Welcome to the Stop Sabotaging Your Success podcast, episode one hundred and twenty-seven. I’m your host, Cindy Esliger. This is the podcast focusing on what we can do today to take control of our careers and overcome the inevitable barriers to success that we encounter along the way. 

Workplace dynamics can be chaotic, where tensions aren’t just common, they’re an expected part of the daily grind. It’s a melting pot of personalities, each with its own set of ideas, ambitions, and quirks which all guarantee you will have your fair share of challenges. The first step toward mastering the art of professional interactions is recognizing that tensions and conflicts are integral elements of any organization. 

In this episode, we look at the value in embracing this tension rather than shying away from it, although that may seem counterintuitive at first. After all, some would say that peace and harmony within the team is the goal. Yet, the reality is that conflict and tension, when approached with the right mindset, can propel us towards greater understanding and stronger solutions. It forces us to confront our biases, to argue our points rigorously, and to refine our ideas to withstand collective scrutiny. So, rather than viewing workplace tensions as hurdles, we can see them as catalysts for growth and learning, essential for both personal and organizational success. 

Every workplace has its own cast of characters. You’ve got the overachievers, the underachievers, the strategists, and occasionally that one person who seems to thrive on chaos. And where there are people, there will be clashes. After all, if everyone agreed all the time you’d either be working in a utopia or a terribly dull place. Challenges are not only inevitable; they’re necessary and they keep things interesting. They push the envelope, drive innovation, and keep the office from turning into the same old, same old, each and every day. 

Perhaps it’s a matter of normalizing conflict, rather than doing everything in your power to maintain harmony. It’s about constructive disagreement that leads to better solutions. But remember, healthy conflict isn’t your green light to dabble in the dramatic every time something doesn’t go your way. 

One of the first steps to mastering this art is to not take things personally, which admittedly, is easier said than done. Everyone brings their own baggage to work, whether it’s a fight with a partner, a bad night’s sleep, or just a perpetual dissatisfaction with the human condition. Keeping things in perspective requires a little discernment on our part, because that curt response from a coworker is less about you and more about whatever else is going on in that person’s life at the moment. 

Another crucial aspect is to distinguish between malicious intent and plain old incompetence. Believe it or not, not everyone is out to get you. Sometimes, they just don’t know any better. People are just wired differently. Understanding this can be the difference between creating an adversary and choosing to take the high road before things get blown out of proportion. 

This is where I encourage you to consider discernment over judgment. This doesn’t mean turning a blind eye to genuine issues, but rather choosing to interpret actions with a bit of wisdom. Instant judgment might be your default, and perhaps you’re rarely wrong, but it doesn’t tend to be helpful in the long run. Discernment is more like giving people the benefit of the doubt, at least for a little while. It takes a bit of patience and a lot of empathy and compassion, but the results are generally worth it. 

The office environment is constantly evolving amid the various personalities, insecurities, and ambitions at play. Having the ability to navigate this with a sense of humor, while keeping your cynicism in check, can transform your daily grind into something slightly more bearable.

Embracing the tension doesn’t mean you enjoy the drama – it means you’re wise enough to know it’s inevitable. By recognizing that challenges are par for the course, normalizing healthy conflict, and learning not to take things too personally, you set yourself up for not just surviving, but thriving in the workplace. After all, by learning to handle the personalities involved without fueling the workplace drama, you’ll be well on your way to achieving that success you’re hoping for. 

Navigating workplace dynamics often feels like an exercise in maintaining your sanity amidst a sea of swirling opinions and unsolicited advice from colleagues who seem to be using you to further their own agendas. It requires having a certain degree of awareness around these subtle power plays. They often manifest during discussions where the stakes are high. Recognizing when a disagreement is no longer about the issue at hand, but about who’s saying what to whom is crucial. This awareness allows you to manage tricky conversations more strategically, ensuring that you’re addressing the issue, not just feeding into the power dynamics. 

For instance, if you notice that a colleague consistently opposes ideas when they’re presented by certain individuals, but not when the same idea comes up via other channels, it’s not about the idea – it’s more about asserting their power. Addressing this might require someone having a private conversation or recalibrating meeting dynamics to neutralize these power plays. But, I’m not saying that person needs to be you. Just be aware of what’s going on. 

While the workplace can sometimes seem like a bizarre social experiment, it’s also a testing ground for developing those interpersonal skills that are crucial in all areas of life. Embracing tension, handling somewhat offensive behavior with grace, and understanding the undercurrents of defensiveness and power struggles will equip you to navigate these struggles with agility, perhaps even with a smirk, knowing you’ve got this game figured out.

