Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and sixty-three. I’m your host Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Starting a new job or joining a new team can feel like a whirlwind of handshakes and introductions. It’s a strange, yet magical period where social norms seem to loosen and everyone suddenly seems more approachable. This is what’s known as the ‘social window’, a fleeting phase of openness and fluid social dynamics that occurs during the first few weeks in a new environment. During this time, people are more willing to connect, share insights, and even bond over the universal challenges of navigating a fresh workplace. But, here’s the catch: this window doesn’t stay open forever. 

In this episode, we delve into the need to recognize and make the most of this ‘social window’. Particularly in male-dominated workplaces where forming strong, supportive networks can be a game-changer. This period provides an unparalleled opportunity to build relationships, establish influence, and create a sense of belonging that will serve you well in the months and years to come. Waiting too long to act or misinterpreting this openness as a permanent feature can leave you feeling disconnected once the dynamics inevitably shift. The good news? With a bit of planning, intentionality, and a willingness to embrace the discomfort of putting yourself out there, you can use this time to set the foundation for long-term professional success in your new organization.

Imagine this: you’ve just started a new job or joined a new team. You’re greeted by the warm smiles of colleagues who seem genuinely interested in meeting you. People are chatting about their weekend plans, offering to show you around, and making sure you know where to find the coffee machine. Before you know it, you’re actually having lunch with people, instead of eating at your desk while scrolling through email. It’s all so welcoming, you might start to believe you’ve landed in the friendliest office in existence. But, I hate to tell you, this won’t last. 

For a brief moment, you’re in the ‘social window’, a magical period where social norms are suspended and people are unnaturally approachable and connections form with surprising ease. It’s like the adult version of freshman orientation, minus the lanyards. But, unfortunately, you may not be able to escape those awkward icebreakers since everyone wants to get to know something about you since you’re new.

But, you have to recognize that this phase doesn’t last. Before long, this ‘social window’ slams shut, leaving you wondering why it suddenly feels weird to invite a colleague out for coffee. What once felt somewhat effortless, becomes incredibly awkward. 

Recognizing and seizing this fleeting opportunity can make all the difference in establishing relationships, curating the all-important support system, and setting yourself up for success in your new workplace. It’s no secret that long-term alliances are often the key to rapid advancement.

So, what is it that makes this ‘social window’ so unique? Why is it so critical to act during this period? And, how can you best leverage it to set yourself up for career success? 

The ‘social window’ is roughly the first three weeks upon entering a new environment – be it a job, department, or project team – where customary social rules are temporarily suspended. It’s like everyone collectively agrees to pretend they’re extroverts. During this phase, you’ll notice people are unusually open to meeting new people, starting conversations, and forming connections. It’s as if the shared novelty of the situation lowers everyone’s guard. 

This phenomenon isn’t just a happy accident; it’s rooted in psychology. When people enter unfamiliar settings, there’s a natural inclination to form bonds as a survival mechanism. In professional settings, this manifests as heightened friendliness and a willingness to connect. Shared challenges, like navigating a new onboarding process or figuring out where the good coffee is, amplify this effect. As amazing as it sounds, nothing bonds people faster than the shared struggle of locating the one functional printer. 

Why does this matter? Because these early interactions set the tone for your relationships. In male-dominated workplaces where support networks can be harder to come by, the connections you make during this window can become invaluable resources for navigating challenges, advocating for yourself, and finding allies. 

I’m sure most of you would agree that starting a new job can feel awkward. You’re trying to learn the ropes while figuring out whether your attempt at humor will land correctly in the Monday morning meeting. I would caution you to let people get to know you a little before hitting them with your sarcasm. Not everyone may appreciate your sense of humor, but the ‘social window’ offers a unique opportunity to bypass some of that awkwardness. 

During this phase, people are more forgiving of social missteps. It’s entirely normal to strike up conversations with strangers or ask questions that might seem overly basic later on. This openness creates a low-stakes environment for relationship-building. 

Think of it as the easiest time you’ll have for networking. We tend to form bonds through shared experiences. For a brief moment, you’re the new person and everyone is curious, yet somewhat cautious. Use their inquisitiveness as an opportunity to connect.

