Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success Podcast, episode eighty-two. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

The workplace is a complex environment where people with different personalities, skill sets, experience, and work styles come together to achieve common goals. While this can be a positive thing, it can also create situations where boundaries are tested or even violated, causing stress and anxiety for those of us just trying to protect ourselves and our well-being. 

In this episode, we’ll dive into the importance of creating and holding our boundaries at work and how to respectfully push back when those boundaries are challenged, and they will be challenged, especially if you have a history of saying yes to every request that passes over your desk. People get used to you always taking things on, and they’re going to wonder when you start drawing a line in the sand, especially if it means more work for them. 

Boundaries are an essential aspect of maintaining a healthy work-life balance, protecting your mental health, and maintaining your sense of self. They are the limits that define what is acceptable to us and what is not, and they help us navigate the complexities of the workplace. Without boundaries, work can easily consume our lives, leaving us feeling overwhelmed, overworked, and underappreciated. 

Creating and holding boundaries can be challenging, particularly in environments where there is pressure to conform or where the work culture is not supportive of individual needs. This is why it is important to be intentional about setting boundaries and to communicate them clearly and respectfully to colleagues and managers, when necessary. 

Pushing back against boundary violations can also be difficult, particularly when it involves standing up to authority figures or challenging the status quo. However, it’s important to remember that pushing back is not about being confrontational or aggressive, but about asserting your rights and needs in a respectful and professional manner. 

When pushing back, it’s important to be clear about what the boundary violation is, in very simple language, and how it is affecting your work or mental health. It is also important to offer solutions or alternatives that can help address the issue, without having to compromise your boundaries. For example, if you are constantly interrupted during meetings, you could proactively set some ground rules for participation or suggest a designated time for questions and comments. You have the power to insist on these types of changes, so use it. 

It’s important to note that setting boundaries and pushing back is not just about protecting yourself, but also about creating a healthy work environment for everyone. When people feel respected and valued, they’re more likely to be productive, engaged, and motivated. And a workplace that prioritizes mental health and well-being is more likely to attract and retain top talent and foster a positive workplace culture, which can have a positive impact on the bottom line, and if nothing else, most managers care about that. 

I can’t stress this enough that you need to be creating and holding boundaries at work. So, if you haven’t been setting your boundaries, it’s time to be more intentional. You can communicate them clearly and respectfully, and you have every right to push back when those boundaries are challenged. And as I said, don’t be surprised when your boundaries are tested. It’s not personal, it’s just part of the job. 

Boundaries in the workplace refer to the limits that we set to protect our time, energy, and emotional well-being. Sometimes, these boundaries are just what we need to help us maintain a healthy work-life balance, avoid resentment and bitterness, and create a more positive and productive work environment where we can thrive. 

When people have clear boundaries around their work responsibilities and time, they’re better able to focus on their tasks and get the things done that need to get done. This can lead to increased productivity and efficiency since they’re not distracted by interruptions or competing demands on their time. 

For example, if you set a boundary around your availability during certain times of the day for focused work, you are more likely to complete your work and meet deadlines without distractions from emails, meetings, phone calls, or people just dropping by your desk to check-in. Whereas without clear boundaries, you may be constantly interrupted and you may struggle to focus on your tasks and have trouble completing them in a timely manner, leading you to have to work longer hours to get the same work done and having to sacrifice your personal time to make that happen.

Boundaries can also help people manage stress. When we have clear boundaries around our workload and responsibilities, we are less likely to feel overwhelmed or overworked and that our work is never-ending. 

For example, if you set boundaries around the number of hours you work per day or per week, you are less likely to experience exhaustion or resentment from overworking. Whereas without clear boundaries, you might find it difficult to disconnect from work in order to relax and recharge, only to have to do it all over again the next day. 

Boundaries also help people maintain a healthy work-life balance by setting limits around the amount of time and energy they devote to work. This allows them to prioritize their personal life, hobbies, and self-care leading to better overall well-being and improved engagement during the time they are working.

