Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and twelve. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

The pervasive myth that successful people have everything figured out is a narrative that often distorts our perception of success and the journey it entails. This story we tell ourselves suggests there’s a definitive point in a person’s career or life where challenges cease to exist and clarity on all fronts is achieved. However, this overlooks the dynamic and evolving nature of success, as well as the multifaceted experiences that shape it. 

In this episode, we challenge the idea of one magical formula for success and explore how experience contributes to wisdom. There is a more nuanced understanding of what it means to be successful, and we can trust that we will figure things out as we go along. 

First, it’s crucial to debunk the notion that there is a one-size-fits-all path to achieving success. In the journey of professional development and career growth, there’s a prevalent myth that somewhere out there exists a secret blueprint, a precise formula that if discovered, can propel us towards guaranteed success. However, the reality is far more complex and personalized than this myth suggests. 

There is no hidden manual waiting to be found and put into action. Instead, what truly matters is our own journey of self-discovery, resilience, and adaptation that each one of us undertakes at our own pace. Embracing this perspective shifts the focus from seeking external solutions to cultivating an inner capacity for navigating the career landscape, overcoming challenges, and transforming the inevitable barriers into stepping stones for moving up the corporate ladder. 

The concept that those who are successful have everything figured out is a story that can create unnecessary pressure and unrealistic expectations. It implies a state of perfection that is not attainable, nor is it reflective of the reality of most successful people. The journeys of renowned leaders, innovators, and thinkers across various fields underscores that challenges, failures, and uncertainties are integral to the process. If you need more proof, just read a few biographies of those you admire to see for yourself. Perhaps in their reframing of these types of experiences, you’ll see that they are not signs of inadequacy, but are, in fact, pivotal moments that contribute to significant growth and learning. 

In examining the relationship between experience and wisdom, it’s important to recognize that wisdom is not merely the accumulation of knowledge, but the application of it in making informed decisions, especially in the face of uncertainty. Wisdom is often born out of experience, including the trials and errors that come with striving for something that seems just out of reach. As you may have noticed, there may be more things that go wrong or definitely not as planned than many care to admit. This implies that learning is an ongoing process even for those who have achieved significant milestones in their careers or lives. 

The landscape of any career is continually changing, influenced by technological advancements, societal shifts, and new knowledge. As such, successful people often embrace a mindset of lifelong learning to adapt and thrive in their respective fields. Even over my own career, I have seen a lot of change in how we do things and how much technology has progressed to make things easier. When I first started out in my civil engineering career, in designing the profile of a new road, I had to calculate vertical curves by hand using a calculator and tracing paper. We were still creating mylars with ink for our designs so they could be reproduced on a blueprint machine with that lovely ammonia smell. We didn’t even have individual computers on our desks, only a telephone, and communications were commonly sent by a fax machine. I know this dates me, and many of you may not even know what any of that means, but for those who do, you know that we’ve come a long way in the past few decades! 

To navigate those changes in technology, I was committed to continuous learning, which highlights the value I placed on developing resilience, adaptability, and my openness to new experiences. Even now, these qualities enable me to navigate the complexities and uncertainties that accompany the pursuit of my career goals. They reflect my understanding that setbacks and challenges are all part of the process, rather than insurmountable obstacles. This perspective fosters a more sustainable and fulfilling path to success, characterized by personal development and the pursuit of meaningful objectives. 

This thought, that we have to have everything figured out to be successful, can get in the way of wanting to share our knowledge and experience, which can be so vital for collective growth. It creates an illusion of self-sufficiency that undermines the value of mentorship, collaboration, and community in achieving and sustaining success. In reality, many successful people attribute a significant portion of their achievements to the support, advice, and inspiration they received from others. 

In my case, I’ve had a few bosses who took particular interest in helping me further my career by challenging me to do more than I felt I could do, at that moment. They took a chance on me by giving me an expanded role and providing guidance until I got my feet under me, perhaps because they saw something in me that I didn’t yet recognize in myself. Looking back, those experiences where the learning curve was the steepest and it felt like I’d been thrown into the deep end to either sink or swim were the most valuable and the most fun. I am grateful for being given the chance to prove myself to everyone, especially myself. I think it’s critically important for everyone to challenge themselves, at all stages of their career, and say yes to something that they don’t yet know how to do. Trust that you will know what to do when the time comes. 

So, let’s challenge this myth that successful people have everything figured out so we can gain a more realistic understanding of what it takes to succeed. Recognizing that there is no singular formula for success, and that the journey involves continuous learning and adaptation, demystifies the process and makes it more accessible. Embracing the complexity and nuances of what it takes to achieve what we want most might inspire more of us to pursue our unique paths, armed with the knowledge that perfection is not the goal, but rather just maintaining forward momentum.

