Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and fifty-one. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Career roadblocks can certainly dampen our ambition and often feel like an inescapable rite of passage in the professional world. Whether it’s a toxic boss, a rigged system, or just plain bad luck, barriers to success have a way of testing our resolve. And when the game feels unfair, the temptation to throw up our hands and resign ourselves to defeat can be overwhelming. But resignation isn’t the only option. In fact, it’s the least effective one. The alternative – acceptance – might not sound as glamorous as ‘breaking through barriers’ or ‘smashing the glass ceiling’, but it’s the starting point for actually getting there. 

In this episode, we delve into the idea that acceptance isn’t about waving a white flag or settling for less. It’s about seeing the situation for what it is, not sugarcoated or inflated with frustration. It’s the art of saying, “Okay, this is my reality right now. What can I do with it?”. Because, even when the system feels stacked against us, there’s always something within our control. 

The trick is learning to separate what we can change from what we can’t, and then getting creative about how to tackle the former. Acceptance is not the end of the road; it’s the foundation for strategic action, resilience, and yes, even success, despite the obstacles. 

I’m sure we’ve all encountered some barriers or roadblocks in our career. If not, they are bound to happen at some point. There have been times when my frustration has been so high that I wanted to scream at anyone who would listen, “Why is this so unfair?”. But I learned early on that anger and frustration were not appropriate for the office, especially from women. That emotional energy had to go somewhere, and for me, it usually came out as tears, much to my chagrin. And frankly, no one knew how to handle that in the office. All I could do at that point was try to make a break from the nearest exit, while hopefully running into the fewest number of people. 

At that time, I thought it was just me, but I’ve since learned that I wasn’t alone in my frustration. The career game often feels rigged, especially for women in male-dominated professions. But the difference between getting what you want and waving the white flag often boils down to one thing – acceptance. 

Not resignation, not defeat. Acceptance. 

Yes, we’re going to encounter unfair situations and circumstances beyond our control. It’s practically a given in professional life. But acceptance doesn’t mean rolling over and playing dead. It means looking reality square in the face, acknowledging it for what it is, and saying, “Alright, challenge accepted”.

Start by recognizing that life isn’t fair. Yes, unfair things will happen. You’ll work twice as hard as your peers and still be overlooked for a promotion. A colleague might take credit for your idea, and your manager might seem more invested in furthering their own agenda than worrying about your career growth. Annoying? Absolutely. Unfair? Without a doubt. Within your control? Unfortunately, no. 

I’m not going to sugarcoat the situation. It’s about acknowledging that unfairness is part of the deal but grumbling and complaining aren’t going to make it go away. So, instead of wasting our energy lamenting the injustice of it all, as tempting as that might be, it’s time we channeled that frustration into something productive. 

Acceptance is often thought to be synonymous with condoning bad behavior or giving someone a free pass. Let’s clear that up. Accepting a situation doesn’t mean you’re okay with it. It just means you’re acknowledging reality as it is, not as you wish it were. 

Imagine this: Your boss assigns a great project to someone else, even though you’re the obvious choice. This happened to me more than once, and it made me angry. Accepting this doesn’t mean you have to applaud their poor judgment; it means you stop pretending it didn’t happen, recognize how you feel about it, and start brainstorming your next move. Accepting reality saves you from spinning your wheels in denial, which, by the way, is exhausting and gets you nowhere. 

Refusing to accept what’s happening can actually make a bad situation worse. Picture this: You’re so outraged by your manager’s unfair decision that you sulk, withdraw, and start venting loudly in the breakroom. By the way, that’s not recommended. It never ends well. All that does is cement their perception of you as ‘too emotional’ or ‘not a team player’. And guess who gets passed over next time? You. 

Accepting the situation allows you to keep your cool and your reputation intact. Instead of acting out, you can focus on figuring out what’s next for you. Instead of burning bridges, find a way to get around the obstacle in your path. 

Once you stop fighting reality, you can start working with it. Accept that the system isn’t fair and, as I recall, no one said it would be. This then frees up your energy to figure out what’s the next best workaround. 

Maybe it’s finding allies who will champion your ideas in meetings. Maybe it’s documenting your accomplishments so thoroughly that no one can deny your impact. Maybe it’s even polishing your resume and plotting your exit strategy to go somewhere else where your talents will be more appreciated. You have lots of options to consider. 

The key is recognizing that you still have agency. Even in the face of systemic unfairness, you control your reactions, your strategies, and your persistence. Sure, you may not be able to fix the systemic problems all on your own, but there are cracks that you can find and slip through. 

Don’t get me wrong, acceptance doesn’t mean following all the rules to the letter. Sometimes, it means bending them until they work for you. Are you stuck in a role where you’re being overlooked? Volunteer to help out on a high-visibility project outside your usual scope. Find a mentor who can help you navigate the politics of your organization. Or, my personal favorite, take credit for your accomplishments in a way that makes you visible so no one dares overlook you next time. 

The point is, acceptance gives you the clarity to see the chessboard and plot your next move. It’s not resignation; it’s strategy. 

Let me assure you, acceptance is not the same as giving up. In fact, it’s the opposite. When you accept reality, you stop wasting energy fighting battles you can’t win. Instead, you focus on the ones you can. 

• Resignation says, “This isn’t fair and there’s nothing I can do about it”. That leads to feeling helpless and hopeless. I’ve been there, and it’s a hard road to recovery from that downward spiral. 
• Acceptance says, “This isn’t fair, but here’s what I can do”. It’s about reclaiming your power even when the odds are stacked against you. That reframing can make all the difference in helping you decide what to do next. 

