Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success Podcast, episode thirty-eight. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

There is a divide between what leaders feel pressured to deliver, and how people want their work to make them feel. While more work keeps needing to be done, there are fewer and fewer people to make that happen. As a result, work is no longer meaningful and loyalty, from both sides, is a thing of the past. This lack of trust is negatively impacting productivity, job satisfaction, performance, morale, and employee retention. 

In this episode, we’ll look at the effect that increasing expectations and lower levels of engagement are having on the workforce as a whole. This isn’t new. We’ve all been making excuses to keep pushing this issue down the road, but the end of the road is in sight. We’ll look at four mistakes that keep us from creating the career we want and what we can do about them. 

First, we were all trying to do more with less. I think the intent was actually to improve productivity and efficiency, but in my experience, it had the opposite effect. People, trying to do the job of many, quickly became overburdened and overwhelmed, having too much to do, never even having a moment to enjoy a sense of accomplishment before needing to get onto the next thing that had to be done. 

We were constantly fighting fires because there was no longer any time for planning or being proactively able to manage problems before they became major issues. We could all see the warning signs. That old adage, “Where there is smoke, there is likely to be fire”. Well, the smoke was swirling, yet we just had to watch that fire grow until it was burning out of control at times. 

While I get it that you can’t solve a problem that you don’t know about, these weren’t complete unknowns. We had the knowledge and understanding to see what was going on, but it just wasn’t a priority to proactively solve the problems that were brewing, until they could no longer be ignored. 

Quality control became haphazard at best because the pace at which work needed to be done didn’t allow for that type of thorough review, and possible revisions, that that would require. Risk management became an afterthought, but it wasn’t like some of these risks weren’t avoidable. We just had no time to address the problems or even think about keeping on top of implementing preventative or mitigative measures. Even those closest to the issues, who should have known what to look for and when to be concerned, weren’t taking the necessary actions in time, to prevent each crisis from happening time and time again. 

The warning signs have been there. Levels of engagement have been decreasing, as the expectations keep getting higher, but nobody wants the depth of disconnection we’re witnessing today, which grows into frustration, futility, and ultimately contempt. From the outside looking in, our jobs in engineering and technology are the envy of so many, yet this dynamic is unfolding in all industries. No one is immune. 

Data shows the levels of engagement have been decreasing over the last decade and only exacerbated by the pandemic in recent years. Most companies, if not all, are concerned about employees jumping ship. No employee wants to be the last one standing on that sinking ship, so once a few start making moves, and it seems like a trend, everyone is on edge. 

The thought was that everyone would do everything they could to hang onto their jobs in times of uncertainty, even if they were disenchanted with the work or the work environment. It seemed logical because people have bills to pay. But prolonged lack of engagement and increased uncertainty has eroded our sense of security. And if we’re going to feel insecure regardless, we feel the need to get out ahead of whatever is coming. 

And this has served as a moment of reckoning, a time to reexamine choices in our attempt to take back some control and look at where we’re allocating our energy. We’re realizing that we don’t want to spend years, if not decades, of our working lives still doing the same thing. We’re all experiencing a huge wake up call. 

When you realize you’ve been saying the exact same thing for the past 10 years, that we need to make a change, that something’s got to give. It’s time for some real talk because you’re telling yourself a version of things that just isn’t true.

Maybe some of these sound familiar: 

• when things calm down
• when we hit this next milestone
• I just need to get through these next few weeks
• it’s all going to change after this next project

But does it? Do things ever change? Why not? Is it because you’re afraid to rock the boat? Or are you waiting for permission, or an invitation, to make the change? They’ll notice and I’ll be rewarded when they think I’m ready. 

So we wait and we grind, making miracles happen because we can. And so we continue to fix the things that others screw up, because we know how to do our jobs inside out, and no one else seems to care. It’s all part of the insidious lies that we repeatedly tell ourselves. Lies that keep us stuck in the exhausting, dysfunctional world of toxic, biased work environments.

Your experience will not change until you decide to intentionally change your mindset. That is an inside job and no one can do it for you. 

They are not the enemy. Most people in leadership thought workers didn’t have the ability, resources, or freedom to leave. And needless to say, discontent has only increased. But things haven’t changed that much within any company over the years, so we can’t really say that they are to blame for this. 

The solution is not hoping that they will change their ways, or their attitudes, and start doing things any other way than the way things have always been done. Nor is the solution to work even harder or faster. That doesn’t work either. It just keeps you operating within the same broken and toxic system. You’re just a cog in the wheel of an archaic system that wasn’t built for us. But no organization is the enemy. 

