Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode nineteen. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

There are so many things that I want to be doing, and yet I’m not getting there. If I’m honest, I’m not getting there because I’m not doing the work needed to get there. So I’m making a mindset shift. A lot of us are good at setting big goals, and then we lose steam before we actually make it happen. And then somehow we feel like we can’t do the things that we say we want to do. 

In this episode, we’ll discuss the importance of having the right mindset so that we can stay focused and motivated until we reach our goals. We’ll cover four steps to build into your morning routine to help you stay focused on what needs to be done each day. And then we’ll cover three strategies to close the gap between what we say we want to do, and actually getting it done. 

We need to train our brains to see our future because looking towards your future and what you want, instead of looking at the problems of today and the things that didn’t go right in the past, is key to making what you want have happen, actually happen. 

First, we must override this natural desire of our brains to focus on our obstacles, our problems, and all of our past failures. First thing in the morning there’s much more of a chance that we’re going to think it’s possible to be able to do more things. Many of us are much more motivated and energized in the morning. 

It takes a bit of planning to ensure we’re working on the things that matter most. So I invite you to spend five minutes doing this exercise. Make it a part of your morning routine or part of your workday start-up. It will increase the likelihood of you being able to show up each day to do the things you need to do to accomplish your goals. 

There’s four steps to staying focused. 

Step number one, write your goal down. Yes, that means you’re going to be rewriting it every single day. And no, there’s no moving a sticky note with the information you wrote weeks ago, just to today’s date. That isn’t the same thing. 

Step number two, write down at least a few reasons why it’s important to you. 

Step number three, write down why it is that you’re going to be able to make it happen today.

And step number four, write down one thing that you’re going to do today to move it forward towards accomplishing your goal. Break it down into a small enough task that seems doable in order to eliminate any resistance that your brain might come up with. One little thing every single day. 

The process of writing it is very important to setting and achieving goals. Writing things down by hand, with a pen and paper, gives you an additional sensory experience that just isn’t the same with a keyboard. It allows your brain to make a deeper connection to what you’re learning. 

If you’re like me, you typically go all in on your goals because you get excited. And the next thing you know, you’re completely overwhelmed because you’re trying to do it all, right now, this second. I would work really hard, but I had so much self doubt and so much fear that it took a lot of effort to white knuckle my way through things. It was exhausting and certainly not sustainable. 

I’m now learning how to use my mindset in a different way and figure out what’s stopping me in my mind, rather than thinking I can just do what I say I want to do. This mindset shift has really been a game changer for me. I’ve had to work harder on that than any other part, in order to make progress towards the goals that I want to achieve. Now, I can say confidently that I’m a goal achiever. I now understand that it is key to overcoming the things that are holding me back. This might help you free yourself from the things that are tripping you up, that we sometimes don’t even know are holding us back. Freeing yourself to go after your dreams. 

Imagine what your life would be, if each and every day, you just focused on making progress towards your goals. Think about that for a minute. I know what I’m going to do, and I can just get started. I’m working on believing that I can get there and it’s possible for me. What would your day be like then? 

Most of what gets in the way, between us and our goals, has nothing to do with the actual work. The hardest part of getting to our goals is overcoming our fear, doubt, confusion, and overwhelm. These are the things that make it hard. Can you envision a future where that doesn’t happen? 

By getting to a place where you start believing in yourself, you’re able to stay focused and on track, regardless of what is happening around you. This is the key. Goal achievers respond a little differently in how they think about things and how they get things done. 

There are three strategies to start getting it done:

1. be the Future You now
2. find your compelling reason
3. get clarity on what it is you want to achieve

So back to number one, be the Future You now. Consider your Future Self five or ten years from now. Who have you become? What have you created? What advice does your Future Self have for you now? To be honest, I’m not that eager to follow the advice I get from other people, but I have received more great advice from my imagined Future Self than anyone else. 

Your mind likes to make decisions from its past, because that feels safe and predictable. We typically learn from our experience what works and what doesn’t. So the brain wants to go back and make decisions based on what we already know and what we’ve already done. 

So what is it like to make a decision from your future? What does being future focused really mean? And what is it like to take advice from your Future Self? It requires imagination and tapping into your creativity. It asks you to be open to possibility. Instead of relying on what you’ve already done, you consider what this will make possible for you. 

