Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and sixty-eight. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Making career decisions can feel like you’re standing at a crossroads with a mix of anxiety and anticipation swirling in your mind. Are you wanting to leave your current role because it’s become unbearable, or are you moving towards something that genuinely excites you? The emotional dynamics behind this choice are complex and often overlooked. Too often, we let the frustration or exhaustion push us into decisions that are more about escaping discomfort than creating opportunities. But, to make decisions that truly propel your career forward, you need to pause, process what’s happened, and ensure you’re moving from a place of strength, not defeat. 

In this episode, we want to encourage you to take the time to reflect on your past disappointments as well as your successes – not to dwell on them, but to understand the lessons they offer. Acknowledging where things went wrong helps you identify what you want to avoid in the future. Celebrating what went right reinforces your strengths and builds the confidence to take deliberate, courageous steps forward. By reframing limiting beliefs and creating actionable strategies, you can bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be. It’s not just about leaving behind what no longer serves you – it’s about stepping into something that better aligns with your vision for your career. 

If you’ve ever fantasized about dramatically dropping your letter of resignation on your boss’s desk, proudly exclaiming, “I’m out”, and walking away confidently, knowing you will never look back, you’re not alone. Perhaps your version includes more colorful language and more dramatic flair. To be honest, I had a few different versions myself that I never actually used, that all involved the desire to burn those bridges behind me beyond recognition. I thought it would feel very satisfying, but in fact, not burning bridges is important because your industry is smaller than you might think. 

But, here’s the thing, before you run, you need to ask yourself an important question: Are you running from an intolerable situation, or are you running toward something better? The answer could mean the difference between escaping into a brighter future or tripping into a repeat of the same mess, only this time with a new job title and a different business address.

When your work feels unbearable, the temptation to bolt can be quite overwhelming. Bad bosses, toxic coworkers, endless late nights with no recognition – it’s enough to make anyone want to flee. But, leaving without a clear idea of what you want can be risky. Running from something might get you out of immediate discomfort, but it doesn’t guarantee you’ll end up anywhere better. It’s like leaving one unfortunate experience only to land somewhere else, equally terrible, because you didn’t take the time to figure out what you’re actually looking for. 

On the flip side, running towards something implies intention. It’s about having a clear vision of what you want in your next role, whether it’s a healthier work environment, more growth opportunities, more challenges or flexibility, or simply a job where you’re not just filling time until your next vacation. 

You can’t run towards something until you know what you’re looking for – and you won’t know that until you’ve processed your current situation. Which brings us to the emotional pitfalls of hasty exits. 

There’s a special kind of chaos that comes with making decisions out of desperation. I’ve done that and it didn’t turn out well. When you’re running from an intolerable situation, the need for immediate relief can blind you to long-term consequences. You may jump at the first opportunity that comes your way, only to find yourself in a different flavor of the same bad situation, like I did. Why? Because you haven’t done the internal work to understand what went wrong or what you truly need to feel fulfilled. 

Another danger of running too soon is the damage it can do to your confidence. Leaving in a haze of frustration and hurt can feel like a forced exit, even if it was your decision to resign. You carry the emotional weight of feeling powerless, which can erode your self-belief and make you second-guess your capabilities. That baggage will follow you to your next job, where it can impact how you show up, how you’re perceived, and how quickly you settle into your new role. 

The truth is, leaving before you’re ready often robs you of closure. It’s like leaving a movie halfway through – sure, you avoided the bad parts, but you’ll always wonder how it may have ended. Maybe it’s just me, but closure is important.

So, before you pack up your desk, consider the value of staying just long enough to regain a sense of control. This isn’t about making yourself tolerate unacceptable behavior indefinitely – it’s about shifting your perspective. Instead of feeling like you were forced out because you couldn’t cope, give yourself time to process what’s happening, take stock of your strengths and your contributions, and reclaim your narrative. 

