Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and fifty-six. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

If you’re working hard, playing by the rules most of the time, and still wondering why you’re not getting the recognition you feel you deserve, it might seem like all you can do now is throw up your hands in defeat. That’s when the cynicism takes hold – a seemingly logical reaction to a world where effort doesn’t always equal reward. But, while cynicism might feel like self-preservation, it’s actually a trap. It keeps you stuck in a loop of negativity, blinds you to opportunities, and squashes your ambition until you’re convinced that reaching for more is just setting yourself up for disappointment. What if, instead, you could learn to challenge that mindset and take a fresh approach to what’s possible?

In this episode, we delve into the power of becoming a hopeful skeptic – a powerful alternative to becoming jaded. This isn’t about blind optimism or toxic positivity. It’s about balancing realism with possibility, acknowledging the challenges without letting them define your career trajectory. 

It might even require being purposefully delusional, choosing to believe in a better outcome when logic says otherwise. Because, let’s be honest, if you don’t believe in your own potential, who will?

Changing how we perceive our circumstances is the first step toward pushing the boundaries of possibility. It’s not easy, especially in a culture that seems to encourage cynicism and punish hope. But, the payoff? That’s where the magic happens. 

Advancing your career in a world where rewards seem doled out on the basis of invisible rules can feel like you’re the only one standing still while everyone else passes you by. It’s no wonder we get jaded. Cynicism is the natural byproduct of feeling stuck in a system that seems rigged. But, what if the way we see the game is really what’s holding us back? What if the key to unlocking those coveted opportunities isn’t just putting in longer hours or making better connections but making a shift in how we think about what’s possible? 

Welcome to the world of hopeful skepticism, a place where you can choose to believe in better outcomes without blindly ignoring the tough realities. When the usual roadblocks threaten to stall your progress, a shift in attitude might be just what you need to reroute your career journey. Let’s dig into how your expectations, perceptions, and actions help shape your reality and why getting out of your own way is an important step. 

Think about the last time you didn’t go for something because you thought, “Why bother? It’s not going to happen anyway”. That mindset is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Expectations aren’t just wishy-washy thoughts floating around in your head; they’re filters. They shape how you see the world, how you act, and ultimately, the results you get. 

For instance, if you believe people are inherently out to get you, you’ll probably interact with them in ways that confirm that belief. Maybe you’re short with a colleague or defensive with a manager – then they respond just as you expected, only reinforcing your initial assumption.

However, what if the opposite is also true? What if you start treating others the way you’d like to be treated? That might make a big difference. This isn’t wishful thinking; it’s behavioral science. Changing how you perceive people – and your expectations of them – can fundamentally shift how they engage with you. Suddenly, your office nemesis might not seem so terrible (or at least not actively plotting your downfall). 

There’s a reason everyone keeps harping about having a positive attitude – it works. And no, this isn’t about slapping on a fake smile or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about reorienting your perspective and making an attitude adjustment. A positive attitude changes how you interpret setbacks. Instead of seeing failure as proof you’re not cut out for success, you can see it as a learning curve, a plot twist in your journey towards greatness. 

For example, imagine you’re passed over for promotion. Cynicism might whisper, “Figures. They probably didn’t even consider me for that one”. A positive attitude might counter with, “Okay, what can I learn from this and make myself the obvious choice next time?”. Same situation, wildly different outcomes. 

The way you perceive your circumstances dictates your next move. Stay in cynicism too long and you’ll continue to sit on the sidelines. Shift your attitude, and suddenly you’re back in the game. 

Somehow, this all comes back to the concept of worthiness, but it’s really just a distraction. It’s time to stop judging your worthiness and get to work. You don’t need to be ‘worthy’ of your goals to pursue them. It’s easy to get stuck in an internal debate, questioning if you deserve the job, the raise, or the recognition. Meanwhile, someone with half your talent and double your confidence is out there landing those opportunities simply because they put themselves in the running.

Instead of worrying if you’re good enough, focus on making it happen. You can argue with imposter syndrome all day, or you can prove it wrong by taking action. Remember, no one’s going to give you permission to chase your goals. You have to give that permission to yourself. 

Do you feel jaded or hopeful? Do you know that the choice is yours? 

Cynicism feels like a protective shield, but in reality, it’s a cage. It’s built from years of disappointments, betrayal, and hard lessons about how unfair life can be. And honestly, it’s understandable. Trust is hard to come by when it’s been broken time and time again. 

However, cynicism closes off possibilities and limits your capacity to connect with others. Hope, on the other hand, expands it. Hope doesn’t mean ignoring reality or pretending everything will magically work out. It means believing things could improve and that your actions can make a difference.

Hopeful skepticism isn’t about being naive or gullible. It’s about striking a balance between open-mindedness and discernment. Instead of assuming the worst, you pause to gather evidence. You ask, “What’s really happening here?” and, “How can I approach this differently?”. 

