Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode two. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Change is hard. You’ve probably noticed that. It’s been a rough couple of years. While our brains get programmed over the course of our lives, we are actually in charge of our lives, whether we recognize it or not. Many of us think that our lives are happening to us. So we need to recognize that we have this power by uncovering what is really going on in our minds, by identifying our current thought patterns that create our feelings and drive our actions. It’s only after we are aware of the thoughts that we are thinking that we can change them.

If I can make a sweeping generalization here, I think we all want to become better people: stronger and healthier, more creative, more skilled, a better friend or family member and the list goes on.

In this episode, we’re going to dive a little deeper into how the thought creation process works. I’m going to share some game-changing tools that will help you change your thoughts and help you create an extraordinary life. 

First, words are powerful. We have to think thoughts we’ve never thought before in order to create a future we’ve never experienced before. And we can more easily create solutions to our problems by thinking in a new way. 

Thought creation is a skill. We have to find the current thought that’s causing our pattern of behavior and results, then decide what we want to think and feel instead, and create that new thought. Because anything that is created in this world is created in someone’s mind first. First, there’s the idea, and then there’s the execution of that idea that brings it to life.

We have to believe in it before it exists, ahead of time. Remember our thoughts create our feelings. And when we change our thoughts, we change how we feel, then our actions change and ultimately, we change our results. 

So, the secret to everything is in that brain of ours, in those thoughts we’re thinking. This was a revelation to me that we create our results with what we’re thinking. And I’m hoping that you’re going to give this some real thought. 

There’s three steps to the thought creation process. 

First, there’s finding out exactly what you’re thinking that’s creating the results you’re getting now. Second, create a new thought on purpose, by thinking deliberately, so that we can better manage our emotions, our actions, and get the results we want in our lives. Third, it’s a process of committing to believing these new thoughts by rehearsing them and making them who we are. 

There’s two things to remember when it comes to a new thought that you want to believe. First, you have to believe it. You can’t still be hoping to believe it someday. You need to be all in. And, it has to make you feel better because that’s why we do nearly everything we do, in the hopes that we’ll feel better having done it.

So we need to bridge the gap between where we are now and where we want to be. So ask yourself, what do you want to believe? Then ask yourself, what do you believe now? We can bridge that difference between the two, by creating new thoughts, like rungs on a ladder, but be careful with the language you use when creating these new thoughts because small tweaks in the wording can instantly change the believability of your thoughts. 

You may not be able to go directly to your desired thought, but you might be able to believe that it’s possible or that you can consider it or simply adding the word yet. There is so much that we can create for ourselves. If we’re willing to let go of the neural pathways of our past and create brand new ones. It certainly takes a bit more effort and it won’t be as efficient as just repeating our past. But it’s the growth we’re aiming for. And our thoughts are the key to everything. 

By shifting our current thought patterns ever so slightly, we will start to see our lives start to change too. And then, if you keep at it, your life can shift tremendously, far beyond what you currently think is possible for you. So commit to the process. Because doing the work takes effort. 

Even if we get really inspired and start doing things better, it’s tough to actually stick to those new behaviors. It’s more likely that we’ll be doing exactly the same thing we’re doing right now, at this time next year, without deliberately making a change to our thinking. 

Why is that? And is there anything that we can do to make the change easier?

It’s this ability to do the work when it’s not easy, that separates the top performers from everyone else. Anyone can work when they feel motivated. We tend to love working when things are going well. Getting the results we want has a way of propelling us forward. 

But what about when the work isn’t easy? What about when it feels like nobody’s paying attention? What about when you’re not getting the results that you want? Are you willing to do the work when no one is noticing except you? 

The ability to work when the work you’re doing isn’t easy is what makes all the difference, because success is not an event, it’s a process. Often we think goals are all about the result. We see success as a single event that can be achieved, completed, and checked off the list. 

When you look at people who are consistently achieving their goals, you realize that it’s not the events or their results that make them different. It’s their commitment to the process. It must become a daily practice, not something you do once in a while. 

By focusing on the process, you will achieve your desired results. If you want to become significantly better at anything, you have to fall in love with the process of doing it. And by building the identity of someone who actually does the work, rather than merely dreaming about the end result that you want. In other words, fall in love with the process of what you do and let the results take care of themselves. 

So we’ve covered the three-step process in thought creation. Now we’re going to get into the three layers of behavior change. 

First, there’s a change to your identity, then a change in your processes, and finally a change in your outcomes. Because identity is about what you believe, processes are about what you do and outcomes are about what you get. 

The first layer of change is your identity that involves changing your beliefs, your view of yourself, your judgments about yourself and others, and maybe even your worldview. This is where most of our beliefs, assumptions and biases are held. 

The second layer is changing your process. This involves creating routines, workflows, and systems. These are the things that you do every day and over time, incremental changes can lead to dramatic lasting change, but only if you stick with it. And most of our habits that we build are associated with this level. 

