional granularity, the ability to differentiate and label our emotions with specificity, is not just an academic exercise; it is a powerful tool for emotional regulation and psychological resilience. When we describe our internal experience with precision, we gain access to a wider range of coping mechanisms and responses. For example, labeling an emotion as fear might trigger a fight-or-flight response, while identifying it as “feeling nervous about presenting my ideas” can lead to more targeted strategies, such as preparation and practice. 

So, let’s go beyond our fears and unpack our emotions with a little more detail. Often labeled as fear, imposter syndrome can be more accurately described as a combination of self-doubt, shame, and the fear of being exposed. By identifying these components, we can address the specific beliefs and experiences fueling our imposter syndrome, such as the core belief of not believing we’re good enough or the habit of attributing our successes to external factors. 

What drives many to perfectionism is not just the fear of making mistakes, but a deep-seated need for control and approval. This drive can stem from equating our worth with our achievements, leading us to try to produce flawlessly to minimize the opportunity for criticism. Identifying the underlying needs and fears can help redirect our efforts from seeking perfection, to seeking growth and self-acceptance. 

Commonly experienced as the fear of failure or fear of judgment, self-doubt is rooted in a lack of self-confidence and a perceived gap between our abilities and the expectations of others. Recognizing self-doubt allows for interventions that build self-efficacy and resilience, rather than simply avoiding anything that might lead to these feared outcomes. 

Here are two strategies that I have found helpful in enhancing my emotional vocabulary: 

1. Education
2. Journaling

Learning different words to describe my emotions beyond the six primary emotions I think I learned in kindergarten such as happiness, sadness, anger, fear, surprise, and disgust helped to expand my vocabulary and my ability to more precisely identify what I was actually feeling. 

Through journaling, I was able to reflect on my emotional state, which enhanced my awareness and understanding of my feelings. In this way, I was able to go a little deeper into what I was feeling and why, allowing me to notice patterns and changes over time.

I can honestly say that by developing a richer emotional vocabulary, I was better equipped to more accurately identify and address the root causes of my distress. I invite you to try it for yourself. This clarity not only diminishes the intensity of what we initially perceive as fear, but also opens the door to finding more effective coping strategies. For instance, understanding that what we experience as fear in the face of a new project could actually be a mix of excitement for the opportunity and anxiety about meeting expectations, which might transform how we approach the task at hand.

This more nuanced understanding fosters compassion towards ourselves and others. Recognizing the complexity of our emotional experiences allows us to extend kindness and understanding when we find ourselves struggling. It also enhances our empathy, as we become more attuned to the emotional states of others, helping us move beyond superficial niceties to establish a deeper connection. 

In the workplace, this emotional clarity can transform our interactions and enhance our performance. By accurately naming and addressing our feelings, we can mitigate the effects of imposter syndrome, navigate self-doubt with confidence, and pursue excellence without being ensnared by perfectionism. This leads to a more rewarding professional life, where challenges are met with a clear understanding of our emotional landscapes and we are better equipped with a toolkit of coping strategies. 

So, by enriching our emotional vocabulary, we do more than just name our fears; we unlock the door to understanding the intricate web of feelings that influence our actions. This understanding is a critical step towards self-mastery, enabling us to navigate our inner world with insight and compassion, and to engage with those around us with more confidence and resilience.

The second step in taming our fear involves reframing our perception of that fear. This can be transformative. The language we use to describe our reality plays a critical role in this process. By becoming more deliberate in our word choices, we can significantly alter our relationship with fear and self-doubt. 

Our internal dialogue shapes our perception of ourselves and the world around us. When we encounter challenges or find ourselves in unfamiliar territory, the language we use internally can either amplify our fears or help us navigate through them. Words are powerful. They can trap us in a cycle of negative self-talk, or they can liberate us by shifting our focus toward growth and resilience. 

If you’ve experienced it, you know that imposter syndrome can be paralyzing. It thrives on language laden with self-doubt and self-criticism. To counteract this, we must start by acknowledging these feelings without judgment, using language that recognizes these feelings as common and part of the human experience and this can diminish their power. Instead of saying, “I don’t belong here”, we can simply say, “I don’t belong here yet”, which leaves open the possibility of this feeling being temporary, rather than permanent. 

Perfectionism, often a shield against criticism and failure, can be incredibly limiting. It is fueled by the internal narrative that equates mistakes with personal inadequacy. By deliberately choosing words that celebrate effort, learning, and growth, we can begin to see value in the process, not just the outcome. Replace thoughts of, “it has to be perfect” with “I am learning and improving”. This shift in language encourages a mindset that values progress and resilience over flawlessness. 

Self-doubt and a lack of confidence can lead to others questioning our competence. The language we use with ourselves often becomes the perception others pick up on. By adopting a more compassionate and supportive inner dialogue, we can project confidence, even if we’re still working on believing it. Instead of internalizing our failures, we can use language that reframes setbacks as opportunities for growth, such as, “I may have found this task challenging this time around, but with practice it will get easier”. 

