Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success Podcast, episode forty-four. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Toxic work environments exist, and maybe you’re in one of them. You’re not alone. So many of us work in conditions where we’re expected to do more and more until we are no longer able to do our work to the same level of quality that we know is needed. We’re overworked and mistakes are made, and then we’re led to believe that we just aren’t up to the demands of the job. Do we really have to keep putting up with poisonous people in a soul crushing job, or are there other options? 

In this episode, we focus on how best to move forward, when you reach the point where you recognize that things are bad and they may not get any better. What do we do then? 

Do you work for a toxic boss in a poisonous workplace environment? 

I’d like to share a few ways to help you survive when removing yourself from the situation immediately is not an option. Your experience may range from highly frustrating to humiliating, and that’s to say nothing of the negative impacts all of this has on your health. Sometimes we’re not in a position to affect change or influence the type of leadership that gets modeled at the top of our organizations.

Maybe you let your frustration get the best of you and you lost your temper in a meeting. Maybe you’re worried that you’ve damaged your reputation. Maybe you took on too much, thinking you could get it all done, but that was a little too aspirational and maybe you missed a deadline. So all that work you did, instead of helping your career, has brought the wrong kind of attention to your work. We’re human and part of being human means that we might do or say something that takes us off track. 

Whatever has happened, stop stressing and start moving forward. It’s time to make peace with yourself, to assess the real situation, identify your lessons learned so that you can get back on track, and leave the problems in the past, which is exactly where they belong. We can’t make other people forget about what happened and we can’t control how others respond to our behavior, but we can take control of what happens next. 

We can emerge from this as confident, successful professionals. How do you get over this situation and move on? 

It’s time to take responsibility for your actions. Stop beating yourself up. Use this situation to make you stronger and write your own happy ending to your story, no matter what has happened. Do not let it paralyze you. You can’t let it hold you back. So put it to rest and move forward. We can’t go back in time and change what has already happened. 

These days, the majority of workers are going through the motions or completely hate their jobs. We’re all struggling with economic uncertainties, downsizing, and the demands to do more with less. None of this is new. We’re feeling overworked, underpaid, insecure, and underappreciated, which helps us sink into cynicism where we begin escalating the blame game. We’re worn out and defeated, surrounded by bickering, criticism, and a lack of support. Maybe you’re at a point where you hate going to work. 

When a workplace becomes toxic, its poison spreads beyond its walls into the lives of its workers and their families. We experience a physiological response, fight or flight, and then sometimes we even become ill because of it. One of the early warning signs is that we actually start to feel something is wrong in our bodies. 

But are today’s toxic workplace inevitable? Where to survive the day just makes us one of the walking wounded? 

Most of us need to work, and while it may be hard to remember at this point, work can also be a source of meaning and personal achievement. We don’t have to feel trapped. We have more options than just hunkering down and putting up with more of the same or being brave enough to confront all that is wrong or just quitting. Some positive reinforcement might be just what you need to build some momentum and help you in figuring out how to move forward from where you are now. 

We often measure progress by looking forward. We set goals and we plan milestones to track our progress. And basically, we’re trying our best to predict the future to some degree. We’re focused on all those metrics by trying to guess when we will get to where it is we want to go.

But the opposite can also be a useful approach. Where we start by looking at where we’ve been and how far we’ve come by looking backward. It’s time to check in on what you’ve accomplished to date, all that prior work you’ve completed. 

It’s time to gather some feedback on whether or not you’re making progress in the areas that matter to you. This can help you determine which direction things are moving. And perhaps even on a weekly basis, if things in one area are moving in the wrong direction, you can make adjustments the following week. So ask yourself, “What happened for me this week at work?” Use this review as a way to guide your actions for the next week. 

We’re interested in incremental gains, those tiny improvements that may not be noticeable unless we’re really paying attention. Look backward and use that information to determine your next move. Many of us are constantly looking to improve, so it’s time to base our choices on what has recently happened, not on what we hope will happen in the future. 

When it comes to identifying the good habits we want to continue, and breaking the bad habits that are holding us back, one of our greatest struggles is maintaining awareness of what we are actually doing. The more automatic a behavior becomes, the less likely we are to notice it, and then the unintended consequences of those bad habits can sneak up on us. By the time that’s evident, we’ve already become hooked on a new pattern of behavior. Doing the review of what’s happened in the past week can bring some awareness to what you are actually doing on a daily basis.

We can’t live in a fairytale world of hopes and dreams where people behave in the way we’d like them to. When we’re trying to move forward, we have to look at what has recently happened in our lives and then base our decisions and improvements on that data. The data that will be most helpful comes from our most recent past. You can’t go back two years or more to measure progress because any decisions you make based on that might be a little off. We want feedback on more recent events and the shorter the timeline, the better. 

An added benefit is you get to enjoy the progress you’re making right now rather than hoping for a different life in the future. You don’t have to put happiness off until you reach that distant milestone or achieve your ultimate goal. Happiness is no longer a finish line beyond your grasp.

Focusing on how you can immediately improve is more satisfying than comparing your current state to where you hope you’ll be someday. Nearly every improvement we wish to make in our lives requires some type of behavior change. If you want different results, you have to do something differently. 