The third layer is changing your outcomes. This involves achieving your desired results, like getting a raise, getting a promotion, being assigned to that high profile project. Most of our goals that we set are associated with this level of change. 

The secret to creating lasting change is to take it further than achieving your desired outcome. Because typically that’s how we set goals. They’re centered around the desired result. Many people begin the process of changing their habits by focusing on what they want to achieve and this leads us to outcome based goals and habits. But lasting change requires focusing on who we wish to become and creating that new identity. 

So as a recap, we’ve covered the three steps in the thought creation process and the three layers of behavior change. Now, I want to dive into who you want to become. 

Your current behaviors are simply a reflection of your current identity. What you do now is a reflection of the type of person you believe that you are, either consciously or subconsciously. To change your results, you need to start believing new things about yourself. And in order to believe in a new identity, you have to prove it to yourself. 

The formula for sustained success is to decide the type of person you want to be, and then prove it to yourself by doing it and achieving small wins consistently. So breaking this down, there are two steps that you need in order to change your beliefs about yourself, and it’s not nearly as hard as you might think.

First, decide who you want to be. Many people aren’t sure where to begin here, but they do know what kind of results they want. So start with the end in mind, and then work backwards from the results you want, to the type of person who would get those results. 

What is your identity? My guess this is probably not something you really think about very often. In my experience, when you want to become better at something, proving your identity to yourself is far more important than even getting the amazing results. 

This is especially true at first, when you’re still struggling to believe it’s possible for you. When you’re learning a new skill, you can motivate yourself in a positive direction by changing your language. This new skill isn’t something that you do, it’s who you are. And it makes a bigger difference than you might think. 

Learning any new skill can be challenging. We have to keep working and practicing even when the rewards aren’t readily apparent. But a very simple language change can help. Talk about it as if it’s part of your identity. I am an artist, instead of I make art. I am a runner, instead of I run, or I go for a run. I am a guitar player, instead of I play the guitar. 

Claiming this identity by calling yourself this might seem like a bit of a stretch, but the language matters and identities are powerful. When we identify as something, we are more likely to adopt the behaviors that are congruent with this identity. When something is just something we do, we could just as easily not do it. 

Everything comes down to the amount of time spent practicing. So the more we adopt the congruent behaviors, the better off we’ll be. So try changing your language to I am… (whatever it is that you want to become) by changing your language to who you are, not just what you do, you’re more likely to keep that identity that you’re trying on.

You can’t rely on motivation to carry you through to becoming the new version of yourself. You have to become the type of person you want to be first. And that starts with proving your new identity to yourself. 

When I retired from engineering, I had quite a reckoning with my identity. I was an engineer or at least I used to be. So what was I now? What I did was so intertwined with who I was and had to be untangled. I realized that while I was no longer doing engineering, I was still an engineer. No one could take that away from me. And it’s a big part of shaping who I am. 

I was surprised by the shock that so many people had when I told them I was done. So many people could not wrap their heads around why I would leave my career to retire at such a young age. Many couldn’t even call it retirement, because it just didn’t seem fathomable. It did take a lot of courage to make such a dramatic change, but it has been the best decision I’ve made. 

But now, I was becoming an artist and a career confidence coach. I’m still coming to grips with me as an artist, but I’m getting there. As for becoming a coach, that was tougher. 

During my coach training, I really struggled to believe that I was a coach. I realized that part of the engineering training we went through in university taught us how to think and they taught us how to believe we were engineers. It was gradual and I apparently bought into it because, by the time I graduated, I never struggled to believe that I was an engineer. I was all in, right from the beginning. 

But becoming a coach was different and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve done in a while. I knew I could do hard things, so that wasn’t the biggest hurdle, even though it taught me to think in a completely new way.

The hardest part for me was believing I was a coach and taking on that new identity, but it was key because as soon as I did, everything started to fall into place. I could see the difference in myself as soon as I was able to really believe in myself and take on that new identity. 

I think many of us get too comfortable doing the same things over and over, day in and day out. As adults, once we’re past our twenties or early thirties, the idea of starting over and doing something completely new is too scary to contemplate. So many of us would rather just stick with the status quo than risk being a beginner again, starting something new. 

Making a change is hard and making a big change like changing careers, is really hard, but we’re stronger than we think we are. And we can do anything that we put our minds to. 

So who are you becoming? 

Most people, myself included, are wanting to learn, grow, and improve this year. And many of us will set performance-based goals in the hopes that they will drive us to do things differently, to achieve a desired result. But, if you’re looking to make a change, then I invite you to stop focusing solely on the outcome or the result, and start focusing on your identity, on becoming the type of person who achieves the things you want to achieve. 

And give yourself that permission. And by the way, you only need your own permission, not anyone else’s. And trust that the results will follow. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide for Changing Your Thoughts at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode two. 

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch. I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com. And if you liked the show, please tell a friend, subscribe, rate, and review. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thank you for joining me.