Embracing this inevitable tension is a necessary part of decision-making, conflict resolution, and organizational leadership. If you think making decisions in the workplace is about gathering facts and making the logical choice, you’re in for a surprise. There is far more nuance and emotion involved than simply having a rational discussion of the pros and cons. 

The tension in these moments isn’t just a side effect; it’s the main event. It forces the group to navigate through a variety of opinions and conflicting priorities. It’s through this process that the most comprehensive and well-rounded decisions are made – assuming, of course, everyone survives the meeting without slamming their fists on the table. In my experience, this happens more than you’d think. 

This brings us to conflict resolution, which many treat as if we’re diffusing a bomb. The goal seems to be to snip the right wire and hope nothing explodes, avoiding any real confrontation. This often leads people to pretend that problems don’t exist in order to preserve the illusion of peace. And yet, those problems always resurface, and usually at the most inopportune times. 

The truth is, conflict isn’t something to be avoided; it’s better when we engage with it directly and honestly. This doesn’t mean you should charge into battle over every little issue, but when significant disagreements arise, addressing them head-on prevents the build-up of resentment and ensures that solutions actually resolve the issues, not just act as temporary patches.

Demonstrating your leadership is where the real fun begins. If you thought leading a team would be about inspiring speeches and unanimous applause, think again. Real leadership is about steering the ship through the storm, which means dealing with all the waves and winds head-on. It’s about acknowledging the tension, understanding its root cause, and using it as a tool rather than seeing it as an obstacle. 

Leaders must not only manage their own comfort with tension, but also foster an environment where their team feels safe to express dissenting opinions. This creates a culture of openness and, ironically, stability. Teams that can argue effectively are teams that can work together and adapt as things change. 

It’s human nature to want to resolve tensions quickly. Nobody likes to sit with discomfort, whether it’s a passive-aggressive comment meant to throw you off balance or an unresolved argument. However, the rush to alleviate tension often leads to poorly thought through decisions or ignoring the issues entirely, leaving them to fester over time.

The value in facing tension head-on lies in the outcomes it can produce. When we resist the urge to immediately smooth things over, we often discover more about the problem – and each other – leading to solutions that are more creative and sustainable. 

Effectively handling discomfort and tension is not just a nice skill to have; it’s essential for success. The workplace is a microcosm of the world. It’s messy, it’s complicated, and it’s full of conflicting desires and needs. The ability to navigate these with grace and a bit of good humor is what separates those who merely survive from those who are able to thrive. 

Navigating workplace dynamics effectively requires a sophisticated blend of discernment and openness to tension. Rather than avoiding conflict, it’s time we recognize these moments as opportunities for growth and learning. By approaching disagreements with curiosity and an open mind, we can dissect the underlying causes of the tension and explore them more fully. This approach shifts the focus from quick, judgmental assessments to more thoughtful, discerning analysis, which often yields creative solutions that may not have been discovered otherwise. It also helps prevent the escalation of conflicts by addressing them in their initial stages. Things rarely get easier when left unaddressed. 

Discernment in workplace dynamics is greatly enhanced by the skills of reflective listening and empathy. These practices help us understand not just the literal content of what is being said, but also the emotional undertones and perspectives driving those statements. By validating these feelings and viewpoints, even in the midst of disagreement, we can encourage a more productive dialogue. This not only mitigates the risk of destructive conflicts, but also builds a team dynamic that values and leverages diversity of thought. 

Imagine if every time there was a bit of tension you saw it as a cue that something important was happening, something worthy of your attention and energy. This shift in perspective could transform not just how you work, but how you view every challenge.

Navigating workplace dynamics will never be easy, simply because of the number of people involved. Embrace it, reckon with it when necessary, but don’t avoid it because it only gets more complicated when it’s left unaddressed. 

And that’s it for this episode of Stop Sabotaging Your Success. Remember to download your Guide to Reckoning With Tension at cindyesliger.com/podcast, episode one hundred and twenty-seven.

Thank you to our producer, Alex Hochhausen and everyone at Astronomic Audio. Get in touch, I’m on Instagram @cindyesliger and my email address is info@cindyesliger.com.

If you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to come check out The Confidence Collective. It’s my monthly coaching program where we dig a little deeper into what’s holding you back in your career, and we find the workarounds. We help you overcome the barriers and create the career you want. Join me over at cindyesliger.com/join. I’d love to have you join me in The Confidence Collective. 

Until next week, I’m Cindy Esliger. Thanks for listening.