What will you do differently to get the results you want? 

Our answer to this question often focuses on an outcome, and we begin by setting a goal for ourselves. And goals are good, and having a sense of direction for where you want to go is critical. But when it comes to determining the improvements we can make right now, in order to start moving forward, looking at what’s happened this past week is the way to go. Your most recent results drive your future actions. Do a review of what’s happened, and then get just a little bit better. 

What did you do last week? How can you improve on that by even just a little bit this week? 

Sometimes it could take you years to remove yourself from what might be a toxic workplace because we desperately need the paycheque, so we keep enduring the abuse. But I’d like to remind you that while sometimes we’re demeaned and treated as incompetent at work, yet we’re highly valued in other areas of our lives. How can both be true? 

Maybe you’re having the thought that people I admire and respect value me. Maybe that’s the thought you’re choosing to believe outside of work. So why not at work as well? Yet that doesn’t lessen the impact of how what’s happening in your workplace is making you think about yourself and your competency.

Maybe you’ve been suffering for years, but it isn’t always easy to move on. Change is hard. It’s unfortunate that highly educated, well credentialed leaders are capable of poisoning their organizations while using their skills to advance their own personal agendas. Some teach through humiliation and fear, and it might simply be a matter of time before you’ll be their target again. 

Our damaged self-esteem keeps us questioning our abilities, leaving us unable to make healthy decisions while trapped in a toxic and abusive work environment where we become exhausted, demoralized, and resentful. That’s not exactly the best mindset for applying for jobs or looking to another department that might be healthier for you. In that state, you’re more likely to find more of the same because your mindset contributes to your experience. 

But you can take this time to validate what it is you want for your career and your future. Check in with yourself and make sure it still all makes sense. Conditions may have changed and this could impact whether your goal is still viable. Are you still on board with what you need to do next to achieve your goal? Are you ready to engage in the work that will require? 

Make sure the resources needed for the work ahead will be available. If not, you may not be able to proceed, or you may need to change your timeline or approach accordingly. Give yourself permission to move forward for what’s next for you. 

Review the risks. It’s a way of looking forward to see what types of problems may arise as you are working toward what you want to achieve. This is the time to think about what you would do in response, if these risks were realized.

Next, it’s time to make a plan. Because while you most likely can handle more of the same for a while longer, you will need to have a plan in place to remove yourself from the situation in order to preserve your sanity, eventually. 

So here are four survival strategies to consider: 

Number one, listen to your body. At some point that paycheque is not as important as your health and sanity. Otherwise, you’ll end up paying a steep price both physically and mentally. When your body insistently complains, take it seriously. And consider all of your options. Get that action plan in place before serious damage occurs. 

Number two, gain perspective. If your boss has frustrating personality traits, find ways to adjust. Seek out someone who can be objective and wise, with whom to share exactly what’s going on. Get some guidance for new ways to reframe their actions and determine what steps you can take. If they confirm that your boss has the characteristics of a toxic boss, you may need to start making a plan to move on as soon as possible. 

Number three, face your fears. Bring awareness to your fears or worst case scenarios that may be lurking deep within you, sapping your energy, and clouding your thoughts. Then question them and ramp up your courage to confront them. 

And number four, set your boundaries. Draw your line in the sand. Because tolerating abusive behavior only gives them permission to do it again to you, or to someone else less able to stand up to them. 

Life can be unfair, especially in toxic workplaces. Even if you get out quickly, the unfairness can keep eating at you. Your wounds may continue to fester. And many of us continue to struggle with the ways we’ve been mistreated, even after we’ve left the situation. Try to process your pain and move on with your life. 

Don’t remain trapped in your resentment, otherwise you’ll end up wasting years of your life fighting a hopeless battle in an effort to make them pay for what has happened. This is a poor use of your time. And time is a limited resource. 

In my experience, after I did leave, I gradually felt the darkness lift. While it took awhile, eventually, I no longer came home from work to withdraw and escape. I came home with energy and gratitude. I finally felt like myself again. My new job made me realize the depth of the toxic environment I had been in. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen how bad it was sooner. I was determined that no matter what, I would never again subject myself to a work environment that made me feel so bad about myself. 

Some workplaces are toxic and the emotional rollercoaster ride seems endless. Once you recognize the situation for what it is, the sooner you can quit, the better. But I get it, sometimes you can’t immediately quit. So focus on doing your job and on making incremental improvements where you can. And as soon as you line up other employment, get out of there. 

For those who want to move forward, at some point, you will be ready to make a move. And, you will know that you have to make a move. Know that not all organizations are toxic. There are places where you will feel valued and supported, where every day is a delight to go to work. 

Positive organizations energize and inspire their workers. Some companies actually understand that they thrive when their employees thrive. You want the boss who asks you how you’re doing and wants to know if there’s anything they can do to help. And when you find that place, you will feel so much better that you were finally able to put the toxicity behind you and move forward. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Moving Forward at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode forty-four.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com. And if you liked the show, please tell a friend. Subscribe, rate, and review. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for joining me.