When you stay long enough to regain your footing, you can leave on your terms. You’re no longer the person who ‘couldn’t hack it’. You’re someone who recognized the situation wasn’t serving you and made a thoughtful decision to move forward. That subtle shift in mindset can make a world of difference to your confidence and your future success. Believe me on this one, this is experience talking. 

If you’ve been overlooked for promotions, undervalued by leadership, or stuck in an environment where your efforts go unnoticed no matter the personal sacrifice, those experiences don’t just vanish when you change jobs. They lurk in the corners of your mind, whispering little lies like, “You’re not good enough” or, “This is just going to happen again”. That’s the emotional baggage of unprocessed disappointments and frustrations that you carry with you, wherever you go. 

Unresolved self-confidence issues can creep into your decision-making. If you’re constantly second-guessing your abilities or assuming that every workplace problem is your fault, there’s a good chance you’re lugging around some of this type of unprocessed baggage. Maybe you were overlooked for a promotion, or your contributions were ignored, leaving you wondering if you’re just not good enough. First, let me assure you, you are. 

But, if you don’t take time to unpack those feelings, they’ll influence how you show up in the new environment, simply perpetuating what you were trying to escape. You might overcompensate by working twice as hard for half the recognition. Or, you could hesitate to speak up, worried your ideas won’t even be considered. You might find yourself overly defensive, reluctant to take risks, or constantly seeking external validation. 

It’s not because you lack the skills to do the job, but because the emotional residue of your past hasn’t been dealt with properly. So, take a minute to check in with yourself. Are you carrying unresolved feelings from past experiences? If so, those issues will still be there no matter how fabulous the new opportunity seems.

So, as you can see, there’s a lot at stake. Before making any big decision, take a step back and ask yourself: what’s missing from my current experience? Is it recognition? Opportunities for growth? A sense of purpose? This isn’t about dwelling on what went wrong – it’s about understanding the gaps between your expectations and your current reality. Be brutally honest with yourself by asking these questions: 

• What did I hope to achieve in this role that hasn’t materialized?
• What aspects of my work leave me feeling unfulfilled? 
• What do I want more of in my career, and what do I want less of? 

The goal isn’t to stew in disappointment, but to get clear on what’s not working and not meeting your expectations. Think of it as career diagnostics: you can’t fix what you don’t understand. This reflection helps you pinpoint what needs to change and gives you a clearer picture of what to look for in your next role. This exercise also helps clarify whether your dissatisfaction is situational and fixable, or fundamental, which could be a sign that it’s time to move on. 

If there’s one thing that can really deflate your confidence, it’s the sting of unacknowledged contributions. Maybe you worked overtime to deliver a project, only to have someone else take the credit. Or, you consistently go above and beyond, but no one seems to notice. 

This often has more to do with where you are than your ability. Being in a workplace that doesn’t value your strengths can leave you feeling invisible and questioning your worth. It’s not that you didn’t do enough – it’s that the environment wasn’t capable of seeing what you brought to the table. 

Pretending the bad stuff didn’t happen won’t help. Believe me, I’ve tried, with no luck. Reflect on the disappointments, the times you felt manipulated, and the moments you felt unseen. Write them down. Processing these moments isn’t about wallowing – it’s about understanding how they’ve shaped your experience and how to prevent similar patterns in the future. 

When you weren’t acknowledged for your contributions, it’s easy to assume you weren’t good enough. But, what if the issue wasn’t you? What if you were in the wrong place, under the wrong leadership, doing what you were told to do, that didn’t challenge you, and ultimately had no real impact? Reframing these experiences helps you separate your worth from others’ inability to see it. 

What did you learn from the gaps between what you wanted and what actually happened? Distill those lessons into short, guiding principles that can inform your next steps. For example, if you learned that waiting for acknowledgment doesn’t work, your principle might be: “Advocate for myself early and often”. 

