Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and thirty. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Life, with all its unexpected twists and turns, rarely follows the tidy narrative we lay out in our planners. This messiness, this inevitable swirl of chaos, isn’t just a backdrop – it’s a central theme in the drama of our professional lives. How we respond to this unscripted pandemonium doesn’t just influence the next steps we take; it can fundamentally shape the trajectory of our careers. Whether it’s an unexpected project failure, a sudden job loss, or a global economic shift, these moments of disruption force us to confront our strategies, our resilience, and ultimately, our adaptability in the face of change. 

In this episode, we delve into the messiness of life, not merely a series of obstacles but integral parts of our journey that can revolutionize our approach to our careers. It’s about seeing the potential in the chaos, finding learning opportunities in the setbacks, and crafting a narrative of resilience. When we shift our perspective to view these challenges as catalysts for development rather than points of defeat, we unlock a powerful approach to navigating our professional paths. This is not just about bouncing back; it’s about using the mess to push us forward, using each unexpected turn to propel us into new opportunities, stronger and wiser than before.

This life, with its chaos and confusion that we so valiantly try to force into some semblance of order, tends to push back. Nowhere does the unpredictability of life assert itself more boldly than in our careers. It’s here, in the midst of our professional journeys, where we’re faced with unexpected setbacks and spontaneous upheavals. 

It’s not news to anyone that life is messy. It can be very messy. From the moment we emerge from the cozy cocoon of structured education into the wild west of career-building, the neat blueprint of life we planned seems to go out the window. But, here’s where it gets interesting – our reaction to this inevitable mess is what will define our path forward. 

Many of us begin our careers with a clear, albeit naive, idea of success. Then, reality hits. You could be doing everything right, clocking in extra hours, taking on additional projects, and even bringing those delicious doughnuts to team meetings. And yet, you find yourself sidelined for a promotion, or worse, laid off during an economic downturn. It’s maddening. Here you are, checklist in hand, ticking off all the boxes, only to realize that the game board has suddenly changed. 

So, what do you do when the rules change without giving you any notice? You adapt. And your approach to these curveballs can either be with a clenched jaw and a frustrated scowl, or a shrug of the shoulders and a determined smile. The messiness is not going away, but our response to it, be it frustration, optimism, defeat, or resilience, reveal much about our approach to life.

Take resilience, the buzzword beloved by motivational posters everywhere. It seems like it’s about bouncing back from setbacks with a determination that borders on stubbornness. But resilience is not just about standing up each time you fall; it’s about learning how to use that failure to make you better. It’s about acknowledging that the setback is part of the process and figuring out how to use the experience to propel you forward instead of holding you back.

Then, there’s handling those setbacks with grace – an underrated skill that combines patience, wisdom, and a touch of humor. It’s about laughing in the face of those unplanned disasters because, honestly, what else can you do sometimes? And moving forward with a clear head and a light heart. As I’ve said in past episodes, the ability to face chaos calmly and not lose your cool is like having a superpower in the corporate world. 

Optimism is the choice to see the silver lining, no matter how hidden it may be. It’s not about wearing rose-colored glasses; it’s about understanding that setbacks can be stepping stones to greater successes. It’s the can-do spirit that says, “Well, that didn’t work, but what did I learn and what can I try next?”. 

Of course, there’s always frustration and defeat, feelings we all know too well. It’s completely natural to feel defeated when things don’t go as planned. However, living in these emotions without moving past them is akin to setting up camp at the base of an avalanche. You know another disruption is coming; the question is, will you move out of the way or let it bury you? 

The power of our chosen response to the messiness and unpredictabilities of life lies in our ability to learn from these challenges. The challenges are real and trying to tell yourself they aren’t leads to a mismatch between our attitude and our reality, which can make us feel out of sorts.

By embracing the mess – learning from it, laughing at it, and leaning into it – we can actually find a way through. It’s rarely a straight path. More often, it’s a series of zigs and zags that look more like a scribble than a straight line. But within that scribble lies the essence of our resilience and adaptability. 

A successful career is not just about the goals achieved or the titles earned, but about the journey, complete with its twists, turns, potholes, and occasional freefalls. It’s about gathering stories of triumph and tales of woe that we can laugh about, learn from, and share. And let’s be honest, those are the stories that make the best dinner party anecdotes because the things that go wrong make the best memories. 

So, next time life decides to throw a wrench in your carefully laid plans, take a moment. Step back, reassess, and choose your response with the same strategic precision you apply to your career goals. Whether it’s with resilience, optimism, or a graceful acceptance of the chaos, remember, the mess doesn’t define your journey; your response to it does. 

There’s a fascinating interconnectedness between resilience and confidence: as resilience grows from surviving the punches life throws at us, confidence builds from knowing that we can take those punches and swing back. So, let’s break down how facing and overcoming these kinds of challenges make us wobble as we struggle to keep standing upright, but may eventually allow us to begin strutting forward with a powerful swagger.

Your resilience makes you tough, relentless, and a bit rough around the edges, always pushing you to stick with it and do what you can to endure just one more round. Confidence, meanwhile, helps you spin every gritty victory into a story of triumph. Every time resilience gets you through a setback, confidence polishes that experience into a shiny badge of honor. You survived the late-night project disasters, the catastrophic meetings, the clients who think everything is urgent, and now, you’re starting to believe you can survive whatever comes your way next. That’s resilience turning into confidence. 

But confidence is more than just feeling good about yourself. It’s the inner strength to keep you upright when the professional saboteurs try to exact their revenge. And let’s face it, sometimes it stings, especially when it happens when you least expect it. Confidence is what lets you look obstacles in the eye and say, “Bring it on. I’ve dealt with worse.” 

