Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success Podcast, episode ninety-eight. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Navigating life authentically isn’t always easy. The fear of judgment and the discomfort of being disliked can lead us to hide our true selves. This often results in toning down our excitement, conforming, and choosing to follow rather than lead. In certain corporate settings, it may even feel like our survival depends on it. However, it shouldn’t require dimming our sparkle or adopting a watered down version of ourselves. When our personalities are positively embraced, being ourselves becomes natural, but we still crave acceptance, often concealing our emotional side to make others more comfortable.

In this episode, we get into what being unapologetically yourself involves, including shedding societal expectations and embracing your true identity. It requires resisting the urge to conform or apologize for things like expressing emotions, setting boundaries, or pursuing what really matters to us personally. This journey also involves facing our fears, and that can be what stops many people before they even begin. 

To be ‘unapologetically you’ means consciously embracing who you want to be without offering apologies or making excuses. It’s about living authentically and making life choices without the need for external validation. While the journey may be challenging, becoming ‘unapologetically you’ frees you from the weight of others’ opinions and opens the door to more happiness, peace, and fulfillment. 

Negative backlash often surrounds those who live unapologetically with labels like selfish or arrogant thrown around. You may have heard those or even some that are a bit more harsh. I know I have. It’s crucial to temper healthy self-expression with cultural etiquette and avoid justifying unacceptable behavior. Authenticity should coexist with respect for others. 

Growing up, the pressure to fit in turned me into a master shapeshifter, pleasing others at the expense of losing myself. Recognizing this conditioning and addressing it led to newfound freedom. It’s impossible to please everyone, and realizing that allowed me to be myself, even embracing those weird and wonderful quirks that make me unique.

Many struggle with people-pleasing, projecting an idealized persona while discounting who they really are. Self-acceptance involves appreciating who you are now without constantly seeking external approval. In my own experience, this is much harder than it sounds. The desire to be liked by others can ultimately lead us down a path to anxiety and frustration, making it impossible to live authentically. 

Experimenting with not caring about others’ opinions can lead to increased happiness and a renewed excitement for life. Living unapologetically is about being true to yourself, communicating confidently, and overcoming your own mental barriers. While comfort may lie in conformity, embracing who you really are brings a new level of self-assuredness, and a willingness to explore new possibilities. In the end, it’s your life and being unapologetically yourself may just be the shortcut to genuine happiness and fulfillment that you’ve been looking for.

Here are five reasons why your life gets better the day you stop caring about what other people think: 

1. You become braver
2. You start living according to your own rules
3. You realize how toxic people can be
4. You are no longer trying to impress everyone
5. It becomes harder for people to bring you down

1.You become braver

Embracing a fearless mindset brings newfound courage into your life. When you stop caring so much about what other people think, you open yourself up to taking risks and stepping into the unknown. Although it may initially feel unsettling, you can get more comfortable with the anxiety and uncertainty, becoming more resilient in the process. This newfound bravery allows you to make bolder decisions, unencumbered by the judgments of others. No longer shackled by your inner critic, you start to be more comfortable in your own skin, doing what feels right without reservation. In essence, you gain the courage to be yourself, fostering a sense of liberation and self-assurance. 

2.You start living according to your own rules

Now, here’s where the real fun begins. Say goodbye to being a puppet to the whims of others. Suddenly, the small stuff that used to irritate you or make you resentful doesn’t bother you nearly as much. You’re free to fill your days with what actually resonates with you, not just checking boxes on someone else’s expectation list. It might even feel a bit rebellious to let go of the exhausting act of being who others want you to be. Your life may transform into a more genuine reflection of who you really are, with less conforming to someone you’re absolutely not. This is your life, so you might as well have a say in how you live it. 

3.You realize how toxic people can be

This can be very eye-opening and disturbing in a way. Toxic people are everywhere, ready and willing to give us advice that we never asked for. It becomes clear how their opinions and voices play mind games, distorting our view of reality. They’ve got this knack for convincing you that black is white and left is right, all while you’re wondering why you even care. It suddenly hits you – by paying too much attention to these toxic people, you’ll wind up becoming the type of person you wouldn’t voluntarily associate with. It’s time to assert your independence, take back your power, and make your own decisions. After all, it’s your voice and opinions that matter, and they should not be drowned out by unsolicited advice. 