For example, if you set a boundary around not checking work, emails, texts, or your slack messages after a certain time of day, you are able to disconnect from work and focus on your personal life so you get a real break and can return to work the next day, feeling rejuvenated and ready to go again. Whereas a lack of boundaries can put a strain on your relationships in the workplace and you may feel that you are being taken advantage of or that your needs are not being respected.

Creating and holding boundaries in the workplace can be challenging, but there are several strategies you can use to effectively set and maintain your boundaries. 

Here are three tips: 

1. Set clear expectations
2. Communicate effectively
3. Be ready to say no when necessary

The first step in creating boundaries is to define what you need and being willing to communicate those needs clearly to those around you, who need to know. This involves setting clear expectations around your workload, schedule, and communication preferences. For example, if you need uninterrupted time to focus on a specific project, you can communicate this to your team and set expectations around when you will be available to respond to messages or attend meetings. You can also set expectations around the amount of work you can realistically handle and communicate this to your supervisor to ensure that your workload is manageable.

Communicating effectively involves being assertive, direct, and respectful in your communication with colleagues, supervisors, and clients. It also involves setting boundaries around how you communicate, such as not responding to emails or messages outside of work hours. 

For most people, and especially women, saying no can be difficult, but it’s an important part of creating and maintaining our boundaries. For example, in this environment of doing more with less, you can expect to be asked to take on additional work that is outside of your job description. And it’s okay to help out when you can, but there is a limit. 

It’s your responsibility to recognize your limit, that tipping point where even one more thing will add significant stress and compromise your ability to deliver that work to the quality you know it requires. At this point, you might need to say no and communicate your reasons respectfully. By saying no, you are setting a boundary around your workload and prioritizing your mental health and professional reputation. 

Unfortunately, creating and holding boundaries in the workplace can be challenging for a variety of reasons. 

Here are three of the biggest challenges that can arise when you begin to set and hold your boundaries, as well as a few strategies for navigating them:

1. Fear of backlash
2. Difficulty saying no
3. Lack of support

One of the biggest challenges of setting and maintaining boundaries is the fear of negative consequences such as backlash or retribution from a supervisor or colleague. This can be a particularly challenging and stressful situation to navigate, but you’re going to have to expect pushback from those around you, especially if you haven’t set many boundaries in the past. You have to expect that someone is going to tell you you are being perceived as difficult or uncooperative, and it might be used as a reason for being passed over for promotions. It happens. 

To overcome this challenge, it’s important to remember that setting boundaries is an essential part of self-care and it’s okay to prioritize your well-being. Seeking support from a therapist or career coach can also help you develop strategies for communicating your boundaries in a way that is respectful and effective. Sometimes, just having that plan in place for how you will handle whatever comes up can help you navigate these challenging situations with greater confidence and resilience and even help reduce the backlash you might anticipate. 

When people around you push back on boundaries that you have set, you may feel guilty or selfish for prioritizing your own needs. And maybe they’ll tell you exactly that. Saying no can be difficult, particularly if you’re worried about letting people down. It’s important to remember that saying no is not a reflection of your value or competence, and that setting limits is essential for maintaining the high standards you have for your work, which is ultimately what your professional reputation is built on.

One strategy for overcoming this challenge is to practice saying no in low stakes situations such as declining a social invitation or suggesting a task be delegated to a colleague. This can help you build confidence in your ability to set boundaries and communicate your needs effectively while also managing your feelings of guilt and your need for approval. 

Creating and holding boundaries can be particularly challenging when you don’t receive the support you need from those around you. When colleagues or supervisors push back on your boundaries, you may worry about damaging your professional relationships, but keep in mind that may not always be the case. In my own experience, it can also create the opposite effect, where they respect you more for pushing back instead of failing to deliver. 

