Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success Podcast, episode ninety. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

The fear of conflict in the workplace is a common phenomenon that many employees and managers experience. It’s a natural human response to want to avoid situations that may cause discomfort, tension, or even hostility. However, avoiding conflict can have negative consequences such as missed opportunities for growth and resentment among team members. 

In this episode, we’ll discuss the common fear of conflict in the workplace, its causes, and the potential consequences of avoiding it. By understanding the difference between healthy and unhealthy conflict, we can reap the benefits and avoid fostering a more toxic work environment that is detrimental for all involved.

The fear of conflict in the workplace can be attributed to several factors. One reason is that individuals may fear the outcome of the conflict, such as damaging relationships or being perceived as difficult or uncooperative. They may also fear the emotional intensity of the conflict, such as anger, frustration, or hurt feelings. Not being able to manage their emotions creates additional anxiety. Another reason is that people may lack the skills or confidence to manage conflict effectively, such as active listening, expressing their needs clearly, and being able to negotiate win-win solutions. 

Avoiding conflict altogether is not the solution. When we are not willing to share our ideas, opinions, or feedback, we may miss the chance to improve processes, products, or services. We may also miss the opportunity to learn from different perspectives and experiences, which can enhance our problem-solving skills. 

When we do not address our concerns or grievances, they may build up negative emotion that can affect our relationships and our performance. We may also perceive our colleagues as unresponsive or uninterested in our needs, which can erode trust and respect. This can lead to a toxic work environment where everyone is less motivated, less engaged, and less satisfied with their jobs. 

As you can imagine, unresolved issues can escalate over time. When we do not address conflicts promptly and constructively, those issues may become more complex and more difficult to resolve. They may also involve more people, more resources, and more time, which can increase the cost and impact of that conflict. They may also affect the morale and productivity of the team as well as the reputation and image of the organization.

The fear of conflict in the workplace is a common challenge that can be overcome. We need to recognize the importance of managing conflict constructively by developing the skills, mindset, and culture that support open and honest communication, active listening, empathy, and collaboration. By embracing conflict as an opportunity for growth and learning, rather than as a threat to be avoided, we can create a more positive and productive work environment.

Do you have a conflict-avoidant personality? Did you know that you can change this type of people-pleasing behavior? Conflict makes most people feel uneasy, whether it’s having a minor disagreement or a full-blown, rip-roaring shouting match. And yes, that does occur in some workplaces. Many people will avoid any type of confrontation, even when the conflict may be necessary or could be beneficial. These people can be described as conflict-avoidant. They tend to bottle up their feelings and sidestep discussing important issues with others to avoid rocking the boat. 

Conflict-avoidance can damage your relationships and harm your mental health. This people-pleasing behavior can also make it difficult to set and maintain boundaries. It’s possible to overcome your conflict-avoidance and learn to handle confrontations in a healthy and constructive way.

We all have a fight-or-flight instinct that is automatically triggered by a perceived threat. The people who view conflict as a threat to their survival have a strong instinct to run away from conflict and avoid it at all cost. Their first impulse is to acquiesce. They are so eager for the approval from others that once they realize they’ve angered or disappointed someone, they refuse to stand up for themselves and back down or clam up.

Are you conflict-avoidant? Do you find yourself: 

• being afraid to express yourself;
• agreeing with others even when you inwardly disagree; 
• denying there’s an issue at all; completely withdrawing from the situation or bottling up your feelings then becoming passive-aggressive or overreacting to the smallest things; 
• sidestepping the issue by changing the subject when conflict arises; 
• making jokes to lessen the tension or avoid confrontations; and 
• striving to be seen as the nice one?

While the fear of conflict in the workplace is a common phenomenon, it’s important to recognize that healthy conflict can have many benefits. Healthy conflict refers to the constructive and respectful exchange of ideas and opinions that can lead to positive outcomes, such as:

1. Increased creativity
2. Improved decision making
3. Stronger relationships
4. Increased accountability

Unhealthy conflict in the workplace can show up as destructive and disrespectful exchange of ideas, opinions, or feedback that can lead to negative outcomes. Toxic conflict can have a detrimental impact on us all, including decreased morale or productivity, and increased employee turnover. 