4.You no longer try to impress everyone

No more putting on a show for those around you. It’s time we understand that the real satisfaction comes from impressing the toughest critic: yourself. You might just realize that you feel happier when you’re not looking for constant approval from those who don’t actually have your best interests at heart. Learn to validate yourself. Become a better version of yourself for you, not for anyone else. Stop waiting for people to make you feel like you matter or that you are important. Stop waiting for someone to notice or give you permission. You matter and you are important. You don’t need someone to decide that for you. 

5.It becomes harder for people to bring you down

As you start becoming more yourself, it’s surprising how immune you become to the petty attempts of people to try to rain on your parade. Suddenly, having someone disapprove of your choices doesn’t even matter anymore. You’ve realized that they’re entitled to their opinions, but that doesn’t mean you have to refute or adopt any of their commentary. The words that once had the power to bother you don’t have that same effect anymore. The naysayers and their attempts to bring you down are like distant echoes now because you’ve tuned them out. It’s your life and your choices. You are the one holding all the power. 

Once you’ve embraced the liberating mindset of caring less about others’ opinions, the journey to becoming ‘unapologetically you’ becomes a simple yet empowering process. It’s about shedding the expectations of others and boldly steering your life in alignment with your values.

Here’s a four step process for how to be ‘unapologetically you’:

1. Embrace the real you
2. Stop apologizing for who you are
3. Set healthy limits
4. Tackle your fears

1.Embrace the real you

Embarking on the journey of embracing your authentic self begins with raising awareness of the conditioning that has shaped your beliefs and actions. Societal expectations often encourage conformity, pushing us to blend in and prioritize responsibility over joy. The resulting stifling effect can manifest as depression or anxiety, serving as critical indicators that areas in your life require urgent attention. 

Being ‘unapologetically you’ involves peeling back layers of past conditioning and addressing old wounds, fears, and worries. Resist the inclination to adjust for others or conform to external expectations. Prioritize your own needs, practice self-compassion, and acknowledge your self-worth to allow for this transformative journey to take root. 

Effective communication is crucial. Avoid diminishing phrases, stop making excuses, and resist the urge to downplay your accomplishments. Start making thoughtful word choices because words are powerful and sometimes directness is necessary. We are allowed to make decisions for ourselves that are aligned with our values, free from the approval of others. 

The journey of self-discovery requires letting go of those external expectations and delving into what makes you uniquely you, at your core. Put your efforts into understanding who you really are rather than who you’ve been pretending to be. Let authenticity prevail over pretense. Be genuine and say what you mean. You’d be surprised how much people will appreciate that. Approach relationships based on interest rather than mere courtesy, and reflect on your priorities to construct the life you’d like to lead. 

It’s time to fully embrace your true self. Release the need for external validation, recognize your distinct abilities, and make choices aligned with your values. Be proud of who you are, imperfections included, and grant yourself permission to reveal all facets of your identity. This journey may lead to losing some who can’t accept the real you, but in exchange, you’ll gain new, more fulfilling relationships. Doing this work may trigger negativity, but in the end, it paves the way for a more authentic and fulfilling social circle. 

2.Stop apologizing for who you are

Embrace the real you, even if it causes discomfort for others. Break free from the habit of making yourself small to make others feel less uncomfortable. If someone is perturbed by the real you, see it as an indication of their need for personal growth. 

Stop the unnecessary apologies for talking too much, being too sensitive, setting boundaries, saying no, pursuing your own goals, or simply expressing emotions. Each apology implies a flaw in who you are, often driven by the fear of rejection or criticism. This tendency can be linked to issues of self-worth, possibly stemming from unresolved wounds. 

Forge true connections by allowing others to witness the real you. Reserve your apologies for moments when you genuinely cause harm, not for just being you. Embrace who you really are and create space for others to do the same. Own your thoughts, feelings, and actions without apologizing for merely being true to yourself. 

Prioritize yourself unapologetically. You are the most significant person in your life. Determine what you genuinely love and incorporate more of those aspects into your life, regardless of external judgments. Define your aspirations, live life on your terms, and set meaningful goals aligned with your desires, not the needs and wants of others.

Avoid getting entangled in meeting others’ demands and potentially losing your identity. Break free from the compulsion to please everyone, stand firm in expressing your opinions, and say no to opportunities that are misaligned with your goals. Avoid socializing for show. I don’t know about you, but that can be so draining. Prioritize your own needs without relying on others to define who you are or to tell you what you should want.

