Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and three. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

In the realm of navigating feedback and building your confidence in the workplace, it’s crucial to consider the source of any feedback you receive. Not everyone has your best interest at heart and some may be more interested in neutralizing you as a threat to their career rather than giving you anything constructive that you might need to apply to move forward in your journey. 

In this episode, we’ll delve into the complexities of receiving and applying any feedback you receive, the power of self-affirmation, and the transformative impact of being your own advocate.

Feedback is an important piece of the puzzle that can help to shape the trajectory of your professional journey. Whether you are navigating the early stages of your career or aiming for continued success, understanding and embracing the power of feedback is essential. It serves as a compass guiding you toward skill enhancement and personal development. In this exploration, we’ll delve into the pivotal role feedback plays in professional growth, emphasizing the transformative impact of constructive feedback while acknowledging the challenges of understanding the potential underlying motivations of any suggestions you receive. 

Constructive feedback stands out as the cornerstone for skill acquisition and career advancement. When delivered with care and specificity, constructive feedback provides invaluable insights into areas where improvement is possible. It acts as a mirror, reflecting not just your accomplishments but also areas that warrant attention. This reflection becomes a catalyst for growth, propelling you towards building on your strengths and addressing your weaknesses. It’s a dynamic process that invites continuous learning and applying what you learn by fostering a mindset focused on incremental improvement. 

The impact of constructive feedback extends beyond the individual – it resonates within teams and organizations. A workplace culture that values and encourages constructive feedback cultivates an environment where employees are motivated to strive for excellence. It lays the groundwork for innovation and collaboration as people are empowered to refine their skills in alignment with organizational goals. This mutual exchange of feedback creates a positive feedback loop where professional growth becomes a shared pursuit, benefiting both the individual and the collective success of the team. 

However, the journey of navigating feedback is not without its obstacles. One of the primary challenges is distinguishing between well-intentioned feedback aimed at fostering growth and feedback that may have ulterior motives. Trusted mentors and colleagues can provide valuable insights, but it’s crucial to discern their intentions. Not everyone who offers feedback has your best interests at heart. Some may seek to neutralize or sabotage your efforts for various reasons, including their competitive nature or trying to mask their own insecurities. 

For women navigating male-dominated professions, this challenge can be particularly pronounced. The need for confidence in order to stand your ground becomes paramount. It requires the ability to sift through feedback, evaluating its merit and relevance while considering the source and the context. Building resilience and self-assurance becomes your shield against attempts to undermine your progress. 

The addiction to affirmation is a common pitfall. While positive feedback is undoubtedly uplifting, an overreliance on external validation can lead to a slippery slope. Constantly seeking approval and validation may result in second-guessing your own judgment, hindering the ability to make decisions independently. Striking a balance between acknowledging external input and trusting your own instincts is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship with any feedback you receive. 

The power of feedback and professional growth is undeniable. Constructive feedback serves as a catalyst for acquiring the necessary skills to advance in realizing your career goals. Navigating feedback requires a discerning approach, especially when dealing with potential saboteurs along with your trusted sources. By embracing the feedback that is meant to be helpful and discarding that which isn’t, you can harness its transformative power to shape your successful and fulfilling career journey. But figuring out which is which isn’t as easy as it sounds. 

Feedback can reinforce our distinctive strengths and shine a light on our areas for improvement. However, the art of handling feedback lies in the ability to analyze it objectively, considering the context and timing, and distinguishing valid points from subjective opinions. This process not only helps in extracting meaningful insights, but also builds resilience, allowing us to handle critical feedback with grace without letting it erode our confidence. Additionally, framing requests for feedback strategically becomes a proactive step in fostering continuous career growth. 

Objective analysis of feedback involves a deliberate examination of the information provided while taking into account the context in which it was delivered. Understanding the circumstances, intentions, and timing of the feedback can significantly impact its validity. Feedback given in the heat of the moment may be emotionally charged, requiring a discerning eye to extract constructive elements from the emotional tone. Considering the broader context helps in identifying patterns and recurring themes, providing a more comprehensive understanding of the feedback’s implications. 

Separating valid points from subjective opinions is crucial. Not all feedback is created equal, and distinguishing between constructive criticism and personal bias is an essential skill. Valid points often align with specific examples and actionable insights, focusing on behaviors and outcomes rather than personal attributes. On the other hand, subjective opinions may reflect the giver’s personal preferences or biases. Recognizing these distinctions is key in maintaining objectivity in the face of scrutiny. 

Building our resilience is a valuable skill that protects our self-confidence and fosters a growth mindset. Resilience is not about avoiding criticism, but about handling it with grace and a level of professionalism in order to use it as a stepping stone for improvement. First, acknowledge your emotional response to the feedback, but don’t let it make you defensive or begin to question your self-worth. Instead, focus on the actionable elements within the feedback that you can see have some truth. Then, use them as a roadmap for your personal and professional development. Remember, feedback is a tool for growth rather than a measure of your inherent value. 

Strategies for handling critical feedback with grace include adopting a growth mindset and seeing these potential flaws as simply opportunities for improvement. Embrace a perspective that views challenges and critiques as integral components of the learning process. Constructive feedback, even when delivered inappropriately, can be a catalyst for positive change. 