Cultivate an awareness of your internal dialogue. Notice when negative patterns emerge and pause to reflect on the language you’re using. Actively rephrase negative thoughts with positive or neutral language that acknowledges your level of effort and the progress you’ve made. Try using language that invites constructive feedback rather than criticism. This can help mitigate the fear of judgment that fuels our perfectionist tendencies. Try asking, “How can I improve?” instead of defaulting to some self-deprecating comment, in a lame attempt to avoid being criticized. 

By becoming more deliberate in our word choices, we can take a powerful step towards reframing our relationship with fear and thus, taming it. This journey requires a considerable amount of patience and practice. As we rename it to reframe it, we not only tame our fears, but also unlock our potential for more self-acceptance. In doing so, we can transform imposter syndrome, self-doubt, and perfectionism into sources of strength and empowerment, paving the way for a more confident and fulfilled personal and professional life. 

The final stage in overcoming fear is claiming it, recognizing that fear, when understood and managed, can be a powerful ally in personal and professional growth. Recognizing, understanding, and managing our feelings, particularly those we often blanket as fear, can fundamentally transform our approach to personal and professional development. Far from mere obstacles, these feelings, when accurately identified and harnessed, can become powerful catalysts for growth, motivation, and excellence. This transformation hinges on our ability to navigate our emotional landscapes with precision and insight, turning fear from a paralyzing force, into one that propels us forward. 

Instead of viewing fear as a signal to retreat, we can see it as a sign that something important is at stake, something worth engaging in. This shift in perspective is crucial. When we understand that the root of our fear often lies in our values and aspirations, be it a fear of failing at a project we care deeply about, or the anxiety of not living up to our own standards, we can reframe these feelings as indicators of what truly matters to us. 

By recognizing this, we can then harness our fear as a motivating force to propel us towards action, rather than inaction. The anxiety of not achieving our potential can drive us to dedicate ourselves more fully to our work, to seek out new learning opportunities, and to push beyond our comfort zones. This does not mean pursuing an unattainable standard of perfection, but rather striving for excellence, which is defined by continuous improvement and adaptation. 

Striving for excellence rather than perfection involves embracing a growth mindset. This mindset acknowledges that mistakes and failures are not only inevitable, but also invaluable opportunities for learning that we might miss otherwise. When we allow ourselves to be driven by a healthy level of fear or concern, we are motivated to prepare thoroughly, to invest in our development, and to approach our tasks with conscientiousness and creativity.

However, the key is to manage these feelings so they remain constructive. This involves setting realistic goals, celebrating our progress, and most importantly, acknowledging our achievements. By doing so, we shift the focus from fearing criticism or failure, to recognizing how far we’ve come, which in turn fosters a sense of competence and confidence. 

Our feelings of fear can serve as early warning signals, alerting us to potential challenges and obstacles. This can be incredibly advantageous in both personal and professional context as it encourages proactive problem-solving along with strategic planning in order to effectively handle the anticipated barriers and keep moving forward. 

For instance, if the prospect of an upcoming presentation triggers feelings of anxiety, this can prompt us to start preparing earlier, to practice our speaking skills, and to seek feedback from trusted colleagues. Similarly, if we’re apprehensive about a significant change within our organization, such as a merger or restructuring, this fear can motivate us to assess our skills and qualifications critically, identify areas for improvement, so that we can better adapt to the changing landscape. 

Develop the ability to identify and articulate your emotions more accurately. Then, use this knowledge to develop a toolkit of coping strategies to manage your intense feelings of fear, not push them aside or bury them. By approaching fear with curiosity and a willingness to engage deeply with your emotions, you may experience a real transformation. 

Fear, once a barrier, becomes a beacon guiding you towards your values, goals, and the areas in which you seek to grow. It might even encourage you not to shy away from challenges, but to embrace them as opportunities for self-improvement. By harnessing fear to our advantage, we will no longer be controlled by it. We can transform our relationship with fear and harness it as a force for motivation and proactive problem-solving. 

This three-step methodology of name it, tame it, and claim it empowers us to confront and leverage our emotions to foster resilience, increase our motivation, and further our success. Often, we experience a broad sense of anxiety or discomfort, labeling it simply as fear without understanding its nuances. This act of naming what we’re feeling not only clarifies what we are truly facing, but also diminishes the overwhelming power these emotions can hold over us. 

By renaming our fears in a way that highlights their constructive aspects, we start to shift our emotional landscape. This cognitive restructuring allows us to approach our fears not as insurmountable obstacles, but as challenges that can be understood, managed, and ultimately overcome. 

Recognizing that fear can serve as a motivator and a guide, we can harness its energy to anticipate potential barriers and proactively seek solutions. By claiming our fear, we leverage our emotions to fuel our ambition, drive our professional advancement, and navigate our path with confidence and resilience. 

The transformative key lies in the intentional and proactive implementation of practical strategies for using our fears to our advantage, enabling us to navigate the complexities of the workplace with resilience and achieve our career goals. Through naming, taming, and claiming our fears, we not only come to understand our emotions more deeply, but also learn to harness their power to inspire continuous improvement, overcome obstacles, and achieve greater success in our careers and personal lives. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Overcoming Your Fear at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and eight.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.