Here are five common signs of unhealthy conflict: 

1. Personal attacks: As a way of avoiding the issues at hand, personal attacks can take the form of disrespectful behavior, insults, name-calling, or belittling comments. 
2. Lack of compromise: People may be unwilling to find common ground, insisting on their own position, or refusing to consider other perspectives, creating an impasse and preventing the group from reaching a resolution.
3. Blame and defensiveness: Rather than taking responsibility for their own actions, people may deflect blame or become defensive, creating a cycle of negativity and preventing the group from moving forward.
4. Lack of respect: In unhealthy conflict, people may engage in disrespectful behavior such as interrupting, shouting, or dismissing other people’s ideas or opinions, which may damage relationships between team members.
5. Escalation of conflict: Instead of doing things that might resolve the conflict, people end up creating a cycle of negativity that can be hard to break.

To identify signs of unhealthy conflict, it’s important to pay attention to the language, tone, and behavior people exhibit during disagreements or discussions. Some warning signs of unhealthy conflict may include raised voices, defensive body language, or digging their heels in indicating a lack of compromise. 

In order to address unhealthy conflict, it’s important to establish clear guidelines and expectations for communication and acceptable behavior. This may include reminding people of the established ground rules for discussions and encouraging them to express their thoughts and feelings in a constructive and respectful manner. It’s surprising how often people need to be reminded of these things. Common sense isn’t so common anymore and neither is common decency. It may also be helpful to provide training or coaching on conflict resolution and communication skills, but the ones who need it most are least likely to attend.

Unhealthy conflict in the workplace can have a detrimental impact on everyone, including those who may just witness the altercation since the tension it creates lasts far longer than the shouting itself. 

The key way to differentiate healthy and unhealthy conflict in the workplace is to examine the outcomes or consequences of the conflict. Healthy conflict can lead to positive outcomes. While unhealthy conflict can be far more detrimental and can have far reaching implications.

It can create a toxic atmosphere where people don’t feel supported, respected, or valued. This lack of appreciation can lead to decreased morale and motivation, which can in turn result in decreased productivity and poor quality of work. Unhealthy conflict can also erode trust and create a culture of fear and negativity, which makes it hard to work with those around you. 

Conflict-avoidance can be viewed as a performance issue that may seem like a good choice in the moment, but can actually make a bad situation worse. It can put a strain on all types of communication resulting in loss of productivity, which can be costly and create a dysfunctional work environment. 

I do recognize that it can be particularly difficult to address conflicts directly with people in authority. It might seem intimidating or be perceived as an outright threat to your employment. It’s hard to step up, especially when given the power differential, but it’s important not to be timid about addressing the situation even where there is potential for disagreement.

 Here are five tips for overcoming conflict-avoidance: 

1. Recognize there is value in conflict: Reframe how you are viewing disagreements. Instead of seeing it as harmful, consider how it could be productive, as an opportunity to share your feelings and help you understand the people you work with better in order to improve your working relationships. Speaking up can be empowering and ultimately benefit everyone involved. 
2. Build up to it slowly: Practice engaging in lower risk situations where the potential conflict is less emotional or anxiety-provoking. Start by voicing your opinions or objections politely, but firmly. Practice these skills to help you build your confidence. 
3. Face your anxieties: We tend to immediately go to the worst-case scenarios about how other people will react if we disagree, which makes it more difficult for us to face any potential conflict situation. Identify and acknowledge your fears by trying to think it through more realistically, by giving equal time to the best-case scenarios as well. Check in with the story you’re telling yourself about someone’s potential reaction and poke holes in the validity of that story. In some cases, the outcome you dread might happen, but trust that you can and will address it professionally should it arise. 
4. Manage your anxiety: Conflict can be anxiety-provoking for many people. During a disagreement, remind yourself to breathe deeply and pause before responding to prevent a knee-jerk reaction. Take a moment to process your feelings before immediately reacting in order to help you think through your options clearly. You don’t want to say something you will later regret.
5. Diffuse conflict: Learn techniques for effectively diffusing conflict in the workplace to improve your interpersonal relationships, because honestly, that’s where most problems begin. 

