Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and forty-two. I’m your host Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Are you someone who always seems to be in the middle of a crisis, or do you know someone who can’t help but stir up chaos wherever they go? If so, you might be dealing with, or perhaps even be, someone who is addicted to drama. These are the people who seem to thrive on chaos, manufacturing problems where there are none, only to swoop in and save the day, basking in the glory of their self-made heroism. 

It can be incredibly frustrating when others don’t realize that those so-called ‘heroes’ are often the ones who created the mess in the first place. Whether it’s a colleague who always has a work emergency or a friend whose life is a constant rollercoaster, dealing with drama dabblers can be exhausting. And, if you’re not careful, you might just find yourself caught in the same cycle. 

In this episode, we explore how easy it is to get sucked into the office drama or get caught up in the chaos. Recognizing and breaking free from this addiction to drama is crucial for maintaining your peace of mind and productivity. Whether you’re dealing with a drama dabbler in your life or coming to terms with your own tendencies for the overly dramatic, learning how to reduce the amount of chaos in your life can help you break the pattern before it takes over. 

Are you a ‘drama dabbler’? Come on, be honest. We all know at least one person who has a flair for the dramatic, who seems to thrive on chaos, who somehow always manages to be at the center of a crisis or swooping in to save the day. Maybe it’s a co-worker who always seems to have a catastrophe to manage, or perhaps it’s a colleague who turns every minor inconvenience into a full-blown emergency. Or, dare I say it, what if that person is you? 

Let’s not kid ourselves. We’ve all stirred the pot a time or two, creating a little drama where there didn’t need to be any, just to watch what happens next. There’s something oddly satisfying about seeing how people react, how situations escalate, and – if we’re being completely transparent – how it gives us something exciting to talk about later. The problem is, this little hobby can quickly turn into an addiction, and before you know it, you’re not just dabbling in drama – you’re dependent on it. 

For some people, drama is more than a passing interest; it’s a coping mechanism. When life is tough and stress levels are perpetually high, some people start creating chaos as a way to feel in control. It’s like they developed a sixth sense for finding (or making) problems that need fixing. The constant state of crisis keeps them on their toes, giving them a sense of purpose, and most importantly, distracts them from dealing with whatever’s really going on in their lives. 

You know these people, they’re the ones who never seem to relax, even when everything is going smoothly, they’re itching for something to go wrong. And, if nothing happens, well, they’ll make sure something does. It’s not just about seeking attention or basking in the glory of being the hero who saves the day – though that’s certainly part of it. For drama dabblers, the chaos itself is the excitement, the adrenaline rush they’ve come to depend on. 

If you’ve ever worked in an office where it seems like there’s always some kind of an emergency, you know how exhausting it can be. But, have you ever noticed how certain people always seem to be in the thick of it? It’s like they’re crisis hopping, moving from one disaster to the next, never stopping to catch their breath. Last week’s emergency? Ancient history. There’s a new fire to put out and they’re ready to jump in and save the day. They seem to thrive on that feeling of being needed, and when they’re not putting out fires, they feel lost. It’s no wonder that, eventually, they start manufacturing their own crises just to keep that sense of importance alive. 

Now, it’s easy to point fingers and recognize when someone else is the drama queen in the room. It’s much harder to admit when we’re the ones stirring the pot. But, if you’ve ever found yourself complaining about how busy you are – too busy, really, with all the issues to manage – take a step back and ask yourself: did you have a hand in creating any of those problems? Are you getting a little too much satisfaction out of being the one who has to swoop in and be the hero? 

It can be tough to admit, but recognizing our own contributions to the drama cycle is the first step in breaking the habit. If you’re constantly venting, retelling the same complaints to anyone who will listen, and yet nothing ever seems to get resolved, it might be time to consider that you’re not just an innocent bystander in this pattern. 

For the drama addict, life is a series of unresolved issues. They never take a moment to ask themselves why things never really get better, because deep down, they don’t want them to. Resolution means peace, and peace means having to face the discomfort of stillness – the quiet that makes all the internal noise deafening.

Drama dabblers can’t see that they’re part of the problem. They think the world is against them, that chaos just follows them wherever they go. What they don’t realize is that they are the ones inviting it in, because without it, they wouldn’t know what to do with themselves. 

Why is it that when someone tells you to ‘calm down’, it usually has the opposite effect? When you’re in the middle of a drama spiral, being told to relax feels like an attack. It’s as if someone is dismissing your very real feelings, invalidating your experience. And, let’s face it, the excitement of drama is way more interesting than the monotony of daily life. It spices up an otherwise mundane workday and gives you something to focus on, something to talk about, and something to do. 

In many ways, drama is contagious. When one person in the office is constantly in crisis mode, it can pull everyone around them into that vortex of chaos. It’s almost energizing, in a twisted way. And, before you know it, we’re all caught up in the drama, and no one is really sure how it started or how to end it. 

