Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and sixty-seven. I’m your host Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Successfully navigating the workplace comes with its challenges, but one of the most insidious obstacles isn’t external – it’s the narrative playing on repeat in our own minds. Negative thoughts and overthinking can sabotage even the most capable and accomplished professionals, especially when we take every critical or self-doubting thought as uncontested truth. Left unchecked, these thoughts can erode our confidence, cloud our judgment, and keep us stuck in self-doubt, leaving us vulnerable to manipulation tactics and gaslighting from those eager to exploit our insecurities. In an environment where recognition and respect often feel hard to come by, the last thing we need is for our own inner dialogue to work against us.

In this episode, we propose that those confidence crushing thoughts don’t have to run the show. By learning to question our assumptions, gather evidence for and against our beliefs, and reframe limiting narratives, we can shift from self-sabotage to self-empowerment. 

This isn’t about blindly adopting a positive mindset – it’s about equipping ourselves with practical strategies to separate fact from fiction, recognize and neutralize manipulation, and keep moving forward in our careers. It starts with asking better questions and trusting the facts over opinions, whether those opinions come from others or from our own overthinking minds. 

We’ve all been there, staring at the ceiling at 2am, replaying that one awkward comment we received in a meeting and deciding that it means we’re unqualified, unliked, and one wrong step away from getting fired. Sound familiar? Welcome to the delightful world of overthinking, where our thoughts can turn nothing into something and sprinkle a little self-doubt into everything we do.

For many of us, these negative spirals aren’t just frustrating, they’re career kryptonite. It took me a long time to realize that a lot of what I was thinking wasn’t even true. And yet, those unchallenged thoughts can crush our confidence, impair our decision-making, and make us easy targets for manipulation. So, let’s start unpacking these pesky lies we tell ourselves so we can stop sabotaging our success. 

Let’s start with a bold statement you may have heard before: “Just because you think it, doesn’t make it true”. But, do you routinely question your own thoughts? For a long time, I didn’t. I was one of those people who trusted my thoughts implicitly. If my brain whispered, “You’re not ready for that promotion”, I nodded along, no questions asked. 

The problem is that negative thoughts aren’t inherently accurate; they’re just loud and surprisingly repetitive. They often contain a kernel of truth – sure, you may have made a mistake once – but they are also wrapped in layers of exaggeration and emotion. What starts as, “I didn’t do well in that presentation” morphs into, “I’m bad at public speaking” and finally crescendos into, “I’m not leadership material”. It quickly becomes a slippery slope. 

Believing these lies impacts more than just our mood. It chips away at our self-esteem and our self-trust, while also slowing our career progress. Before long, these thoughts can snowball into deeply ingrained limiting beliefs that can feel like unshakeable truths.

In order to overcome this pattern of negative thinking, start by realizing that you don’t have to believe every thought that pops into your head. Those thoughts are just that – thoughts, not facts. For that reason, we need to start questioning them. 

So, I challenge you to ask yourself, “Is this even true?”. Sometimes, the answer will be obvious: “No, I’m not terrible at my job just because I forgot to respond to one email”. Other times, you’ll need to dig deeper. This is where the magic happens. Pull the thread and unpack your thoughts. By dissecting what you’re routinely thinking, you can uncover the underlying assumptions and limiting beliefs driving them. More importantly, you can challenge those beliefs with tangible evidence. 

It would be one thing if we only had to deal with our own thoughts in isolation, but we don’t. There always seems to be some workplace dynamics at play. In many workplaces, and mine were definitely no exception, power plays and office politics are commonplace. In environments like these, negative self-talk isn’t just a personal problem – it’s a vulnerability. People who thrive on manipulation and gaslighting will happily exploit your self-doubt to maintain the upper hand. It’s almost too easy for them to resist. 

In my experience, manipulation often comes in subtle forms: 

• Casual remarks that make you question your confidence. (For instance, “Are you sure you’re ready to lead that project?”).
• Undermining your confidence while pretending to be concerned. (For example, “You seemed a little unsure in that meeting – everything okay?”). 
• Gaslighting your achievements by framing them as luck rather than skill. (Like, “Wow, how did you manage to pull that off?”). 

Maybe I just worked for some gems over the years, but the things that were said to me seemed to imply surprise that I was actually capable, as if my success was unexpected or out of character. They would subtly suggest that the outcome had more to do with particular circumstances than my effort, decision-making, or expertise. Some would even pretend to be curious while casting doubt that my success was, in fact, intentional rather than just lucky. Those were the kinds of people I had the pleasure to work with. Maybe you work with some similar characters. 