In a work environment where backstabbing or favouritism are the norm, skepticism can help you navigate the politics without sinking into despair. It allows you to observe patterns, identify allies, and make strategic moves – all while keeping your sense of possibility intact.

Sometimes, you have to even be a little delusional. No, not the kind of delusional that has people questioning your grasp on reality. We’re talking about the empowering kind – the belief that even if something seems impossible, it might be possible for you. 

There’s a huge difference between “I haven’t done it yet” and “I can’t do it”. The former leaves room for growth; the latter slams the door shut. If thinking big feels too intimidating, try reframing it as a playful exercise in experimentation. Go ahead, dream bigger and start making things happen for yourself. 

Delusion might be just what you need to break free from the constraints of past experiences. When your reality tells you, “This is the way things have always been”, delusion dares to say, “But, does it have to be that way?”. 

There’s no denying that betrayal, disappointment, and failure hurt. But staying stuck in those feelings comes at a cost. The willingness to trust again, to hope again, is a risk worth taking. On the other side of your cynicism is a world full of opportunities you’ll never see if you don’t try. 

You don’t have to be an eternal optimist  (and frankly, those people can be very annoying). But you can choose to be curious, to ask what might be possible if you dared to believe, if only for a moment, that things could be different. So much of what feels beyond our control is actually shaped by our perceptions and actions. By shifting your expectations, embracing a more positive attitude, and choosing hopeful skepticism over jaded cynicism, you can rewrite your career narrative. 

Don’t get me wrong, this is not always easy. Changing your mindset takes practice, especially when you’ve been burned before. But remember, cynicism may feel like it’s keeping you safe from disappointment, but it also keeps you playing small. Hope – and even a little delusion – can help you push those boundaries. The career you want is waiting for you to believe it’s possible – and to do what it takes to make it happen. 

At first glance, cynicism and skepticism might seem similar, but let’s look at the difference: 

• Cynicism is having a hardened set of assumptions about people and the world. Cynics believe people are terrible – selfish, manipulative, and always looking for a way to take advantage. It’s a mindset built on distrust, a knee-jerk reaction that assumes the worst without bothering to dig any deeper. 
• Skepticism is having a more scientific mindset, rooted in curiosity and open-mindedness. Skeptics don’t automatically assume people are good or bad; they look at the evidence, weigh the facts, and are open to considering new information. It’s about staying flexible and refusing to jump to conclusions.

In my experience, cynicism felt like a self-protection mechanism. And, for many of us, it’s often a defense mechanism born from lived experience. If you’ve been burned by backstabbing coworkers or over-promising bosses, cynicism can start to feel like common sense. Why trust when trusting has only led to disappointment? 

And honestly, in some workplace environments, cynicism can feel pretty reasonable. But, here’s the catch: cynicism doesn’t just protect you from the bad – it blocks you from the good, too. When you assume everyone is terrible, you stop looking for the exceptions. I want you to consider that you could be an exception, too. 

We all have cynical and less cynical moments. The goal is to manage it in a way that serves you better. It’s not about choosing to be either cynical or skeptical. It’s more of a continuum, where we all slide back and forth, depending on the situation. Some of us lean more towards cynicism based on past experiences, while others might naturally sit closer to the skeptical end.

It’s almost like there’s a volume knob, too. You can turn up the cynicism in a toxic work environment or dial it down when surrounded by genuinely warm and collaborative colleagues. The trick is learning when to adjust. 

• In a toxic workplace, cynicism might feel like survival mode, but skepticism can still save you from overgeneralizing. Remember, not every coworker is out to get you – some might be equally frustrated and looking for allies.
• In a supportive workplace, you might dial down the cynicism in favor of more skepticism, if your team seems more friendly and encouraging. Assuming the worst in a positive environment is not just unnecessary, it can be pretty exhausting. 

As I said, skepticism requires cultivating your curiosity. Instead of making sweeping assumptions, you focus more on the evidence. It’s not about assuming the best – because that may not be very realistic – but it’s about refusing to assume the worst, without proof.

Here are three tips to help you make skepticism work for you: 

1. Pause and Question: When someone’s actions seem shady, don’t leap straight to assuming that they’re trying to sabotage your efforts. Ask yourself: what else could be happening here? 
2. Gather Evidence: Look at their behavior over time. Is this a one-off incident or a pattern? 
3. Stay Open-Minded: Determine the context surrounding their actions. Could there be external pressures or misunderstandings influencing their behavior? How might I be contributing to how they are acting towards me? 

This approach does two things: it protects you from being naive, while also guarding against the corrosive effects of unchecked cynicism. And, every once in a while, it leads to pleasant surprises – like discovering that the coworker you thought was undermining you, is actually just terrible at communicating their ideas. 

Cynicism can feel like certainty. Once you’ve been in the same situation for long enough, your brain starts filling in the gaps with assumptions based on past experiences, with something like, “I know how this goes. I’ve seen it all before”. 

