Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success Podcast, episode eighty-four. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Developing calmness as a superpower is a valuable skill that can help you achieve career success in a hostile work environment. Your ability to carry yourself with dignity and grace will empower you in any situation. It’s easy to get caught up in stressful situations that can trigger negative emotions and interfere with your ability to perform at your best. By cultivating calmness, you can learn to remain composed under pressure, stay focused on your goals, and make better decisions. 

In this episode, we’ll examine the importance of keeping your mind clear when your heart starts to race. Staying calm is how you strengthen your confidence and develop trust in yourself. It could even be considered a form of self-respect. You have the power to choose how you respond in any situation and overreacting or taking things personally when you’re being provoked, blamed or criticized simply adds mental clutter to an already challenging situation. It is never too late to learn how to respond in a new way.

There are several strategies you can use to develop calmness as a superpower in a hostile work environment. We’ll dive into three of the ones I find most helpful, but first, here’s an overview of all three. 

The first strategy is to identify your triggers and develop coping mechanisms that work for you. By understanding what situations or events trigger your frustration, anger, or resentment, you can take steps to avoid them or develop coping mechanisms to help you manage them more effectively. 

A second strategy is to practice effective communication. When you encounter difficult situations or challenging people at work, it can be easy to react emotionally or defensively. However, by learning to communicate in a calm, clear, and assertive manner, you can diffuse tension and resolve conflicts more effectively before they have a chance to become a bigger issue.

Focusing on what you can control is a third strategy for developing calmness as a superpower. In a hostile work environment, there may be many factors that are beyond your control. By focusing on the things you can control, such as your own reactions and behaviors, you can maintain a sense of calm and purpose, even in uncomfortable situations that are a real challenge to navigate. Your response is always a choice. 

So, why is staying calm such an essential skill that can help you succeed in your career? When you are calm, you are better able to think clearly and make rational decisions, even in high pressure situations. Staying calm can be incredibly beneficial when it comes to reducing your stress and anxiety in the workplace. 

Here are five key benefits that I’ve personally experienced by trying to stay calm:

1. Increased clarity: All that stress and anxiety can cloud your judgment and make it difficult to see the bigger picture. When you’re calm, you’re better able to think clearly and you’re less likely to be reactive or impulsive. This may help you say fewer things that you might later regret. And once it’s out there, it’s impossible to take back. 
2. Reduced tension: Calmness can help to reduce physical tension in the body, which can contribute to a greater sense of relaxation and ease. This can help to alleviate stress and anxiety symptoms such as headaches, muscle tension, and a racing heart. 
3. Reduced misunderstandings: When you’re calm, you’re better able to communicate clearly and effectively with others because you’re less likely to be defensive or aggressive, which can help to prevent those misunderstandings that do happen, from getting blown up into something bigger than they need to be. 
4. Increased resilience: This means you’re better able to handle the challenges and setbacks that are bound to happen in the face of adversity. You are less likely to become overwhelmed or give up. 
5. Enhanced productivity: When you’re calm, you’re better able to focus your attention and energy on the task at hand. This can help to improve your productivity and efficiency, which improves your resulting work product. 

Emotional intelligence is another important factor for staying calm in the workplace, and this tends to be something that comes easily to us, as women. This involves the ability to recognize and understand our own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. When it comes to staying calm in the workplace, our highly developed emotional intelligence can play a key role in several ways, including self-awareness, self-regulation, and empathy. 

Self-awareness is the ability to recognize your own emotions and their effects. By being aware of your emotional state, it’s easier to manage your emotions in a healthy and productive way, which is the self-regulation component. By practicing self-regulation techniques such as deep breathing or positive self-talk, it’s possible to stay calm and focused in even the most challenging of situations. 

Empathy is also a key component of emotional intelligence that can be second nature for us. It involves the ability to understand and relate to what others are feeling. By being empathetic, it’s easier to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts in a calm and productive way. 

