the stories we tell ourselves

When I was young, my dad’s company moved us frequently so I was the new girl in school more than most and I had to keep making new friends. I made that mean that I was weird.

Throughout school, I was a straight-A student, always at the top of my class. My parents were very proud of me. I got a lot of validation from my teachers for that. I enjoyed math and science, especially since there was a definite right or wrong answer. It didn’t seem as subjective as art class or english where I couldn’t be guaranteed that A. It was expected that I would be very successful. I made that mean that my self-worth came from my intelligence and my achievements.

I decided to become a Professional Engineer. While there were not that many women in that field, throughout university we were given the same opportunities to succeed as the men. There was nothing keeping me from succeeding. I was excited to begin my career and show the world that I could do anything I put my mind to. Early in my career things changed. I began to encounter barriers to my success that felt like they were beyond my control. I made that mean that there was something wrong with me and that I was broken.

These things were part of what formed the story of who I was, and the choices I made supported that story. Since I believed on some level that I was weird, broken and my self-worth came from achieving. I became obsessed with being the best. I was incredibly driven. I had something to prove to the world and that’s what drove me to succeed.

Despite the various barriers I encountered in advancing my career, I made my mark in a highly competitive field. I was making good money. But there was just one problem. I was still the same “me” and no matter how much money I made, or what external goal I accomplished, I didn’t really like the “me” that I had become to achieve these things. My drive to succeed came with intense self-doubt and self-criticism. I was harder on myself than anyone else could have ever been to me. I masked my insecurity with a persona that conveyed to others that I had it all together.

I kept looking for something outside of me to provide me with the fulfillment, approval, appreciation, happiness and enoughness that I craved. That didn’t happen.

Eventually, I decided to resign from my engineering career at its peak because I didn’t want to endure the stress anymore. That actually exacerbated the depression I was already experiencing because my career had become a huge part of my identity and the source of my self-worth. I didn’t really know who I was without my job.

I felt like a victim. I felt like my life was happening to me. 

It suddenly dawned on me that I was the only common denominator in everything that was happening to me. I realized that if I had something to do with creating these situations, then maybe I could also change them to be more aligned with what I actually wanted in my life.

That is when my life shifted from one of a victim to one of an owner. I stopped asking myself why this was happening to me, and I started asking myself why this was happening for me. I started on a quest to determine what I could learn from it and how I could shift it.

That’s when I began the process of reinventing myself.

It started with letting go of the old stories that were holding me back and creating more of the same undesirable results in my life. I began to take responsibility for life and my results. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I began to change my beliefs about myself and life in general.

As a result, my entire life changed.

Today, I am experiencing feelings of fulfillment, approval, appreciation, happiness and enoughness that I crave because I generate them from the inside. I am now doing work in the world that I absolutely love.

I’m not special. I don’t have any superpowers. I just realized that the most powerful choice we can make is how we define ourselves.

This is the same powerful choice that is in front of you right now.

Are you going to continue that old, limiting story about yourself?

Are you going to continue to wait for someone else to change so that you feel better?

Are you going to continue to wait for someone to come along on a white horse and save you from yourself?

Are you going to continue to blame others or society for why you don’t have what you want?

Are you going to continue to believe that it’s too late to go after your dreams?

Are you going to continue to believe that it takes too much effort to create what you want for yourself?

How do you want to define yourself?

It’s time to take charge of your life by shifting from victim to owner.

I want to inspire you to reinvent yourself. I want to show you that it’s not as hard as you think. It’s actually not as hard as you’ve been making it seem.

I want to challenge you to get out of your comfort zone. I want you to start playing bigger. I want to remind you of a possibility that is more powerful than your fear of making a change.

I know you’re feeling scared but everything you want is on the other side of that fear.

I want to remind you that courage is not the absence of fear, but rather it’s feeling the fear and doing it anyway. I want to shine some light on the blind spots that are keeping you stuck in your old way of thinking. I want to teach you to reclaim the power you have over your own life.

It’s time for you to stop playing small. It’s time for you to let go of that story about who you are and start focusing on who you are becoming. It’s time for you to be a leader in your relationships and your career. It’s time for you to go after those goals and dreams that you have been too afraid to pursue. It’s time for you to free yourself from the constraints of an identity that is no longer true for you.

It’s time for you to reinvent yourself.