Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success Podcast, episode ninety-seven. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Comparing ourselves to others is a natural human tendency. It is normal to look at our peers and colleagues and wonder how we measure up in terms of our skills, achievements, and level of success. However, when this comparison becomes a habit, it can lead to a negative self-perception and a feeling of inadequacy, especially in a challenging work environment where recognition and appreciation may be scarce. This can lead to diminishing ourselves and all that we’ve worked so hard to achieve. 

In this episode, we look at the comparison trap that tends to create a self-defeating cycle of always coming up short. It’s hard not to compare yourself to others, but it reinforces that feeling that we’re never going to be as successful as those around us, or simply that we’re not good enough in whatever it is we’re doing. 

Comparison is a natural part of being human, something hardwired into our brains to help us understand the world. It was once a handy tool for making decisions and navigating group dynamics that were essential for our survival. But in today’s world of constant connection and social media overload, this instinct has taken this tricky turn. Instead of being a helpful guide, it has become a harmful habit, a cycle that constantly tells us we’re not measuring up. 

The roots of this modern comparison trap go beyond just how we think. Social media platforms, with their carefully chosen snapshots of perfect lives, have ratcheted up our tendency to compare. What used to be a passing thought has turned into a never-ending, sometimes sneaky, evaluation of ourselves against those idealized images. It’s not a coincidence. It’s a result of the polished digital versions of people around us setting standards that are hard to reach and fueling our constant need for approval. 

This trap isn’t limited to quick moments of self-judgment. It’s a powerful force that creeps into every part of our lives. Whether it’s our personal connections or professional pursuits, the shadow of comparison hangs over us, making us doubt our skills and contributions. It’s more than just trying to keep up with others. It’s a deep psychological phenomenon that can mess with our confidence and hinder our quest for real happiness. 

So, let’s dive into this comparison trap and how it messes with our heads, because the impact of all this on our mental and emotional well-being can be profound. As we immerse ourselves in the curated highlight reels of others, feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness take hold. The constant exposure to idealized versions of success and happiness breeds a sense of discontent, making it challenging to appreciate and celebrate our own unique journey. 

The comparison trap is a lose-lose game, a contest in which no one emerges victorious. It cultivates a mindset where success is measured not by personal fulfillment, but by external validation. The perpetual pursuit of unattainable standards leads to anxiety, stress, and even depression, creating a cycle of negative thoughts that can be challenging to break. 

In addition, the comparison trap doesn’t confine itself to personal well-being. It spills over into interpersonal dynamics. Relationships, both personal and professional, become arenas for comparison rather than collaboration. Colleagues turn into competitors, friends into rivals, and the joy of shared successes is eclipsed by an undercurrent of envy and jealousy. 

To break free from the comparison trap, it is essential to embark on a journey of self-reflection and self-compassion. Understanding the origins of our comparison tendencies provides a foundation for dismantling this self-sabotaging habit. By acknowledging the societal and technological factors that contribute to the comparison trap, we gain insights into the complexity of our struggles.

Practical strategies offer a roadmap to navigate the perils of comparison and harness its perks for personal growth. The transformative power lies in redirecting our focus inward. The emphasis shifts from external benchmarks to internal fulfillment. This journey involves cultivating gratitude, naming and challenging our inner critic, and celebrating our unique strengths and achievements. 

As we delve into the intricacies of the comparison trap, it becomes evident that breaking free is not a one-time effort, but an ongoing commitment to self-discovery. The perils of perpetual comparison are real, but so are the perks of positive growth, goal structuring, and troubleshooting that can emerge from a mindful comparison with ourselves. 

In this complex dance between self-reflection and societal influence, the key lies in fostering a genuine understanding of our individual worth. By navigating the labyrinth of comparison with self-compassion, and a commitment to personal growth, we can transcend this lose-lose game and, instead, play a game where everyone can be successful – the game of becoming a better version of ourselves. 