So, how do you break free from this cycle of chaos? 

1. First, recognize that calm isn’t something to be feared. It’s okay to have downtime, to be at peace, and to not have a million things to fix at once. Learning to sit with that stillness, to reflect rather than react, is crucial. 
2. Second, start identifying the patterns. If you find yourself constantly moving from one crisis to another, pause and ask, why? Are these real emergencies or are you creating them? Is there something deeper that you’re avoiding by focusing on external chaos? 
3. Finally, learn to deal with drama dabblers in your life. Set boundaries, don’t get sucked into their crises, and don’t feel obligated to help them fix problems that they might have had a hand in creating. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for them – and for yourself – is to step back and let them deal with the fallout on their own. 

In the drama that sometimes plays out at work, there’s often a supporting cast, whether they know it or not. There are the fixers, who thrive on solving problems, often jumping in with both feet to sort out the latest crisis. Then, you have the martyrs, who complain about how exhausted they are from all the drama, but they can’t seem to step away from it, as if they think they’re taking one for the team by getting involved in it. And, let’s not forget the enablers, those well-meaning people who listen to the drama dabbler’s concerns, nod sympathetically, and maybe even offer advice that is never taken. Surprise, surprise. 

These roles are seductive. Being a fixer gives you a sense of purpose, maybe even a shot of adrenaline, as you untangle someone else’s mess. Martyrs get the satisfaction of feeling like they’re making sacrifices for the greater good. And, enablers feel needed, valued, and important. But, here’s the thing: if you’re wrapped up in someone else’s drama, it’s a fantastic way to distract yourself from your own life, your own worries, and your own need to do something you don’t really want to do. Drama can be seductively energizing, and it often masquerades as a form of power. After all, if you’re the one solving the problem, doesn’t that make you a hero, too? 

One of the healthiest ways to respond to the drama dabbler in your midst is to set clear, firm boundaries. This might sound straightforward, but it’s harder than it seems, especially if you’re dealing with someone who’s particularly skilled at dragging you into their latest crisis. These people often want a captive audience to tell their stories to – over and over again, with every retelling more dramatic than the last. They crave validation, but ironically, they’re often numb to it. They need to be seen and heard, but they have a hard time taking in any comfort that you might offer because they’re too busy spinning the next tale of woe.

So, how do you set boundaries without becoming the villain in their drama? Start by setting a time limit for how long you’ll listen to their complaints. You might say something like, “I’ve got ten minutes before my next meeting. What’s going on?”. This subtly signals that you’re available to listen, but not indefinitely. It’s a gentle way to curb the endless venting. 

It’s important to recognize that while you can’t talk someone out of their drama addiction, you can manage how much of it happens around you. This might mean physically removing yourself from situations where drama is likely to unfold, or setting clear expectations about the type of interactions you’re willing to have. It’s not about cutting people off or being unkind; it’s about protecting your own peace of mind. 

Drama dabblers often don’t want or need you to reframe their situation – because they don’t actually want a solution. What they’re seeking is that endless cycle of validation, the, “oh my, that’s awful” that keeps them feeling heard, even if they never really take in what you’re saying. So, if you’re not going to listen and validate their every complaint, they’ll likely find someone else who will. They often seek out other people who are more susceptible to drama bonding, others who will enable them, allowing you a graceful exit. 

Remember, the most important thing is to take care of yourself. Dealing with drama dabblers can be exhausting, and it’s crucial to limit your exposure to their chaos. Set boundaries, practice self care, and remind yourself that it’s not your job to fix everyone’s problems – especially not the ones they’ve created for themselves. 

And, if you’re someone who tends to get drawn into other people’s drama, take a moment to reflect on why that might be. Are you avoiding your own issues by focusing on theirs? Are you seeking the thrill of solving someone else’s problems because it makes you feel important? Recognizing your own role in the drama cycle is the first step toward breaking free from it. 

Are you starting to suspect that you might be dabbling in a little yourself? Whether you’re the one stirring up chaos or just caught in someone else’s storm, recognizing the role drama plays in your life is the first step toward breaking free from its grip. Those who thrive on creating drama can be a real handful, manufacturing crises just so they can sweep in and save the day. But, they’re usually cleaning up their own mess, and it can be incredibly frustrating when the powers that be don’t realize these so-called ‘heroes’ are also the arsonist. 

Here are four practical ways to kick this addiction to the curb and reclaim a more peaceful, productive existence:

1. Acknowledge when you’re the one fueling the drama
2. Stop the sensory overload of negativity
3. Identify the signals in your own body when you’ve had enough
4. Recognize that something might be missing for you

1. Acknowledge when you’re the one fueling the drama

Sometimes, getting overly involved in other people’s affairs can be tempting. Maybe you find yourself constantly getting caught up in your colleague’s latest workplace disaster. It’s easy to justify your involvement. You’re just trying to help, right? But, the reality is, you might be adding fuel to the fire instead of putting it out. 

