Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success Podcast, episode eighty-nine. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

An essential component to achieve our dreams is believing that we can do it. Ultimately, we need to believe in ourselves or nothing will work. But, that is much easier said than done, at least in my experience. So, when we’re just getting started, we can borrow that belief from others while we are still cultivating it for ourselves. 

In this episode, we’ll explore how borrowing the belief that others have in us can be a powerful strategy for achieving our goals, especially when it comes to advancing our careers. This approach involves relying on the information that others are willing to share, about what they think you do best, even if you are still struggling to see it for yourself. 

One of the main benefits of borrowing belief is that it can help you overcome feelings of self-doubt and imposter syndrome. Many people experience a sense of inadequacy or fear of being exposed as a fraud, particularly in new or challenging situations. By focusing on the support you have received from others, you can build your confidence and reduce these negative emotions that contribute to holding yourself back. 

In addition to boosting your confidence, borrowing belief can help you seek out opportunities to develop important skills and qualities that are essential for career advancement. When you surround yourself with people who believe in your potential, you are more likely to be given more opportunities for growth and development. This might include access to mentoring, sponsorship, training, and other resources that can help you build your skills and advance to the next level. 

By leveraging the belief that others have in you, you can also gain valuable insights and perspectives on your strengths and weaknesses. This can help you identify areas where you need to improve, as well as recognize the unique talents and abilities that make you stand out. 

Ultimately, the key to borrowing belief is to use it as a stepping stone toward developing your own confidence. While it is important to value the opinions and feedback of others, you also need to cultivate a deep sense of self-awareness and trust in your own abilities rather than being dependent on someone else because they won’t always be there. Over time, as you continue to build your skills, knowledge, and experience, you’ll be able to rely more on your own belief in yourself and less on what others think. 

A lack of belief in yourself will limit you no matter how great the ideas or opportunities that you are exposed to. The biggest difference I’ve noticed between successful people and unsuccessful people is that the successful people are determined to make any situation work for them rather than playing the role of the victim and searching for reasons why things won’t work.

As much as we tell ourselves the opposite, it’s not just the level of intelligence or number of opportunities, or the availability of resources that make all the difference for some people. It’s having that belief that they can make their goals happen. 

The truth is, no idea will work for everyone, but many ideas can work for most people, if you believe that you can make them work. It’s trusting that you can figure out how to make things work in your favor. 

So, here are a couple of good questions to ask yourself: 

• How do I make these ideas work for me? 
• What can I do right now as a way to make something good happen for me? 

In order to achieve the results you want, you have to be willing to think differently. This involves experimenting with new ideas and trusting that you’ll discover a way to put them into action. We are all dealing with vulnerability, uncertainty, and the fear of failure. Some of us trust that if we move forward anyway, then we will figure it out as we go along. 

This is something I’ve been trying to put in place in my life, and if I’m honest, I’m still working on it. In those times when I’m feeling lost and confused, I try to remind myself to trust that I will figure it out. Even when there’s an opportunity I’ve discovered that sounds incredible, but I don’t yet feel completely qualified, I convince myself to go for it anyway. I have started to believe in myself and my ability to make what I want to have happen, happen. This confidence has made a big difference for me over and over again in my career. 

One of the most foundational beliefs that you can develop is that you can become better. Do you believe that if you want better health, more happiness, or a more meaningful job, you can make these things happen? This requires you to believe that it is possible for people to improve and believe that it is possible to raise the bar in your own life, even when the world around you seems satisfied with average. 

Borrowing belief is a good strategy for using what others think of your capabilities as a way to boost your own confidence and develop that essential belief in yourself. When we are able to embrace their belief in us, we are more willing to try new things and experiment, even when we feel uncertain of the outcome. When you don’t believe it’s possible for you to figure things out, it’s hard to make any progress. 

For example, imagine that you’ve been given a challenging project at work and you are feeling overwhelmed and thinking that you might not be the right person for the job. However, your manager and colleagues have expressed confidence in your skills and have encouraged you to take on the project. By borrowing their belief in you, you can start to feel more confident and motivated to tackle the project, even if you still have doubts about the outcome.

This has been the case for me numerous times. While I’m doubting my abilities, I convince myself that they gave me this assignment because they think I can do it and do it well. Maybe they saw something in me that I can’t yet see in myself. I challenge you to try this and see if it works for you. 

Borrowing belief is important for career success because it helps to combat feelings of imposter syndrome, self-doubt, and other negative emotions that can hold you back from reaching your full potential. When you are able to rely on the positive beliefs and feedback of others, you can develop a stronger sense of self-confidence and self-efficacy, which can help you take on new challenges and seize those opportunities to showcase your skills as they arise. 

Borrowing belief can help you build stronger relationships with those you work with. When you are open to receiving feedback and support from your colleagues and mentors, you create a positive feedback loop that you can continue to develop over time. By demonstrating a willingness to learn from others and acknowledge and accept their beliefs in your capabilities, you build trust and respect in your professional relationships. 

During those moments when you believe in yourself the least, you can tap into the knowledge that someone you respect believes in you. This can help you from getting in your head and latching onto those limiting beliefs that seem to come to mind much more easily. 

Here are three tips for borrowing the belief that others have in you and how to apply that in practice for career success: 

1. Recognize and accept positive feedback: When someone compliments your work or skills, graciously acknowledge it. It’s important to take this in, rather than dismissing it, even if you feel uncomfortable or skeptical about what they’re saying. Practice saying ‘thank you’ and refraining from deflecting or minimizing their kind words. 
2. Use positive affirmations: Use that feedback you’ve acknowledged to create some short mantras for yourself. These can be a powerful tool for building self-confidence and belief in yourself. Ensure that they sound like something you’d say to encourage your best friend. Make them specific to your goals and repeat them in your head, or out loud, regularly.
3. Take action: Demonstrating your competence to others is crucial for building that self-belief you’re looking for. Even if you don’t feel fully sure of yourself, take small steps towards your goals and trust that you will figure it out as you go. By showing up and taking action, you will gradually build a sense of momentum and slowly create that belief in your abilities.