I’m sure I’m not alone in the experience of spending not more than two minutes in a room with another person without instinctively comparing myself to them. I think we are all guilty of making self-limiting assumptions about their superiority, regardless of how much or little you know about them. This is the comparison trap in action. An intricate web of self-sabotage fueled by assumptions about our own shortcomings, many of which are likely unfounded. 

The inner critic, that relentless voice shaping our negative self-talk, not only erodes our self-worth, but projects our insecurities outward. Those adept at manipulating others identify us as easy targets for gaslighting by simply amplifying our pre-existing doubts. It’s a cycle that diminishes our confidence, leaving us questioning our reality, and constantly seeking external approval to shore up our sense of self. 

Scrolling through the curated lives of all the various social platforms can exacerbate this cycle. With continuous access to glimpses of everyone’s highlight reel, the urge to measure ourselves against these snippets of perfection becomes overwhelming. The comparisons steal our joy and sanity, leaving us in a constant race to keep up with the standards that may not even align with our true aspirations. 

As humans wired for connection and belonging, comparisons are fundamental to developing an understanding of ourselves, including our strengths, weaknesses, and what defines us. Snap judgments about our abilities happen instinctively, but dwelling on others’ highlight reels can transform motivation into toxicity. 

In our professional lives, the act of comparing can be a double-edged sword. While it can serve as motivation, driving us to achieve more, it can also backfire resulting in damage and self-destruction. The desire to reach some unrealistic ideal we set for ourselves or the desire to constantly one-up others becomes an exercise in futility, perpetuating a cycle of unworthiness, resentment, and frustration. 

The key lies in distinguishing between healthy and destructive comparisons. Setting your sights on an ideal as a goal to work towards or using healthy comparisons as a benchmark can be informative, encouraging growth and goal setting, while destructive comparisons lead to discouragement and a perpetual sense of inadequacy. Shifting the approach to comparison or forsaking it entirely becomes imperative if it fuels feelings of unworthiness, resentment, and an inability to attain what we desire. Be careful when you set the goalposts where they are unattainable or, even worse, continuing to move them further away without recognizing how far you’ve actually come already. 

Diminishing ourselves, a consequence of relentless comparison, extends beyond the realm of mental and emotional well-being. It has tangible effects on our physical health. Studies reveal a link between negative self-talk, constant comparison, and increased stress, anxiety, and depression – precursors to physical health problems such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and a weakened immune system. In this light, diminishing ourselves is not just a threat to our mental and emotional health, but poses a risk to our overall well-being as well. 

In a challenging work environment where recognition and appreciation may be scarce, diminishing yourself can have serious consequences. Feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and depression can permeate both personal and professional spheres. Job performance may suffer as motivation dwindles, creating a vicious cycle of undervaluation and underperformance. 

Alright, let’s tackle this comparison trap head-on and figure out how to break free from its relentless grip. Overcoming the urge to compare yourself to others is no easy feat, but with a bit of self-awareness and a sprinkle of self-compassion, we can put together a game plan. Here are eight practical tips to rewrite that self-sabotaging narrative and shift your focus from external benchmarks to your own unique journey: 