It’s important to remember that you have the right to prioritize your well-being and that setting boundaries is an essential part of maintaining your high personal standards, which play a part in your job satisfaction. In some cases, it may be necessary to have a difficult conversation with a client, supervisor or colleague about your needs and expectations. It might surprise you that needs and expectations go both ways. 

It’s important to approach these conversations in a constructive and respectful way, which is not always easy to do, especially in the moment. Having a plan in place and practicing stating your expectations clearly and calmly may help you find a mutually beneficial solution that demonstrates your commitment to your work while also maintaining those necessary limits. We can’t do it all, no matter how often we are asked to work miracles. 

By developing effective strategies for setting and maintaining your boundaries that work for you, it is possible to enjoy a more fulfilling and satisfying work experience. 

Pushing back effectively can be an important skill for maintaining boundaries and advocating for yourself in the workplace. Here are a few tips for pushing back effectively: 

• Remain firm and assertive
• Be willing to compromise
• Communicate with empathy and respect, even when they don’t

When pushing back on a request or demand from a colleague or supervisor, it’s important to remain firm and assertive. This means communicating your needs clearly and confidently and being willing to stand your ground. For example, if someone asks you to take on a project that you don’t have the bandwidth for, you can say something like, “I appreciate the opportunity, but I’m currently at capacity with what’s already on my plate. Can we discuss how to prioritize this project by eliminating one of the others I’m working on or find someone else to take something on?”

As important as it is to remain firm and assertive, it’s also critical to be willing to compromise, when appropriate. This means being open to alternative solutions or negotiating an outcome that benefits everyone. For example, if you’re asked to work overtime at the last minute, but you have other commitments, you could say something like, “I understand that this project is important and I’m willing to work extra hours to help you meet your deadline. However, I have a prior commitment tonight that I can’t miss. Can we discuss other options?” They don’t need to know what it is, and if you tell them, it just turns the discussion into a debate on the relative importance or merits of your prior commitment, which they have no business weighing in on. Remember, their poor planning doesn’t make it your emergency. 

When pushing back, it’s important to communicate with empathy and respect, even if you disagree with the request or demand. This means acknowledging the concern of the other person and framing your response in a way that shows you value their input. For example, if someone asks you to take on a task that isn’t in your job description, you can say something like, “I appreciate your confidence in my abilities, but I don’t have the expertise or resources to complete this task effectively. Can we discuss how to find someone else with the necessary skills?” 

By remaining firm and assertive, you can communicate your limits and priorities clearly, which can lead to better workload management and increased job satisfaction for you. Remember, your needs are important too. 

By showing that you’re willing to help find solutions that meet everyone’s needs, you’re able to build stronger professional relationships that tend to enhance collaboration. And by communicating with empathy and respect, you can build trust and goodwill with those you work with, which might lead to more opportunities for growth and development for you in the future. It also might show those around you how to handle these types of situations for themselves. 

When you set boundaries, you are communicating your needs and expectations clearly, which can prevent misunderstandings and conflicts. By doing this, you can also build self-confidence as you are taking control of your career. 

If nothing else, remember that creating and holding boundaries is necessary for avoiding that powerless feeling, where your life feels like it’s happening to you. I encourage you to experiment with different strategies for creating and holding your own boundaries and not to be afraid to push back when someone challenges those lines you’ve drawn in the sand. 

Without boundaries, work can start to consume your life and lead to feelings of overwhelm, exhaustion, and cynicism. I know this for sure because it happened to me. People will take as much as they can get from you, so it’s your responsibility to decide when you’ve reached your capacity, or better yet, well before that happens. 

I realize that creating and holding boundaries can be challenging, so it’s important to find what works best for you. You can do hard things. And for some, this is going to feel really hard. 

Setting and enforcing your boundaries is not just about protecting yourself, but also about creating a healthier work environment for everyone, so start showing others how it’s done.

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Pushing Back at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode eighty-two.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.