Remember, borrowing belief is not about relying solely on the opinions of others, but rather using their support and feedback as a way to build your own self-confidence. Borrowing their belief in you works to get you started, but the only sustainable way to keep making things happen for yourself is to start building your own belief and be able to draw on that when you need it.

The process of identifying people who believe in you requires you to be very selective. If you’re anything like me, you can beat yourself up without any trouble. It’s building yourself back up that takes hearing the right things from the right people over and over again. 

Here are a few questions that you can ask yourself to help identify those people who can provide this belief for you:

• Who has supported me or advocated on my behalf in the past? 
• Who has provided great advice that challenged me to take on new things? 
• Who has provided constructive feedback to help me improve? 

Once you have identified these individuals, it’s important to acknowledge your appreciation for their belief in you. Consider reaching out to people in both your personal and professional life, including family members, friends, colleagues, mentors, or even former bosses. This might involve reaching out to them to express your gratitude for their support, letting them know how you have used their positive feedback to help boost your own self-belief, or asking them for advice on a specific project or goal you’re currently working on. 

Here’s a step-by-step plan for borrowing belief from others and how to internalize that external validation and turn it into confidence:

Step 1: Identify your goals and the areas where you want to build your confidence, including specific projects, tasks, or skills that you want to improve or excel in.

Step 2: Identify those people you respect in your personal and professional life, who have your best interests at heart and can provide that much needed support. 

Step 3: Reach out to them to express your gratitude for their support and belief in you. Ask for their feedback or advice on your specific goals and take note of their words of encouragement. 

Step 4: Take action towards your goals using their encouragement as the external motivation needed to push yourself outside of your comfort zone. 

Step 5: Reflect on your progress and acknowledge your own growth and development. Celebrate your successes and acknowledge those as evidence of your own abilities and strengths. Learn from your missteps as a way to continue to improve. 

Step 6: Focus on developing that belief in yourself while continuing to seek out feedback and support from others, as needed. Internalize the external validation and use it as a foundation for building your own self-confidence. 

Remember, borrowing belief from others is not a substitute for developing that self-confidence. Acting on borrowed belief is an important part of getting started and proving to yourself that you can do it. It’s important to use the support from others as a way to give yourself the courage to take action as well as build your confidence over time. 

If you don’t internalize that belief they have in you, you may become overly reliant on this validation from others and struggle to develop a sense of self-worth. This can lead to three common pitfalls, including: 

1. Pitfall #1 – Lack of initiative: If you’re always waiting for someone else to believe in you, to give you permission, or invite you to take action, you may struggle to take initiative and pursue your goals on your own. 
2. Pitfall #2 – Fear of failure: Without a sense of belief in yourself, you may become more risk averse and avoid taking on new challenges or pursuing opportunities that could lead to growth and development, leaving you feeling bored, stagnant, or becoming complacent. 
3. Pitfall #3 – Lack of resilience: When you face setbacks or challenges, you may struggle to bounce back and may become easily discouraged, ready to give up more readily when things don’t turn out as planned because you don’t have that confidence to fall back on.

Having someone who believes in you and your ability to make your dreams come true is so important. It’s worth the effort to find that someone who will be there to offer that support when you need it. 

• They will remind you that it is possible when you start to feel doubt. 
• They will remind you why you started when you begin to wonder what’s the point. 
• And they will remind you of how strong you really are, when it feels like the path to success is just too hard.

But borrowing someone else’s belief in you won’t hold you steady when they are no longer right next to you. It takes work to make that belief your own. You have to keep committing to it every single day by reminding yourself why you want it and that it’s possible for you so that you begin to believe for yourself. So, use that support and external belief when you need it, but most importantly, use it to begin to believe that you are enough, that you are capable, and that you have the strength and grit to achieve anything you want. 

It’s important that we strike that balance between leveraging the support of others and maintaining our own sense of agency and ownership over our goals. While the encouragement and confidence of others can be a powerful motivator, it is ultimately up to us to take action and to make progress toward our goals.

 It’s important to avoid becoming overly dependent on others’ confidence and to cultivate our own sense of self-efficacy and motivation. Additionally, we should be mindful of the potential for others’ expectations and goals to diverge from our own and work to ensure that we are staying true to our own values and aspirations as we pursue our goals with the support of others.

We do borrow beliefs from others all the time and sometimes, without even realizing it. All our lives we’ve taken in the beliefs of our family, our friends, the people we work with, and society at large, and over time we’ve made them our own. Depending on who is in your circle, you might have adopted quite a few beliefs that don’t make you feel very good, but you don’t have to keep believing those things. You can try on new beliefs and choose the ones that empower you, not the ones that drag you down. Be selective. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and have your best interests in mind to help to reinforce your own self-belief and confidence as it begins to emerge. 

Borrowing belief can be a powerful strategy for building your confidence in the short term, but it’s important to work towards developing a stronger sense of self-belief over time. Internalizing that external validation is key to long-term success. 

Taking action towards your goals is a crucial part of building that self-confidence. Nothing is going to work if you don’t believe it’s possible for you, and more importantly, nothing will work for you if you don’t believe in yourself. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Building Self-Belief at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode eighty-nine.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.