1. Practice gratitude: Let’s do a gratitude rewind and flip the script on negativity. Take a moment each day to reflect on three things you’re thankful for. It could be as simple as the sunshine, a good cup of coffee, or that moment of peace before the chaos kicks in. Shifting your focus from what others have to what you have cultivates positivity and contentment, making those negative comparisons fade away. 
2. Name your inner critic: It’s time to get acquainted with that inner critic of yours. Confront that thought bully inside your head. Identify those sneaky thoughts that make you compare yourself to others. Why are you doing it? What’s the underlying reason? By naming and confronting your inner critic, you are already gaining awareness. Now, let’s rewrite the narrative. Turn those self-sabotaging thoughts into a supportive dialogue. Have your own back instead of tearing yourself down. Believe me, there’s enough of that going on all around you already. 
3. Be your own best friend: It’s time to challenge that negative self-talk. Actively shift your thoughts when you catch yourself in the act of comparing. Why be your own worst critic when you can be your own best friend? Rewrite the story you’re telling yourself. Focus on self-compassion, trust your abilities, and ditch the scarcity mindset. Remember, you’re in this for the long haul, so you might as well be kind to yourself along the way. 
4. Unlock the power of contentment: The ability to choose contentment is a superpower. Decide to be happy where you are in life and at work, no matter what others are achieving. Steer clear of the comparison game with those highlight reels on social media. What you see isn’t always reality and appearances can be deceiving. Make a conscious effort to focus on your own journey, appreciating the beauty in your story. 
5. Keep a record of achievements: It’s time to be your own biggest cheerleader. Acknowledge and celebrate your strengths, talents, and accomplishments. Write down three things you like about yourself regularly. Make them specific and personal, things that are uniquely you. Try saying them to yourself in the mirror. I know it’s weird and it’s going to feel awkward at first, but it can be powerful. It’s about recognizing your worth and letting that confidence shine. 
6. Celebrate other people: Turn the spotlight away from yourself for a moment and spread the joy. Celebrate other people’s successes. Join in their enthusiasm, compliment their achievements, and appreciate their hard work. Shifting your focus outward not only strengthens your relationships, but also helps you appreciate the diverse paths people take to success. 
7. Keep the comparison within: Let’s change the game. Compete with yourself instead of others. Your only competition is you. Focus on your own goals and growth. Compare your current self to your past self. Journaling can be your secret weapon, providing clarity and perspective on how far you’ve come. It’s not about being better than someone else, it’s about being better than you used to be. 
8. Look – Notice – Appreciate: Eliminate the distractions and redirect your energy toward cultivating a positive mindset and appreciating what’s right in front of you. Find aspects of your life that others might envy. It’s not about bragging. It’s about acknowledging the positive elements that make your journey uniquely yours. Look around, notice the good stuff, and appreciate the richness of your life. 

In this maze of self comparison, these practical tips aren’t just steps, they’re your roadmap to navigating the twists and turns. With gratitude, self-compassion, and a focus on your unique journey, you’re not just reframing the narrative, you’re creating a story of growth, resilience, and personal triumph. Break free from the comparison trap and let the real you shine. 

While the comparison trap often leads to feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness, it’s essential to recognize that not all forms of comparison are detrimental. Positive effects can emerge from comparisons, generating a belief in the possibility of greater achievements and inspiring personal growth. Witnessing others’ successes can serve as a blueprint for your own, guiding you toward more positive outcomes. 

However, the negative effects of the comparison trap are equally significant. Obsessive comparison can result in a distorted self-perception, with us focusing solely on our perceived shortcomings. Falling short in these comparisons contributes to feelings of unworthiness, that we don’t really deserve what we’ve already achieved, that can be challenging to overcome.

Amidst the chaos of comparisons, one profound realization emerges – the only person worth comparing yourself to is you. Efforts should be redirected toward internal growth, kindness, resilience, and authenticity. Personal success should be defined by individual aspirations, not external benchmarks. 

This journey towards self-discovery involves learning and unlearning, shedding limiting beliefs, and embracing new supportive ones. It requires acknowledging trade-offs, understanding that everyone’s path is unique, and defining success on your own terms. By deciding what truly matters and recognizing triggers, we can create boundaries, prioritize self-care, and reframe comparisons from a new perspective. 

It’s important to remember that breaking free from the comparison trap is an ongoing process, a journey that demands self-reflection, self-compassion, and a commitment to playing your own game. It’s about redirecting the focus inward, celebrating your distinctive strengths, and appreciating your personal achievements. 

As we embrace the truth that each of us is on our own unique journey, we can break free from the exhausting cycle of comparisons and start to show up as our true selves. Remember, the only game you can truly win is one where you become a better version of yourself, every single day. 

Comparison is the thief of joy, so let that comparison go and start playing your own game. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Stop Diminishing Your Work at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode ninety-seven.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.