Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and twenty-eight. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Few elements intertwine as closely as our work, our identity, and our self-awareness. This trio, while seeming distinct, often merges into a complex reflection of who we are and how we perceive our place in the world. The workplace not only acts as a stage for displaying our skills and ambitions, but also becomes a mirror, reflecting our values and resilience under pressure. It’s in the nuance of our daily tasks, our interactions with colleagues, and our responses to stress and success that we truly see the depth of our character. However, this reflection can sometimes be distorted when we allow our role to overly define us, forgetting that our jobs are but one aspect of our multifaceted lives.

In this episode, we explore the value of self-awareness – a quality frequently overshadowed by the pursuit of professional achievements and other people’s approval. When properly cultivated, self-awareness empowers us to distinguish between who we are and what we do, between the value of our work and our worth as a human being. It challenges us to look beyond others’ definitions of success and find what truly matters to us. By embracing this deeper understanding, we can approach our work not just as a means to an end but as a vital component of our personal journey, rich with opportunities for learning and self-discovery. 

Work, identity, and self-awareness form an interesting trifecta. They swirl together so seamlessly that it’s often hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. It starts with the work-identity conundrum. 

So, you are what you do, right? Well, sort of. It’s confusing, I know. We live in a world where what you do is often synonymous with who you are. This isn’t just a harmless quirk of our modern social interactions; it’s a reflection of the deep-seated conflation between our work and our identities. Our perception of the importance of our jobs can inflate our egos or deflate our self-esteem, depending on how we align our personal worth with our professional roles and the feedback we receive from others.

Here’s the thing: when our work becomes our identity, every success is a euphoric high and every failure, a personal catastrophe. That difficult client is unhappy again, and suddenly you’re not just professionally inadequate, you’re a fundamentally flawed human being (or so your brain tells you at 2 a.m.). This conflation can turn the workplace into a minefield of emotional instability. Beware. 

On the flip side, work can be like a mirror, reflecting parts of ourselves we never knew existed. Ever found yourself spearheading a project and thought, “Wow, I’m actually pretty good under pressure”, or conversely, “I had no idea I could be this petty”. Work exposes us, and sometimes brutally, to all the different facets of ourselves, some we’d prefer remain hidden. 

It’s important to take note of these revelations. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses isn’t just about building a resume; it’s about understanding yourself on a deeper level. Each project and each task at work is a chance to meet a version of yourself you might not have been introduced to yet. So, take notes – there’s value in these insights. 

Under pressure, some of us charge forward and address things head-on, while others retreat and shut down. Knowing your instinctual responses to stress can drastically influence your professional journey. 

Here are four questions to ask yourself to gauge your own stress response:

1. When things get tough, do I step up or step back? Are you the first to volunteer for damage control, or do you find a sudden need to reorganize your desk for the umpteenth time that day just to stay out of the line of fire? 
2. How do I handle criticism? Do you take it as a challenge to improve, or does it send you into a spiral of self-doubt and resentment?
3. Do I reach out or shut down? When the going gets tough, do you keep your client and your team in the loop, or do you go radio silent, hoping problems will resolve themselves if you ignore them long enough? 
4. What’s my conflict style? Are you drawn to confrontation, or do you avoid conflict like the plague? 

Now, knowing is half the battle, the other half is doing something about it. Here are four strategies to help you manage those knee-jerk reactions: 

1. Pause and Reflect: Feel like responding to a snarky email? Writing it out, then saving it as a draft can be very therapeutic. But, be sure to leave off the recipient so it doesn’t inadvertently get sent. Read it again in an hour or after you’ve slept on it. Still feel like sending it? Perhaps now’s the time to get a second opinion before hitting the send button.
2. Communicate Early and Often: I can’t stress this enough. More issues are caused by lack of communication than by whatever started the issue. Keep people in the loop. No one likes surprises, especially if it’s bad news. 
3. Feedback is Your Friend: Seek it out actively, even if it feels like you’re inviting criticism. It’s all good data, and it might be like having a cheat sheet in advance of your next performance review.
4. Practice Makes Permanent: Actively practicing calmness and constructive responses in stressful situations can rewire how you react in the moment. This doesn’t mean suppressing your nature – it means adapting it to serve you better. 

While work can indeed define us, it’s crucial to remember that we are also in control of redefining the boundaries between our professional and personal identities. Cultivating self-awareness is not just about improving how we work; it’s about enhancing how we live. Through a better understanding of ourselves, we not only become better employees, but fundamentally more balanced individuals. So, next time you feel your work defining you a little too tightly, step back, and ask yourself if your job truly reflects your core values and interests, or if you’re allowing external pressures to shape your identity. 

Ever had that moment at work where someone challenges your idea and it feels like they’ve just attacked you personally? It stings, doesn’t it? But, here’s a little secret: it’s not about you. Really, it isn’t. It’s about the idea, the project, the process – but our fragile egos tend to get in the way. 

Seeing those moments as opportunities rather than affronts can be transformative. When someone challenges your point of view, they’re often adding a perspective you didn’t know was missing. Embrace it. Learn from it. Grow from it. After all, we’re not going to agree all the time. 

Incorporating different viewpoints can radically transform how you approach problems. Sometimes, another opinion can add much more depth and nuance. And, it’s a fantastic way to check whether your brilliant idea is not so brilliant after all, and actually just another disaster waiting to happen. 