The real solution is to upgrade your mindset and rebuild your confidence that has eroded over time because you started to believe all the disparaging remarks and undermining comments meant to keep you from believing in yourself. What is it that Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

We’ve been active participants in the gaslighting of our careers for far too long. It really is a brilliant way to set into motion our own self destruction, by putting gasoline on the fire of our imposter syndrome. It’s a great way to neutralize the threat of our capabilities from interfering with their own ambitions, in a way that leaves no tangible evidence, because they didn’t even have to convince us to believe them. We did that all on our own. 

Once we adopted the victim mentality, we became an easy target. The world is out to get us, so why bother even trying? We lost the energy, enthusiasm, and ultimately our ambition to achieve anything more than we have already attained. We have been thinking that it’s all their fault, but is it? 

The way I see it, we have to take responsibility for how we got here in the first place. It’s time to reimagine work, without blowing things up and starting over, because sometimes that can cause irreparable damage to careers and reputations. Remember, each industry is really a very small world after all. We’re bound to run into those people again, at some time or other. 

Here are four mistakes we make in keeping us from the career we desire:

1. surrounding yourself with the wrong people
2. not thinking you’re worthy
3. focusing solely on what you don’t want
4. holding on when it’s time to let go

So back to mistake number one, surrounding yourself with the wrong people. You might be doing everything right, but it hasn’t worked for you. Something’s holding you back. There might be too many people in your life who don’t want you to get what you desire. They aren’t in support of your success or happiness. These are the people who, for one reason or another, might not want you to succeed. Maybe they think your success might take something away from them, or decrease their own chances for success. 

It might be time to take a hard look at who you’re spending the bulk of your time with. There is a benefit in keeping your friends close and your enemies closer, unless everyone around you no longer feels like a friend. It might be time to find your people. Organize a group of like-minded friends or colleagues, and get together regularly to keep you focused on the achievement of your individual goals. 

Mistake number two, not thinking you’re worthy. All too often we tend to think that we must not be ready or don’t deserve the high profile assignment, the promotion, or the raise. If we were, wouldn’t they have offered it to us by now? But you’re expecting them to read your mind. You haven’t even made it known what it is that you want, or that you can handle it. 

We don’t have the luxury of being judged by our potential to get things done. We have to prove ourselves, over and over again. It becomes a bit of a chicken and an egg problem. We’re never given the chance to show anyone what we can do, so we don’t have the evidence to demonstrate our capabilities. We have to find ways to show others what we’re capable of. 

That starts by believing that we are good enough. When you believe you’re capable, you feel confident and that changes the way you carry yourself, and the way you speak and share your ideas. People can only give you what you’re willing to give yourself. Until you develop that strong self-confidence, it’s going to be hard to convince anyone to give you the chances you deserve. 

It starts with unconditional acceptance of yourself and acknowledging where you’re at right now. We all have strengths and we all have areas that need improvement. Believing in yourself and building your self-confidence starts with accepting exactly where you are right now, not how you wish you were, or how you want others to perceive you. It’s recognizing your level of capability right now, in this moment. It’s not good or bad, it’s just exactly where you’re at. 

You have to believe in yourself or you will continue to push away the opportunities that you think should be yours, but at the same time, don’t yet think you’re ready for. We all have a portfolio of limiting beliefs that hold us back. Some of them we’ve adopted over time and some we may have created for ourselves based on how we interpreted events in our lives. 

In reality, what happened may have had little or nothing to do with what we’ve made these events mean for us. Maybe that’s what’s fueling your thinking, that you must continue to prove yourself, because you still think you aren’t good enough because of what you heard years ago, when you got turned down for something you wanted. So you continue to create amazing value, yet it never seems like it’s enough for you, or for anyone else. 

It’s time to dissolve those limiting beliefs. By releasing that line of thinking and replacing them with more empowering thoughts, you will be taking steps to build your self-confidence in the process. Because if you don’t feel like you have to prove yourself anymore to feel worthy, you are willing to put yourself in contention for high profile assignments, bigger roles, and increased compensation. 

Mistake number three, focusing solely on what you don’t want. This has the power to work against you. We spend too much time thinking about what we don’t want to have happen, focusing on the person that we don’t want to be. Albert Einstein said, “Imagination is the preview of life’s coming attractions, because without it we are guaranteed to repeat the same patterns, make the same mistakes, and live the same life over and over again.” It’s time to visualize what it is you want, seeing it clearly in your mind. That will help anchor the feeling in your body. 