Ask yourself this: Are you trying to solve problems for someone who might not even want the problem solved? If so, you’re not just dabbling in drama, you’re diving in headfirst. And while you can’t control other people’s behavior, you absolutely can control how much you engage with their chaos. By acknowledging your role in perpetuating the drama, you can start to step back and let others handle their own issues. 

2. Stop the sensory overload of negativity

Drama doesn’t just come from people; it comes from all the negativity we allow into our lives. The news is a prime example. If you find yourself constantly plugged into a 24/7 cycle of doom and gloom, it’s no wonder you’re on edge. To break your addiction to drama, you need to cut back on the negativity you’re consuming. 

This doesn’t mean burying your head in the sand, but it does mean being mindful of how much negativity you’re taking in. Start by limiting your exposure to negative news, and spend less time with people who thrive on drama. Instead, focus on calming activities that can help you manage stress, like meditation, exercise, or simply spending time doing things you love. The goal is to get comfortable with less chaos in your life so you don’t feel the need to create it, just to feel engaged. 

3. Identify the signals in your own body that you’ve had enough

Our bodies are constantly giving us signals about how much we can handle – if only we’d listen. Ever notice how your shoulders tense up when you’re in the middle of a particularly awkward conversation? Or, how your heart races when you’re about to engage in a conflict that, deep down, you know isn’t worth it? 

These physical reactions are your body’s way of telling you that you’ve had enough. When you start to recognize these signals, you can make a conscious decision to step back. If someone is trying to pull you into their drama, and you feel that familiar tightening in your chest, take it as a signal to disengage. Don’t let yourself get sucked into rehashing the same story for the umpteenth time. By recognizing your limits, you can protect your mental and emotional health, keeping yourself out of that heightened state of alert that drama thrives on. 

4. Recognize that something might be missing for you

People often create drama because something is missing in their lives. It might be a sense of purpose, engagement, or simply the thrill of the challenge. When you’re not doing things that genuinely fulfill you, it’s easy to start manufacturing crises just to feel alive.

Think about it – are you someone who needs to feel backed into a corner, with no means of escape, before you can get motivated? Do you wait until the deadline is looming, the pressure is mounting, before you finally buckle down and do what needs to be done? If so, you might be using stress and crisis as your primary fuel.

But, while putting fires out at work can be a healthy form of inspiration in the short term, it’s not sustainable in the long term. If crisis, fear, and chaos are the only things that get you fired up, you’re setting yourself up for burnout. Eventually, that pain you use as fuel will hollow you out, not fill you up. 

Instead, try to find fulfillment while focusing on getting better at the things you love, not just creating drama to feel like you’re doing something important. Ask yourself: Can I do this task better, faster, or more enjoyably? Can I measure my performance and make it a game where I compete against myself? By turning even the most mundane tasks into a quest for efficiency, you might just find real power and satisfaction in your work – without needing a crisis to motivate you. 

One of the most uncomfortable truths about drama dabbling is that it’s often a response to feeling unimportant or disengaged. People who are great at putting out fires in time of crisis often shine in those moments, rising to the challenge and saving the day. But, what happens when there’s no fire to focus on? They feel useless, unimportant, and no one likes that feeling. So, what do they do? In the absence of a real crisis, they might create one just to feel valuable again. 

Understanding that dabbling in drama is often a coping mechanism for deeper emotional needs can help in addressing the root cause and ultimately breaking free from the cycle of chaos. By recognizing these underlying motivations, it becomes easier to develop healthier ways to fulfill those needs, such as pursuing meaningful goals or building genuine connections, rather than resorting to manufactured crises. 

Remember, expecting your job – or any aspect of your life – to be everything you need is unrealistic. Instead, focus on what you can control: your attitude, your engagement, and your pursuit of excellence. Whether it’s in your work or a passion project outside of it, turning your efforts into a craft will not only help you avoid the pitfalls of drama, but also lead to a more satisfying, fulfilling life. Because in the end, the real hero isn’t the one who creates the fires and then puts them out – it’s the one who builds something meaningful without needing the flames to stay motivated. 

Remember this: those who are addicted to drama are going to create problems, whether you’re involved or not. Your job is to decide how much you’re willing to let their chaos affect your life. Your work life is complicated enough without adding unnecessary drama to the mix. 

Drama addiction is real, and it’s more common than you think. Whether it’s you or someone in your life who’s hooked on chaos, the first step to recovery is recognition. The world isn’t out to get you, and not every situation is a crisis waiting to happen. By breaking the pattern, learning to embrace the calm, and dealing with drama dabblers from a distance, you can reclaim your peace – and maybe even learn to enjoy the quiet. 

After all, life’s too short to spend it jumping from one manufactured disaster to another. So, let’s focus on creating a more peaceful work environment. Trust me, your sanity will thank you. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Ending Your Addiction to Drama at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and forty-two.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.