But, don’t stop there. Balance these disappointments with a celebration of your successes. Often, we’re so focused on what went wrong that we overlook what went right. That’s a huge missed opportunity because your successes, big or small, are proof of what you’re capable of. 

So, ask yourself: 

• What did I accomplish this year that I’m proud of? 
• What challenges did I endure and ultimately overcome? 
• How did I grow, even in tough situations? 

Write these down, too. Seeing your accomplishments on paper is a great confidence booster, and it helps balance out the sting of those disappointments. It’s also a reminder that you’re not starting from scratch. You’re building on a solid foundation of skills and successes. 

Reflection and insight are great, but they’re meaningless without action. Use what you’ve learned to guide your behavior. If you identify a need for clearer boundaries, start setting them now. If you’ve realized you thrive in collaborative environments, seek roles that prioritize teamwork. 

Once you’ve done the work – processed your experiences, reframed your beliefs, and applied your lessons learned – you’re ready to move forward and make career decisions from a place of strength, rather than defeat. You’re better equipped to make thoughtful, intentional moves. This is the sweet spot where you’re not running away from the frustration, but running toward possibility. You know what you want. You know what you deserve. And, you know what you bring to the table. 

When you make decisions from this place, they’re grounded in confidence, clarity, and purpose. You’re not just escaping; you’re ready for something new and different. 

And, here’s the best part: when you approach career decisions with clarity and confidence, you’re less likely to repeat past mistakes. You’ll enter your next role with a renewed sense of purpose and a stronger understanding of what you need to thrive. Transitions are hard, even when they’re something you’re excited about. The key is to approach them with intention and patience. 

Here are five strategies for making your transition a little smoother: 

1. Give Yourself Time: Adjusting to a new role takes time, so be patient with yourself. Focus on learning, building relationships, and finding your rhythm.
2. Set Realistic Expectations: Remember, no job is perfect. Accept that challenges are part of the process and an opportunity for growth. 
3. Reward Yourself For Having the Courage: Acknowledge the bravery you’ve demonstrated in making a change. Reward yourself for taking steps toward a better future with something you truly enjoy. 
4. Stay Curious: Approach your new role with endless curiosity. Ask questions, seek feedback, and remain open to learning and make the most of these new experiences. 
5. Reflect Regularly: Schedule time to check in with yourself. Are you aligned with your vision? Are any adjustments needed? Then make the necessary changes to keep making your situation work for you. You’ll be surprised at how much flexibility is available to adjust the things you do every day to suit what lights you up. 

People often overlook the fact that making career decisions isn’t just about choosing the best job offer; it’s about addressing the emotional patterns that brought you to your current crossroads. The real power lies in recognizing how unprocessed disappointments, unresolved self-doubt, and unmet expectations from your past role can silently influence your future choices, often leading to repeated mistakes or continued dissatisfaction. 

Leaving a toxic or intolerable situation without first dealing with these emotions can inadvertently carry the emotional weight of that experience wherever you end up next. By reflecting, reframing, and rebuilding your confidence, you can disrupt these patterns and make intentional, empowered career choices that align with what you want next, rather than simply reacting to disappointment or frustration. 

Making career decisions is as much an emotional journey as it is a practical one. By taking the time to reflect on your past, acknowledge your worth, and learn from your experiences, you can transform setbacks into actionable wisdom. By building confidence and preparing for the next step with intention, you can approach transitions from a place of strength rather than defeat. 

Remember, you’re not just running from something bad, you’re running towards something better. And, with a clear vision, a solid plan, and a healthy dose of courage, you’ll be ready to make the leap with confidence. 

So, before you write that resignation letter, take the time to reflect, reframe, and plan. And, if nothing else, at least you’ll know you’re making your move from a position of power, not from the desperation of feeling like you’re unable to cope where you are. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Making Confident Career Moves at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and sixty-eight. 

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger. My email address is info@cindyesliger.com. 

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective.  

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.