Research shows that the mind can’t distinguish between something real and something imagined, so the mind begins creating new neural pathways based on whatever it is we’re imagining, as if it’s happening in the real world. Once those neural pathways are established, we can effortlessly do what we imagined ourselves doing. 

We’ve all heard of examples of the power of visualization, especially for elite athletes. But this can work against you too, if you make the mistake of fixating on what you don’t want. 

Worry is the process of actively visualizing what you don’t want, and so many of us do this unconsciously. It becomes a habit of thinking of all the negative things that annoy, irritate, and frustrate us. We are creating deep neural pathways that will take some effort to undo. 

It’s powerful to visualize yourself in the future, as if you already have what it is you desire, seeing yourself as if it was occurring for you right now, with as much detail as possible. Seems easy enough. Isn’t it worth a try? 

Mistake number four, holding on when it’s time to let go. You have to create space for what’s next. You can’t keep doing everything because only you can do it well enough. It’s time to learn the art of delegating. Maybe it will help to see it as training others to do what you do. This is the best way to free yourself up to expand your skill set. 

If you’ve mastered all there is to learn, and there’s nothing available to you on the horizon, it’s time to take responsibility for your own career growth. It’s up to you to maintain your career trajectory and even give it a much deserved push, by starting to look elsewhere.

Changing jobs is stressful, but that stress is easier to handle than dealing with feeling stuck and underappreciated by staying where you are. Don’t wait until you’ve become complacent and let your skills become obsolete. In order to stay in demand, you need to keep your skills current and see the writing on the wall for where your industry is headed next. No one is expecting you to have a crystal ball, but it pays to follow your gut. 

At some point, you may simply have to let go of what’s comfortable and familiar in order to continue to be challenged. It may be time to let go of that job where you feel like you’re dying a slow death because it no longer brings you any kind of fulfillment. Every day has just become a repeat of the last. When you are willing to let go, you create space for something better to come into your life. 

Why do we make the mistake of holding on? It’s fear. 

Maybe these sound familiar to you: 

• I’m afraid to let go of this job because what if that management change actually happens and that turns this company into a wonderful place to work? 
• What if I move on to something and it turns out to be worse?
• I know I hate this job, but at least it pays well and I need that money to maintain my lifestyle. 

Really? Is that how you want to live your life? Holding on out of fear, that you won’t be able to find something to take the place of what you have now? Could you at least consider that there is something else out there that could be at least as good, if not better? 

In order to make space for that better thing, you have to recognize when things are no longer serving you, and let them go. You have to clear the clutter in your brain. You have to decide what you really want and start making that happen for yourself. And trust that there’s something out there for you that’s a better fit, because there is. Good companies exist, maybe you just haven’t found the right one for you. 

So get out there and find something that better represents who you are, and who you intend to be in the future. If you aren’t getting the opportunities you want now, and you’ve explored all the ways that would help make that happen, and it still hasn’t, what makes you think it will magically happen if you stay?

Sometimes it’s just time to let things go and move on to something new. But the question remains, what do you do when you recognize that your job doesn’t align with your core values, or utilize your strengths and skills to their fullest? Is it time to pivot? It’s a question I get asked a lot. How will I know when it’s the right time to leave? Is there something that we can do, without burning it all down? 

So before you think about leaving, think about re-imagining. Think about reinventing. It’s about reclaiming your sense of power and control over your situation. It’s about being open to the possibility. It’s about finding what it is that makes you come alive. 

It’s knowing that you’re moving towards something that matters to you. It’s rekindling that excitement, energy, and enthusiasm in the pursuit of something bigger, where everything feels possible. It’s much like you felt early on in your career, before things got complicated, before the gatekeepers started saying no, not because we weren’t capable, more because we didn’t look the part. Whatever that means! Before having a life seemed to be in direct competition to having a career.

Consider those four common mistakes we talked about, that may be keeping you from living the life you want. It’s time to turn things around. See them as steps you can take, so that your life can truly be as desired. Where you wake up each morning without dreading what’s ahead, where you can have everything unfold with more ease, no matter what life throws your way. See this as an invitation to reclaim work as a source of fulfillment and inspiration. 

I think we’re all in need of a reckoning with what it is we really want from our working lives. Maybe you’re wondering if it’s even possible to attain what you want in your work environment, or should you simply downscale your ambitions. But instead, I’d invite you to consider making it your goal to thrive. Because living a life where you’re simply surviving isn’t a good option.

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Your Moment of Reckoning at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode thirty-eight.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com. And if you liked this show, please tell a friend. Subscribe, rate, and review. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for joining me.