Recognize that people are forming their first impressions of you. Showing that you’re approachable, collaborative, and eager to contribute can solidify your place as someone they want to work with, so use that to establish your influence early. 

The relationships you build now may evolve into a trusted network of colleagues who’ll have your back when it matters, down the road – whether that’s navigating office politics or tackling a challenging project and you’re relying on their cooperation to achieve the project objectives. 

But remember, this ‘social window’ doesn’t stick around for long. By the end of the third week, social norms tend to reassert themselves. Behaviors that briefly felt acceptable – like sitting next to a new colleague at lunch or striking up a hallway conversation – suddenly seem forced. You may still feel like the new person trying to find your footing, but that once welcoming atmosphere starts to feel less open.

Why does this happen? Humans are creatures of habit. Once people acclimate to a new environment, they gravitate toward familiarity. The office extrovert might still be chatty, but they’re now splitting their time among their established circle. Meanwhile, the introverts are cautiously retreating to their comfort zones, otherwise known as the safety of their desks. 

This makes it exponentially harder to build relationships after the ‘social window’ closes. It’s not impossible, but the effort required to break into established dynamics is significantly higher. You’ll have to work twice as hard to achieve what you could have accomplished by simply saying “hi” in that first week. 

Now that we’ve established why it’s important, let’s talk about how to leverage this ‘social window’. It requires stepping out of your comfort zone, but let me assure you that the payoff is worth it. 

Here are five ways that you can make the most of this fleeting opportunity to connect with people you’re going to be working with:

1. Be Proactive, Not Passive: Don’t wait for people to come to you. Go up to your new colleagues, introduce yourself, and ask questions. It might feel uncomfortable, but this is the time when such behavior is not only accepted, but expected. 
2. Join Group Activities: Whether it’s a team lunch, a brainstorming session, or an after work happy hour, say yes to any invitation that comes your way. These informal settings are often where the most meaningful connections are formed.
3. Leverage Shared Hardships: If you’re struggling to figure out a new system or process, don’t hesitate to commiserate with a colleague. Shared challenges create a sense of camaraderie that can form the foundation of long-term relationships. 
4. Focus on Quality Over Quantity: It’s not about meeting everyone in the office – it’s about forming a few genuine connections. Identify colleagues whose roles or perspectives you think might align with your goals and make an effort to get to know them.
5. Follow Up: After the initial introduction, take the next step. Invite a colleague for coffee, ask for their advice on a project, or simply check in with a friendly message. These small gestures can do wonders to keep the connection alive. 

Putting in the effort to curate a solid support system will prove invaluable over the long-term. The connections you form during this ‘social window’ can provide guidance, mentorship, and advocacy throughout your career.

Having trusted colleagues who can offer insights into office dynamics can help you navigate situations where bias might be at play. Your network can open doors to new opportunities down the line, provide recommendations for where to focus your efforts going forward, and amplify your voice in critical discussions. Having allies who understand your perspective can be just what you need to get through a tough time. 

The key to long-term success at any organization is recognizing and planning for this ‘social window’ as you enter the new environment. Begin by anticipating this period as your time to shine socially. Don’t let the novelty of the environment distract you from taking action. Decide what you want to accomplish and make a plan. Are you looking to find a mentor, connect with a peer group, or simply make a good first impression? Knowing your goals will help you prioritize your efforts. 

Meeting new people can be uncomfortable, especially in a professional setting, but discomfort is a small price to pay, so do your best to push through. Reframe your perspective so that instead of seeing introductions as awkward, you can view them as an investment in your career. It’s okay to feel nervous, but don’t let that stop you. 

People are generally kinder during this initial phase because they recognize that you’re trying to figure things out and looking to make connections. Awkward moments are inevitable. Embrace them, laugh them off, and keep moving forward. The key is to not let one cringe-worthy exchange derail your efforts. 

While it might be tempting to meet as many people as possible, it’s more effective to focus on a few individuals. The goal is to build meaningful relationships, so be intentional with your connections. Identify key people by focusing on those whose roles intersect with yours or whose perspectives you’d like to hear. This will be different for everyone, but you might consider including your manager, team members, or even that person in HR who seems to know everyone. 