The future is a creation in your mind. Most of us think that we work towards a goal and then we achieve the result, and only then we learn how to be that person who has that result. But that’s not our only option. 

The easiest way to create any result is to first become the kind of person who creates that result. Adopt that new identity, to be your Future Self now. Imagine you’re already the person who has done all these great things. What would that version of you be thinking about all day? 

So many of us don’t want to believe in our dreams because we think we have to know the exact path to get there. But sometimes you can’t anticipate all the twists and turns you’re going to take on your journey. But you can be the person who gets there by identifying with your Future Self and becoming that person now. 

So who is your Future Self? What has she accomplished? How is she different than you are now? Become that person now. That’s when all the pieces start falling into place. It’s not the other way around. You have to start showing up like the person you think you’re going to be in the future, in order to get there. You’ve got to be that person today. 

We think once we get there, that we’re going to be happy. I invite you to consider the possibility that you can be happy now, if you choose to be. But ‘acting as if’ isn’t easy. We have to believe that it’s inevitable and that it’s happening now. We tend to think that after achieving the goal is when all the happiness begins. But the happiness begins the day you decide you’re going all in on yourself, the day you stop tolerating all the drama that’s going on in your mind, and you start creating the emotional fuel you need to do the work to get to your goal. 

If you’ve used anxiety and determination to get there, now you’re sitting there worrying that you won’t be able to handle whatever comes next. And if you’ve worried, and agonized, and been afraid of what your boss will think of you, all the way through the process of getting your raise and promotion, you’ve trained your brain that that’s what you need to keep what you’ve got. 

This is why so many people burn out and why they sabotage themselves when something good happens. You’re not going to feel that great if you’ve trained your brain to white knuckle your way to get what you want. We think we’re going after our goals to feel better yet, we’re teaching ourselves to feel terrible all the way there. 

This is where we need to make a change. We expect that achieving the goal is what will make us happy, but that means that you’re feeling undeserving of being happy now, or celebrating your progress along the way, because you’re not done yet. There’s still so much to do, so you don’t reward yourself by telling yourself, “I did a good job today. I’m so glad I took this step today”. All you’re thinking about is how long it’s taking. 

You delay your satisfaction and that sense of fulfillment. You make the current process to get to your goals so miserable by how you’re thinking about it. You allow thoughts of dread, worry, and fear to dominate, which just makes it even harder to do what you need to do. This thinking contributes to burnout, quitting before you get there, or achieving the goal and then wondering why you bothered, because you’re still not happy. 

What is the solution? You know who you want to be. So start thinking more about how you want to act once you get there and what you’re going to be thinking once you achieve your goal, and then you consider what having accomplished this goal has made possible for you.

There’s three things that your Future You knows that you can start using and doing now: 

• what they are thinking as they reach their goal
• what they are feeling as they reach their goal
• what they are doing every day as they reach their goal

Start brainstorming the ways that you can think, feel, and do those things, every single day. 

Goals are achieved by showing up each day, consistently, and doing the things that you know you need to do. There’s no perfection required. The Future You knows that at some point, you changed your mind about who you are. You started being the person you wanted to be, and you stop listening to all the reasons you couldn’t. 

Step number two, find your compelling reason. Our levels of commitment determine our success. And it’s determined by our compelling reason why. In order for you to commit, your reason has to be compelling enough to keep you going, because committing to anything invites risk and your compelling reason will make it worth that risk. Because in order to do what you need to do, you need to understand why you’re doing it. 

At the beginning of a project, there’s a rush of anticipation. And momentum is easily created by seeing immediate progress. In the middle, when you’re too far in to quit, but the finish line still seems so far away, you’re doubting if you have the strength to complete it, or you’re wondering why you even started in the first place. Knowing what it is that you wanted to create in your life, and why, might give you the drive and stamina to finish. 

It’s making progress that’s tough sometimes. You’re not sure that you have what it takes to cross that finish line. While you know everything important requires hard work, it’s a long way between your dream and its realization. We’re conditioned to want results instantly, or tomorrow at the very latest. We also want it without expending much effort. And we’d also like it to be fun while we’re doing it. Otherwise, we’re likely on to the next thing. 