We all feel emotions. It’s part of being human. I learned pretty early on in my career that anger was pretty much the only acceptable emotion to be expressed in the workplace, according to those I worked with. So I learned to bury my feelings, but this wasn’t really a good strategy for me. It worked for a while, but then my emotions would surface again, sometimes when I didn’t want them to, and with more intensity. The best analogy I’ve heard is comparing it to trying to hold a beach ball underwater. You can keep it there for a while, but it’s going to pop up eventually. 

It took a while, but eventually I recognized that the coping mechanisms I was depending on weren’t working for me. I needed to explore other options, and this led me on a bit of a quest to identify my own triggers, which brings us back to a deeper dive into the first strategy for developing calmness as a superpower, and that is identifying your triggers and developing coping mechanisms. 

If you’re trying to survive in a hostile work environment, it’s not news to you that it can be very challenging to deal with. There are things about each person’s situation that make it unique, and there may be many factors that are potentially triggering for people in such an environment.

Some common triggers that can cause stress and anxiety in the workplace include verbal abuse, bullying, and unmanageable workloads. This can make people feel attacked, isolated, threatened, or powerless, leading to exhaustion, cynicism, and resentment. 

In response to these triggers, people may engage in unproductive coping mechanisms that can actually make the situation worse. Many people choose to avoid or ignore the problem rather than speaking up or seeking help. This avoidance coping mechanism was one I used for years, and I can confirm that it leads to feelings of helplessness and does actually make the situation worse over time, at least in my case. 

Another way to avoid dealing with what is causing you stress at work is pouring yourself a much deserved glass of wine to relax. This was another of my go-to coping strategies, and if you spend any time on Pinterest these days, you might begin to think that this is the only way to get through the day. In my case, all it did was allow me to escape what I was feeling temporarily, but it did nothing to solve the problems that were causing the stress and anxiety for me. 

Some people’s answer to workplace hostility is to meet it with aggression. For example, someone who’s being verbally abused may respond in kind with insults or threats of their own. All this does is escalate the situation and by stooping to their level, you lose any leverage you might have had in resolving the situation by keeping things professional. Don’t take the bait. It doesn’t end well for anyone. 

These are just a few examples, so it’s important to recognize the triggers that are affecting you and to develop healthy coping mechanisms to manage your stress and anxiety. I invite you to move beyond these unproductive coping mechanisms and find something that will help you manage your emotional responses and prevent them from escalating the situation unnecessarily. 

Here are three suggestions that might help you manage your triggers in a healthier way: 

1. Deep breathing: This is a simple yet effective way to manage stress and anxiety. When you feel triggered, take a moment to step away from the situation and take a few deep breaths. Breathe in slowly through your nose, hold your breath for a few seconds, and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat this exercise a few times until you start to feel calmer.
2. Mindfulness: This involves focusing your attention on the present moment without judgment or distraction. When you feel triggered, take a moment to close your eyes and focus on your breath. It’s similar to techniques you may have encountered in your yoga practice. Notice the sensation of your breath moving in and out of your body, and let go of any thoughts that may come up for you during this time.
3. Physical exercise: This is a powerful way to manage stress and anxiety and can help you release pent up emotions and tension. When you feel triggered, take a break and go for a walk. Moving your body can help you release the tension and improve your mood and energy levels. 

For me, deep breathing and mindfulness worked for those minor annoyances, but I definitely found it hard to calm myself by just taking a few deep breaths when I was really triggered. I found running as a really effective way to help me cope, which really helped me get through a few very stressful years. It was my ‘me time’ where I could pretend the work stresses didn’t exist, at least for a little while. It was more for my mental health, but the physical health benefits were an added bonus. I can attest that by incorporating these practices into your daily routine, you can improve your well-being and maintain a sense of calmness and increase your resilience, at least for a while. 