To help you kickstart your effort in overcoming conflict-avoidance, here are five strategies to effectively diffuse conflict in the workplace: 

1. Actively listen
2. Show empathy
3. Identify common goals
4. Separate people from the problem
5. Brainstorm solutions together

One of the most effective strategies for diffusing conflict is to actively listen to each person’s perspective. This involves giving each person the opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings without interruption or judgment. By actively listening, you can gain a better understanding of the situation and help everyone feel heard and validated.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. By showing empathy towards each person, you can help to diffuse conflict by acknowledging their emotions and demonstrating that you care about their well-being. This can help to de-escalate the situation and create a more positive and collaborative environment. 

Another way to diffuse conflict is to identify common goals that all parties share. By focusing on these shared objectives, you can shift the conversation away from individual positions and towards a more collaborative solution. This can help to reduce tension and build trust between team members. 

When dealing with conflict, it’s important to separate the people from the problem. By focusing on the problem rather than the individuals involved, you can help to depersonalize the situation and prevent it from becoming more emotional or confrontational. This can help to create a more objective and productive environment for finding a solution. 

Another effective strategy for diffusing conflict is to brainstorm potential solutions together. By involving everyone in the problem solving process, you can help to build consensus and increase buy-in for the final solution. This can also help to prevent future conflicts by establishing clear expectations and guidelines for how to handle similar situations in the future.

By employing these strategies, you can help to create a more positive and productive work environment and promote stronger relationships between the people you work with on a daily basis. 

Promoting healthy conflict is not solely the responsibility of leadership, but also of every person within the workplace. It’s important to respect everyone’s perspectives and opinions, even if they differ from your own. This involves actively listening to others, acknowledging their point of view, and being willing to consider that there’s a different way of looking at things. 

This involves creating a safe and supportive environment where people feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and opinions. By promoting open communication, we can help to foster healthy debate and disagreement, which can lead to more creative and effective solutions. It does seem that people need to be reminded that they will not always agree, and that doesn’t mean we can no longer work effectively together. 

Trust is an essential component of healthy conflict. We can promote trust by being honest, transparent, and reliable. Building trust creates a more supportive and collaborative work environment where we all feel comfortable expressing our ideas. 

Conflict can often be emotional, but it’s important to manage what we’re feeling in a constructive manner. This involves staying calm and focused and avoiding personal attacks or defensive behavior. In this way, we can help to prevent conflict from escalating in highly charged situations. 

We can promote healthy conflict by being solution-oriented, where we are focused on finding a solution that meets the needs of everyone involved rather than defending our particular position or point of view. 

Promoting healthy conflict is a shared responsibility that requires active participation from everyone. It may seem counterintuitive, but healthy conflict can actually improve job satisfaction and employee retention. When we feel heard and valued during conflict resolution, we are more likely to feel satisfied with our jobs and more committed to the organization. 

Additionally, working through conflict in a healthy way can lead to greater trust and stronger relationships between colleagues, which can further enhance job satisfaction and retention rather than letting issues fester, leading to feelings of powerlessness. 

Conflict is a natural part of working with people and trying to avoid it can actually make an uncomfortable situation worse. By embracing conflict as an opportunity to show that we are open to listening and learning, we can turn conflict into a productive and collaborative experience. 

So, embrace conflict as an opportunity for growth rather than fearing it. Get over your reluctance to stand behind your dissenting opinion. You may just find that this ultimately leads to a more positive and productive work environment for everyone involved. I invite you to give it a try. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Embracing Healthy Conflict at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode ninety.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.