Focus on your well-being without hesitation, disregarding judgment from others. Identify your preferences and make joy a priority. Find the balance in your life that works for you. Avoid self-sabotage. Maybe what you need most is to spend some quality time alone, immersing yourself in nature, and gaining clarity by stepping away from your daily distractions. 

3.Set healthy limits

Establishing healthy and firm boundaries is a crucial aspect of maintaining your well-being and personal autonomy. Expect that not everyone will appreciate or understand your choices, and some may even express disappointment or offer that all too familiar unsolicited advice. It’s essential to recognize that their perspective may be rooted in their own desires and expectations being projected onto you. 

To navigate this, prioritize what works for you and be willing to let go of those stress-inducing elements. Learn to assertively say no to obligations that don’t align with your desires, avoiding guilt or resentment, and eliminating unwanted commitments or things that you feel are a waste of your time. It’s important not to feel obligated to explain your decisions, as your choices are yours to make. 

Clear communication is key when setting boundaries, even if it requires being blunt. Emphasize the value of your time and avoid the unnecessary repetition of your decisions to appease others. Let go of things, relationships, memories, or dreams that no longer serve a purpose in your life. Unlearn detrimental habits. Embrace change and make space for pursuits that are valuable to you personally. 

Set clear expectations and boundaries. It’s actually quite acceptable to refuse to compromise yourself to conform to others’ expectations. Just remember to always keep things respectful and professional. Prioritize your time and energy. Saying no to things that don’t further your agenda is crucial because saying yes when you mean no can lead to frustration and compromise of your true self. 

Guard your privacy and designate those topics that are off limits to others. Not everyone is entitled to know everything. That trust must be earned. Clearly communicate those boundaries and possibly the consequences if they’re crossed, should you feel it’s necessary. Remember that boundaries are not punitive measures, but actions you will take in response to their choices. Establishing and maintaining boundaries is a vital practice in preserving your autonomy and well-being. 

4.Tackle your fears

It’s essential to actively address and overcome your fears, particularly the concern about what others may think of you. The reality is that not everyone will like you, and dwelling on others’ opinions can hinder your own development. In the grand scheme, most people are so preoccupied with their own lives, concerns, and insecurities that they rarely have the time to analyze your every move. Understanding that few people are thinking about you and what you’re doing can alleviate the worry about external perceptions. 

Embracing your true self may lead to unsolicited advice and warnings from those who are uncomfortable with your choices. Some may veil their manipulation with supposed concern for your well-being, but in truth, your choices may have them rethinking their own perspectives. Be prepared for potential arguments with those who feel threatened by you. It’s important to maintain your composure with grace and dignity amidst their criticism, which can be pretty harsh at times. 

The fear of being rejected, judged, or laughed at often stems from past experiences and societal conditioning. It’s important to acknowledge that you have nothing to hide or be ashamed of. Speak sincerely, both to others and to yourself. Reflect on your fears and consider what you are protecting yourself from. Facing these fears, taking chances, and embracing your mistakes or missteps can open the door to new experiences, growth, and the realization of your best self. 

Navigating life is challenging as it is, and who needs the added stress of constantly worrying about what others think of us. Boosting people’s respect for you involves proudly embracing who you are and removing the masks or carefully crafted facades tailored to meet everyone else’s expectations. Say goodbye to adapting yourself to suit others. It’s time for the complete freedom to live life precisely as you want, finding joy in your work, contentment in your surroundings, and comfort in your own reflection. 

The truth is, worrying about other people’s opinions is a colossal waste of time and energy. When you boldly present your true self to the world, authenticity becomes your constant companion. You’re able to forge deeper social connections and cultivate a more meaningful circle of support. You get to decide not to let others dictate your thoughts, beliefs, emotions, or decisions. This isn’t about justifying your behavior. It’s about consciously navigating your interactions while always respecting others and standing firm in your truth.

Mastering the art of remaining polite, tactful, and respectful is a skill worth honing. And frankly, not one that many possess. As you finesse these abilities, have more confidence in taking a stand for your truth, and living unapologetically becomes second nature. The empowerment derived from this approach will instill a sense of control over your life. 

Remember, it’s your life and the regret many harbor is not having the courage to live it in a way they would like. There is no reset button. So, if you’re not living the life you want, now is the time to ask yourself why and consider taking a course correction toward more authenticity and adventure. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Being Unapologetically You at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode ninety-eight.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.