The second strategy for developing calmness as a superpower is practicing effective communication. Clear and concise communication is essential in any workplace, but it’s particularly important in a hostile work environment. When communication is unclear or ineffective, misunderstandings can occur, tensions can escalate, and conflicts can arise. If you’re not careful, things can go terribly wrong. But this can be avoided by implementing some of these tips for effective communication:

• Use clear and direct language: Avoid using jargon or words that are ambiguous and be as clear and direct as possible while maintaining your professionalism and conveying respect when communicating with others. 
• Listen actively: Make sure to listen and respond to what they’re actually saying, not what you think they are saying. 
• Be transparent: We’re all working in collaborative environments these days, and what you do has an impact on how others can get their work done. Provide updates regularly and communicate any changes to your rate of progress that might affect someone else. No one likes surprises. 
• Address conflicts directly: When conflicts do arise, address them quickly and calmly by trying to find a mutually beneficial solution before things get ugly. When communication is unclear or ineffective, misunderstandings, tensions and conflicts can arise, which can contribute to a toxic workplace culture. By prioritizing clear and direct communication, we can create a more positive and productive work environment for everyone.

The third strategy for developing calmness as a superpower is focusing on what you can control rather than what you can’t. This is an important strategy for staying calm in a hostile work environment as there may be many things that are outside of your control, such as the behavior of coworkers or the overall work culture. However, focusing on these things can be counterproductive and simply lead to an increase in your stress and anxiety levels. 

By focusing on what you can control, you feel more empowered and in control of your situation rather than feeling helpless and overwhelmed when you think everything is happening to you. This can help you identify potential solutions to problems and take action instead of feeling stuck and unable to find a way forward. 

So, how do you focus on what you can control in a hostile work environment? Here are a few tips:

1. Identify what you can control: Make a list of the things that are within your control, such as your own behavior, your workload, and your response to difficult situations. Pay attention to your own behavior and how it contributes to the work environment. Are there ways that you can be more respectful or professional in your interactions with others? Someone has to go first in order to improve your personal interactions, so it might as well be you. 
2. Reclaim your power: When we take something personally, we automatically give our power away. We allow the other person to control us and our emotions. Let go of the belief that others’ words or actions are a reflection of your worth. People act out of their own fears, insecurities, and experiences, not because of you. When you respond with calmness, you are the powerful one. 

Dealing with a hostile work environment can be challenging, but try to stay calm. It’s not personal. Walk away when you can. Try to laugh it off. And breathe deeply and trust that it has nothing to do with you. 

Cultivating calmness as a superpower requires a shift in mindset and a commitment to self-awareness. This means acknowledging that we cannot control other people’s behavior or the work environment, but we can control our own responses and reactions to them. Work at developing strategies that work for you in managing your stress and learn to let go of those negative thoughts and emotions that aren’t helping anything. 

Set healthy boundaries, both with yourself and with others, and learn to say no to requests or situations that are not aligned with your values or goals. Seek out sources of support and connection such as mentors, colleagues, or friends outside of work who can provide a sounding board, alternative perspective, and some much needed encouragement. 

Focus on what you can control. In a hostile work environment, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and powerless. However, by focusing on what is within your power, your reactions, your behavior, and your work performance, you can regain a sense of agency which will, in time, reduce your stress level. 

Don’t take things personally. Whatever happens, remember that nothing other people do is actually because of you. By staying true to your values and maintaining your integrity, you can feel more confident and empowered even in challenging situations when other people are behaving badly. 

Finally, it’s worth noting that staying calm and handling difficult situations with grace and composure can have significant career benefits. Employers value employees who are able to stay level-headed under pressure, communicate effectively, and handle conflict in a constructive manner. By developing these skills, you can position yourself as a valuable asset to your organization and increase your opportunities for career advancement. 

So, by cultivating calmness as a superpower, we can not only survive in a hostile work environment, but also thrive and achieve success on our own terms.

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide for Staying Calm at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode eighty-four.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.