Do what you can to diversify your network during this time. Don’t just connect with people on your team. Express your interest in reaching out to those in other departments to expand your reach and ask for introductions. Remember that it’s not enough to meet someone once to make a real connection. Keep the conversation going by scheduling coffee chats to ask thoughtful questions and then actively listen to what they have to share. 

Not every interaction will go smoothly. Some people may be too busy, uninterested, or simply having a bad day. That’s okay. Rejection and awkwardness are part of the process, not a reflection of your worth. Remember, it’s not personal since everyone has off days. If something doesn’t go well, reflect on what you can do differently next time. Keep at it, since one awkward encounter shouldn’t discourage you from reaching out again. Building relationships takes time and effort. 

So, what happens if you miss this critical window? One of the most common pitfalls of not taking advantage of this magical time is missing your opportunity to establish influence. 

The ‘social window’ is your time to shine – not just socially, but professionally. First impressions matter, and this is your chance to demonstrate approachability, competence, and initiative. When you let the window close without engaging, you risk being seen as aloof or disengaged. And, while you might think you’re just playing it cool, others may interpret your hesitance as disinterest or worse, a lack of confidence. 

In male-dominated workplaces where women often have to work harder to establish credibility, this early impression is especially crucial. Missing this window could mean missing the chance to position yourself as a valued member of the team.

Unfortunately, there are also real consequences of not taking advantage of this ‘social window’. Here are three of the most common and how to avoid them: 

1. Feeling Out of Place: When you pass on this ‘social window’, you risk feeling like a perpetual outsider. This sense of disconnection can lead to a self-reinforcing cycle: you feel out of place, so you withdraw further, which makes it even harder to integrate. So, get comfortable with the temporary discomfort of approaching new colleagues. Yes, it can feel awkward, but it has the potential for lasting benefits. Push yourself to say hello, ask questions, and join conversations. Remind yourself that it’s so much easier now than it will be later. Frame it as a short-term opportunity to make meaningful connections before the dynamic shifts. 
2. Missed Career Opportunities: Strong relationships aren’t just about having someone to chat with during lunch – they’re about creating a network of allies and advocates. When you miss the window, you miss the chance to build these connections early, potentially limiting your access to mentorship, collaboration, and career advancement opportunities. So, make it manageable. Instead of trying to meet everyone, focus on a few key interactions each day. Introduce yourself to a team member, ask someone about their role, or accept an invitation to join a group at lunch.
3. Undermined Confidence: Once the ‘social window’ closes, the dynamics shift. It can be harder to stay confident when you’re questioning your place in the organization. Understanding that this time is fleeting can be a motivator to endure the temporary discomfort and make the most of it. So, remind yourself that making an initial connection is only the first step. Solidify those early interactions by following up – whether that’s grabbing coffee, sending a friendly email, or checking in on a shared project. 

The real work begins after this ‘social window’ closes. Relationships require maintenance, and the effort you put in now will pay dividends later. Do what you can to keep the momentum going by scheduling regular catch-ups, whether it’s a quick chat in the break room or a formal one-on-one. Offer help or insights when you can. Being supportive and dependable strengthens your relationships. Do your best to participate in social gatherings. Staying engaged keeps you visible and relevant. Remember, showing appreciation for their time goes a long way in maintaining a good relationship. 

The openness and fluid social dynamics during the ‘social window’ period are not just a result of the new environment itself, but are often driven by subtle psychological and social mechanisms. Most notably, people are more willing to connect and engage because they’re also navigating their own insecurities and seeking to establish or reinforce their place in the group. Recognizing that others are just as eager (and sometimes nervous) as you can help alleviate your own discomfort and encourage you to take the first step in building those all-important relationships. 

By recognizing this fleeting opportunity and taking action, you can set yourself up for long-term career success in your new environment. Yes, it requires effort. And yes, it might feel a little awkward. But the alternative – letting the window close without capitalizing on it – means potentially missing out on relationships and opportunities that could shape your career going forward.

So, the next time you find yourself in a new setting, remember to take advantage of the ‘social window’ because it won’t stay that way. Embrace the awkwardness and introduce yourself with confidence. After all, those first few weeks might just set the stage for the rest of your career, so embrace the moment and make it count. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Building Connections That Last at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and sixty-three. 

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger. My email address is info@cindyesliger.com. 

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective.  

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.