Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and fifty-four. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Let’s talk about those unwritten rules you’ve been living by – the ones you didn’t consciously agree to, but somehow have been shaping your entire career (and maybe your life). These are the sneaky, limiting beliefs that tell you what’s possible, what you deserve, and how things ought to be. They’re like an outdated operating system running in the background, quietly sabotaging your potential. By now, they’re probably so deeply ingrained that you don’t even notice them until you’re stuck in a rut, wondering why you’re not further along, or why you’re chasing goals that feel more punishing than rewarding. 

In this episode, we delve into reimagining what’s possible, when we uncover the beliefs holding us back and ensure our goals are aligned with what we actually want, not what we think we’re supposed to want.

Misery doesn’t equal success, no matter what those old rules might be telling you. Finishing or sticking with a goal you absolutely hate isn’t a win. It’s just proof that you can endure unnecessary suffering. So what if there’s another way? If the rules you’ve been following aren’t serving you, maybe it’s time to consider rewriting them. 

Reimagining your goals – or even quitting them altogether – can feel radical, but sometimes it’s exactly what you need to unlock your full potential. The first step is uncovering those limiting beliefs, identifying what’s holding you back, and getting real about whether your life and the career you’re building align with what you actually want – not what someone has told you is what you should want. 

It’s time to uncover your limiting beliefs and reimagine your career. We all have those secret rules we’ve internalized over the years that end up telling us what’s possible. Call it baggage or old programming – it doesn’t matter what you name it, it’s just plain nonsense. What does matter is the way these beliefs quietly dictate how we show up, what we aim for, and whether we believe we deserve more in our careers (or in our lives, for that matter). 

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking, “Maybe this is all there is”, or “They call it work for a reason”, then you’ve been living by these kinds of secret rules you probably didn’t even know you signed up for. These unwritten agreements aren’t just outdated, they’re actively working against you. But, don’t worry, you’re not alone in this. The good news is, once you uncover these sneaky beliefs, you can rewrite the rules. The bad news? It might involve admitting that all this time you’ve been sabotaging yourself. 

So, where did these rules come from anyway? They often come from well-meaning advice, societal expectations, or even a passing comment from someone you thought knew better. Over time, these little nuggets of wisdom calcify into what seem like unshakeable truths, like: 

• “You should be grateful for any job in this economy.” 
• “Good things come to those who keep working hard without complaint.” 
• “You’re just not ready yet. Maybe after a few more years of experience.” 

We don’t question them because they sound plausible enough – or at least they did when we first heard them. But now, they’re like outdated software slowing down our ability to dream bigger or demand more. Worse, we might not even realize we’re operating under these rules until we realize we’re stuck and we’re sitting there wondering why our career hasn’t gone where we thought it would. 

Some beliefs are so embedded that we mistake them for the truth. Let’s unpack four of these most common gems: 

1. “I don’t deserve better”: This one’s a classic. Maybe you’ve internalized the idea that wanting more – more money, more recognition, more fulfilling work – makes you greedy or ungrateful. I want to assure you that it doesn’t. Ambition isn’t a character flaw. 
2. “I’m not qualified for anything else”: Perhaps you’ve convinced yourself that your skills are so niche, so specific, that you’re stuck where you are. Maybe it’s time to give yourself a little more credit. You’re likely underestimating how transferable your abilities really are. 
3. “I’m lucky to have this job”: Gratitude is great, but when it turns into complacency, it’s a problem. Just because you’ve convinced yourself that someone ‘took a chance on you’ doesn’t mean you owe them eternal loyalty at the expense of your own growth. 
4. “My work doesn’t count unless I’m miserable”: Somewhere along the line we got this idea that the more awful it feels makes it that much more worthy. It’s not enough to simply do good work; you have to hate it. I want you to know that misery isn’t a requirement for success. You can enjoy what you do. I know, what a concept?! 

The tricky thing about limiting beliefs is they don’t always make themselves known. They lurk in the background, influencing your decisions and rationalizing your choices until you realize you’re playing by rules that aren’t really working for you. 

Here’s how to tell if you’re living by one of these sneaky little saboteurs: 

• You’re consistently hitting a wall in your career and you can’t figure out why. 
• You feel stuck in a role, even though you know deep down it’s not where you belong.
• You’re not even sure what you want anymore because you’ve been so focused on what you should want. 

Do any of these sound familiar? The first step is recognizing these patterns. The second step? Challenging them. 

But, it’s not just your career that suffers when you let these beliefs run the show. There is a bigger cost to playing by the wrong rules. They spill over, affecting your confidence, your relationships, and even your health. Staying in a role or chasing a goal you’ve outgrown isn’t noble – it’s self-sabotage disguised as loyalty or grit. 