You’re going to have competing desires and you’re going to have to consciously decide, do you want success? Or do you want to procrastinate? You have to decide what you want ahead of time, and then ask yourself, “Why don’t I have it already?”. That answer is your compelling reason is not strong enough, and your conflicting desire is too strong. Maybe you believe it will be unsafe, or uncomfortable, or too much work, or just scary that you’re putting yourself out there and being vulnerable.

If you don’t have a good reason for doing what you’re doing, then you’re going to run into trouble. You’ll be tempted to quit. Challenges will test your perseverance. You will have to find out what is really important to you. And it’s easy to lose focus and discard the goal when the going gets tough. 

If you want to go the distance, you have to find a reason that speaks powerfully, and personally to you, and make a decision to commit. Committing is a choice and you have to draw a line in the sand. So commit to doing it, no matter what. Decide that you’re not going to give up until you make it happen. And write your commitment down and your compelling why. Edit it and rewrite it until it’s compelling enough. 

Compelling reasons help you enjoy becoming who you want to be, rather than thinking it’s a grind, and why am I bothering. Your whys help you push pause when the old you, who wants to take the easy road today, just wants a break. The Future You says, no. We want this so badly. We want it more than the feeling of relief right now. 

So many times we think we’re going to have this one magic why. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to find that big, compelling why. I’ll let you in on a little secret: you need about 20 reasons why, because you’ve got to have the right reason, at the right time. So, come up with multiple ways so that you have what you need to keep on going, in the moment, no matter what your brain comes up with to try to stop you. 

It can’t be about what someone else wants you to do. You have to see what this will make possible when you achieve it. You also have to see what is at stake if you don’t achieve it. We need to keep our whys front and center. 

Sometimes, we’ll write down all the reasons why we want to change our life, why we want to reach our goal, and then we just put them away. If you want to remember something, they need to be visible. You’ll need that reminder because that thing that you’re doing then has importance, purpose, and long-term meaning attached to it. 

If you’re just writing down tasks on a to-do list every single day, and you’re not telling yourself why these are important to you, it’s so much easier to blow them off, because they just don’t feel important whether you do them or not. So put your reasons where you can see them. 

And step number three, get clarity around what it is you want to achieve. It all starts with a clearly defined goal. A clear goal tells you where you’re going. Ask yourself this question, “What is it that I want to accomplish?”. 

Having a clear goal helps you see that you’re making progress, or when you’re not. It’s all just information that helps you identify what part of your process you want to correct so that you can get to where you want to go. 

When you combine the power of knowing who you want to be, your compelling reasons, and a clearly defined goal, you have the formula for success. This is what it takes to achieve the goal. 

But eventually, in that moment, it doesn’t matter what the plan says. What matters in that moment, is your mindset. And you know that if you’re going to do what you said you’d do, it’s going to get you closer to achieving it. 

Generally, the problem isn’t that we don’t have enough clearly defined steps. The problem is always what’s backing up those steps. Am I still going to want to do this when things start going off the rails? Am I still going to want to do this when I’m doubting myself? And am I still going to want to do this no matter what? Who’s going to show up in those moments? Generally, the only thing between you and achieving your goals is a collection of thinking about who you’ve been in the past. 

We get in our own way because we’ve never done it before. So trust that you’ll figure it out. And we get in our own way because it’s going to be hard. So ask yourself, “What can you do to make it easier?”. All this mental drama is the biggest obstacle between you and achieving your goals, nothing else. If you solve that piece, your goals will start becoming easier and easier to achieve. 

So the question becomes, are you going to practice using your compelling reasons when it does feel hard? Or are you just going to wish it was easier? Are you going to step into feeling good, motivated, and future focused every single day? Or are you just going to sit around wishing you were motivated? Are you going to get to work on the next step that you need to do? Or are you going to spend your days pretending that it’s really important that you worry about what might go wrong? And are you going to see your mistakes and obstacles as part of the process? Or are they going to be the reason that you quit? 

A mindset shift is required when you’re ready to become unstoppable in the pursuit of your goals.

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide for Clearly Defining a Goal at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode nineteen. 

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch. I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com. And if you liked the show, please tell a friend, subscribe, rate, and review. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thank you for joining me.