More often than not, carving out our own path, rather than waiting for someone to show us the way, is how we develop our autonomy and self-reliance. It’s about recognizing that we have the agency to shape our own futures. While it’s beneficial to draw inspiration and learn from the experiences of those who’ve gone before us and achieved impressive success, it’s vital to remember that their path is not a template, but a testament to the uniqueness of our individual journeys. Whether someone gives you a chance or you create that opportunity for yourself, do something that you don’t yet feel comfortable doing and try to have fun along the way. 

This perspective fosters a mindset of proactive exploration and experimentation. Remember, what works for one person, at one point in time, may not work for another, or even the same person at a different time. Hence, being open to trial and error, learning from failures, and continuously adapting the strategies in your toolkit is essential. Each challenge encountered and obstacle faced is an opportunity for self-improvement. It’s through these experiences that we gain insights into our strengths, weaknesses, values, and passions, which in turn guide our decisions and actions. 

Embracing the journey of figuring things out for ourselves encourages resilience. The path to achieving our goals is rarely linear or smooth. It is fraught with setbacks, uncertainties, and moments of doubt. However, viewing these challenges as integral parts of the learning process helps in building resilience. Instead of perceiving obstacles as insurmountable barriers, they can be seen as catalysts for innovation, creativity, and personal development. This shift in perspective transforms challenges into valuable lessons that can contribute to our toolkit of skills and knowledge, making us better equipped to navigate future hurdles. 

Breaking down barriers and turning obstacles into opportunities also involves a degree of risk-taking and stepping out of our comfort zone. We have to be willing to venture into the unknown, try new approaches, and pivot when necessary. This process can be daunting, but it’s also where significant growth and discovery occur. It demands courage, but it also builds it. Each step taken outside of our comfort zone expands the boundaries of what is possible, opening up new avenues for exploration and achievement. 

Thankfully, the journey to overcoming the obstacles we face does not have to be a solitary endeavor. We can build networks, find mentorship, and engage with communities of like-minded people struggling with the same challenges. These relationships provide support, offer diverse perspectives, and open up opportunities for collaboration and learning. I encourage you to expand your own support network to include people beyond your specific discipline and outside of your industry. It might surprise you to learn that the challenges we face have many similarities, no matter the context. The people you connect with can enrich your journey, making it not only about personal achievements, but also about contributing to the growth and success of others. 

The landscape of work and the skills required for success are constantly changing, therefore, staying curious and continually upgrading your skills are crucial. Lifelong learning is not just about formal education or training; it’s a mindset of openness to new experiences, ideas, and ways of thinking. It’s about being a perpetual student of life where every experience, be it success, failure or anything in between, contributes to your repository of knowledge and wisdom. 

The truth is, even those at the top are figuring things out as they go, just like me, and just like you. This realization is not a cause for dismay, but a source of empowerment. It signifies that the path forward involves making assumptions, trying things out, and adapting our approach based on the results we get. Even the most esteemed professionals in any industry are, for the most part, navigating their journey step-by-step, and decision by decision. 

Experience, as they say, yields wisdom. Those who have spent years honing their craft might find shortcuts or leverage economies of scale unknown to newcomers. But fundamentally, they’re navigating the same uncertainties and using their accumulated knowledge to make informed choices. The absence of a universal secret to success doesn’t render us powerless. Instead, it invites us to engage deeply in the process, reminding us that if we were not ready for an opportunity, it wouldn’t have come knocking at our door. Uncertainty is not something to be feared, but rather embraced as possibility. 

Here are three lessons to help transform that fear that often accompanies uncertainty into fuel for reaching our career goals:

1. Embrace uncertainty
2. Anchor yourself in uncertain times
3. Handle your worst fears

Lesson 1 – Embrace uncertainty: Why aren’t more people successful? I think it’s not due to a lack of opportunities, but rather an aversion to risk. Our default setting is to focus on potential losses rather than the gains. However, it’s essential to recognize that risk and uncertainty are the pathways to creativity, innovation, and above average success. Embracing these elements as necessary components of the journey enables us to stand out and achieve exceptional results. 

Lesson 2 – Anchor yourself in uncertain times: In the face of uncertainty, our instincts might prompt us to abandon our routines, yet this reaction tends to be counterproductive. Habits and routines serve as anchors, providing stability and a sense of normalcy amidst the chaos. For instance, maintaining an exercise routine during stressful periods can enhance our ability to remain calm. And as I’ve said many times, remaining calm is a superpower. Routines also free up our mental bandwidth, allowing the subconscious to tackle more significant issues and foster creative problem-solving.

Lesson 3 – Handle your worst fears: Fear is going to be your constant companion on the path to success, so it’s time to confront those fears with these three simple questions: 

1. What if I fail, then recover? Pondering the recovery process often reveals that the aftermath of failure is not as dire as we think it might be. It prompts us to consider those recovery strategies in advance and reminds us that more often than not, we can figure out a way to turn things around should things take an unexpected turn. 
2. What if I do nothing? This question challenges us to weigh the cost of inaction against the risk of taking a leap. Sometimes, the prospect of continued dissatisfaction is a more significant risk than any action we could take. As they say, action is the antidote for anxiety. And in my own experience, I feel far more empowered by doing something, anything, rather than doing nothing and taking a wait-and-see approach. 
3. What if I succeed? Envisioning success in vivid detail can be the catalyst for action, transforming possibilities into concrete goals. For me, I don’t give enough time to considering the upside. I’m far too focused on bracing for what could go wrong, but I’ve gotten a little jaded and cynical with age. This is a good reminder for me that good things happen with a little hard work and perseverance, eventually. 