And achieving something or sticking with a goal you no longer want isn’t commendable. It’s a slow-motion train wreck. If you’re miserable every step of the way, then what exactly are you hoping for? A gold star for enduring more than anyone else would? Or a pat on the back for demonstrating superhuman perseverance?

Here’s a radical idea: What if you were to stop doing what you’re doing and change it to something that you actually enjoy? Not out of fear or laziness, but out of clarity. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is admit that the path you’re on isn’t working and it’s okay to change course. 

Here are four questions to help you uncover your limiting beliefs: 

1. Do I even like this? The simplest questions are often the hardest to answer. Take a good, hard look at what you’re doing right now. Maybe you love some parts of your job, but there’s a lot you can’t stand. That’s normal. No job is perfect. But, if the balance tips toward dread more often than not, it’s time to start paying attention. What’s working? And, what’s not? Identifying the pieces you enjoy can give you the clue as to what to pursue next – and what to ditch.
2. What is my real goal? Is the real goal you’re pursuing something you actually want, or is it an expectation imposed on you by someone else? Be honest with yourself. Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in chasing our goals that we forget to ask why we set them in the first place. Maybe you’re trying to hit a certain salary, title, or accolade because it feels like the next logical step. But, if you’re not excited about it, it’s worth reevaluating. The right goal should energize you, not feel like a grind. 
3. Does the method I’m using match who I am? If you’re trying to achieve your goal in a way that drains you or makes you question whether you have what it takes, it might be time to rethink your approach. You want it to be something you’re genuinely excited about. Remember, there’s no ‘right’ way to achieve success. The best methods are the ones that work for you. 
4. Is it time to make a change? Deciding to quit something isn’t failure. Sometimes, it’s the most strategic move you can make. If you’ve been chasing a goal that no longer aligns with your values or brings you joy, giving yourself permission to let it go is freedom. 

Once you’ve identified and challenged your limiting beliefs, it’s time to replace them with new, empowering ones. Again, achieving success doesn’t have to be miserable. In fact, the more aligned your goals are with your values and strengths, the more fulfilling your journey will be. 

Start by reimagining what success means to you. Maybe it’s not about climbing the ladder as fast as possible. Maybe it’s about creating work that feels meaningful, working with smart people you respect, or having the flexibility to live a balanced life. Whatever it is, make sure it’s yours – not someone else’s vision of success.

Fear is the glue that keeps limiting beliefs in place. Fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of the unknown – it’s all designed to keep you from stepping out of your comfort zone. But, here’s the thing: comfort zones are overrated. Nothing exciting or groundbreaking ever happens there.

When you let fear dictate your choices, you stay stuck. Stuck in a role that doesn’t serve you, stuck chasing a goal you don’t care about, stuck in a loop of ‘what ifs’. But, when you push past it, you open yourself up to new possibilities. And who knows? You might just find something better than you ever imagined. 

It’s tempting to think of your job as an all-or-nothing proposition – you either love it or hate it. But, the reality is usually more nuanced. There might be aspects of your role that light you up and others that make you run for the hills.

Recognizing this mix is key. Instead of throwing the whole job away, ask yourself if there’s a way to do more of what you love and less of what you don’t. Maybe that means advocating for a new project, delegating some tasks, or even transitioning to a new role entirely. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s balance. 

One of the most insidious limiting beliefs is the idea that you won’t be successful until you hit some arbitrary metric, whether that’s a certain income level, job title, or some other form of external validation.

Instead, I invite you to get clear on what success actually means to you. Is it about freedom? Creativity? Impact? Or something else entirely? Once you identify your core values, you can create metrics that align with them. 

If you discover that your dream job isn’t so dreamy, or that your big goal doesn’t align with who you are anymore, give yourself permission to pivot. Changing your mind doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it means you’ve grown. Life is too short to be stuck on a treadmill heading nowhere. 

Somewhere along the line, we got this idea that only difficult goals count. If you’re not enduring the unbearable or sacrificing something, then it doesn’t really matter. This belief is not only toxic – it’s wildly unproductive. 

Don’t get me wrong, hard work has its place, but misery shouldn’t be the price of success. In fact, when you align your goals with your strengths and values, they often feel easier to achieve. And no, that’s not cheating – it’s just being smart. 

Let’s stop glorifying the struggle and start celebrating the wins that come from doing what you enjoy, not what depletes you. We have a bad habit of discounting the things we’re naturally good at. If something feels easy, we assume it doesn’t count. But, this couldn’t be further from the truth. 