Here are three key strategies to maintain your confidence in the workplace: 

1. Know Your Stuff: Nothing builds confidence like mastering your craft. Whether it’s the ins and outs of engineering design, the latest coding languages, or the tools and techniques of project management, be so good they can’t ignore you. It’s hard to feel shaky when you’re standing on a mountain of skills and knowledge. 
2. Celebrate Your Wins: Keep a ‘win file’ or a victory log. It might sound cheesy, like something out of a self-help book, but trust me, it works. Documenting your successes gives you a tangible reminder that you are, indeed, pretty awesome, especially for those moments when you begin to wonder. 
3. Speak Up: In meetings, don’t just take up space. Contribute meaningfully to discussions. Voice your ideas, articulate them clearly, and stand by them. The more you practice using your voice, the stronger it gets. And nothing spells confidence like entering into a meeting room knowing you’re there because they value your opinion. 

Now, onto a trickier subject. While confidence may not be exclusively gendered, the challenges in building and maintaining it often are, especially in professional settings that have been traditionally male-dominated. Women frequently face the double bind of being perceived as either too meek or too aggressive, often judged harshly for exhibiting similar behaviors deemed acceptable for their male counterparts. Asserting yourself while navigating these stereotypes can sometimes require you to walk a fine line. 

Women have to deal with interruptions, underestimations, and sometimes a blatant disregard for their credentials. That’s the truth. I wish it wasn’t. Standing your ground, therefore, isn’t just about confidence; it’s about being defiant in the face of unfair norms. It’s about learning how to play the game, because it is a game. 

Life’s messiness isn’t just a series of unfortunate events. The messiness is what makes the journey interesting and worth taking. We love to hear stories of how other people have adapted, overcome the obstacles, and eventually triumphed. And let’s be honest, your career so far might have been a bit unpredictable. But here’s where the fun starts. Embracing this chaos is not just about holding on for dear life; it’s about enjoying the ride, even if you’re not sure where it’s going.

Here are three strategies for embracing the possibilities within the mess: 

• Strategy #1: Look for opportunities in the unexpected. Have you ever noticed how the best opportunities can sometimes come disguised as insurmountable problems? The project that nobody wants often has the most room for learning and personal growth. When chaos strikes, don’t just duck and cover – scan the horizon for opportunities. Could this be your chance to lead, to show what you’re made of, or to pivot in your career path towards something that ignites your curiosities?
• Strategy #2: Make flexibility your new best friend. Flexibility is key. When your plans fall apart, and they will, your ability to improvise and adapt becomes your greatest asset. This doesn’t just apply to handling crises – it’s about making adjustments to your expectations of others and your career goals based on your current circumstances and what’s going on around you. 
• Strategy #3: Embrace the learning, even when it’s tough. Every mess has a lesson hidden somewhere; it’s like the prize at the bottom of a cereal box. Sometimes you have to dig through a lot of cereal to get there, but it’s worth it. Perhaps you were passed over for a promotion. It might be the push you need to make what you do more visible to the people making decisions, or explore new opportunities where your skills would be more likely to be recognized and rewarded. Unexpected feedback from a boss or a peer might sting, but it could also highlight a blind spot and be the key to your next big breakthrough. If life insists on being a tough teacher, you might as well start taking notes. 

Now, thriving in chaos is not just about building your personal fortitude and finding those silver linings. There are times when navigating life’s messiness requires a team effort. There is power in asking for help when you need it, but I recognize that asking for help can be tough. Sometimes, it can feel like admitting defeat, but thinking you need to go it alone is just your ego throwing a tantrum. 

Everyone needs help, and the smartest among us are those who know when to ask for it. Whether it’s guidance from a mentor, advice from a peer, or just venting to a friend, build your own network of support well before you need it. 

We’ve all heard the old adage, “It’s not what you know, but who you know”, but let’s take that a little bit further: It’s not just who you know, but who feels genuinely connected to you. Networking is about cultivating genuine relationships by sharing your challenges and listening to what is of interest or what is of concern to others. Be as interested in giving support as you are in receiving it. 

A supportive network isn’t built overnight. It requires consistency, mutual respect, and trust. Start with your existing relationships and work at deepening them. Be there for others, and when the time comes, they might be willing to be there for you. But remember, this network is not just for crisis management – it’s a source of diverse perspectives, inspiration, and opportunities. 

So, as you try to weather the unpredictable nature of your career, remember that the mess isn’t just something to manage; it’s the essence of the story you’re living and telling. Each twist and turn enriches your narrative. After all, what’s a career journey without a little chaos to keep things interesting? So, embrace the mess – immerse yourself in it, learn from it, and let it catapult you to places you’ve never imagined. That’s not just surviving; that’s thriving. 

One of the most powerful shifts we can make is to see the chaos and messiness not just as hurdles to overcome, but as opportunities for growth and learning. When unexpected challenges disrupt your planned paths, they also open doors to new possibilities that may not have been visible before. These moments can push us to think creatively, learn new skills, and adapt in ways that strengthen our professional capabilities. By embracing chaos as part of the journey, we can transform potential setbacks into stepping stones towards what’s next. 

Navigating the messiness of life and career challenges doesn’t have to be a solo journey. Building and maintaining a supportive network is crucial. This network can provide not only emotional backing, but also practical advice, different perspectives, and critical resources during times of need. A supportive community can help us feel less isolated in our struggles and more empowered to tackle challenges. As the old adage says, “We are stronger together”. 

So, as you navigate the maze of your professional life with its inevitable messiness and melodramas, remember, resilience builds strength, confidence adds polish, and together they can make you unstoppable. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Embracing the Messiness at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and thirty. 

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger. My email address is info@cindyesliger.com. 

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective.  

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.