The journey to achieving our career goals is inherently uncertain, but it’s this uncertainty that holds the key to our growth and success. These lessons teach us to balance realism with optimism. They encourage us to believe in ourselves and our abilities to navigate uncertainty. By acknowledging that even those at the top are figuring it out as they go, we can shed the paralyzing fear of the unknown. Embracing uncertainty, anchoring ourselves with routines in tumultuous times, and confronting our fears with rational questions can turn fear into fuel. 

How many times have you been told to be more realistic about your career? I have to believe that their concern comes from a good place, but in order to succeed at anything, we must first acknowledge the potential risks and challenges that lie ahead. This awareness is crucial for preparation and resilience. Understanding the barriers, setbacks, and failures that potentially await can deter us, but it can also arm us with the foresight and flexibility needed to navigate what’s coming. 

However, dwelling too much on these risks can lead to a state of analysis-paralysis, where the fear of failure or making the wrong decision prevents any decision from being made at all. Herein lies the importance of not allowing the acknowledgement of risks to morph into a pessimistic outlook that stifles action and growth. And yes, I’m talking to myself with this one. 

Optimism fuels our motivation and propels us forward, even in the face of uncertainty and setback. I tend to be good with realism, but optimism can sometimes be a stretch for me. I have to be reminded that it’s the driving force that encourages risk-taking, innovation, and perseverance. Yet, this optimism must be grounded in reality. It should not blind us to the challenges ahead, but rather serve as a beacon of hope and motivation, guiding us through them. Blind optimism, detached from the realities of our situation, can lead to reckless decisions and unmet expectations, ultimately, leading to disillusionment. That’s a downward spiral you want to avoid. 

Embracing uncertainty is perhaps the most challenging yet rewarding aspect of navigating our careers. Instead of viewing uncertainty as a daunting void of unknowns, we can choose to see it as a landscape brimming with limitless possibilities. Uncertainty means that there is no predetermined path, which in turn means that there are various options available to us. Each decision, each risk, and each challenge is an opportunity to shape our journey in unique and fulfilling ways. 

This perspective on uncertainty requires a delicate balance of realism and optimism. Realism keeps us grounded in the practicalities of our choices and the consequences they may carry.

It ensures that our optimism is not baseless, but rooted in a solid understanding of our abilities, the market, and the factors that influence our career trajectory. Optimism, in this context, is what allows us to leap into the unknown with confidence, driven by the belief in our ability to navigate whatever comes our way. 

Here are three practical steps to balance realism and optimism:

1. Set achievable goals: Goals should be exciting and stretch your capabilities without setting you up for certain failure. This balance fosters a little hope for the future while providing a more realistic path to success. 
2. Develop a flexible mindset: Be prepared to pivot and adapt your plans as circumstances change. Flexibility is a realistic approach to the unpredictability of career paths and an optimistic belief in your ability to handle change.
3. Visualize success and plan for challenges: Regularly visualize having achieved your goals as a way to maintain motivation and optimism. At the same time, plan for potential challenges so you’re realistically prepared. 

Understanding that there is no set path, only the journey we carve out through our choices and actions, empowers us to approach our careers with a sense of agency and possibility. This approach, grounded in a balance between realism and optimism, transforms uncertainty from a source of fear into a wellspring of opportunity. 

Our career path is not set before us, but created with each decision we make. This underscores the importance of being adaptable, of being willing to learn and relearn, and of being open to opportunities, even when they come disguised as challenges. This mindset not only enhances our professional journey, but also enriches our personal growth, making us more well-rounded and resilient. 

In embracing the uncertainty of our career paths, we also learn to value the journey itself. We begin to see that success is not just a destination, but a series of milestones, learnings, and growth opportunities that develop our expertise and offer wisdom. This perspective helps us to savor those moments of triumph and to find meaning in the challenges, knowing that each step forward, no matter how small, is contributing to the upward trajectory of our career. 

In the end, the journey of figuring things out as we go along, with all its uncertainties and possibilities, is what makes our careers genuinely our own. It’s a journey worth embracing, with all its twists and turns, for it leads us not only towards professional success, but also towards personal discovery and growth. It’s a journey marked by exploration and adaptation. By taking ownership of this process, we can transform challenges into opportunities, break down barriers, and carve out a path that is uniquely our own. It’s a reminder that in the vast landscape of career possibilities, the most exciting paths are those we create for ourselves. 

Are you ready to embrace the uncertainty and see where it can take you?

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Figuring It Out at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and twelve.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.