When seeking feedback, be specific about the areas you want input on and frame your request in the context of your career goals. Clearly communicate that your intention is to improve and contribute more effectively. This not only demonstrates your commitment to growth, but also guides the giver in providing targeted and actionable suggestions. The next step is important: apply it and then follow up with them to let them know how it helped you. They will be far more likely to continue helping you grow when they know that you are actually taking what they’ve shared seriously. 

The necessity of analyzing feedback objectively lies at the heart of leveraging its benefits. Separating valid points from subjective opinions, building resilience, and strategically framing requests for feedback are essential components of a proactive approach to managing the feedback process. In many organizations, you can expect to go through this process at least once a year, so you might as well make the most of it rather than dreading it. 

One of the foundational steps in taking control of our own narrative regarding our abilities is conducting a comprehensive self-assessment. This entails conducting our own honest evaluation of where we currently stand by reviewing what we do well and identifying areas that we still think require improvement. By actively engaging in this process, we can build a strong self-concept that is independent of the opinions of others. This self-awareness becomes the cornerstone for crafting a narrative that reflects our true professional identity. 

Rather than viewing feedback solely as criticism, we can look for the actionable insights, viewing it not as a judgment of our worth, but as a pathway to improvement. Seeking feedback proactively from those who we truly know want us to succeed can provide a more well-rounded perspective on our professional journey. 

Constructive feedback from those around us can complement our self-assessment, offering insights that might be overlooked in our own introspection. We all need help in seeing our blind spots. However, it is essential to filter external feedback through the lens of our self-assessment, allowing us to integrate valuable insights while maintaining control over our narrative. 

Acknowledging and celebrating our successes, even the small ones, can contribute to a positive self-image. By highlighting our accomplishments, we can shore up our confidence by emphasizing our competence and capability. This shift in focus helps in building a narrative that resonates with self-assurance. 

Setting realistic goals and an actionable plan for improvement based on this self-assessment is another crucial aspect of taking control of our narrative. By outlining specific objectives and the steps needed to achieve them, we can actively shape our professional journey. This proactive approach not only demonstrates a commitment to growth, but also reclaims the power that is ours. 

Taking control of our narrative involves recognizing this power we hold in shaping our professional identity. It’s not for others to decide how we see ourselves. By conducting honest self-assessments, selectively applying any feedback we receive, and celebrating our achievements along the way, we can build a robust self-concept that stands independent of external opinions. 

The key lies not just in gathering a bunch of feedback, but taking the time to discern its value by considering the source and noticing any themes or patterns that emerge. This process is crucial for navigating the delicate balance between constructive input and potentially harmful criticism. 

Maintaining professional boundaries in the feedback-seeking process is equally vital. While constructive criticism is instrumental for improvement, it’s essential to filter feedback through the lens of professional discernment. Striking a balance between openness to input and preserving your sense of self is key. Setting clear boundaries ensures that external feedback enhances rather than diminishes your professional identity.

Beware that not all feedback comes from well-intentioned sources. Navigating harmful criticism requires a nuanced approach. The first step is to consider the source because understanding the motives behind the criticism is pivotal. Some feedback may be driven by personal bias, hidden agendas, or even professional rivalry. By discerning these motives, you can better evaluate the validity and relevance of the criticism. 

Responding to this harmful criticism involves a delicate dance between resilience and assertiveness. It’s crucial not to internalize unwarranted negativity. Instead, thank them for taking the time to give you their thoughts and view it as an opportunity to strengthen your resolve and enhance your coping mechanisms. Resilience in the face of criticism positions you as a professional who can weather changes and emerge stronger. 

Here are five tips for navigating harmful criticism: 

1. Pause and reflect: Before reacting, take a moment to reflect on the criticism. Consider its source, the context, your immediate emotional response, and whether you can find any kernel of truth in what you’re hearing. This pause allows you to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. 
2. Seek clarification: If the criticism is unclear or seems unfounded, ask more questions. A calm and composed inquiry can shed light on the specific concerns and provide a chance for an open discussion.
3. Focus on the constructive elements: Extract any constructive components from the criticism. Even amidst negativity, there may be nuggets of valuable insights that can contribute to your professional growth. Remember, you can selectively apply what you receive and let go of the rest. 
4. Engage trusted advisors: Share the feedback with trusted mentors or colleagues who have your best interests at heart. Their perspectives can offer a more objective view and help you navigate the emotional impact. 
5. Learn to disregard: Not all criticism deserves your attention. Learning to disregard baseless or malicious feedback is a skill. Recognizing when to let go and prioritize your well-being is a crucial aspect of maintaining resilience. There’s no rule that says you have to take it all in. Disregard as you see fit and move on with your life. 

In essence, the journey of seeking and responding to feedback is a delicate, yet transformative process. By embracing feedback from those invested in your success and navigating harmful criticism by maintaining your boundaries, you can steer your professional development with finesse, ensuring that your growth remains aligned with your goals. 

This is an ongoing journey and one that requires practice. Deep down, we know what we’re doing well, and we know where we’re struggling. I also want to emphasize that we all have everything we need within us to overcome the challenges we face. Recognize that there is transformative power in being your own advocate. Embrace your self-reliance and confidence since they are the greatest gifts you can give yourself in order to succeed in the competitive world of work.

Remember, no one more successful than you will tear you down, and recognizing this truth can be very empowering. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Considering the Source at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and three.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.