If you find yourself questioning your capabilities after interacting with someone, it’s worth asking whether their feedback is valid – or if they’re just playing some kind of game with you. Recognizing the red flags of manipulation is critical to maintaining your confidence and sanity in challenging environments. 

There is real power in questioning your thinking. Manipulators can only exploit the doubts you haven’t addressed. When you regularly question your thoughts, you take away their power. Start treating your thoughts like you’re presenting the facts to make your case – demand evidence for and against each one. 

For instance, instead of spiraling into negativity, try this: 

• What’s the evidence that this is true?
• What’s the evidence that this is false? 
• Does this thought move me forward or keep me stuck? 

By asking yourself these questions, you shift your focus from emotion to logic. Instead of getting stuck in a loop of self-doubt, you can reframe your thoughts and make better decisions. 

Some thoughts are surface-level, but the ones that run deeper are the sneaky ones. They are often rooted in societal messaging or past experiences that shape how we see ourselves. It’s worth uncovering these underlying assumptions. 

For example, someone who hesitates to speak up in meetings might not just be nervous about public speaking. It might be that they are battling an ingrained belief that their ideas aren’t as valuable as others’. By pulling the thread – asking, “Why do I feel this way?” – we can uncover the root of the issue and start addressing it. 

Once you identify an underlying assumption, challenge it directly by asking yourself, “Where did this belief come from?”, “Does it actually hold up under scrutiny?” and, “How is it impacting my career?”. This process can feel uncomfortable, but it’s necessary because you can’t change what you don’t first acknowledge. 

Once you’ve unpacked a thought and challenged its validity, it’s time to reframe it. This isn’t about forced positivity (nobody’s asking you to become a walking affirmation poster). It’s about creating a narrative that’s rooted in truth and supports your growth.

For example:

• Old Thought: “I’m not good enough for this role”
• New Thought: “I’m still learning, but I have the skills and potential to succeed. Everyone starts somewhere, and I’ve had to prove myself before”. 

Reframing isn’t about denying the challenges – it’s about shifting your focus to what’s possible so you can then put in the work to make it happen. 

Changing your thought patterns is no small feat, but here are three strategies that can make it easier for you:

1. Practice Daily Thought Audits: Spend five minutes at the end of each day reflecting on one negative thought you had and challenging its accuracy. 
2. Get a Second Opinion: Share your doubts with a trusted colleague or mentor. They can provide an outside perspective and help you see the evidence you’re missing. 
3. Focus on Progress, Not Perfection: Celebrate your small wins as evidence that you’re making progress, even if the path feels messier than you’d like. Consider getting some coaching so you’ll have the tools to tackle your deep-seated beliefs and help you build your confidence. 

Many of the barriers we face in our careers aren’t real – they’re assumptions we’ve internalized. Maybe you think you shouldn’t speak up in meetings because you’re not the most senior person in the room, or you’re convinced you’re not ready for a promotion because you haven’t checked every box on the job description.

The only way to know if these constraints are real is to test them. Start with some small experiments: 

• Speak up in one meeting and see what happens. 
• Volunteer for a project that’s slightly outside your comfort zone and see if you like the challenge. 
• Ask a trusted colleague or mentor for feedback on your readiness for the next step and put their suggestions into action. 

You might find that some constraints are legitimate, in which case you can address them, but many will crumble under scrutiny. 

The questions you ask yourself shape the answers you’ll get. If you’re looking for evidence to support your self-doubt, you’ll find it. But, if you frame your questions differently, you can open the door to new perspectives. Instead of asking, “Why am I not good enough?”, try asking, “What evidence shows that I’m capable?” or, “What strengths do I bring to this role?”. And here’s another one. Instead of asking, “What’s the worst that could happen?”, try asking, “What’s the best that could happen?”. 

Reframing your questions doesn’t just change the answers – it changes your mindset. It shifts the focus from fear to possibility, which is exactly where it needs to be if you want to keep moving forward. 

When we believe everything we think without questioning its truth, we’re giving these thoughts far too much power. Add manipulative colleagues or gaslighting to the mix, and it’s no wonder so many of us feel sidelined in our careers. It starts innocently enough. You make a small mistake at work, maybe a typo in an email, or you give a presentation that doesn’t land as well as you would have liked. Before you know it, your brain has spiraled into, “I’m not cut out for this job” or, “Everyone thinks I’m incompetent”. 