Humans are creatures of habit. We like routines. They make us feel safe, but sometimes, our routines can also be our blind spots. Observing patterns in how you work and react can be incredibly enlightening. 

Do you thrive under last-minute pressure, or do you produce your best work through structured time management? Does positive reinforcement motivate you, or do you require some tough love to reach your potential? Understanding these patterns isn’t just about boosting your productivity – it’s about creating a work environment that allows you to do your best work.

Translating these insights into strategies is key. For instance, if you know you’re a procrastinator, don’t fight it – embrace it, but smartly. Schedule mini-deadlines for yourself to create that ‘last-minute pressure’ throughout the project. It’s like tricking yourself into being productive. It’s sneaky but effective. 

Our intuition often guides us in subtle ways through our decision-making processes. It’s that gut feeling when something just feels right, or when it feels suspiciously like you’re about to step into a big mess.

Preferences play a big part too. Maybe you prefer emails over meetings, I’m raising my hand here. Or perhaps, talking things out through collaborative brainstorming sessions are where you shine. These preferences can dictate how you structure your workday or choose your projects. 

And, let’s not forget about external influences. Everything from the company culture and management styles of those around us, to the economic climate affects how we work, whether we’re aware of it or not.

These elements– intuition, preferences and external influences – combine to shape not just how we work, but how we evolve in our careers. They can be the difference between feeling like we’re on a career treadmill or on an exciting adventure through uncharted territory. So, as we continue to disentangle the complex relationship between our work, our identities, and our self-awareness, remember this: your professional life is not just about what you do; it’s about how you do it, why you do it, and who you become in the process. 

Embracing challenges as opportunities for growth, leveraging diverse perspectives for more effective problem-solving, recognizing and adjusting your work patterns, and understanding the influences shaping your professional path are more than just career strategies; they are insights into living a more fulfilling life. 

In the grand scheme of things, work is a significant part of our lives – but it’s the self-awareness and personal evolution that come from it that truly define who we are. So, next time you find yourself getting a little too wrapped up in your work identity, take a step back and ask yourself if you’re really putting your best foot forward, or if you’re sacrificing your well-being and personal values in the process. After all, self-awareness might just be the most underrated career hack out there. 

So, are you one of those people who think your job is all you are? It’s time we explored some of the perils of over-identifying with your work. When you do this, you risk putting your self-worth in the hands of someone else. That can be a very precarious situation, because work is fickle. There is no longer any sense of company loyalty, no matter how great a performer you are, so you could be one layoff away from being let go, should the company decide to go in a different direction and you’re part of the group that is no longer a priority.

Your self-worth should not be at the mercy of a business decision that is beyond your control, your boss’s mood swings, or a client’s opinion. Making this distinction clear in your mind is like installing an emotional firewall. It helps protect your sense of self from the turmoil that could be swirling all around you. 

But, how do you do that? Start by defining what matters most to you, including who you are outside of your job. These roles you play contribute in large part to your identity and self-worth. And, guess what? They don’t vanish when you clock-out. 

Society loves a pecking order. It’s easier for others to categorize us based on our title or perceived status in the organization. What if, instead, we focused on making valuable contributions regardless of the level of prestige they brought? It’s about shifting the goal from acquiring status to creating impact. Instead of asking, “How can I elevate my status?”, we could ask, “What meaningful difference can I make here?”. This mindset could lead to more fulfilling work because you’re driven by curiosity, not just by a hunger to ascend to the next rung on the corporate ladder. 

Initially, it might feel like you’re swimming against the current. After all, not everyone will understand why you’re not playing the game in the same way they are. But, here’s the potential upside: you could end up forging a more genuine path that’s more aligned with your strengths and values, which, surprise, surprise, often leads to greater and more sustainable success. 

Plus, when you focus on contribution, you build a portfolio of work that speaks for itself. Over time, this approach not only builds your reputation, but also makes your professional life vastly more satisfying. You might not always be the star of the show, but you’ll be the one making a difference where it counts.

Disentangling your self-worth from your work is not an easy process, and sometimes, it can be messy. But, it’s worth it in the long run. By understanding the difference between who you are and what you do, you can protect your self-esteem from the inevitable ups and downs of your professional life. 

Challenging the societal fixation on status isn’t just about going against the grain; it’s about redefining what success looks like for you. It’s about trading the fleeting satisfaction of status, for the lasting fulfillment of making genuine contributions. 

It’s crucial to recognize that while your work can significantly influence your sense of self, it should not wholly define your identity. This understanding helps maintain emotional and psychological health, especially during times of professional uncertainty or change. Keeping a clear distinction between who you are and what you do, allows for a more resilient and adaptable sense of self, which is less vulnerable to external shifts.

Cultivating self-awareness is essential not just for personal development, but for navigating and succeeding in the workplace. Being self-aware helps you understand your strengths, weaknesses, emotional triggers, and the underlying motives behind your actions. This insight enables you to make more informed decisions and adaptively respond to workplace challenges. 

So, the next time you find yourself measuring your worth by your professional achievements, remember you are more than your resume. You’re a complex, fascinating individual capable of contributing far beyond the confines of your job description. And who knows? By focusing on meaningful contributions rather than status, you might just find that the success that truly matters – the kind that fills you up and makes you proud to look in the mirror – is closer than you think. 

Now, isn’t that worth stepping off the status treadmill? I invite you to give it a try.

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Your Work and Your Identity at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and twenty-eight.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.