Using your strengths is leveraging what makes you unique. And, when you build on those skills, you’re not only more likely to achieve your goals, you’re more likely to enjoy the journey. If you’ve ever pursued a goal that felt impossible from the start, you know how demoralizing it can be. It’s like setting yourself up to fail – and then being mad at yourself for not making it work. 

So, find what works for you. Whether it’s breaking a big goal into smaller steps, finding a method that plays to your strengths, or simply choosing a different goal altogether, the key is to create a path that feels both challenging and achievable.

Every goal has its messy middle – that awkward, uncomfortable phase where nothing seems to be working and you’re tempted to throw in the towel. The question is, how do you know if the discomfort you’re feeling is a sign that you’ve picked the wrong goal or just the normal frustration that comes with making progress? 

Here’s how to tell: 

• If you’re still excited about the destination but hate the process, it’s likely just the messy middle. Adjust your methods, seek out some guidance or support, and keep going. 
• If the destination no longer excites you – or worse, fills you with dread – it’s time to reevaluate. Why are you pursuing this goal? Is it because you genuinely want it, or because you think you’re supposed to? 

Frustration is normal, but soul-crushing misery isn’t. Be open to the idea that it might be time to consider a pivot.

Limiting beliefs have a way of sticking around for years, even decades. They might come from: 

• Misguided advice from someone you respected. Maybe a mentor once told you to ‘pay your dues’ or ‘stay the course’ and you took it to heart – without realizing it was bad advice. 
• An offhand comment that stuck with you. Someone once said you weren’t leadership material, or that you’d never make it in a different field, and you believed them.
• Common misconceptions or stereotypes. You’ve internalized societal messages about what you can and can’t do, and now they’re shaping your choices. 

The result? You’re carrying around beliefs that were never yours to begin with, and they’re limiting your potential. A big step is recognizing these beliefs for what they are: obstacles, not truths. 

So, perhaps you’re coming to a realization that you don’t actually like your job. Maybe you’ve been telling yourself it’s fine, that no job is perfect, and you’re lucky to have it. But, deep down you know something’s off. Pay attention to that feeling. It’s not weakness; it’s your intuition trying to tell you something. And, while it’s normal to have rough days (or even rough months), a persistent sense of dissatisfaction is worth exploring. 

If you’re starting to suspect that your current path isn’t the right one, it’s time to consider the possibility that you could be happier doing something else, and that you might even get really good at it.

But, how do you know if you don’t give it a try? The fear of the unknown is real, but so is the regret of staying stuck in a situation that doesn’t serve you. Sometimes, the only way to find out what you’re capable of is to take the leap. 

Fear and limiting beliefs go hand-in-hand. They’ll tell you: 

• “You’ve invested too much to get where you are.” 
• “You’re not qualified to try something new.”
• “What if this too doesn’t work out?” 
• “It’s too late to change paths.” 

However, these thoughts are just noise. You’re capable of more than you think, and the only way to prove it is to take action. Yes, it’s scary. Yes, there’s a chance you’ll stumble. But, what’s the alternative? Staying stuck in a job or career you don’t love, just to avoid a little discomfort? 

What people often don’t realize about uncovering their limiting beliefs is that these beliefs are sometimes logical, well-intentioned thoughts that seem entirely reasonable. They often hide in plain sight. You might think you’re just being practical by staying in a job you dislike because it offers stability, or by chasing a goal that feels exhausting because it’s what you need to do to get where you want to go. But, beneath those surface-level justifications often lies a deeper, more insidious belief: “I don’t deserve better, so this is as good as I can expect”.

Limiting beliefs can feel so natural they’re easy to overlook. The key to uncovering them is to examine the everyday thoughts and assumptions that guide your decisions. Ask yourself: Does this belief empower me or restrict me? If it’s holding you back, chances are, it’s time to let it go – even if it feels comfortable or rational in the moment. The discomfort of challenging these beliefs is temporary, but the freedom to imagine and pursue goals that truly resonate with you is transformative.

Limiting beliefs are sneaky, but they’re not invincible. By identifying the secret rules you’ve been living by, you can take back control of your career – and your life. You don’t have to stay stuck. You don’t have to settle. And, you certainly don’t have to tolerate the intolerable to succeed. 

So, ask yourself the tough questions, ditch the misery metrics, embrace your strengths, and give yourself permission to challenge the beliefs that are holding you back. And, if it turns out that the path you’re on isn’t the right one, don’t be afraid to change course. 

Because at the end of the day, the only rules that matter are the ones that help you live a life that feels true to who you are. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Uncovering and Rewriting Your Limiting Beliefs at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and fifty-four.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.