Negative thoughts like these aren’t just inconvenient; they’re downright damaging. They slowly erode your confidence, leading to self-sabotaging behaviors like staying silent in meetings or turning down opportunities to share what you’ve learned.

That’s why we need to build our resilience to cope better with these kinds of situations. Resilience isn’t just about bouncing back from adversity; it’s about developing the tools to challenge your thoughts and keep your forward momentum, even when the going gets tough. 

Here are three ways to build that mental muscle: 

1.Stay Curious, Not Critical

When negative thoughts pop up, the instinct is often to beat ourselves up for having them. Instead, try to approach your thoughts with curiosity by asking yourself: 

• “Where is this thought coming from?”
• “What am I afraid of?”
• “What evidence supports or contradicts this?”

Treat your thoughts like a hypothesis that you will test, not verdicts to be accepted. Staying curious allows you to explore the root of the issue without falling into the trap of self-criticism. 

2.Normalize Self-Reflection

Regularly take the time to examine your thoughts and feelings by asking yourself: 

• “Is this thought really helping me or hindering my progress?”
• “Am I focusing more on where I can exert my influence, or am I stuck focusing on things that are beyond my control?”

The goal isn’t to overanalyze everything, but to build awareness of your mental patterns. When you know what you’re working with, you can start making intentional changes. 

3.Focus on the Progress You’re Making

Perfectionism is like quicksand for your career. The more you strive for flawlessness, the more you sink into self-doubt and procrastination. Instead, shift your focus to progress. Celebrate your small wins, like having the courage to speak up once in a meeting or completing a demanding task you’ve been putting off. Remind yourself that making mistakes are part of the growth, not a sign of failure. It might help to keep a ‘progress journal’ where you jot down one thing you’re proud of each day. When you prioritize progress over perfection, you allow yourself to take risks and embrace new opportunities without the fear of falling short.

Building mental resilience sounds great in theory, but how do you put it into practice when you’re just trying to keep your head above water and meet those deadlines? 

Here are three practical tools to help you move forward: 

1.Develop a Habit of Questioning Your Thoughts

During high-stress moments, it’s easy to let your thoughts run wild. The next time you feel overwhelmed, pause and ask yourself: 

• “What’s the worst case scenario and how likely is it to happen?”
• “What’s the best case scenario?”
• “What’s a more realistic middle ground?”

By interrupting the thought spiral with questions, you can regain perspective and make decisions that are based on logic rather than fear. 

2.Conduct a Weekly Thought Audit

This is taking that ‘daily thought audit’ to the next level. Set aside a few minutes each week to reflect on the thoughts you believe and how they’ve impacted your actions by asking yourself, “How could I have approached this situation differently if I didn’t believe that thought?”. This type of weekly exercise helps you identify recurring patterns and build the habit of questioning your assumptions. 

3.Reframe Limiting Beliefs in Real-Time

When a limiting belief surfaces, challenge it immediately. For example, your belief might be, “I need to have all the answers”. Reframe that as, “No one has all the answers. My job is to ask good questions of the right people and find the solutions”. Reframing takes practice, but over time it can become second nature and a powerful tool for self-empowerment. 

Overthinking and negative thoughts create a cognitive bias that reinforces the very insecurities we’re trying to overcome. When we don’t actively question our assumptions, our brains naturally prioritize evidence that supports our doubts, making it feel like those fears are rooted in fact. 

What many of us don’t realize is that this same brain mechanism can work in our favor. By intentionally framing questions to seek evidence of our competence, progress, and potential, we can retrain our minds to counteract self-doubt and reinforce a narrative of capability and growth. 

In other words, the key isn’t suppressing negative thoughts or avoiding overthinking – it’s using your brain’s tendency to seek patterns and validation to build a new, empowering narrative. This approach not only neutralizes the harmful effects of unchallenged assumptions, but also equips us to recognize and resist manipulation tactics, making it harder for others to exploit our vulnerabilities.

Negative thoughts and overthinking are part of the human experience, but they lose their power when we learn to question their truth and reframe the story we’re telling ourselves. By focusing on facts, challenging assumptions, and asking more open-ended questions, we can slowly dismantle self-doubt and build a mindset rooted in confidence and growth. 

Remember, your thoughts don’t define you – your willingness to challenge and rise above them does, and that’s where your true strength lies. 

So, here’s your challenge for the week:  identify one thought you’ve believed recently that’s holding you back. Question it, reframe it, and take one small step toward proving it wrong. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Questioning Your Thinking at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and sixty-seven. 

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger. My email address is info@cindyesliger.com. 

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective.  

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.