But, have you considered that those assumptions could be wrong? People change, situations evolve, and even toxic workplaces can shift with the right interventions. The problem with resting on your cynicism is that it keeps you from noticing those changes. Skepticism, on the other hand, reminds you to check your bias, take a breath, and reevaluate. 

Here are three of the pleasant surprises that might happen when you embrace skepticism:

• Discovering allies: That colleague you thought was intentionally making you feel off-balance? Maybe they’re just ambitious in a way that feels intimidating, but isn’t actually threatening. 
• Building bridges: Approaching others with curiosity instead of suspicion can soften interactions, leading to collaboration, instead of conflict. 
• Rewriting Narratives: When you look at the evidence instead of relying on assumptions, you might find that people and situations aren’t as bleak as you thought.

It’s not just about changing how you see others – it’s about changing how they see you. When you approach people with skepticism instead of cynicism, you give them room to surprise you in positive ways. 

Making this shift from cynicism to skepticism isn’t an overnight transformation; it’s a practice. Start small with these three tips: 

1. Catch Yourself: Notice when you’re jumping to negative conclusions. 
2. Ask Better Questions: Replace “Why are they doing this to me?” with, “What might be influencing their behavior?”. 
3. Adjust the Volume: Dial down your cynicism in more positive environments, and reserve its full effect for truly toxic situations. 

I’d also like to clarify another common misconception: hope and optimism are not interchangeable. Optimism is the expectation that things will go well, almost as if the universe has your back and everything will magically align. It definitely sounds nice, until optimism morphs into complacency. Hope, on the other hand, is grittier and more pragmatic. It’s the belief that things could go well, but only if you show up, do the work, and make them happen. Hope recognizes that the deck might be stacked against you, but it also knows you’ve got a few moves of your own. It’s the realization that, while the facts might not be in your favor, your actions can still make a difference.

Hope isn’t for the faint of heart, especially in workplaces where betrayal, favoritism, or just plain dysfunction have crushed any lingering faith you had in humanity. It’s easy to see why many of us default to cynicism – it feels safer. Hope requires vulnerability, and when you’ve been burned, that’s the last thing you want to risk. 

While cynicism might protect you from disappointment, it also creates constraints. It limits your perspective, narrows your relationships, and traps you in a loop of negativity. Hope, on the other hand, changes your perspective. It opens the door to new possibilities, fosters stronger connections, and empowers you to take meaningful action – even in environments that seem designed to shut it down. 

You have the choice to be hopeful, but it’s not always an easy choice to make. Our workplace environment often pushes us toward cynicism, teaching us to expect the worst to avoid being caught off guard. We disappoint ourselves in advance, assuming the world is full of terrible people, because, at least that way, we won’t be surprised when they let us down.

But, what if we flipped the script? What if, instead of focusing on the negatives, we made a point to seek out the good? Not in a naive, everything-is-awesome way, but as a deliberate practice. 

Here are three tips for cultivating a little more hope, even when it feels like a hard thing to do: 

1. Look for Kindness: Start by making a habit of noticing the good around you. Did a coworker go out of their way to help you? Did someone show kindness when they didn’t have to? Share those moments with others – or at least take a mental note. The more you focus on those types of small acts of kindness, the more you’ll see them. 
2. Find the Good in Situations: Even in challenging circumstances, there’s usually something positive to latch onto. Maybe you learned a valuable lesson, discovered an unexpected ally, or proved something to yourself. 
3. Share the Positivity: When you see someone doing something well, tell them. Share compliments, highlight successes, and spread encouragement. Positivity is contagious, and it starts with you. 

One of the most powerful aspects of hope is its ability to reframe what’s possible. While some people look at a problem and see an immovable wall, others see a chance to climb, dig, or find another way around it.

Belief alone isn’t enough, of course. You need skills, strategy, and a willingness to experiment. But, without hope, you might not even bother looking for a workaround. Hope whispers, “What if there’s another way?” and then nudges you to find it. 

Hope isn’t something you’re born with – it’s something you cultivate by balancing realism with possibility. Unlike optimism, which assumes things will work out on their own, hope is active. It’s a belief that things will go well and that your actions matter.

The more you practice, the easier it becomes to manage your mindset. Skepticism keeps you sharp without making you bitter – a balance that’s key for pushing the boundaries of possibility. 

Cynicism might feel like a way to protect yourself from a hostile environment, but it’s skepticism that gives you the power to navigate your career with clarity and confidence. Pushing the boundaries of possibility begins with a mindset shift – choosing hope over cynicism and daring to believe that your actions can create change, even when the odds feel stacked against you. By embracing a hopeful skeptic’s perspective, you open yourself to opportunities, reframe challenges, and take control of your narrative in ways that cynicism never could. 

Remember, the future isn’t written yet, and with a little curiosity, determination, and maybe even a touch of intentional delusion, you have the power to shape it into something extraordinary. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Cultivating Hope at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and fifty-six. 

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger. My email address is info@cindyesliger.com. 

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective.  

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.