Acceptance isn’t something that’s going to happen overnight. It’s a skill, and like any skill, it gets easier with practice. Start small. Didn’t get that opportunity you wanted? Accept it and move on. Receive an email that rubs you the wrong way? Take a breath, accept it, and craft a professional response. The more you practice acceptance in the little things, the more prepared you’ll be when the big challenges come along. 

In my experience, unfairness was infuriating. It was tempting to spiral into victim mode, replaying every slight and muttering about how ‘they’ always get their way. But, as I learned, wallowing gets you nowhere. And neither does pretending everything is fine when it’s not. 

Acceptance is the middle ground. It’s not about ignoring disrespect or tolerating intolerable behavior. It’s about refusing to let those things derail you. You don’t have to grin and bear it. In fact, you shouldn’t. But, you also don’t need to let their actions dictate your next steps. You can call out bad behavior (if you want to), set professional boundaries, and still maintain your focus on what matters: your career goals. 

And, the good news is, you can make it easier on yourself without compromising your ambitions. Here are three tips to do just that: 

1. Pick Your Battles: Not every slight deserves your energy. Save your fight for what truly matters and let the rest go. Letting them fester won’t do you any good. It builds resentment, and it might shorten your fuse over time, leading to an emotional outburst that will only hurt you in the long run. 
2. Build a Support System: Find allies who see your value and have your back. Whether it’s a mentor, a colleague, a career coach, or your group chat outside the office, a solid support network can make all the difference in helping you get perspective. 
3. Protect Your Energy: It’s okay to say no, step back, or take a break. You only have so much energy, and once you’re depleted, you’re no good to anyone. 

These aren’t signs of weakness; they’re acts of self-preservation. And they’ll keep you in the game longer, stronger, and more focused.

Acceptance means making space for your emotions without letting them take over. We have to learn to work through our experiences, even the messy ones. If you’re anything like me, you would prefer to bury your feelings by staying busy, but you can’t outwork your emotions. Ignoring them won’t make them disappear. If anything, they’ll fester and show up in unhelpful ways – like snapping at your team or sobbing into your spreadsheet. That last one is a little hard to explain to anyone, but believe me, it happens. 

Feel frustrated. Acknowledge it. Angry? Name it. Disappointed? Sit with it. Working through these feelings is how you process them and move forward. Avoiding them only keeps you stuck. 

A big part of this is trying to understand what’s driving your reactions. Are you upset because a colleague interrupted you, or because it triggered an old insecurity about not being taken seriously? Are you angry about being passed over, or scared that it confirms your fear of not being good enough? 

When you peel back the layers, you can start making changes to your beliefs, thought patterns, and behaviors. You stop reacting based on old wounds and start responding with clarity and purpose. 

This doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, self-awareness, and a willingness to get uncomfortable. But the payoff is huge.

Remember, you can’t change what’s happened. You can’t control their behavior, and you can’t take back what was said. Don’t get stuck replaying a conversation over and over, thinking about what you should have said in the moment, or stewing about how someone should have behaved differently. It’s maddening – and utterly unproductive. 

At this point, the best you can do is choose how to move forward. Obsessing over the past only traps you in regret and robs you of the energy you need for the present. Let go of those regrets and stop rehashing the ‘should-haves’. Instead, focus on what’s next. What can you learn from the experience? How will you handle similar situations differently in the future? That’s where your power lies. 

You can’t control what others say or do. It’s frustrating, I know, but it’s the truth. The thing you can control is how you respond. 

Will you let their behavior derail your focus? Or, will you keep your eye on the prize? Will you internalize their negativity? Or, will you remind yourself of your worth? Will you lash out in frustration? Or, will you channel that energy into something productive? 

Your measured response is your power. And, when you choose it consciously, you take back control – even in situations that feel out of your hands. 

There’s a reason they say, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way”. In fact, I bet there are several ways. The corporate world might love its rigid hierarchies and linear career paths, but the truth is, there’s rarely just one route to success. When one path is blocked, don’t assume it’s the end of the road. Find the workaround. Get creative. Brainstorm alternate routes. And remember, sometimes the best way to win the game is to change it entirely. 

I challenge you to make the best of a bad situation and keep moving forward. Start by reframing your experiences to change your mindset. Instead of fixating on what’s wrong, look for opportunities hidden in the mess. Maybe your toxic boss is a great lesson in what not to do when you’re in charge. Perhaps the lack of support at your current job is motivation to finally polish that resume that’s been collecting dust and find the courage to go for that next challenge, elsewhere. 

Building a successful career is a long game. Whatever you are experiencing right now is just one chapter of your career story. The road might be rocky, but it’s not the final destination. 

Often we don’t realize that acceptance is a power move, not a passive response. It’s a deliberate, active process of reclaiming control over your energy, focus, and choices. It’s about recognizing, “This is what I’m working with right now”, and then using that clarity to plot your next move.

The power of acceptance lies in its ability to free up the mental bandwidth otherwise wasted on frustration, denial, or resentment. By facing reality head-on, you create space for creativity and problem-solving. Once you’re able to see that acceptance is more of a springboard, you’ll unlock a whole new level of resilience and resourcefulness you may not have known you had. 

The career game may be rigged, but that doesn’t mean you’re powerless. No one says you have to play by their rules. Acceptance is your secret weapon – a way to acknowledge the reality of the situation without letting it define or defeat you. By embracing the challenge, staying creative, and practicing resilience, you can free yourself to focus on what matters: your goals, your growth, and your path forward. 

So, the next time you hit a roadblock, don’t throw in the towel. Accept the challenge, feel your feelings, assess your options, and start strategizing. Remember, it’s not about having to grin and bear it. It’s about reclaiming your power and charting your own path. Because you’ve got more control – and more power – than you think. 

And the only thing more satisfying than proving people wrong, is proving yourself right. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Turning Roadblocks into Resilience at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and fifty-one.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.